| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:04:15 AM | I belong to a couple of sites and the vast majority of men my age are looking for women 10-20 years younger than themselves. I get a lot of mail from younger males 25 to 45 and understand exactly what they have in mind as well.
Now I've tried very hard to date men my age, simply because that's my preference.... I like them on the same mental and life experience page...mutual music, history (within parameters) timelines, slang etc., even with different cultures the music connects us. Even though the reliability and maintenance on the later models can be dicy... no matter how much they allude to the contrary.
Here's where the problem comes in.....Sex. Now I love sex and have been weak on occasion because the gods' little joke has been to bestow upon what appears to be this little grey haired lady an annoying appetite..... Second only to a great desire to 'know' people inside and out and to want to have sex with someone I care for and appreciate for all the little things that he is . This used to be called love... but it seems to have turned into the newest 4 letter word.
Does love exist anymore? Have we become so jaded, bitter and stuck that we can only throw back the covers for intercourse... without opening the doors of our hearts and minds to renew, readjust and welcome a new person into our lives even at this age, with all the paunches and baby tummies that most of us have (though some admit to it and others don't)? Is blindness and arbitrary lists of requirements remotely even feasible at this point... whatever happened to just being there, feeling good and letting it play out to wherever it happens to go? | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:43:40 AM | Funny , I just had a very similar conversation with my sister last night.
Not so much the physical/sexual part of love, but love itself, all of it.
There are so many couples living together, married and sharing homes, that do not
share their lives. Just existing under the same roof, and not connecting whether emotionally or physically. Going through the motions and sharing a residence.
Then also there are so many singles, even in our age group, who are hoping for love.
Not sure if it is even worth it, seeing all the failed ones around us. We are the dreamers of what could be, and they are the reality of what is.
We all want the perfect relationship, to share and be loved, to love someone.
But we all do it in such a guarded way, untrusting, wary.
It is very sad that the whole concept of working together to make a life, has been so abused and used up. What ever happened to two people sharing not only a home, but also a life together? What happened to the romance and the putting another before yourself?
Why two people can not continue to work at making it good? Are people too selfish now, that they can not care about another enough, to compromise. We have lost the belief that it can happen, experiences have shown us too often that it does not.
I think we are too afraid to hope for the happiness sharing our lives with another can bring.
It is a sad thing to lose hope, to not be able to dream of a shared love, but I see that happening all around me. I also see couples that are not connecting with each other.
It is very discouraging. I have been single, as in unmarried for a very long time, raising my family. I hate to think that the reality of a relationship , is something I missed out on. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:59:43 AM | OP, I also felt as you do. Until just a little less than three years ago, when I met a wondeful lady, I refer to as my Special Angel. I still call her Angel, very often, as a matter of fact.
Like many others over 45, I have been married, and divorced, twice. Prior to meeting my Special Angel, I had calmly resolved myself to the fact that the one special lady for me did not exist, and if she did, I would likely never meet her. Thankfully, I was wrong.
To give a short answer to your question, No, love is not dead in modern day society. Love is very much alive, and quite well, in society today.
It's just a matter of weeding through all of those who are not sincerely interested in you, and getting to know you, as a person, to find that one individual who is meant for you. Speaking from personal experience, that person is very much well worth the wait. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:20:09 AM | Lostcauz, thanks for sharing that. It's a lovely story, and I'm glad you found your Special Angel.
Giving up is easy, of course. But no one ever said finding love would be easy. So I'll persevere.
Annudder | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:23:03 AM | Redundant post. Redundant answers: Yes, love is dead; it does not exist anymore. Or No, love is not dead; you just have to find it. All men want is sex. All women want is love. The two will never see eye-to-eye.
Good grief. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:43:03 AM | Well thanks for your 'insight' ak.... perhaps you've been on dating sites for the last 10 years supposedly looking for a ltr and... perfection like most of the others. You could have had an opinion, offered an alternative to the cliche... instead of a lambaste.
What is old to you is new to others...it's an individual process and frankly it takes awhile for each person to gather the stats and this is where they fall.
