Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 3:58:56 AM | No this isn't for me as I am a bone rack, but for most out there.
I recieved a message from a girl who thought I was cute, now she was a bit big. So I read the message and didn't really see anything I liked in it as all she could do was state how bored/unhappy she was and was dying for someone to like her.
So I didn't respond, as I didn't really know what to say. So she comes back with another calling me names and such and stating that I am like every other guy on the site " Only out for sex " then she went as far as saying that BBW are better in bed but I would never find out cause I am too shallow.
Now my little question is why is it that some of the bigger girls tend to freak out more at guys when they don't get a responce. Is it that they know they are bigger and know it's harder or do they get their heart broken more often.
I'm not against people of any weight, but I do tend to prefer women my own body weight as I have a messed up spine, and I hate nothing more than a message filled with self-pitty. | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 4:03:17 AM | I posted this message in another message thread. Think it fits here...........
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The thing about men is that they tend to be more visual creatures than women are. Men are turned on by sight and smell. Women are turned on by touch and sound. So part of the issue is biological.
One thing to remember is that the vast majority of men DON'T fall for the model thin type. They like a woman with curves. In a recent study I read about, women size 8-12 are the ideal size for MOST men (some like larger, some like smaller).
It isn't so much that larger women can't find nice guys. The problem is that larger women tend to have low self-esteems. Guys who are mean, abusive, and/or controlling tend to flock to women with low self-esteems, because they are easier to pick up, use, control, and abuse.
If you want to find a nice guy, the catch isn't so much to "get thin". It's to learn to love yourself, and work on building your self-esteem and confidence. Quite simply, the more confident you are (without becoming arrogant, egotistical, or developing a "diva" complex), the higher quality of men you are likely to find. With that, you'll have the power to say "NO" to the bad guys, and catch the eye of the good guys.
Remember, Sexiness isn't about how you look. It's all about your attitude. Focus on that, and watch the changes that will come in your dating life.
Sincerely, Mitch | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 4:10:38 AM | | I hear ya and a great point, see I like personailty, but with my back the doctor even said -- weight restriction, which is sorta weird as I can ski, on ride roller coasters again but when it comes to the bedroom, I guess that is the last place he wants the nerve to pinch lol | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 4:51:40 AM | I am a larger sized female although i dont look it. I am tall and can hide my weight well. I have found that men are very visual and when I wear makeup and dress with style it really makes a difference. It is the way you carry yourself. Larger women need to just love themselves and make it show in there personality.
Laurie
have a great day | |
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mysty
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 8 | |
| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 6:15:21 AM | I too am tall and hide my weight well, but I like me so I don't care whether it is hidden or not. 
I don't get asked out on dates AT ALL, EVER. I have been told by men I have met through the internet that I am very sexy and sensual. I believe that is because I feel it. I am very confident. Apparently, THAT is MY downfall. I have been told that I probably don't get asked out because a:men are intimidated by my looks, and b:I come across as very confident and THAT is apparently intimidating.
So, damned if you are, and damned if you aren't. | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 6:19:08 AM | Constructive criticism.......................
While you may not agree or think so.....................is it possible that confidence is coming across to others as conceit or arrogance?
Remember that it doesn't MEAN that you're conceited or arrogant. But it's the PERCEPTION that may be creating issues.
When people see the main photo on my Ad, I'm frequently told I'm PERCEIVED as being a hick. In actuality, I'm a beach bum surfer/white collar type. But sometimes PERCEPTION is different.
Just a thought.
Sincerely, Mitch | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 8:05:59 AM | | well she seems to be a little overbearing perhaps. When I don't get a response I don't think twice about it. But hell, if you write that same person saying or what nont, they get mad and say some pretty mean shiz. | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 3:18:50 PM | | hmmm what to say about this...speaking as a fat chick...i could care less if a guy dosent respond to my emails...if someone dosent like me b/c im fat..then he's missing out on an awesome friend :)....maybe she's insecure w/herself...trust me...worn those shoes many a times...she needs to get to the point in her life where she is happy with her...and dosent let a man control her happiness...then she won't come off as being desperate...i think not responding to someone's email is rude...i respond to everyone..even if its a no-thank you...you coulda said your just not my type...if she is confident in who she is (big or small) then she wont care...there are plenty of fish in the sea....but don't catagorize us big girls in the same boat..by what one big girl did....:) and for her sex comment...if you were just looking for sex why did she feel the need to say bigger girls are better in bed??? girl has some self esteem issues if you ask me...much better to be classy and happy w/yourself b/c then you will attract who you want to attract..then rude and pushy and desperate then you attract all the wrong guys...just my 2 cents | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 5:04:14 PM | This is what I think......I have had 4 children..weigh a 100 lbs......and have a broken heart in a LARGE way.......
I think this "overweight" crap is an excuse as to why they have a broken heart...it happens to everyone fat thin...whichever, most people have been hurt in one way or another.....if u want to use your weight as the reason why, then so be it, its human nature to find someone to blame.
