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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:10:53 PM | As we age, I think many people as myself realize that if we want to retain a good quality of life, we need to change things about our lifestyles .
For myself, I have really changed my diet, eating up to over 50% raw, no gluten, processed sugar, additives-- basically do all my shopping at the farmer`s market. No rich sauces etc.
I try to get my rest as well as my exercise and take no drugs or medications. I think it is really essential to live a healthy lifestyle in order to maintain health as you age.
But not everyone has this attitude. My question is, could you get in a realtionship with a person that was basically a junk food junkie, couch potato, drinking alot, smoking,
not in good shape, who is already taking a ton of lifestyle related meds? I mean healthy lifestyles and the ability to have a good heart and be a good partner, don`t have a lot to do with one another. But it does seem like it gets a bit important when you have two people that are so different in their thinking about aging.
So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother? | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:23:22 AM | Well, I wouldn't consider myself a pill popping lounge lizard, by any means, but I do have health problems that have come on this past year that have caused a huge change in my lifestyle. I am much more physically limited right now, although hopefully it will improve, and I do have to take cardiac/blood pressure related medications that are due to an autoimmune illness that has nothing to do with living a poor lifestyle. You can't automatically say that if someone has health issues, it's due to not taking good care of themselves. You can be in great health and suddenly be struck with an illness out of the blue, as I was.
I do think that people who are more compatible in their diets and physical activities would probably have a better chance of having a successful relationship than one who is a health nut and one who is a junk food couch potato. Compromise is the answer, as far as I'm concerned. If you are both willing to give a little and try and meet the other somewhere in the middle, then you can work things out. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 3:47:02 AM | over the past 15 years I have moved towards a heathier lifestyle. I always had an active interest in fitness, and as I got older I started to modify my eating habits.. I eat little red meat, more fish, pork, fruits and veggies.
I was living with someone at the time who did not share or support my interest in living a heathier life and this did cause problems
When I had a write up on my profile it was clearly stated that I am seeking someone who is already living an active healthy lifestyle. I consider it to be an important lifestyle compatibility consideration. and it can be a deal breaker. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 5:08:06 AM | | While I live a pretty healthy life style, I exercise at least five times a week, eat a healthy diet at least five days a week, don't smoke, no drugs (wait does PM asprin count?) Rest assured that one or two days a week there is a glass of wine in my hand and me and the boys (Ben & Jerry) are having a meeting. While no, I could not be with a lounge lizard, I also could not be with a health fanatic. I think for me, I would do best with someone who believes in moderation and for the most part cares about his health and his body. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 5:26:58 AM | I do not think healthy people and sickly people should be together. as it just does not work and I hate soy meat in fact I love""" soul foods and fryed foods and I am healthy and look better than any one my age so go figure,,,?????
I think a postive attitude is the best health factor and tool one can have as what a man or woman think about is what they are . | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 5:37:07 AM | | Hmmm...I smoke, a pack a day. Yesterday for lunch I had chocolate cake. If I want a steak tonight - by God I'm going to have it. ANY of us could drop dead tomorrow. I've got a couple of minor but pesky health issues, and when I feel myself getting "off balance" - I am more careful about what I do, to try and feel better. The doctors are constantly amazed by my "perfect" test results, cholesterol, lung capacity, etc. I walk to work every day, and to the store, etc. I do it because it helps me feel good, not to ward off illness - if you are going to get sick, you are. Personally, I think this "health craze" stuff is crap...I think it points to a fear of death that somehow, as we've gotten more "civilized" and the actuality of death is more a vague concept, has gotten completely out of control. We are all going to die. I choose to live and enjoy the things I want to while I'm alive. I have no interest in someone who is going to look at my chocolate cake lunch and start in...went down the road a while with a non-smoker who was on my case constantly...no thanks!!! | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 5:46:43 AM |
So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother?
Huh? I'm sorry, but once again DWF, this thread seems ridiculous to me.
Everyone has their levels of acceptance so, the short answer is... YES, why not??
Does it happen often? Probably not, but it's certainly within the realm of possibility.
Lemme guess, you finally bailed on the nice guy that you developed feelings for (even though the 2 of you agreed to just have sex without feelings) and now have your eye on a "pill popping loung lizard" (you forgot the E)?
Nice upgrade, Hon... | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:26:34 AM |
So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother?
