| | Do men select women that are…Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Hi Guys,
The way in which men untimely select or attract different women (that they would get serious about) has always been a bit of a mystery to me… So I decided to bring this up with a guy friend.
He explained that in most cases men ultimately tend to select women (that they would get serious about) who:
(a) Are like their mom
…or…
(b) someone who would be “socially acceptable” to their mother (and then other family members and friends).
I was just wondering what some of you men may think about what he said.
* Is this something you have ever done (selected an ex who may have your mothers personality, etc. ..)?
… or …
* Is this something you continue to do?
… and …
1) Do you disagree with his comments?
2) Do you care if the woman you are interested in (for a relationship) is accepted by your mother, family, and friends?
Thanks
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:51:08 PM | I'm going with sweet, caring, and won't be overly embarrassing to be around.
Yes, I have to trust her that when she opens her mouth, I'm not guilty by association. Which answers B. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:54:10 PM | I don't believe there are any "most cases". Every guy is individual. Some guys pick the girl that makes the bulge in their pants grow the fastest. Some guys pick the girl who is the drunkest but can still walk. Some guys pick the girl who can actually think her way out of a paper bag. Some guys pick the girl who likes to play head games. Some guys pick the girl who looks like she could suck a golf ball through 20 feet of garden hose.
What my family approves of or disapproves of is of no concern to me, but that is just me. I live by my own opinions. In the end, I have to answer to me, and no one else. If I'm not happy with the situation, I change it. I don't let someone elses opinion make decisions for me.
Let's put it this way. If you meet a guy and you like him and he likes you and you get along great and the sparks are there and everything works, and he calls you one day and tells you that he can't see you anymore because his mom said so... and he's 28... you are gonna call him a mommas boy... right? | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:55:36 PM | I would think that any guy that would be looking for someone that is like his mom, or that their mom would approve of, might be looking for a replacement for his mom. That replacement being you. I mean, it would be nice if mom and the rest of my family liked her, but that would never sway my decision on who I would date.
73's
Steve | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:55:40 PM | Maybe in the Stepford World where everyone else's opinion matters but one's own.
I select a woman by being drawn/attracted to her on a deep level.
And just expect everyone else to respect my opinion.
But that's just me.
And I would NEVER marry a mom clone.
The way you typed that question is the way a woman thinks(wonders) about relationships.
Guys don't think that way.
Completely different animal(and motivations) entirely. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:55:59 PM | | One, it's easier to be with someone who will get along with your family. Two, most people's values are shaped by their parents, and they tend to choose mates who conform to those values. For example, most devout Christians wouldn't date a Wiccan, and liberals tend not to marry conservatives. Then there's that whole Freudian "everyone wants to have sex with their mother/father" thing, which I'm not sure I buy into. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:00:03 PM | | I have had both. The kind the family loves ( a family friend and I started dating we knew each other for almost 20 years). I've also dated women my family didn't care for. While I would like my family to get along with my partner its irrelevent. At the end of the day its me and her as a couple. I have to live with the decision I made to be with her not them. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:00:24 PM | | I'm completely estranged from my family. I love my mother but frankly she just didn't have the tools for the job. That being said, my ex wife and my mother share the same non-existant communication skills so maybe I did!!! | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:01:30 PM | | OP, I love my mom but I DO NOT want to marry someone like her. I need something different. I think #2 goes without saying. Your folks better be able to get along with your woman, and vice-versa, otherwise there will not be much of a marriage. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:00:34 PM | I was amazed when my best friend got married, and it dawned on me that she looks extremely similar to her mother-in-law, and in personality too. Eerily similar.
However, I don't WANT to date anyone who would get on with my mom. But I don't get on with her either. But I must admit I can see some similarities in their personalities and my mom's personality. I guess I'm a mystery even to myself. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:19:41 PM | ...I love my Mom, but dating or marrying my Mom. Yuck! Not in a million years. 
The qualities I would look for in a woman that I want to marry are:
- mutual attraction ( we just can't keep our hands off each other )
- physically fit and high energy ( I like to do physical things, and I want her to be a big part of my life )
- strong sex drive ( the relationship won't last if we aren't a good match in the bedroom )
- creative mind ( this is what my work and play are all about )
- playful personality ( the relationship will never die if we can keep our inner kids happy )
- emotionally connected ( this is key to a happy long term relationship )
- physically affectionate ( makes life worth living )
- little or no relationship baggage ( life's too short to drag this kind of crap around )
...All of this adds up to great chemistry, which seems like such a rare thing to find these days, and the Internet is definitely not helping. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 4:58:35 PM | Interesting…
Was wondering if you could also take a minute and reflect on your male friends and see if there is a trend there (that the women they selected on a more serious level) was in fact similar to their mother (and/or based on what is deemed as socially acceptable).
After reading all the responses it got me to thinking that maybe I should have be asking the guys to look at their close male friends to see if they notice this trend. Sometimes it is a subconscious thing and makes me wonder if sometimes these choices are made without even knowing it (as Scorpiomover somewhat stated). Since we tend to go for “what we know”, maybe my friends theory is not that far off?
(((PS… is good to know that many of you also tend to select based on what is GOOD and RIGHT for you and not based on someone else’s criteria {soft smile}… )))
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:52:11 PM | My male married friends are married to women that are as varied as their mothers. I am sure some men are married to similar women, but that could just be by chance. I know I was nothing like my ex mil, thank God. Both of my brothers' wives are definitely different than my mother.
