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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why would a man get so serious so fast???      Home login  
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 debirose722
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 1
Why would a man get so serious so fast???Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
What personality defect or mental issue causes an attractive man who is also seemingly very intelligent want to make a committment with someone he has just met face to face ONCE? Desperation is a word that would be used but how could he be desperate when he is good looking enough to hook-up with just about any woman easily? Post meeting communications: tells you he "wants you forever", "you're someone he can fall in love with" etc. and without intimacy even taking place yet???
I thought it was MEN who took off running when the "m" word was used! The shoe is on the other foot. This has happened to me twice in the past year.
To me when someone does that, it is all about THEM not me at all. I am not finding it flattering.
 SteveinHP
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 2
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Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 7:34:12 PM
I would not say that until the 3rd date myself...

Actually Man or Woman, this is not right. It shows insecurity and loneliness.....I would run and I have, but it was more, she fell in love with me at first sight, and I threw up in my mouth a little upon meeting her, and could not get away fast enough. One of those posting very old pictures that were taken before she started smoking crack...she looked terrible and 3/4's dead....she was my first internet stalker...glad she did not find out where I lived.
 Aurora772
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 3
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 7:35:07 PM
Why would a man get serious so quickly? There's lots of reasons, almost all of them indicating big trouble. Me, I wouldn't bother with finding out why. You've hit a few nuts, so just move on.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 4
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 7:43:16 PM
Insecurity and emotional issues can effect anyone, even the good-looking. Maybe he has abandonment issues from childhood or a prior relationship. Who knows? One thing you do know is that he is waving a HUGE red flag, so slam on the breaks and take it slow or bail altogether. No one would blame you.
 bluezzz
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 5
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:18:36 PM
OP, if he did it to you, he probably did it to the ones before you... hence the reason he's still single and will be doing it to the ones after you.

I agree with Filly... she knows her stuff.



Bluezzz
 SueisWho
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 6
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:20:48 PM
Hmmmmmmmmm....people can say things but not mean it....best to becareful!
 Thunderstorms62
Joined: 12/11/2004
Msg: 7
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:33:50 PM
Wow, you must have charisma!
I'll suggest something else here that might cause an argument.
He met you and gave you the BS lines because he knows
he'll scare you away and he wants out. On the other hand,
he's got some serious issues brewing in the old personality
pot. Either way..........step away from the ride please.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 8
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Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:45:40 PM

What personality defect or mental issue causes an attractive man who is also seemingly very intelligent want to make a committment with someone he has just met face to face ONCE?

answer - emotionally undeveloped and a personality disorder

Ask anyone on the BPD thread (Dating Experiences). The BPD (and other PDs) tends to fall in love instantly and intensely. It's a blazing red flag!
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 9
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Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:45:55 PM
Def Lepard? They're crazy I tell you!

As one who was accused of desperation here earlier if you pardon the cliches I'll do my best.

Op, you're a good looking woman. My oldest brother was on the front end of the Babyboom and I was on the back. Beyond your visual appeal aparently you've got you're proverbial poop in order. There are far to many of us out there looking for someone to complete, not compliment us. In our lifetimes women have dramatically raised their standing in this world. Be flattered and fuggedaboutit.
 7733
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 10
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:45:57 PM

when he is good looking enough to hook-up with just about any woman easily?


Any woman or any man?

he may be good looking but acts so weired, even if a woman is pretty and sexy but acts desperate, abnormal etc, who wants her?

though I think by this post you are seeking some attention, like I said the other girl, you may get a lot more attention by putting that short, hot skirt and finding a bar when middle aged men attand.
 debirose722
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 11
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:31:33 PM
How can he want out of something that hadn't even started? Someone that wants out doesn't text you 1ox a day! Next ...
 debirose722
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 12
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:34:34 PM
7733 - I don't have to look far for attention. Don't need a bar or a short skirt.
Or middle aged men. Jealous?
 Bk2
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 13
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:36:05 PM
Hi debirose,

I recall the history with some happily married people -during WWII soldiers would write to ladies ...a pen pal system...pictures were exchanged and the letters were touching to the heart and very meaningful to them (yes romantic too) and when the man came home she was standing there waiting for him -yes, the first time they saw each other -there were hugs...some even got married immediately.

For some male or female they put their whole heart into their writing....and, yes it is personal -and they become somewhat attached....you know the feeling of the excitement of turning on your computer to see if you got mail....??? :))))

Could you of underestimated a very soft hearted, seemingly very intelligent, and attractive man with a soft heart that really appreciated you for the person you are.....????

Love at first sight......etc...etc.... I heard from a senior couple...."....when I saw him come into the room I knew he was the one." .....etc...etc... Interesting some long distance relationships....via the internet has brought about many marriages/partnerships that are thriving -of course some fail....

