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 mdavis4520
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 1
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need break up advicePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Been dating a girl on and off for 8 months. Broke up many times over stupid stuff(like we're in high school). This girl is very "needy" insecure, jealous type. She is very attractive. I couldn't handle the tension between us(among many other issues). The relationship ended. Now she is doing all she can to make me feel guilty, calling me names....attacking me unmercifully. She has me feeling so guilty/bad. She even says she wants to die. I truly believe being apart is best for both of us. How do I handle her?
 Dr.Manhattan
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 2
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:34:35 PM
hide your bunnies..... bunny boiler alert..

get a restraining order.
 Dedicated Fish
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 3
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:35:00 PM

How do I handle her?


Simple answer .... You don't

Stop all contact with her. The only way she can make you feel guilty is by talking to her. Change your number if you have to. Trust me No Contact is all you can do, or you will be pulled back in to her drama.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 4
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:35:02 PM
stay away from her completely.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 5
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:38:07 PM

How do I handle her?


Recommend to her that she see a counsellor immediately. Chicks (and men) that talk openly about killing themselves are in serious need of medical assistance. There are things to joke about and death is NOT one of them. I'm a suicide survivor myself, so I know of what I speak.

Chances are high that she won't, 'cause the way she's acting is very immature and cowardly, so I can't see her having the guts to go through with it. Still, the last thing you need is to be guilted back into a relationship 'cause someone drops the "I'm gonna kill myself" spiel.

Let her attack you, she's just acting out. Judging from your use of the phrase "high school" when referring to arguments, it's clear she has this tendency. Her attacks are pointless, and really, not much you can do to stop them except take the fun out of it for her. When she attacks, just say "You're right/yes/uh huh" to everything she says. Soon as she knows you just don't care enough to acknowledge her bitterness, it'll lose its appeal to her.

Or, tell her you'll call the cops if she doesn't knock it off.

Best thing to do is keep your distance and know a guilt trip when you see one. This chick is a waste of your time, and her behavior alone is her biggest cry for help.

 Dr.Manhattan
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 6
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:38:39 PM

She has me feeling so guilty/bad. She even says she wants to die


This person had major issues before you stumbled along , if she really wanted to she would have done it by now. She is trying to take control and getting what she wants by way of appeasement.
 Shell225
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 7
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:40:26 PM
Her actions are not about love, or about being needy.. sorry to burst your bubble.

Her actions are about control. Controlling YOU. She is simply attempting to use the negative behaviours that have worked for her in the past. As an adult .. ask yourself .. do you honestly want to be controlled????

Stay away from her, far away. The good news about women like this, is that she will soon find another guy to control/stalk and you will be left alone.
 MilhouseVanOuten
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 8
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:46:12 PM
I know exactly how you're feeling. I went out with a girl once, not for long, who got a bit obsessive. When I split up with her she made me feel terrible and just brought me right down. My advice to you is to just leave her be and don't retaliate (it's what she wants) - you aren't responsible for her actions even though that's what she'd have you believe. She just has to get over it and understand that it was never meant to be and attacking you is probably her way of dealing with it. You can't help the way that you feel and feelings in all relationships have to be the same in order to work and clearly with you and this girl, it's not the case.

Don't let her get to you, 8 months is a empty can of coke compared to the rest of the world that is your life.
 meridian100
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 9
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:48:58 PM
If the relationship is over, why does she still have access to your life? Just stop picking up the phone, don't answer her emails, duck and cover if you see her out in public. Yeah, the cold shoulder is a little, well, cold...but she's not behaving very well either, so it's probably excusable.

And I hate to say this, but it sounds like you may have conditioned her to behave this way. You say that you've tried to break up many times in the past...has it been her name-calling and hissy fits that made you take her back? If so, then you've kind of brought this on yourself: she knows that it's worked before, so of course she's trying it again!

Out of respect for her, if I were you I would consider sending her one last message, to the effect of, "It's over, this is my decision, nothing you can do will change my mind. Please stop harassing me." Then HANG UP, you don't even need to let her respond (in fact, it's probably better if you don't--and that will be the hard part!). Then, like I said before, stop responding to her. She'll leave you alone once she realizes that you're REALLY serious about ending things...and if she's that pretty, she'll probably find someone else without much difficulty.
 ***piano4te***
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 10
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 2:49:01 PM
I can hook you up with somebody who gets people deals on the witness protection program.......

You know.....a change of scenery in some sunny, tropical place, say.....like...oh.....BRAZIL....might do a man like you some good right about now..... And I hear the women down there are HOT!! Not quite as insecure either....
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 11
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:19:29 PM
Ok....so you played her...I would not call her needy or insecure..just because you were dating her and other women all at the same time. On and off?

Why is she insecure? Jealous?..............I am surprised you didnt call her psycho girl..

How can she build a foundation with you when your online chatting it up with other women? You and a zillion other men online will never find a sure fire relationship if you are playing tootsies with online cuties and will never get off..
 Shadylady1311
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 12
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:44:17 PM
Lets see??? You're 47, have 62 members as "friends"??? Do you really need "break-up" advice, or to consol you're ego??
Come on......Run Forest, Run....
They only "cry wolf", so many times...I know, I found mine on the bath room floor..
 loveologist
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 13
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:46:20 PM
she is role playing with you:
she accused, you are guilty.
she is the victim, you are guilty.

don't play her game, simply take yourself out of the role she assigned you.
show her that you don't care, show her that her game is not working on you.
sing a shaggy song in your head whatever you feel guilty, 'it wasn't me...'

that was the advice from a psychologist.
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 14
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:51:57 PM
Why is she making y0u feel guity? No one can make you feel anything if YOU are in control of your feelings and did nothing to justify the guilt feelings.
If things are this bad then why do you still have contact with her? Unless your playing some kind of game with her cut off contact and move on. Your not responsible for her.

