| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:07:02 AM | Im only asking this question as this happened to me.
We met up from this site. He bought me a florida Orange (as i was on antibiotics at the time for a sore gum) and he had a half pint of bitter as he was driving. We went outside and talked for a while, but within about 45 mins i was getting bored anyway, but you carry on just incase you are wrong.
Anyway, he was a nice enough chap and he said about going inside to get another drink and seat. We looked around the pub and found one and he promptly sat down and said, Your turn to buy the drink, what are you buying me? I laughed and said really? and he was serious. So i went to the bar and got him a drink and me a diet coke. I couldnt believe it. That completely made my mind up that i wouldnt see him again.
Now, I have asked all my collegues at work and all of them, but 1, said that he was a tight arse lol
The one woman said that its the year 2008 and why shouldnt a woman buy a man a drink. So i said, Im from the old school and basically, if a man asks you out for a date surely he should pay. Dont get me wrong, If i had asked if he wanted a drink that would have been a different matter, but to actually ask me to get him one and i had to stand up at the bar too!!
Even my ex always went up to the bar.
What are your views? | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:19:22 AM | | In my case he wouldn't have had to ask, I would have offered and certainly before 45 minutes! I don't mind taking my turn at the bar, and if I can't afford to pay my way on a date I don't go. On the other hand I have been told off for it a lot by men who I've dated but I'm a bit over the top proud! | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:22:28 AM | I didnt offer because we hadnt finished our drink in that 45 minutes.
But like i say, im still from the old school of thought and alot of men do get put off by women taking the lead, so you have to judge the situation | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:22:43 AM | There is nothing wrong in buying a man a drink on a first date, your problem was, you don't appear to have let him know how you felt about this and meekly complied to his request and then moaned about it after. I hope you let this man know what 'he had done wrong', in order that he could change his approach on his next date if he wanted.
Maybe meet the next date for a coffee..... | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:48:09 AM |
i had to stand up at the bar too!!
Oh,you poor love............................hope you didnt faint......
Ok,yeah .............im being a lil sarcastic,but what's the big deal in shouting a guy a drink ??
It IS the year 2008,not 1958..........times HAVE changed.
Cheers,
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:33:25 AM | | I don't think there is anything wrong with buying the man a drink. When a man takes me out to dinner and pays for it, I generally offer to cover the tip. Most men appreciate that offer but don't take me up on it. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:36:59 AM | Just what the forums needed another "who pays" thread.
OP, it was a drink, my God. Would you buy one of your friends a drink? I bet you would.
You are calling him cheap? What are you? You are also cheap and showing a HUGE sense of entitlement for what reason? Mail me the bar tab, I'll pay for your drinks.
Shaking head, rolling eyes, thanking God I am not cheap | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:42:32 AM | I have to say I would have been a bit gutted too. I am an old fashioned type of gal, I like a man to be a gentleman, to open the doors and to get the first date in...etc....
Don't get me wrong I won't even go on the date unless I have got the cash to cover the date as I will not presume that they will pick up the tab and I ALWAYS offer to pay for it, but I would be slightly disappointed if he took me up on it.
I think for me when men are like that and they want you to pay your half from the very very start you have the potential of having a relationship where his money is his money and your money is your money if you know what I mean, not our money. I like to be in a relationship where we both do share what needs to be paid but with reflection of what each of us coming in. for example why should I buy a guy a drink or meal who might earn £50,000 a year when I live off under £9,000?
My ex was like that, he used to get more money than me, but I had to pay for half of ALL the bills AND everything our two children needed (as I got the child benefit, I got paid for it apparently) so by the time I had finished I had nothing at all left but he had plenty left to spend on him and his bikes (hence him being an ex now lol).
I hope I don't sounds arrogant with this message as I don't mean to sound that way, after the first date I am more than happy to contribute or pay for the date just not that first one. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:54:32 AM | OP,
It depends on the situation and how people "feel" each other out. I've been dating for about 6 months now and every women I've went out with has offered to get a round. That is, OFFERED.
I tend to feel out the situation. 45 mintues and I see a woman nursing an empty glass, I'd go get her a drink. I would NEVER ask a woman to buy a round.
I personally don't have a problem buying a couple of drinks. Especially, if you are just drinking a soft drink, not going to break the bank to get you a couple of cokes.
Different story if you were drinking champagne****ails. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:54:43 AM | NO, NO, NO!!!
I see where you're coming from and I'm not going to insult you to get my point across either.
If he was drinking in the car that's just irresposible and illegal (at least in the U.S.)
Sounded like he has a problem with alcohol.
I wouldn't have bought him a drink but then again I don't have to pay guys to go out with me either.
Those are MY thoughts on the situation.
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:57:18 AM | Bullshit! You women are expecting way too much nowadays! Get the guy a drink, it shows you're equal in paying your own way.
