| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:53:02 AM | | My question is: Is courting just completely dead? I mean, gone, finished, it is no more? Something I should not hope for? Or does it exist but only last for one or at best two dates? This is a serious question. Do modern women not want to be courted? Do modern men not want to court? What is the situation? I am addressing this question especially to the over 45 crowd. To me, I would expect the idea of courting to be more appealing to more mature people. Maybe I'm way off in that idea. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:00:29 AM | | Yep,,,and that is sad as there are many bunnies and hoping all over the place or should I say humping. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:05:57 AM |
Is courting just completely dead?
IMO, of course NOT! I want a woman who can appreciate being courted. Not just in the beginning, but throughout the relationship. Isn't that part of what keeps a relationship thriving and healthy?? No one wants to taken for granted and/or treated like old shoes! | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:11:02 AM | pretty moon, I love the little story your emoticons tell... | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:41:09 AM | I dont think it is dead, I think we are on the internet and alot of people think that means they arent AS responsible for their actions so they dont see the need to be REAL. I have found in my life that the men who are serious...still court you, the ones who only want sex...dont.
As an example, a friend told me how he talked to a woman on Thursday night who invited him to go somewhere with her over the weekend, on Friday night she told him another man had already promised to take her. Neither of these guys live close. So when I said something about that being just wrong, his answer was it was "just the internet" which to me is no excuse. Who you are is who you are, and if you will cancel out on someone cause you found someone you like better, it still makes you a very sad person in my eyes, especially since one had already planned to come see her for over a week. He seem to accept it as part of the norm, I dont. I think it is a reflection on who I am and I still have to live with me.
The second example was this gentleman wrote to me two months ago, we quit talking and then last night around 6 30 he emailed me to invited me to his house for dinner and sex...was basically the way he put it. He liked my pictures and wanted me to agree to come to his home for dinner and sex. I have never met the man and he has no picture on his profile, so basically he wanted me to agree to sex...sight unseen! I dont think a man would walk up to a woman out and say...hey you appeal to me, come to my house for dinner and sex? Again he felt since I didnt know what he looked like he could act this way. I also feel someone had cancelled out and he was looking at me as a replacement.
So basically I think courtin is very much alive, but we have soooooo many more losers male and female, from being on the internet that we hear only the bad or sad stories not the good ones. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:45:52 AM | | Is it the internet that is affecting the idea of courting? If you meet people in real life, are they behaving quite differently? | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:04:05 AM | Hi Ismene,
Q: Is courting dead?
A: No, final answer!
I can only speak for myself - I believe in traditional values with a twist of the modern -I believe in equality Man-Woman, and believe the woman can court just as good as a man or better....but would prefer that I do 'most' or 'some' of the courting....lol..:)
I personally believe some women have the ability and positioning to be more dominant in the selection process thus making some men a tad more recessive. One could say some men -whether the select few - have to have a wake-up call to get with the program.
Yes, I have heard certain women state that the men they attract act more or less like mere stallions and ignore traditional courting values.....but, there is still hope as I know certain men still believe in courting one woman until he is rejected or accepted. So one has to wait/search for that special person.
Not saying that certain woman have not played an important part in courting in the past -it is just that I feel certain women today are motivated in securing the man that is more suitable for them....of course opinions could vary.
As you say -I also believe that certain relationships could lack the long drawn out courting (those personal dreams about when they were young) -some could be the result of how our society portraits courting to us....:) It could be said the relatively short period could be the result of the woman lowering her guard quicker than traditionally, this could also in some cases be due to the agressive nature of certain men or at times certain women, also the nature and structure of the family in todays age.... etc...
Just a few personal perspectives is all.....to be taken in a postive and respectable way.....
