| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:48:45 AM | I will be interested in your persepctives on this one...
I have noticed that when people ask for advices there indeed a bunch of situations when the second party is presented as a complete jerk, red flags all over the place, and clearly tonns of crap going on. Yes, in this cases many individuals will advice to leave, run and etc. I can figure this part out.
But what surprises me is when individual has some sort of problem that is to a much more minor extend the advice turning being absolutely the same.
It is always on the same page that he/she is not good for you, you have to move on, he/she is playing you and etc. I am sure there may be some problems and looks like everyone just jumps on this negativity section and builds their answers based on that.
We all know that it can take long time and a lot of effort to meet someone with whom you connect. Of course it is not always a smooth journey and people ask for advices. But it is almost like you have to move on right away. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:03:35 AM | What I am saying is when there is some problem in relationship and a person indicates it in his/her post the advice is almost always "to move on".
Even if the issue doesn't look that major at all.
It is almost always negative representation "of being being played, used, a person is a jerk" and move on. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:11:50 AM | well, in general people are asking what to do when the SO cheats, beats them, etc, and when someone asks for advice, people usually tell them what they would do...Advice is just that.
The OP is the one who utimatly decides what to do. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:18:40 AM | i think that the op is trying to make a point about the frequency of responses that are seemingly harsh and encourage suspiscion of what may be a hiccup in a relationship..
to clarify ,the tendency to point out "red flags" which seems to be frequently used term in these forums...
could this be what you are trying to say op? | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:19:00 AM | oh yeah.
i agree. dont make sense to make sense
but they mean that you should move on because too many people get hurt. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:20:28 AM | WHEW!!!
You need to reword this post, sweetie.
i understand what you mean, but you need to try to clarify and simplify it.
life is not easy, but there is so much violence in this ole world and life is so SHORT!!!
So in general, people think you should choose not to make your life miserable and move on for happier grounds!
I stayed in a very abusive relationship for 12 years. Then i was with an Englishman for 3 lovely beautiful years, I SHOULD have stayed!!! Because after that i ended up for 7 years to another abuser.
i think people are saying just this. IT isnt worth throwin your whole life away. MOVE ON! | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:25:37 AM | Wrongo Steveo
people usually tell them what they would do...
All the computer chair romance experts advise what they wish they would have done in their situation but they didn't have the cohonies, balls, nuts, bravery, courage, strength Ect.... In real life people tend to stay in crap relationships longer than is healthy. Especially women.
People come here to vent......... to get that almighty validation. Your right honey!!!!!! Kick him to the curb!!!!! When they knew the answer long before they ever humiliated themselves by posting. Happy morning everyone!!!! | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:28:58 AM | I think many times people end a relationship too easily. No one said working on a relationship was going to be easy. There are always issues that can be worked out but instead of posting in the forums, you should be talking to your SO. Communication seems to be difficult for a lot of people when it comes to relationships. I wonder if that's because they really don't want to hear the answer?
Answers can be so obvious when you're on the outside looking in but not so much so when you're in the situation yourself. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship but that being said, isn't it worth it to work harder on something good too? | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:33:03 AM | Not all situations are clearly cut and dried. But, if someone isn't sure about what to do, they can gain some advice and knowledge from those who have been in similar situations. It's up to the OP to take it all in and do what is best for him/her.
I think sometimes people do end relationships too soon over minor issues. But if people cannot deal with minor issues together, then they will never make it through life's biggies, either. So what's the point in that? It's never too soon to end one over the "red flags" like abuse, disrespect, lack of courtesy, dishonesty, etc.... No sense at all in wasting time on those.
Krys | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:00:14 AM | Many people just want to have their head patted and told they are right. Anyone who disagrees is a cold , shallow, btch.
At least this is what I think the op is asking about. I am not sure though. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:04:21 AM | OP, my advise to you is to move on. obviously, my keen knowledge of the situation, based on one person's ALWAYS biased post, makes me an expert in pretty much all things PoF. I know that you know the answer before you post, but that's okay, b/c I can tell you exactly what you want to hear to make it all better, or make you feel like a complete idiot, depending on a number of sub-factors (in this case, it would probably be to critique your spelling, but it's completely dependent on whether I've had coffee before I post).
in a nutshell, never ask a question that you don't want an answer for...and always move on
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:17:37 AM |
It is always on the same page that he/she is not good for you, you have to move on, he/she is playing you and etc. .....People who respond with  type answers cannot face the technical difficulties that come with most relationships. They would much rather do a runner than deal with the slightest bit of drama.
They are ignorant towards the OP and cannot put themselves in the OP's position for that few minutes it takes to respond to a thread.
It makes me wonder why some people even bother to answer some threads. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:41:41 AM |
We all know that it can take long time and a lot of effort to meet someone with whom you connect. Of course it is not always a smooth journey and people ask for advices. But it is almost like you have to move on right away.
