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 bobaudio
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 1
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Giving Out Your Phone Number...Page 1 of 1    
...to a woman that you meet in public, bad form???? It's been a few years since I dated. I meet a lot of women who (seem?) interested. If I get a sense that the woman is interested, I will write down my number and email for her on a piece of paper or business card. Chances are pretty good that we may not see each other again and I would not want to regret the opportunity or find myself placing one of the hopeless messages on "Missed Connections" on Craigslist.

To date, NOT ONE has called or emailed. Many were EXTREMELY flirtatious and seemed thankful and indicated that they would be in touch with me. Like a fool, I actually check my email expecting some kind of response.

The way things are anymore, I would expect women to be relieved that I am giving them the opportunity to "take the next step", rather than for me asking for their number and inflicting myself on them. I took the initiative by giving them my number, is it too much to ask that they actually use it? Email makes it even easier...they can even get a free, temporary email address if things don't work out. I'm lost. Is there some "women's code" that says that men must ALWAYS ask for your number and that the man MUST call you first??? Or, do women simply flirt with a guy with NO INTENTION of ever seeing him again??? Help?
 _Red_
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 2
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 1:01:02 AM
No, there's no code and it's normally preferred that a man offer his number.

I'm sorry to say this but maybe you're giving it out too often and not to women who are truly interested but rather just being polite?

Another possibility is that a good number of women really don't want to make the first move as we repeatedly hear despite it being 2008, that most relationships which start with women initiating contact or pursuing a man, fail.

And yes, lots of women will talk and flirt but that doesn't mean they're interested in anything more. They may just be having fun or being friendly.
 bobaudio
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 3
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Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 1:21:42 AM
Thanks, Red. I guess the moral to your story is to keep doing what I am doing until I get a real response. I kinda thought that the "being polite" thing might be the case, but some REALLY seemed interested and promised to call... oh, well. Plenty of Fish, right???

The 2008 and women fearing failure because they pursued thing, maybe that is a good sign for me? "Building" a relationship sounds manipulative. It's like fishing technique...feel the nibble, wait for the bite and then reel in slowly. I don't go into a relationship with any kind of rules about "what is expected" and then passing on a person because they went out of step. I go into the relationship looking for the important "basics" for a good relationship, not whether she called me first or if we kissed on the second date... either the chemistry and shared concerns are in order, or they are not. I'm not going to find my perfect woman because she allowed me to pay the dinner check and she paid the tip...she could pay the check...it doesn't bother me. I'm a product of the '60's/'70's and women really had to stand-up for their rights and they bought the right to "chase a guy", if they want to...as far as I am concerned. Now, if we can only work on that equal pay and equal opportunity thing...
 _Red_
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 4
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 1:31:44 AM
I agree with you about the "rules" and "games" stuff and a lot of women do consider things much differently now but at the same time, it is still a bit ingrained. Also, it's been pretty well established that most men do want or need the "chase" and that it somehow makes it seem like the woman is more "valuable" for lack of a better word (overtired at the moment).

When I am truly interested, I do prefer a man gives me his number first, whether her or out somewhere as I am more comfortable with that for safety reasons and if truly interested, I will call.

You have to bear in mind that a lot of women are worried about confrontation from a man if they say no to taking his number. You may be the kindest man on earth who would never speak an ill word towards a woman but most every woman has run into men who don't take no or rejection well and can get quite nasty so most of us (I think) do take the number to avoid any problems but also to avoid hurting the guy's feelings.

I looked at your profile and am wondering if perhaps you're giving alot of women you meet while working your phone number. This may not be such an ideal place to be doing it as many may assume you do it frequently and may be a bit of a player or something. Hard to say since I have no idea what the women are like who you approach but generally, if the interest is truly there and they know there's no way you could ever get their number to contact them, they'll call.

And yes, lots of fish out there so don't give up. Keep giving the number out and eventually one will bite!
 bobaudio
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 5
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Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 1:38:54 AM
Thank you, Red, for your many and thoughtful responses. I appreciated having a woman's perspective on it, as I was scratching a hole in my head. Happy Fishin'!!!
 SomeStrangeMan
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 6
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:23:04 AM

Another possibility is that a good number of women really don't want to make the first move as we repeatedly hear despite it being 2008, that most relationships which start with women initiating contact or pursuing a man, fail.
Most relationships fail. Period. It doesn't matter who starts them.

And, I'm curious, what is your source?
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 7
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:08:33 AM
Since handing out your phone/email doesn't seem to be working, why not try asking them for theirs? I tend to think that if a woman won't even give you her email address, she probably won't be calling you.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 8
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:42:48 AM
Bob

Are you meeting some of these ladies at the concerts you do audio for? I ask because many times they might be just doing the whole names and numbers type of thing there you know? Sometimes some of us women, like some of you guys, do see how many #s we can get. At the end of the evening, heck, they might not remember who is who--so I wouldn't take it personally. Or...if they happen to see you giving your # out to a few women during the course of the night, they might think you're a player. If you're giving your # out in other venues...who knows? They might be dating someone or the like and yes again...flirting with no intention beyond flirting.