So may I paraphrase..."Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:46:34 AM | i don't know if love is dead, but it's getting pretty sick | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:52:36 AM |
All men want is sex. All women want is love. The two will never see eye-to-eye.
mmmmm....no.
Annudder | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:37:50 AM |
All men want is sex. All women want is love. The two will never see eye-to-eye.
mmmmm....no.
I'm with you Annudder.
My answer is also No. A resounding No, at that.
Messages this short may not be posted | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:48:12 AM | Is blindness and arbitrary lists of requirements remotely even feasible at this point... whatever happened to just being there, feeling good and letting it play out to wherever it happens to go? Gosh I sure can understand that cry!
On my profile I wrote: "I'm not looking for immediate love, just a quiet growing of being comfortable/happy/sexy together, if that is to be... then love blossoms"
I think that love is not dead... if only it be given a chance to grow and become.
Yet many people seem to have a 'check list' and a 'program' and 'rules', etc.
That gives love no chance. In my opinion. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:01:28 AM |
i don't know if love is dead, but it's getting pretty sick
Yes Love has got a fever and the only thing that can save it is more COWBELL. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:14:47 AM | | galensmuse you have to be one of my favorite posters! ...LMAO @ more COWBELL...I know this one wont be with us long | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:15:11 AM | i don't fear like love is dead I'm just finding that the older we get the more we box ourselves in and don't allow others to see who the real person is behind the profile companionship and love have very little to do with what i have seen.
its just the fact that we tend to shell our self in as we grow older and wiser /my opinion/ and some are looser and more confident to push more buttons | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:17:41 AM | Love comes in many forms and is very much alive in me. To love is as important as life itself. My father used to always say....that's life, with out it your dead. I say without love, you might as well be dead. Falling in love with another person is sooooo easy, so my thought on finding that "special someone" , is that I need to have a check list and know that we are compatible. To me it is just a wise approach to finding your mate. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:27:17 AM | Heck no...........self love is the base of esteem...my love just keeps getting stronger and stronger  | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:31:03 AM | | IMO - love is only dead if you don't know how to love. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:26:03 AM | Does love even exist anymore? Have we become so jaded, bitter and stuck that we can only throw back the covers for intercourse....without opening the doors of our hearts and minds to renew, readjust and welcome a new person into our lives even at this age, with all the paunches and baby tummies that most us have ( though some admit to it and others don't) Is blindness and arbitrary lists of requirement remotely even feasible at this point....whatever happened to just being there, feeling good and letting it play out to wherever it happens to go?
Boy OP. You sure said a mouthful. From my own personal experience, here's what I've discovered. Men do have lists. The men I have met have expected me to meld into their lives, expected that I would pack up and move to where they live, have expected that their interests, taste in music and hobbies etc. would become mine. They want me to " get them". But, they show little to NO interest in "getting to know me". I often question myself, if I'm only attracting the self-absorbed ones?
I must post a disclaimer to my above " take on the situation". I post this viewpoint based on my own dating experience, as a woman. I'm sure there are men who could state the same thing.
I don't think love is dead. But, it might be harder to find, if we put up too many roadblocks. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:28:16 AM | Second only to a great desire to 'know' people inside and out and to want to have sex with someone I care for and appreciate for all the little things that he is . This used to be called love... but it seems to have turned into the newest 4 letter word.
You are absolutely right OP. Today TRUE love barely even exists. There are some couples out there who have it, but not many. Today its more about a convenience thing. Men and women live such busy lives with work, children, and other things. Love is NOT dead though, just harder to find. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:12:56 AM | For me, love certainly is Not a dead concept. Some of us simply are not capable of separating Love from Sex. We aren't wired that way. I make no apologies for this to anyone. If the man does not wish to honor my feelings, then he is not the man for me. He can find plenty of other women to just have "casual sex" with... | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:17:08 AM | Wow I am reading this and it amazes me that the people that are ****ing about one sex habits and preferences arent realizing they are stating that they have their own preferences and habits. Everyone wants to believe they are younger than they are. I see it on profiles all the time, ie someone who are lets say 55 and want someone 40 to 50...so basically 5 years younger but they wont consider someone 5 years older????. (Actual ages not inflated for lies!!!!). Now arent they just so special that they can special order their love including the age!!!!