I deal with being being callled "barbie" on a daily basis, men look at the outsides not the insides, not all but most....I'm much smarter than i am thin or attrictive, but they see the book cover.....on either "scale" so to speak, all it takes is the right one, to see and take the time to see a persons inner beauty.
whether the "barbie"..or the "fatty" we all need to be seen on our intellectul level, and our hearts.
Those who wish to judge on outsides are entitled "to each their own"
But don't think for one second its your weight....cause it happens regardless. | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 6:43:52 PM | Leafy
I'm not using my weight as an excuse, I'm using a pinched nerve in my S1 lol
But nah I was just wondering since the girl jumped the gun, also I read her profile afterwards and yes she was looking for a man, and in hopes of getting married soon. So also something I wasn't looking for.
Oh and Indy -- you come here and sit on my lap lol | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 7:01:22 PM | Sorry that happened to ya, Shap.
I was once rejected by a guy who only liked very large women, and I ain't no skinny minny! There are lots of men who prefer BBWs. And some don't. Some are still stuck in Gweneth Paltrow mode and since I wear sz 12 jeans (Juniors) I obviously have too much ass for them, lol! What I have found since getting back in the dating game over 4 years ago is that most men are accepting of lots of body types. My weight fluctuates and I'll always be curvy. There are boob men and butt men and men who love tummy. I don't think any woman has the right to get on her high horse and assume a guy rejects her for size. In a pic I look for "it" - that indescribable spark. I think men who are sincerely wanting to get to know someone aren't as surface as they've been accused of being. Least I hope not!
You were attacked unjustly Shappy. Sorry!
Rappy | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 7:47:47 PM | I think what might help in these type of sites, is when you make a profile, be honest if you don't want women or men that are overweight, state that. They ask about smoking and drinking so why not about weight or any other turn off they may have. Speaking for myself, an overweight person, I would like to see this on the profiles. Then you know from the start, they won't be interested. Everyone has their own idea of the perfect person. I do agree it has alot to do with learning to like yourself and I'm just learning that now. And sometimes no matter what you do there are just people that get a little buzz out of being mean to others. If you stop giving these types of people attention for for their actions, they will find other things to do to fill their sorry lives. Just my thoughts
Have a Great Day
Shy | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 9:06:05 PM | | i have to agree with heathen.........he's absolutly correct, its all an excuse...you're either broken hearted cause u were an idiot and judjed someone wrong, you cheated andnever got over it, the other did the same....or were so blind ,.that u gave that heart to the wrong person......bottom line thin people get hurt too, and yes for those same reasons. | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 10:47:15 PM | I am sorry that this happend to you hun. Obviously this girl doesn't have much going on in the self confidence department and it is her problem, NOT YOURS.
I have had skinny men, toned men, old men, young men give me crap for not responding... oh well!!!! I can't please everyone. 
It is their issue not mine so I just feel sad for them and move on.
And you want a thinner woman, for whatever reason, who cares!!!!! Its your choice and you have every right to choose who you want to or who you do not want to date. ;)
Now, I am pretty thin... *shuffle* wanna try out your back?   | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/14/2005 10:52:01 PM | I don't freak out when I don't get a response! I figure someone either is into me or they aren't.
I do get my heart broken more often, I imagine my weight does have something to do with it. I usually attract guys who are complete scum. Now many say 'Just lose weight!' Well I have been trying to all of my life. If you've noticed, women in the medical professions are almost always overweight.
I have lost some, but to many, being forty pounds overweight is just as bad as being four-hundred pounds overweight. I'm not bitter, I just know how things are. | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 23 | |
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Cin4U
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Joined: 2/26/2005
Msg: 24 | |
| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/15/2005 7:51:52 PM | Speaking for myself being 6ft3 and a woman with ghetto booty and body...I myself dont use the "fat thing" as an excuse for a broken heart..I chalk it up to my own bad judgment or my willingness to trust or what was my willingness to trust too fast..comes with being raised in a a very sheltered life...Shappy she sounded like she had some major issues. Anyone that would respond in that way skinny, medium, large and super size...doesnt matter they have issues and should be avoided until they can be properly medicated or put through lots of therapy....."No one can love me the way I love me"....LOL But they can sure try!!...
Good Luck Handsome!
Cin | |
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| Over-weight and unhappy a question for the Broken hearted
Posted: 6/15/2005 9:31:41 PM | "If you've noticed, women in the medical professions are almost always overweight."
Please tell me what you mean in a sentence as such? Yes I am a nurse and I am working on losing my extra 30 pounds, but my goodness, I do NOT see many female medical proffessionals who are overweight. I think that since we know what havoc being overweight reaks on our bodies, we make an effort to make better food and exercise choices...
In this Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada hospital, I am the minority, the majority of all of the female proffessionals in the hosp I work at are in AWESOME shape!
Sorry for going off topic, just couldn't not address that statement  | |
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well said mitch! 
kidding !