I love a few cold beers on a hot afternoon, a couple of glasses of wine on a cold winter night ( or summer night for that matter), dark chocolate, pizza, chili or anything hot and spicy, a slab of red meat, all kinds of seafood and fish, home-grown veggies followed by a ciggie! About every other week, I have a junk food partee! Then all hell breaks loose.....
Nope, cholesterol and blood pressure are fine. No pills, no diseases even though I "lounge" around, once in awhile. I'm the same weight now as when I was 18.
Since, I'm an old-fashioned cook and usually cook enough to feed an army, a sprout eating tree hugger wouldn't work for me. Picky eaters bother me.
I'm looking for a guy who isn't afraid to live a little!!!.... rather than focusing on going into "THE BOX" healthy!!! | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:34:10 AM |
I have a junk food partee
Pick me, pick me next time you do one a those Miss Phoebes! lmao
I am on meds for high blood pressure. It runs in the family. However, I think that there is an activity that could help me to control it. Cept it is an activity that needs two people to do!   | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:50:33 AM | I quit drinking five years ago, quit smoking in January, so I am looking for a non drinker non smoker. I have always struggled with my weight so my ideal match would be able to empathize or at least have compassion for that struggle. I know I don't need someone watching what I eat unless we were in the battle together.
Other than that, I am fairly healthy, though I realize we never know what is lurking.
Still I ask someone I begin to develop an interest in, what kind of health problems they have,what kind of medications they are on, etc. I want to know if he is looking to lead an active life for the foreseeable future or what his limitations might be. I have never eliminated someone because of the answers to these questions but then I am not done dating; yet. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:53:50 AM | However, I think that there is an activity that could help me to control it.
Drats! I forgot about exercising and boosting heart rates!..........and the "horizontal mambo" is certainly one activity that's great for the body, mind and soul.
In addition to my decadent lifestyle, I've been celibate soooo long, it's a wonder I'm still living. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:10:25 AM | I think healthy vs. non-healthy living issues could be a deal breaker. It depends on the couple’s ability to comprise and how strong other areas of the relationship are. Personally I wouldn't have any problems with a vegan as long as she didn't try to make me subsist on tofu and bean sprouts and didn't get mad at me sitting across from her eating my medium rare fillet or rib eye. I'd even be more then happy to whip up some soy burgers to throw on the grill right next to my normal ones. 
By the same token if she REALLY was a junk/food junky couch potato who wanted to do nothing but sit in front of the TV with the remote downing chips and Pepsi instead of getting off her butt and doing something it probably wouldn't work out. Hey...Isn't what I just wrote the way ladies describe most men?  | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:28:51 AM | Nav,
As before, you are personalizing a general question that may or may not have anything
to do with any present or previous situation. I nicely asked you before to please not do this, and here you are again being a condescending, insulting ***. What is your general problem? I would have messaged this to you privately to avoid this embarrassment but your filters are up. But I really don`t understand why such incredible rudeness is
directed toward me personally. I mean really, if a person is looking to meet someone ,
and reads forum responses, I doubt if many ladies are looking for a guy that is constantly responding in a way that would easily be construed as rude and arrogant.
How in the world would such a person suffer through a date with someone like this much less meet them in the first place? It is especially annoying when these personal attacks are unsolicited. And I am not the only female poster where you display this behavior. Very crude.
Whatever your issues are with women in general, it is good to see that they are exibited
here in the forums for all to see and forewarn. Is being a descent human being really all that difficult for you? | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:34:52 AM |
So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother? It depends on how much of a control freak the sprout eating tree hugger is. The lounge lizard got there by being laid back.
If anyone tried to take a prime rib from me, they would draw back a stump.
I do not think healthy people and sickly people should be together. as it just does not work In some relationships that develops, cannot be helped. If people are kind, loving and accepting, they can get through anything. If they are impatient, self righteous and controlling it does not matter who they are with, something will be wrong all the damn time. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:29:17 AM | some people go for similar people, and habits. Some go for opposites.
hobbies might be a good opposite to go for because it introduces you to new things, but having someone special that is into antiquing as you might be is pretty special.
food habits....... my ex went on a rampage when we were married...., from dead animals on my plate to some kind of bean sprout thing..... I tried it...., got up from my chair, and got the steak sauce, and poured it on it...... and chewed vigorously...., and pronounced... UUUHHHHMMMMMM good. kids laughed like hell... ex got pissed.
small changes might have gone over better. I make my own diet changes over time , you have to. due to health reasons, or just pure taste reasons. I exercise regularly. Diet has always been my sore spot. but I have learned little changes make a big difference.
so compromise would work for me... as long as there isnt any drastic changes.