I don't expect some man to hold doors for me, and pump my gas and pay for this or that, etc... Its 2008, people, things and times have changed. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:57:44 AM | Bullshit! You women are expecting way too much nowadays! Get the guy a drink, it shows you're equal in paying your own way.
I don't expect some man to hold doors for me, and pump my gas and pay for this or that, etc... Its 2008, people, things and times have changed. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:00:54 AM | Men should always get drinks, food etc i am old fashioned and believe in men being gentleman.
^^ Then why aren't you in the kitchen cooking, and wearing an apron to clean the house later?
Gentlemanly manners are ingrained within me, but oh how ironic it is to read when men/women like to tailor those "old-fashioned"/"old-school" values, emphasizing those that are in their favor and discarding those that are not.
I don't mind at all paying for drinks or food when out with a woman ... but if she expects it, she might want to adjust her TV set so she's not constantly receiving 1950's programming. Princess attitudes need to be left behind with the Barbie dolls.
In 2008, that any female, even one in her 90's, asks if a woman should buy a drink first/buy dinner first/ask a guy out first/etc. is mind boggling. Woman have always been as equal as men, through all mediums. Start acting like it, yea? | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:04:09 AM | 1 .shieldvulf response: the person who invites pays. the person is the host, the invitee is the guest.
He quotes arcane 1848 references and has encyclopaedic knowledge of the subject
2.Momarks response: did you people communicate prior to meeting at all?
drones on and on about expectations , choice and communication
hilarity ensues. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:04:56 AM | He buys the first drink, I buy the second... normal for me! I definitely don't see that as "paying a guy to go out with me"!
Also don't see half a pint of beer being an alcohol problem either! | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:19:35 AM | If I ask a woman out on a date I always pay but it's nice if she offers to pay.
Of The Inn has a good point about equality,if a woman asks a man out then she should pay.
Men should always get drinks, food etc i am old fashioned and believe in men being gentleman.....
It wouldnt say much for a man's pride if he expected you to pay would it?
I have pride but I'm not a charity,attitudes like this turn me off. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:20:55 AM | | It's just a meeting.... like someone said, if I was meeting my friend I'd stand my round. Why should anyone pay for me? It's not nice to be sat there like a leech while someone else gets his wallet out all night. First date, you pay your way, then if you don't really like each other no one has come out losing, so I think it's only fair. After that it's up to you, but I certainly wouldn't hold it against someone if they expected me to buy a drink or two. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:32:46 AM |
how ironic it is to read when men/women like to tailor those "old-fashioned"/"old-school" values, emphasizing those that are in their favor and discarding those that are not.
AF nods in agreement. Crap on all that. I can't imagine being offended. In fact, I would offer or not even that...I'd have just bought him a drink and accepted his thank you. I won't be sitting around anywhere for that long thirsty. But that's just me and I don't play the "old fashioned game."
Pride? How is buying a man's drink impinging on his PRIDE? I'm trying to remember if we're living in the same time era or not. If we turned the clock back...I shudder to think of the consequences.
For all the younger women who said what about his pride, I'm old-fashioned...do you remember that women older than you and I fought tooth and nail in order to be CLOSE to the status quo with men? We can remember that when it comes to salaries, buying power and the like...but turn into these "oh my strong mayunnnn" people as soon as we go on a date. Buying a man a drink is not going to impinge on anything but your wallet. Unless the guy's drinking Cristal or something totally off the freaking wall...
BUY THE DRINK and move on. Yes I know, I'll be the unpopular one here because I think you can buy a drink on the first date/meeting, or even the 22nd one. But I don't do the whole "I'm a girl therefore my wallet is sacred thing". In fact, I'm going out with someone tomorrow. Since I know he's going to pay our entrance fee to this event, I'll either make the offer or just buy refreshments. If he says no, I've got it, then that's fine too.
I don't pick and choose what makes me as a woman equal. *Some* men will respect you for offering.
Oh...I don't know where you live but drinking and driving in my state is illegal. I wouldn't get into a car with a man I know has been drinking...or IS drinking behind the wheel. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:33:23 AM |
It wouldnt say much for a man's pride if he expected you to pay would it?
^^ Curious to know then what it says about a woman's character is she expects him to pay.
The only at-stake "pride" is if a man drovels and conforms to her social inabilities; besides, it wouldn't say much for a man's pride if he constantly allows himself to be bent to her beliefs.
As stated: most of us guys have no issue with paying for the things we'll both enjoy - but there is no entitlement by simple virtue of being a woman. | |
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| Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:49:28 AM | I consider myself "old school" as well. I never expect a woman to pay, but am always impressed if she offers (especially whne there is chemistry and physical attraction). Despite being able to pay, and expecting to pay, I'm always most impressed when a woman I'm interested in pays for stuff without my knowing. Times are changing even for us old-timers!
The odd part is that you said that you didn't feel any connection, but that his expecting you to pay made up your mind for you. That definitely reeks of "gold-digging"! | |
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