Hope you find a man that will court you for the rest of your life.....and, there is hope -I am certain they are still out there...:))
O:)
PS to the select few courting is still as exciting as it use to be... | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:07:36 AM | | Yup, for the most part courting is dead. Probably in part to the instant connect thing, the texts, the emails, the phone - tuff to build any anticipation around that. Without anticipation, and actually never even having time to "miss someone", I think it's a thing of the past. Except for the part where the man pays for everything on all the meetings/dates. That still rains true | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:51:18 AM | No, not unless you are prepared to let it be. I am not. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:58:15 AM | No, it sure doesn't seem dead to me....as a matter of fact, it seems to be more alive than ever.  I have only dated 2 guys since I have been on POF..and a couple of first meets, (which were just that...meets)...and the courting had been very much going on...and appreciated! I guess you'll just have to be more selective, OP
....or was I just lucky?
~DC~ | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:03:40 PM | I guess you'll just have to be more selective, OP.
I'm basing the question on what I've been reading on POF and other sites. Not on my own very limited experience. Like all this stuff I've been reading about who pays for coffee or dinner and the attitudes about sex, etc. None of it is my style...I'm old fashioned, and perhaps a bit too selective... | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:24:17 PM | I sure hope not. This is all new to me, been awhile since I have been out there on the dating scene, so I really don't know. Time will tell...... Ill keep you posted.  | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:27:14 PM | | well, spacebabe, I'm in the same situation. Haven't met anyone yet I want to date, but if I do, don't think I want anything less than some nice old fashioned courting. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:33:57 PM | Oh really? Like when they come to your house and meet the parents? Pick you up in their car and open the door for you? Please, no sane woman would have a man she never met, let alone met online come to her house on a first date/meeting. Wake up. This is 2008.
Respect the past but don't live in it - Cinderellas..... | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:38:59 PM | You are making assumptions.....And you just don't get it. It's clear you're not the type of man I'm looking for, so you're safe. The men who get what we mean exist, in fact they've already posted in this thread....
I'm not looking to start any kind of row, and I don't engage in bashing anyone...what you don't know, what you don't understand, fine, it's your nevermind, but to start name calling, it just illustrates what kind of person you are. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:42:50 PM | | I once again agree, ismenel. This guy seems to have an attidude, not my type either. I'd have to throw him back to the sharks. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:54:17 PM | Yes, I have heard certain women state that the men they attract act more or less like mere stallions and ignore traditional courting values.....but, there is still hope as I know certain men still believe in courting one woman until he is rejected or accepted. So one has to wait/search for that special person.
My experience on dating sites is that every man who has ever contacted me has been very respectful and no one has ever said or done anything rude or offensive (except there was one man who I told no who turned into a stalker, but even as stalkers go, I think it was pretty mild). But all the other men I've met and those I've talked to on line, have always been very decent and appropriate, even the young ones. I've read on other forums about women getting really rude or offensive emails, but that's never happened to me.
I hope you are right, Bk2, about there being men who still believe in courting....those who talk about dating being a game and making it all sound like some kind of meat market....I'd rather just stay on my own. But I don't think that's the case; I think it depends on who you choose to spend time with. | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:00:15 PM | I would like the courting to come back... Kids are growing up and I have time now to think about courting.. But alass I feel no-one knows what that is...Maybe most of us have lost the chance of it... So maybe staying alone and with out a man will have to do for me... I tend to get bored staying in.... I have done that for the last 20 yrs being married and bringing up the kids.. Yes I am waiting to be courted... The cobwebs and dust are all ready settling.  | |
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| Is courting dead?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:11:14 PM | I'd say "Yes", for a number of reasons.
When people courted they were usually exclusive. Today, people feel it's OK to casually date so why would someone go to the trouble of courting?
Today, it's all about "wanting it all". The courting gentleman is just as expendable as any other guy.
Finally, there's nothing to be "won". In the days of courting, should the man be lucky enough to win the lady's hand, he was relatively sure the lady would be permanently by his side. Today, half the marriages are temporary.
I agree with Navigator6 in regards to "courting" once in the relationship. To my way of thinking it's more important, today, to show appreciation after the lady has decided I'm the right one as opposed to trying to convince her I might be. | |
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