You dont have to HANDLE her. If its over its over. Sometimes when a couple breaks up they can remain friends..it sound like this is not one of those situations. Block her on your phone and on your internet accounts.

PEACE
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:55:51 PM
It depends if your "break up" is an event or a process....sounds like yours is a process... or a merry go round, best to make it an event. One time only, short and quick like yanking off a bandaid.

Make it stick, make up your mind and then be explicit that there will be no more contact, period. Think you can pull that off??
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 16
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:58:49 PM
Ignore her and if that doesn't work, marry her.
 *~MisskriS~*
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 17
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:18:22 PM
Dont answer her calls, emails, if she comes to your house tell her you will call the cops if she dosent go away. you need to not talk to her anymore and get a TRO if you have to. dont feel bad she is just trying to manupliate you
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 18
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:13:02 PM
Don't answer your phone when she calls. Block her emails. Stay away from her. She can't create drama or cause you guilt without YOU.
 itliesbeneath_
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 19
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:55:50 PM
Introduce her to one of your friends you dont like too much
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 20
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:58:23 PM
She doesn't sound very attractive to me!
Stay away... good luck!
 saxy_overload
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 21
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:13:25 PM
I would tell her how you feel...sometimes if you ignore her she'll get it through her head that you're not coming back. Right now she thinks that if she makes you feel like shit that you'll come crawling back. You did the right think don't think otherwise...
 jamnjerys
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 22
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need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:16:56 PM
Since I have no idea how long and then broke up with other women the only thing I can relate to you is that: Give it time. It'll all pass.

Taking any of it personally is what she's looking for and it soundz like alot of the relationship is based on a pattern of "angry" arguing. Remember to wake up and tell yourself first thing: "I'm glad she's gone." Then remind yourself you gave it your best shot.
 Larissan04
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 23
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:23:53 PM
look. this is a very abusive relationship. you are probably dealing with a borderline personality type. stop being controlled by this woman's beauty. sure, she may be very attractive, but she uses is to manipulate you... and you are falling for it...as men usually do. this young woman is not healthy. if you continue being involved with her it'll just degenerate into further drama. all she is trying to do is bully you and manipulate you into doing what SHE wants.

why put yourself through this? why would you allow someone to verbally abuse you like this? this isn't love. this isn't what a happy healthy relationship is. believe me, you can do sooooo much better...

so tell her it's over... stop sleeping with her if you still are...and cease all contact...

lar
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 24
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:50:03 PM
Been dating a girl on and off for 8 months. Broke up many times over stupid stuff(like we're in high school).

So lets see here...the pattern you've established is one of breaking up and getting back together again.

And THIS time you mean it...and she's supposed to figure that out HOW exactly?

Here's the thing Ive seen in EVERY single one of these scenarios over the years.
The person who points the finger at the instability of the other...is usually the actual offender.

Ive got the same crap going on at work at the moment with a gal and the guy she's been seeing...she's saying how fricken unstable the guy is...and frankly...she's done nothing but cause this guy grief.

She speaks to him when SHE wants to, ignores him the rest of the time...tells him if you'd just done this or that, that everything would have worked out (leading him to think that if he does everything will)

Not ONCE did she ever sit the guy down, treat him respectfully and TELL him its completely OVER and that they needed time apart if they were ever to be able to maintain a friendship or even part ways completely.

She just "behaved" her way out of the relationship, yo-yo breaking up, using him when she wanted *something* from him, started complaining about how he wasnt "good enough", throwing other men in his face and frankly...was a total b!tch to him. She's completely destroyed his self esteem.
She's continuously vehemently stated she's "told" the guy...she DIDNT, and the guy is a mess and she IS responsible for it cos Ive been watching it.

People HURT when a relationship breaks up, its normal...and if you've done it the right way, delivered the message correctly, not sent mixed messages and been a respectful adult about it...most people can cope with the outcome.
You drag it on or behave like a coward...hey...Im ok with whatever comes someone's way.

She even says she wants to die. I truly believe being apart is best for both of us. How do I handle her?

Do it properly, tell her that you're sorry she's in pain, and advise her to contact someone because she's emotionally out of control (which is normal considering the circumstances) but that you cant be responsible for her feelings and you cant be manipulated. Then tell her you will not be staying in contact with her and leave the girl alone.

I hope to God you arent stupid enough to be using her for sex in the meantime either.

IF you DO want to be with this girl...then get yourself together and sort it OUT with her. Get your butts into counselling and deal with the issues instead of carrying it on forever.
You're 47 yrs old...you're an adult, you've had 8 months of this woman's life...likely made a heap of promises that you're never gonna fulfill for her.
She's not only lost you, she's lost all her hopes and dreams of a future with you.
Treat her with respect, empathy, honesty and be firm.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 25
need break up advice
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:11:18 PM


How do I handle her?


You don't. Why do you want to? (Rhetorical) She's hot, I know.

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