| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:26:43 PM | I know a older couple (in their 50's) with an interesting dynamic in their marriage. They allow each other to "cheat" twice a month under strict conditions. Apparently the man is very kinky and is allowed to visit a Dominatrix twice a month. The women still has feelings for an old boyfriend and she is allowed to see (and sleep with) him twice a month.
They have done this for 4 years now and they said it saved their tired old marriage and made them both very happy. They still Love each other immensely but they just needed a little something extra in their marriage. They do not even keep it a secret. They say that some of their friends react with horror even when told it was either open the marriage or divorce. They did lose a few friends over this.
I say good for them.
Would you open your marriage (with strict rules and conditions) in order to save it? Imagine you really love your marriage partner but for whatever reason the marriage was not working. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:34:55 PM | If the marriage ain't working, there's a reason for it. Introducing a 3rd party (parties) to the mix ain't a solution, it's evasion. Akin to burying your head in the sand.
Would *I* open the marriage? Not a freakin' chance. No way. If the marriage wasn't working, I'd try to find the reason why and work on that. If it was something that couldn't be resolved, then divorce here we come.
I can see why they lost some friends over their choice. But it is, afterall, their choice. Who are we to judge? | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:41:39 PM | OMG! I sooo agree with you BigDaddy!!...like you said its there choice...but knowing myself....theres Nooo frickin way I'd share my mate! lol...if and WHEN I ever find him that is hahaa | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:46:27 PM | No.
Opening any relationship is not the solution to any problem. All that does is allow people to have relationships with others and 'get what they're missing' elsewhere, which I do not think is right at all.
As for other people doing it, I feel it's not right but they can do what they want, it's their lives after all. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:49:02 PM | | Well I think different things would work for different people. I knew a couple who were about to divorce but as a last ditch attempt to save their marriage, they went to counselling. They were advised to live seperately and begin dating like they were not married. They did this and it worked for them. I doubt that the 'twice monthly sex outside marriage' plan would work for very many people. I know at least one couple whose marriage was wrecked further by 'swinging' and they ended up divorcing because of it. It is not something I would agree to do if I were married. I will not share. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:53:08 PM | Dang, Big Daddy nailed it! If I were so whacked as to believe having sex with someone other than my husband would somehow address the issues I have with my husband and in any way save my marriage, I'm hoping someone will kick my a$$. To be at that point, there's no marriage left to save.
All this is doing is giving spouses permission to have sex with others...it has nothing at all to do with "marriage". | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:55:18 PM | I have to agree with the 1st response by Bigdaddy on this post. But I cannot judge them, I just know I couldn't do it. If a marriage can't be fixed in more sensible ways why keep it going? You shouldn't have to sleep with other people in order to spice up your love life, if you need that than what is the point of being married if you can open your legs up to anyone? The marriage is pointless. " To each their own though " | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:06:57 PM | That brings a whole new meaning to the old "different strokes for different folks", but for me it wouldn't be worth considering!  | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:10:16 PM |   WTG BigDaddy!!!
Those words could have come straight from my mouth because I feel the same way about everything you said. Nicely put.
Might I add...I was impressed when I looked over and saw that was a man's reply! I doubt that many men I've come across over the years would have the same viewpoint. Perhaps that's why my intuition let them keep walking. 
Very nice pics, btw. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:12:15 PM | | Me no way, but if it works for others, more power to them. Some people cling to the fact that any other way for people to have a marriage is wrong and won't work and it just disgusts them to no end that others can and do have successful open marriages. I don't think it's any of my business, it has no effect on me, if it works for them, great. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:15:56 PM | I always thought the basis for marriage was monogamy...
If a married person wants to be dating/seeing/sexing someone else they should get divorced from their spouse....and then if they want to continue seeing the ex-spouse plus the others then that is their business...maybe it would make the relationship better for them who knows...
But if they are married...legally.....I just thought there really wasn't SUPPOSED to be a third wheel involved...shows how much I know I guess...
Personally, I don't believe in marriage any more anyway....I just think it is impossible for 2 people to grow through the years identically to each other...one usually just has to be submissive to the other's desires/dreams is what I think normally happens....thinks they need to stay, just because of "the kids" and all....but not really because they still love and adore the other like they did once upon a time...
Roaring fires do seem to burn out.......and start to just smolder...and finally just go out alltogether..... | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:19:38 PM | No way. No how. That's not a marriage, it's adultery. Plus I guarantee in every one of these cases it is not really a mutual decision whether or not you believe cheating is right or wrong.
Somebody cheated first, horrifiying the betrayed spouse who then went into doormat mode to save the marriage/family/home/finances or whatever they thought was worth their personal integrity. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:23:43 PM | | Hypothetically speaking, if I were married I do not believe that I would open my marriage to save it. However, I wouldn't begrudge a married couple who have that sort of agreement. If one partner lets say loses their libido or is otherwise incapable of having sex, if he/she agrees that their partner is free to seek sex from others, it's not any of my business. As long as the third wheel knows that there is this agreement between the married couple. Personally I would NEVER want to be that third wheel. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:23:57 PM | | I have to agree with BigDaddy and most others on this thread. If they want to define their marriage that way, kudos to them, but I don't agree with it at all. The moment you bring someone else into the relationship you're opening a Pandora's box. It is problem avoidence, and really doesn't solve the "real issues" in the marriage that are obviously festering, and it really sets you up for more problems later down the road. Why get/remain married if you're not going to commit to a person? I just don't get it. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:25:15 PM | I say good for them.
No-I would not open my marriage. Im a selfish bitch. I have waited
too long to love someone completely to let them love others.
When you love your partner completely you only want them. That couple
loves each other like friends-
I would rather love like lovers.
I think when you find someone that you would die for, that you would
give your soul for- thats love. I dont think alot of people have that
kind of love in thier lives. I think they have convienent love- someone
is around so they are not alone.
I think when you find a love that is so deep and so passionate - being
with others is not even a question. The question is when will the two of
you be together again. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:27:39 PM | NO WAY!
When we are kids we are taught to share with others, but this is one thing that I could not and would not ever think of sharing, and I would hope that the man I married would feel the same exact way. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:01:44 PM | | Whats the point in being Married? if you so called it Open? mockery of marriage , no point in being married if you want to bang other people-disturbing& funny all in one. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:13:43 PM | | If I wanted to have sex with multiple partners, I wouldn't get married, and if I wanted to start having sex with other partners while I was married, I'd get divorced. I don't morally condemn couples who have open marriages, but I don't understand why they bothered to get married in the first place. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:37:22 PM |
Would you open your marriage (with strict rules and conditions) in order to save it? Imagine you really love your marriage partner but for whatever reason the marriage was not working.
Opening your marriage to 'save' it will almost always end in speeding along it's demise. Some couples can have a open relationship and it works for them, but most of the time they did not open it because it was on it's last leg.
And you can put all the rules on a open relationship beforehand, but they mean nothing once people 's emotions get involved. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:30:00 PM | | My belief is that if you have to "open" your marriage to save it, the marriage is already doomed. Why be in a marriage if you want to date other people? But, to each their own...I won't judge, but I wouldn't agree to it with my mate. | |
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