| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:09:50 PM | That's it, that's the question...that's all there is to it!
Is the sexual experience in a long term relationship bonding? If it is, what makes it so? If it it isn't, what the hell is it? What's it all about? Tell me! 
Thank you kindly! | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:10:32 PM | It can be. It depends on the relationship, the people involved, the circumstances...
In a LTR, sex can be many things. A 'bonding experience' is one of those things. For example, it can be stress relief, it can be a way of expressing emotion, it can be really enjoyable aerobics, or it can be a chore intending to make a mistake. It can be all sorts of things. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:13:49 PM | ^^Ditto.
Messages this short may not be posted
Messages this short may not be posted
Messages this short may not be posted | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:01:29 PM |
Is the sexual experience in a long term relationship bonding?
It can be part of the overall bonding experience.
... And please note, that I didn't wordplay on the word
"bonding".... A bondage joke had to be suppressed.
what makes it so?
Intimacy can have many levels,
ranging from a loving glance from across the room,
to physical contact.... to the intimacy of closeness
a loving couple would feel during the "sexual experience".
Thank you kindly!
Well... You're very welcome. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:21:08 PM | I can only speak for myself - for me, it is a bonding experience since to me it is a level of intimacy. As corny as it sounds, sex is something that I freely give to my SO that is a part of me that I would never share with another.
Is that the right view of sex? The answer is no - because there is no "right" view - just the view two people share between one another. (Of course, I would try to find someone that shares my view as well)
I hope that makes sense. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:55:25 PM | Depends on the day...
Bonding
fun
intimacy
required
Some days are just different. I think it depends on our age as well. I certainly think differently about sex now then when I was 20. Much more open about it and not so serious.
~Charmed~ | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:58:11 PM | If it Is a LTR, and there is no bonding during sex, the LTR is doomed. I mean, if you don't have sex at all, that is one thing. But, to have sex, and still not feel any bonding.....Get Out!
Sherry | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:59:31 PM | Yes but it depends on the sex. A wham bam thankyou ma'am thing isn't bonding. It's just stress relief.
I think if you really want to bond with someone, you need to get out and experience things together besides sex. Use sex as the icing on the cake. Just not the whole cake though. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 7:26:54 PM | Speaking for myself only.........
Sex for me only happens in a LTR anyway. And that's because it IS bonding for me. After that....it's basically broken down into 'sub categories' as others listed in here. For play....for stress relief....for romantic 'lovemaking'....yada yada... but in all of it, the sex is bonding period.... THAT'S the person I do all those things with. Sex is just not something I've ever viewed as recreational, or the obligatory 'handshake' to see if I even like the person, or as a prerequisite TO the LTR.... The sex comes after I've learned to trust and connect on some deeper levels first and know that this is something that is going to last awhile......hopefully, a long while. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 7:51:46 PM | If it is an experience only the two of you share and you share a bliss anticipating it, enjoying it, and the healthy exhaustion it should facilitate afterwards than what's not to bond about?
Sex is so many different things in so many different relationships. Some people expect that their giving everything of themselves will be reciprocated, some people want a pony. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 7:53:47 PM |
Sex for me only happens in a LTR anyway. And that's because it IS bonding for me. After that....it's basically broken down into 'sub categories' as others listed in here. For play....for stress relief....for romantic 'lovemaking'....yada yada... but in all of it, the sex is bonding period.... THAT'S the person I do all those things with. Sex is just not something I've ever viewed as recreational, or the obligatory 'handshake' to see if I even like the person, or as a prerequisite TO the LTR.... The sex comes after I've learned to trust and connect on some deeper levels first and know that this is something that is going to last awhile......hopefully, a long while.
Yep. Sex plays too much of a role in the beginning stages of relationships for far too many people. That stupid term "chemistry" is a misnomer. It should actually be described as physical attraction. Depth of a person doesn't come with chemistry nor having sex with them. It comes when time is spent together learning about each other. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:02:38 PM | Yep. Sex plays too much of a role in the beginning stages of relationships for far too many people. That stupid term "chemistry" is a misnomer. It should actually be described as physical attraction. Depth of a person doesn't come with chemistry nor having sex with them. It comes when time is spent together learning about each other.
Jim, I agree. However, the OP question wasn't whether sex is the only form of bonding - just whether it is bonding for a LTR. (At least that is how I read it - really the first post can be taken both ways, I suppose) No one would disagree that communication and sharing mutual interests has to be there as well. | |
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sosse
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Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 13 | |
| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:24:29 PM | Yes, but I would put it in the perspective of the whole. If one would take the perspective of time in the relationship actually having sex, you would think even "lucky-rabbit" behavior would only net you 5% of the time. It seems to me that it doesn't form the center of the relationship on that basis, even if it does help cement it.
