| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:15:36 PM | | My x wife since remarried and moved 200 miles away with my youngest son, today i have just heard that b4 they moved away he got arresred and locked up for beating her up!!!! My son was with me that weekend!! question is there anything I can/or should do to protect my son 11 yrs. All advice is welcome, im trying not to overreact as my son likes his step dad, but there again id never forgive myself should something happen to him, regards pooh | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:19:21 PM | You can refuse to return the child to mother mentioning his safety is a primary concern. Might not be legal...but the child is the most important.
Call Child Services and tell them you have concerns for your son. CS will investigate to make sure you son is ok.
Talk to an attorney.
Chat with the police. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:31:14 PM | Talk to your son... has he ever seen any violence.. has there ever been violence displayed towards him... (just make sure you word it properly so that he thinks you're talking in general... it will make him more apt to open up to you...)
If there is even a HINT of anything... the police & Child protective services... and your laywer!
Maybe the new hubby is a macho man that only beats his wife up when they are all alone so he won't be interupted... | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:34:40 PM | | Actually, I'm surprised the ex-wife didn't leave with your son. What is she thinking? | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:39:19 PM | | Have you talked to your ex wife about this fear? Let her know how much this is bothering you. Also let your son know that he can come to you for anything. Be honest with your son. He is old enough to understand what is going on. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:14:56 PM | | I can't believe you didn't contest her leaving 200 miles. I would just let your son know that if he is abused by the stepfather, then he should call you and you can get him. Chances are the abuse is only going to his mom. Just be alert. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:59:11 PM | Contact Children Services and express your concern(s). They are required to investigate.
Even if he's not being abused, he shouldn't be in an environment where he would be witness to it. You have every right as a concerned and responsible parent to stay on top of it. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:21:29 PM | | Its seems like a simple fix to me. If your ex stays in a relationship where she is abused there is nothing you can do for her. You should care about what she does with her life since it will directly affect your son. Calling the DCFS is a smart decision and if you are lucky you can get your boy back. If it doesn' work then you have to do what you have to do. I would travel a million miles for my daughters well being. Just stay in touch with him for now so there is no doubt in his mind how much you care. I'm sure he would let you know if something was going on with him, and if so you will be forced to make that trip to save him from a bad situation. My 14 yr. old daughter just moved in with me to go to high school and let me tell you, you have no idea how much you love your child and having them with you until you finally do!!!!!!!! | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:05:39 PM | Get good legal help.
If you care about your kid - give up looking for free advice and go shopping for an attorney that can get you your kid.
Good Luck. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:59:14 PM | I agree with the others. Call CPS. My friend work for CPS in NY and they do take a child away if the mother failed to protect him from an abusive SO.
Good luck. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:27:38 PM | | Ya but the problem is that sometimes the abused mothers are in denial and don't think their signficant other will abuse their kids. Or fear that he will do worse. If anything, talk to your lawyer and ask for temporary full custody til she gets it settled with the signficant other, it's on record so you're doing the right thing by taking your son away for the time being There is no excuse to abuse the opposite sex, and if it's toot he point she called teh police, then it must have been bad. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:37:03 PM | | Just curious ... poohbearx ... Did you check with the police station regarding the arrest? If a civilian cannot access any information, I would be hiring a lawyer ... but having him first check out the arrest report, so you both can have the facts. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:47:51 PM | | My question is: WHY WOULD A WOMAN STAY WITH A MAN WHO IS ABUSIVE AND VIOLENT? especially if she has children at stake. It boggles the mind to see how many women CHOOSE to be with this type of character. Whenever my ex wife meets a new live in boyfriend I always have to meet him asap because I cant imagine the thought of anyone putting an aggresive or abusive hand on my little boy. I DO NOT LIKE BULLYS AND THATS ALL THEY ARE ; COWARDS AND BULLYS. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:53:24 PM | | Yes, call the local sheriff and drive 200 miles and go get your kid!!!!!! I would never allow my child to live with an abuser. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:02:28 PM | | Go to the court and do a records check on him, see what happend in the case and if there are any other issues out there. If it happened once he likely has a rap sheet. Some places you can even do the crime records check on line. If he has a sheet, then you will have leverage. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:29:11 PM | My ex has to go to court if she moves more than 50 miles away, and I can contest it. The standard is 100, but we settled on 50, in the divorce papers. No more than 1 hour away.
I would get my son out of there, if it is true.
Is your Ex violent in any way? Because I have seen in cases where the woman actually starts with the hitting/abuser, and the guy ends up in jail for looking at her crosseyed.... | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:43:18 PM | from a woman that was in 2 violent relationships.
if this guy is violent , dont think he will change, he wont ...until he accepts or totally destroys someone.
im a strong yet bitter woman now and dont trust men, but i survived.
if it was my child i will be not be keeping him there, becasue not only may he get hurt but he may end up following in his foot steps.
the government will help you these days its there job | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:56:28 PM |
Go to the court and do a records check on him, see what happend in the case and if there are any other issues out there. If it happened once he likely has a rap sheet. Some places you can even do the crime records check on line. If he has a sheet, then you will have leverage.
Yeah... that's what I'm thinking too. A history of violence will make a difference. For your son's sake, I hope there's nothing to be concerned about, but that's what I would check first. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:51:39 PM | | Ya take budddy for a drive to a secluded area and let him know that thats where you'll burry him if he ever tries that with your child i'm sure he'll get the point when your in the backwoods all alone !!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/12/2008 11:35:18 PM | | You can and should do what you can to protect your son. Maybe child welfare should be called. | |
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| Advice Violent Stepfather
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:09:29 AM | | Did you have a custody agreement in place? If you did how is she able to move that far away and still be able to give you your visitation? If there is an order in place then it is her responsibility to get your son to you for visits. The reality of it is that your son will feel that he has to protect his mother and even if the abuse isn't directed to him he will eventually be in the middle of it to protect his mother. You can go to the courthouse and get the records of the arrest and even find out if your ex didn't follow thru with the charges... Most states however pick up the charges and it is quite likely that the stepfather is still in the court process... If you can't afford a lawyer go to your local courthouse and file paperwork... There are people there to tell you what forms to fill out... If there is any doubt call 911 and have a well being check done for your son. They will not only make sure your son is okay at the time you are in doubt but will report it to DCF. Your ex will have to have to agree to not have the stepfather return or risk losing her son. | |
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