Your last sentence.....I think you might want to read it a few times....

Hope that helps...of course opinions vary....

O:)

PS Some people no matter what the reason will run away from a relationship that could have incredible potential - "A Runner" of course this might not apply to you..:)
 7733
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 14
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 9:55:46 PM

7733 - I don't have to look far for attention. Don't need a bar or a short skirt.
Or middle aged men. Jealous?


VERY JEALOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's bcs my spiritual connection insists me that there is something extraordinary that might have happened if I knew you in person. This is what doesn't let me to stay still here and forget about my blasted ear and aching neck.

Fair enough ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I wasn't nice to you

and

you broke my heart


}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 15
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 10:08:57 PM
OP: one of two things (1) either really has emotional problems as the other posters have mentioned, or (2) he's one hell of a player (i.e. telling women what he thinks they want to hear...yeah, people will tell you a good player will be smoother than that, but players are often very imaptient too...and he's not doing to badly at the player thing...you would have walked already, otherwise)
 superbadzzz
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 16
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 10:28:47 PM
date men with more going on. a person is only as loyal as their options.
 urkindanosey
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 17
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/29/2008 11:55:22 PM
I knew someone that this happened to. Someone she knew as a teenager came back into her life and swept her off her feet. Said all the things that she wanted to hear...told her he had loved her since way back when. Asked her to marry him like the 2nd or 3rd day. He turned out to be a raging alcoholic , I mean whiskey for breakfast kind of thing. So your instincts and red flags are right on. Run fast and far. I think someone trying to move that fast is trying to capture you before you find out who they really are.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:01:49 AM

What personality defect or mental issue causes an attractive man who is also seemingly very intelligent want to make a committment with someone he has just met face to face ONCE? Desperation is a word that would be used but how could he be desperate when he is good looking enough to hook-up with just about any woman easily?


Some of us would rather not fvck around playing games and just assume things will work out one way or the other without suffering a lot of angst trying to decide that in advance. I'd rather just say, ``ok, we're dating.'' and cut all of the crap so I can get on with the other thigs I want to do in life. I really don't understand the ``Gee, I just don't know he's Mr. Right,'' women go through just to take the risk of committing to an exclusive dating arrangement. Believe it or not, anything ANYONE does is all about him/her. If you think otherwise, you haven't looked deeply enough into your own motivations for doing anything.
 Jazzythecat
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 19
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Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:27:48 AM
Men like that know they are mentally unstable and have to seal the deal fast, before you find out the truth.

Being good looking has nothing to do with whether or not one is mentally ill.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 20
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:45:48 AM
Despite what men say about all the "needy" women around, there are some "needy" men too. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't experienced it. Recently I chatted with a guy and he seemed great, we would talk on the phone alot but I don't spend alot of time on the computer most days so when I did log on I would be surprised to find 3 messages from this guy saying "RING ME". I started feeling like he was NEEDY and I can't deal with another child right now................Cheers.
 debirose722
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 21
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:59:52 AM
BK2 , thanks for thinking outside of the romance "box" and showing another side to it. I really am confused. It has been rule of thumb and even put in books as a warning sign that if someone meets you and gets very serious that they have a REAL problem. But then again, I have heard of "love at first site" and quick marriages lasting a lifetime! We have complicated our lives to the point of not knowing who is real and who isn't. I just do feel that if a man is really that interested in you, he will be considerate and slow down and put effort into getting to know you as a person.
If I met a man that I thought I could love a lifetime and he said the same things to me that I said to him, I would bend over backwards to accommodate! He said he won't give me his heart without a committment. I can not commit to someone I just met.
And I do feel that SURFACE love can happen at first site ... DEEP love takes time.
 debirose722
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 22
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:05:16 AM
abelian - the exclusive dating arrangement is exactly what I am looking for. What is concerning me is someone who text mssgs. you (after they have met you one time) "let's get married." and "I want u 4 ever." THAT GOES WAY BEYOND should I date him exclusively or not.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 23
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Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:25:53 AM
Men who want the "quick" marriage are total losers that don't want you to find out what they're really like i.e. abuse women...child molesters...etc. They know the longer you know them the less likely they'll keep you.
 Uncle Fist
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 24
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:50:24 AM

Insecurity and emotional issues can effect anyone, even the good-looking.


I'll second this. Being attractive doesn't always guarantee emotional stability or confidence.
 equip_girl
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 25
Why would a man get so serious so fast???
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:56:14 PM
I'd like to add to this thread with another question on this subject.

What kind of person gets out of one very serious long term committed relationship and seems to find another one over night? How can people fall in and out of love in one day?
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