Men, like women, are just attracted to who they are attracted to. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:36:28 PM | I like a,b,1 and 2.....wait a minute ...what was the question again?
Men select women who are nice yet naughty,playful yet shy,pretty and smart.There is nothing set in stone what qualities men select in their women.
If you want to score points with his mother then bring over some food at a get together and help with the food and/or cleanup. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:56:34 PM |
If you want to score points with his mother then bring over some food at a get together and help with the food and/or cleanup. 
Not at my house. My sons want to bring a gf over with food, no sir. They can take me out to eat or we can eat at her house and she can have the mess. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:19:25 PM | I definitely don't seek out women that are like my Mom, but it would be hard not to seek out someone that shares your social mores and values that were...(or should have been) instilled by your Mom and therefore a prospective mate *might* be somewhat like her?
Ack! My brain hurts. I could have done without thinking about this.
Thankfully values and personalities aren't synonymous. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:13:27 AM | welllllllllll.............op................
to an extent probably. people have certain values from their families, so it would be normal to seek similar values, but that doesn't mean a clone. then again, if someone comes from a really religious family , for example, i doubt they'll be introducing or marrying the local stripper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:16:25 AM |
He explained that in most cases men ultimately tend to select women (that they would get serious about) who:
(a) Are like their mom
…or…
(b) someone who would be “socially acceptable” to their mother (and then other family members and friends).
No girlfriend I ever had was like my Mom. Just the association even thinking about it makes me shudder. I love my Mom to death, but I would never wanna date her mini-me.
As for B, I'd be lying if I said that didn't apply to me. I'm very social, and have been for the better part of my life. I'll date someone who isn't "fitting in" so to speak, but wouldn't take it further than maybe FWB. Because of my social nature and interaction, my longterm partner would have to be socially "acceptable" for sure, hands down. However, even in saying that, I'm more referring to "acceptable" in the appropriate setting. I wouldn't ask or expect her to be all prim and proper when out at a party...Hell, even I ain't that proper in those settings. At a more formal event though, I'd expect her to be able to pretend to be a lady for the short while lol. Just like I would do my part to play the role of a gentleman for that same time span.
Thankfully, all my women have been "accepted" by my friends and family for the most part. Some more than others, some less. Only a couple warranted the "WTF were you thinking?" speech from friends and family.
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:27:39 AM | A. made me puke in my lap and I had to stop reading. For what it's worth, my guess is, the rest of your post is crap.
Change sources, they are confusing yooz. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:29:06 AM | Yeah, not that big on the whole Oedipus thing... There were no aprons, there were no apron strings ;-).
There ARE traits of dear old mom I do look for in a woman... independence, intelligence, humor... but at NO time in the courting process does the thought "Gee, I hope mom likes her!" ever cross my mind ;-).
And, for that matter, neither does "Gee, I hope my friends like her!" It's good if they do; after all, they're your friends, they're supposed to know you and you're supposed to value their opinions. Not saying you should date or not date someone based on feedback from your amigos, but if the feedback is negative, you should give it some consideration, too...
Cowboy | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:46:57 AM | Re the Opost:
1) "The way in which men untimely select or attract different women (that they would get serious about) has always been a bit of a mystery to me… "
And vice versa to us men! lol
2) "So I decided to bring this up with a guy friend."
One guy, one opinion, 10000 guys, 10000 opinions.
3) "He explained that in most cases men ultimately tend to select women (that they would get serious about) who:
(a) Are like their mom
…or…
(b) someone who would be “socially acceptable” to their mother (and then other family members and friends)."
"I was just wondering what some of you men may think about what he said."
Frankly: BS!
4)"* Is this something you have ever done (selected an ex who may have your mothers personality, etc. ..)?"
a) Looks: Heck no, not Oedipus!
b) Personaliy: Hm, I am not sure, have to talk to my shrink!!! lol
In general, NO!
6) "Do you disagree with his comments?"
Yeap!
7) "Do you care if the woman you are interested in (for a relationship) is accepted by your mother, family, and friends?"
Nope, but I am not in the "getting serious about" biz! lol lol
My approach is fun, serious fun! And que sera, sera!
Plus where I love my mom I happen to have a very different way of life philosophy than my mom anyway, so I would not one with my mom's!!! | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:38:22 AM | | I select women I like. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. My family and friends will accept whomever I date unless they don't want to see much of me. | |
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10of6
| | Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 23 | |
| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:52:54 AM | | Understand something. Men don't do the selecting. You only believe they do to maintain an image of powerless female. Men can only agree to be the accomplice to the crime. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:16:37 AM | ROFLMAO. You actually think there is one iota of validity in the mother-influenced-who-I-want "theory"?!! I do like to think anything is possible, and there is magic at work in the world (for all those things I can't find a plausible explanation for), but you can't actually think that my Mom somehow dictates my choices (and btw, what makes you think that men ever do the selecting?lol).
Nobody even starts to think about their parents and sex without going "Ewwwww!"
Sorry, I certainly don't mean to seem disrespectful to you, but if you think you can even begin to figure me out after a half-century of exposure to, and some considerable absorption, of all the world's elements by checking out my mom, well, IMO, you'd stand a better chance of bringing rain by dancing around a bonfire in the nude. | |
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| Do men select women that are…
Posted: 9/1/2008 11:34:27 AM | | The mother thing is utter nonsense. You meet some one, have an attraction and go from there. The notion that men (other than mama's boys perhaps) are out to 'select' a mate on the basis of similarity to their mothers is such a trite vomitous cliche it makes me think we have another thinly veiled male basher here. | |
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