There's no woman code in my world--sure there's a lot of women who wait. Like men, it's hard for us to put ourselves out there to give out our # too.

Keep trying Bob...there is a woman out there for you.
 wolftx
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 9
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:30:55 AM

To date, NOT ONE has called or emailed.

I am not surprised at all. While I don't know WHY it does not work that way, I know THAT it does not work. Get her number instead and call her.

A caveman observes a flash in the sky and a loud noise afterwards. Repeatedly. He also observes that the noise is louder and happens in a shorter time, if the flash is really bright (i.e., nearby). He does not have to understand how it works, but he can learn to cover his ears when he sees the flashes, and it works. Same with women. [If you can't stand their noise, cover your ears... ]
 luvnlife2
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 10
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Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:44:22 AM

Since handing out your phone/email doesn't seem to be working, why not try asking them for theirs? I tend to think that if a woman won't even give you her email address, she probably won't be calling you.


I agree. When you are interested in someone, ask her politely if she'd be interested in going out and could you have her number. If she doesn't give you her phone number, she's not interested.
 pnayplayr
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 11
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 11:29:01 AM
sometimes if i'm in the "mood", i will flirt with the guy, but when he gives me his number, i tell him straight up that i will not dial it. sometimes, i give them false hope that i will. why? it's an ego boost...sorry, you have to be the one who cries over it. i always thought that if a guy gives out his number just as easily, a lot of girls is around him...so not like he'll even really remember that he gave it to me.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 12
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Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 11:39:41 AM
Sorry OP, but....I have taken a guy's number only in the event when they did not understand a straight forward "No" and kept pushing as it and it was a means of allowing me to without being a total beyotch. I used to get 1st emails from guys on here that contained their phone numbers and it is a turn off as it reeks of desperation and appears that they are trying to play the "numbers" game. Take the time to talk to a woman, and then ask HER for her phone number. If she declines, then you will know right off the bat...it's that simple. Best to you.
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 13
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 6:57:29 PM
I don't give my number to a total stranger...and don't understand why guys do this either. too many whackjobs...both male and female....

I'd have to get to know them a bit better and then decide to exchange numbers.
 jimtash71
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 14
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:15:27 PM

I don't give my number to a total stranger...and don't understand why guys do this either. too many whackjobs...both male and female....

I'd have to get to know them a bit better and then decide to exchange numbers.


Yep. Strangers get the disposable cell phone number.
 bohochick
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 15
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:54:29 PM
Well Bob, I think it is nice when a man give's me his phone number instead of asking me for my number. If I talk to a man online a bit, and I enjoy his conversation, then he offers me his phone number, I call him and talk. I can't remember meeting a man in real life and him offering his phone number, unless we spent some time talking and getting to know each other a bit. In that case, I might call him if I enjoyed his company. Maybe you are giving out your phone number too soon? Are you having a real conversation with them first, or just a couple quick hello's and then here's my number?
 flanneryfan
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 16
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/27/2008 2:13:53 PM
When a man hands me his phone number, he is revealing a feminine streak (desire to be pursued).

I usually avoid this type of man because I associate them of a sort that expects a woman to support them.

If she calls you, she initiates the first primary move. In the world of mating and dating, the one who speaks first is masculine.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 17
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/28/2008 3:27:40 PM
I don't take an e-mail or number unless I plan on keeping up with the guy. Now I have had men push their info on me and I just toss those. I think some of these guys mistake polite behavior for flirting.

I don't like to chase men, because it never works for me. I let the guy make the moves. It seems to work out better that way for me.

Maybe you are mistaking polite behavior for flirting or the women in question are just flirts.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 18
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Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/28/2008 3:29:22 PM
Try getting *her* email address and see if you get a response to your email.
 marianina_1
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 19
Giving Out Your Phone Number...
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:36:09 PM
No, there's no code. I'd be a bit embarassed to ring or email a man, even if I liked him and he gave me his number. I think I would be concerned it would give him the impression I was happy to chase him. I feel most comfortable with the man pursuing, not the other way round. I'd suggest giving the card with your number and email on it and then saying something like "or, better still, would you write your email or phone number on there for me?" That way, you can contact her if she does write it down.
Don't give up on this too easily as she might be shy, but also take care not to hassle if she's looking uncomfortable about it.

It's best to chat for a while, get to know her a bit and make sure she feels relaxed in your presence, before giving your number out, otherwise her instinctive reaction might be to reject it. We tend to fend off strangers who approach us out of the blue or take us by suprise.
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