It is coming across love me the way I want you to love me or it isnt good enough. Love is an emotion...You would never tell someone how to be happy with you...or that the joy they bring you isnt enough, or if they are angry they didnt do it right.
Love is simply a gift and it doesnt have to be returned to be real, so when you set out to find love you are risking yourself and yet now you want to risk yourself and have that love be qualified as *Old enough, same taste in music, same location, same everything...just isnt the way love works...Ya cant special order it, you can open up your heart and let it find you..but then you have to be willing to accept whatever package it comes in and that is why sooooooo many are just going thru the motions...they dont want to accept what LOVE really is they want Love to be what they want | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:28:51 AM | It is coming across 'love me the way I want you to love me or it isnt good enough.' Love is an emotion...You would never tell someone how to be happy with you...or that the joy they bring you isnt enough, or if they are angry they didnt do it right.
Love is simply a gift and it doesnt have to be returned to be real, so when you set out to find love you are risking yourself and yet now you want to risk yourself and have that love be qualified as *Old enough, same taste in music, same location, same everything...just isnt the way love works...Ya can't special order it, you can open up your heart and let it find you..but then you have to be willing to accept whatever package it comes in and that is why sooooooo many are just going thru the motions...they dont want to accept what LOVE really is they want Love to be what they want.
Really good post, sapphire, and it fits in with the flexible thread, or lack of flexibility.
People seem to be expecting too much. I am around younger people all the time. Where I work, literally half of the staff are in their 30's and most of them are newly married or still looking or just hooking up with a serious relationship. They make all kinds of sacrifices and compromises to be together, for love. They haven't set out with a fixed criteria of what they have to have, but have found someone they connect with mentally and emotionally, everything else is pretty much negotiable. Yet we, when love is much harder to come by than in your 30's, have all these roadblocks set up, all these barriers....can't have this, won't do that, etc. It's like love is alive, but it is with the young...... | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:35:12 AM | Nope - love is not dead, not as far as the universe is concerned. Now, as far as we are concerned on an invidual level, that may be a whole other story. I think we complicate love due to our expectations. If it doesn't resemble something on the movie screen, we aren't interested. If we can't make it happen in 10 seconds or less, we aren't interested. If it isn't convenient, or all about me, me, me, we aren't interested.
For those of us over 45, I don't think we rush in as eagerly as we did in our late teens and early 20's. We've had enough of life's experiences that we have almost become overly cautious, and not as flexible. It can be tough, but love is not dead, unless we allow it to be. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:37:09 AM | Love exists within every person, it will only die when the last human is gone. But many have loved and been hurt enough times to have become very cautious about giving their love without a lot of boundaries. In my opinion it is a futile attempt to protect themselves from experiencing again the disappointment of the past. I have been mostly disappointed in love but have come to understand that it was me that was not paying attention when I picked the ladies I did.
It seems to me that in our search one of the hardest things to know is how the next person we meet has learned to love. It is easy to talk about interests in food, entertainment or anything else that is tangible. The only way we find out how a person loves is to open our heart to them and allow them to love us in return. These forums are full of men and women who have been disappointed to find that a person they loved as they understand it, did not love them in the same way. Most of us have learned that good sex requires honest communication; maybe it is time to treat love the same way. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/24/2008 11:33:08 AM | Everyone feels differently about love.Perhaps a man sees (like teenagers)in love only sex...
only psychology very wisely writes about love...
Well...in my opinion...what is love...knows only one who really loves...
Anyway...love is the most difficult and beautiful feeling.It can give joy and happiness...but can kill too...
It creates and destroys.
But without love...our soul would be dead... | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:01:02 AM | Love is not dead, it just occupies a lower spot on people's list of priorities. The ranks of jaded and bitter people are not shrinking, new members are added daily. As more people get burned emotionally or financially we have a growing population who's priority is to protect their heart, their wallet, etc.
I count myself among their ranks and it is a sad existence. | |
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