To me, however, you can use sex as an indicator of relationship well-being, too. Sexual interaction takes as much patience and communication for it actually to fall into a "bonding" behavior as support for partner's professional undertakings, interaction with their family, entertainment, home grooming, vacation activities, etc. Dissatisfaction and lack of communication in other realms is likely to spill over into sexual interaction, also. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:16:07 PM |
Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Of course it is, or else you're doing something wrong in that relationship! Let's face it, its not always flowers and fireworks, and sometimes the sex is exactly that, just a down and dirty visceral, animal thing, all hot and sweaty and immediate. But there are other times when it transcends simple physicality, when you make love with one another and share a level of connection and intimacy that makes "just sex" seem wholly inadequate in comparison. That is why most people won't settle for just sex, as wonderful as it can be, and pursue a person they can have that bonding sort of relationship with eventually. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:17:43 PM | I thought this title said, Is Sex in a LTR boring?
Now that would have made for an interesting thread. | |
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wolftx
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:17:47 PM | I wanted one of my exes to bond with her new guy.
So I replaced the KY with superglue. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/2/2008 4:21:00 AM | Shoot, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to get away with leaving my OP as simple as it was, dang it!
I really appreciate the replies thus far, but I reckon I oughta clarify a bit more because I'm very interested in, outside the obvious sharing of pleasure, what sex is all about for men when they're in a long term relationship? And yep, you ladies are welcome to respond because I know not all women view sex in the same typical way we're known for and it's those differences I'm most interested in. I'm asking men specifically cause it's very rare that women express not feeling any bonding with their sexual partner, but I'd love to hear from you if that's your experience.
So, this thread is 2 parts...is sex in a LTR bonding, and if it ISN'T, what's it all about?
In my mind, sex might be physically bonding in that we crave that one person and no one else will do, which kind of explains all that physical pain, angst and longing we feel when they are no longer in our lives, I think.
And it might be emotionally bonding in that they provide feelings that we dig that are unique that we can't experience with anyone else. And it might be sexually bonding in that within the experiences we share, we grow more deeply into those experiences, becoming more vulnerable, trusting and open, which feeds the close feelings we experience with them...IOW, we grow closer to them and feel a bond with them that feeds all other aspects of the relationship. All the more reason we suffer so when it ends.
I think it's these bonds that help keep our relationships healthy...not that they fix any problems, only that they make reaching out to each other and actually relating in a loving way something you wanna do even moreso. They're in you, you're in them; you naturally think of them and return to them again and again. Yanno...you become of one heart, one need...one.
I can understand that some that don't feel such bonds within their relationship are in their relationship because they're committed to their partner and love them, but isn't that a bond? If so, wouldn't it feed over into the sex, too?
If you see it differently, then my question is how so?
Throughout my life, and again recently, I've been told by some members of the opposite sex that all that stuff is hooey and it's how things are with women, not men. Of course, they absolutely refused to elaborate or clarify (probably from the look in my eyes and how I had to pick my eyes up off the floor, lol) and I'm left wondering about all this. Are we really so dang different?
Thank you again...have at it! | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/2/2008 5:59:07 AM | I can understand that some that don't feel such bonds within their relationship are in their relationship because they're committed to their partner and love them, but isn't that a bond? If so, wouldn't it feed over into the sex, too?
That bond goes way beyond sex and is what people should actually be striving for. In that regard, sex is the icing on the cake as it should be. But to get to there, all the other criteria for a healthy relationship need to be met first. Bond in other ways then the sex will take you to a totally different level of closeness. It won't be just sex in other words. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:20:36 AM | I think if it isn't a bonding experience, then really how good is the relationship anyway? Certainly not THE bond...but an expression of the bond you have between you mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can only say, I'm in situation now where it was 0-60...then kaboom...for reasons that neither of us can really control. It's been a roller coaster and when we decided to see each other again - on the surface "it's all about the sex"...pretty funny. Didn't even get that far before we were pouring out our hearts to each other. Because of our circumstances - we see each other occasionally, and "it's all about the sex" we say - and then we look into each other's eyes and see how silly it is...
You can get sex anywhere...it's the bond that makes it worthwhile... | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:43:29 AM | | OP: Thanks for the clarification, but I still stand by my earlier post. Your clarifications didn't change reality. Sorry. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/2/2008 8:10:58 AM | Are we really so dang different?
We are. Why put all that pressure on sex? 'Is he bonding with me?' Sometimes, yes. We want to eat you up and get sooooo buried inside you that we never come out.
But it's a verb! Sometimes it's a chore, an obligation when we're just beat after a day of work. My advice: LET a man bond with you - don't talk about it, don't pry for an answer, don't make your love-making some sort of mission. LET it happen, relax in the moment where the bonding can take place. Don't think so much, dear heart. | |
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| Is sex in a LTR bonding?
Posted: 9/2/2008 10:34:33 AM | Some days are just different. I think it depends on our age as well. I certainly think differently about sex now then when I was 20. Much more open about it and not so serious.
Exactly!
A story. I dated a very cerebral (read brilliant) woman who in the midst of making love would have that questioning look in her eyes that was intense enough to pull me completely out of the moment. It was, for lack of a better word, creepy. 'Was I bonding?' 'Does he love me?' 'Am I pretty enough, bright enough?' God only knows what was going through her mind. It was not enjoyable. It's the wrong place and time to search for answers, girls. | |
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