Oh, you've noticed the toxicity, too?
Many in this pond believe in cutting and running fairly quickly. I guess lots of people are still holding out for perfection, believing that at the first sign of "Uh, oh!", it's time to move on. There shouldn't be any fighting, any misunderstandings, and any thing that happens that leaves you feeling "wronged" or causes you to question what's going on means they're just not that into you, so of course, you should find someone that is. It's expected that everything flows perfectly, that they magically meet your every need and that they will just fit right into your life without you having to scoot over and make any room for them. The entire weight of the relationship falls on the other person, as they must prove everything to you. They gotta earn ya! And they better be purty and have early sex, too! :)
The "self absorbed, entitled, cut and run, you better be perfect, the world owes me, battle of the sexes, double standard, the angry 'equality' nightmare; the bitter, jaded, superficial" crap makes me so, so glad I'm no longer here for dating. I'd switch teams in a heartbeat, or just play with my very talented gator forevermore.
Live your life authentically, exactly the way you wanna, no matter what the rest of the world does or says. If it feels good and right, do it. If it doesn't, don't. If you wanna give something more time, do it. If you know there's just no point, back off. Trust yourself and be accountable to yourself and others, and you just might survive this ride. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:55:29 AM |
Live your life authentically, exactly the way you wanna, no matter what the rest of the world does or says. If it feels good and right, do it. If it doesn't, don't. If you wanna give something more time, do it. If you know there's just no point, back off. Trust yourself and be accountable to yourself and others, and you just might survive this ride.
my gawd you are the queen and I am going to steal this!  | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:03:05 AM | Sadly, Funny Girl, there are people outside of online dating communities who also expect perfection and 100% of the effort from the other person in a budding relationship. Throw in the added level of anonymity and the ease of misdirection from an online site, and that kind of person comes out in spades.
Clearly the answer, to tie it all back in to the OP, is to KICK 'EM TO THE CURB! CUT AND RUN! GET OUT NOW!
Ahem.
When they knew the answer long before they ever humiliated themselves by posting.
QFT. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:17:05 AM | I have noticed that posters generally know how to deal with a given situation, and post hoping to have it acknowledged and validated as the correct course of action. Where the forum community inexorably fails, and this is by no means saying that some advice isn't spot-on, is in being able to know the posters exact situation... only what they choose to present to us, which may or may not be a complete accounting of that situation. Posters tend to gloss over their actions while vilifying their antagonists.
In the end, I believe the forums are simply a way to interact with other users of POF. Have some situations posed in the forums been complete fiction? Sure. Have many situations been presented only to be met with "why would you bring this up in public?", yes. Have quite a few situations actually been "no brainers" where the poster simply posted something, anything... just to become a part of the community? I think overwhelmingly yes.
On the other hand, I sincerely believe that the forums may have saved lives, and certainly the well beings of some posters, because of the advice that was given. Where a poster probably knew what they should do, but it took the support of other users to make them feel strong enough to actually act. They no longer felt alone, and the sharing was all they needed to do.
Bluezzz | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 10:25:39 AM | Here's the deal,
Posters present us with problems usually about people they've met.
If we see red flags we point it all out and sometimes suggest you move on, but only YOU of course decide when to throw in the towel on a relationship.
I get the feeling often people who post already know the answers and just need confirmation from the rest of us. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:24:16 AM | I don't know about many others, but I normally tell people to cut and run when the situation is SO messed up.
Minor hiccup can be worked out. just basic communication.
Forgot to leave the toliet seat up. no problem. Didn't remember to bring the milk home, forgiveable
I get worked up on abusive ***holes and plain out and out selfishness.
People who think they are the center of the universe, IE getting pissed because their partner spend time with people other than themselves.
I hate hearing about people who expect their gf/bf to financially bail them out of trouble. Your finances are your problems, not some bf/gf you've been dating for a couple of months.
People that decide to name call, beat or purposely hurt their bf/gf shouldn't be together.
People that sleep with their gf/bf's relatives/best friends don't belong together.
People in a DATING relationship with drug users, alcoholics, thieves, or child molesters need to cut and run.
That's just this one old goat's opinion. | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:11:29 PM | FROM OP.....
I agree with Funnygirl on this one. Again, I mean if the mess is big, it is time to take off . But in many posts it is not that obvious and still standard advice "to run". | |
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| POF advices starnge part...
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:30:31 PM | Hey bama, think this way, first as others have said the advice is free. But more importantly look at the posts of people over time. Many are hurt or were, they speak from experiences or years of pain. A man or woman who was in an abusive or bad relationship offers up their experience. Maybe similar events or minor incidents was the start of long term hurt.
Others represent the many varieties of people on POF. Some may not be as feeling as others,some may still be exorcizing pain. Though after 20 responses, you generally get all your bases covred with the advice falling in the middle. Remember there are people who WILL allow themselves to be used or walked on. It is those that need help to see it, Bob | |
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