MG | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:30:58 AM |
Whatever your issues are with women in general, it is good to see that they are exibited here in the forums for all to see and forewarn. Is being a descent human being really all that difficult for you?
Well, I certainly appreciate your attempt to "save me the embarrassment" by private messaging me - that was very considerate. However, as I recall, it was YOU who initially started this little lover's spat we're going through at the moment, was it not?
Further, I was quiet about your threads/posts until you dredged up one of mine yesterday that was waay down on the list and a MONTH OLD. Then proceeded to voice your non-constructive & sarcastic comment/review - which you KNEW I wasn't interested in hearing (as you clearly stated in said post).
As far as how I'm perceived by perspective suitors on the forums, I am who I am. I don't have a problem with women, men, children, or even those weird hairless cats that some people own. Just because you don't agree with my point of view or my sometimes very blunt method of delivering it, doesn't mean that it's wrong, does it?
I apologize if my tone with you has been sarcastic and/or insulting - IMO, I was merely returning the volley, which in retrospect, was probably the wrong thing to do with you. I think the best thing here would be to call a truce, don't you?
Don't worry, I still love ya'!  | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:31:09 AM | The thing that I found when I ran into this situation – a number of years ago, now – was that the romantic restaurant dinners never materialized as we anticipated. It was tuff finding restaurants that served her goat cheese and my burgers. Our intimate walks or bicycle rides around town wouldn’t quite be what we wanted – I’d want to stop and ‘take in’ something in more detail (pant, pant) and she’d want to ‘go, go, go’. She was very much a non-smoker and I was very much a smoker. She wasn’t really able to spend time in my place, because even with my cleaning attempts, the lingering odour bothered her. My trips to her place in a Canadian February were equally as unpleasant for me – cold, too. I tried to quit smoking – I’d heard that munching on black licorice helped kill the cravings – but I just ended up getting hooked on black licorice. I could never be comfortable in her world, nor she in mine. I’d shop at the generic grocery stores, Dominion, IGA, things like that and would always do it alone. The contents of her fridge looked like something I’d cut down with the lawn mower and came from ‘I have no idea’. There was no shortage of developing ‘feelings’ between us, but we were aliens in each other’s world. And the things that we did to enjoy and develop those feelings, try as we might, would always have a problem somewhere. And it would always be a problem that would have everything to do with our very different approaches to living.
I’m not one to say that anything, other than highly illegal things, are a deal-breaker in a relationship. I’ve always thought that human beings can overcome just about every obstacle that is put before them if they want to bad enough and, better yet, work together on it. But I tried this scenario once – the very health conscious person and the not so health conscious person – and to this day, I can’t think of anything that would make that relationship actually work. She and I approached this thing very sensibly and calmly, trying to understand where the other was coming from, allowing the other person space to be themselves, but after 5 or 6 months of constantly-irritating disappointments, we sat down, talked, and agreed to stop trying and just be good friends – which we are to this day.
As I said, I’m not one for absolutes when it comes to people, but I can’t see any way that I could ever get a relationship to work when the differences between the two people are as large as what was described in the opening post. I’m sure that others might feel different, but honestly, it wouldn’t be something that I’d ever look at again.
cdn guy | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:50:09 AM | Moderation in all things is my ideal lifestyle. Eat well most of the time, exercise regularly but live a little. If you can never have butter sauce or chocolate cake and spend six figures on supplements, powders and potions? No thanks. If eating out is an exercise in patience while the waiter listens to you rattle off exactly what can't touch your plate? No thanks. If we can't have dinner with my family because my sister cooks to please my 88 year old dad who loves his gravy? No thanks.
If we can meet somewhere in the middle, remember to be flexible and encourage each other to make healthy choices 90% of the time? Yes please. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:57:13 AM | It would only be a "deal breaker" if it became one during the get-to-know-you stage.
I have no idea at this point, because I am not in that situation!
It's not on my list of deal breakers from the get-go, that I can say.
Not much is on that list. Aside from really nasty people.
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:05:02 AM | Showskidiva, I agree!
I have friends who are vegetarians, drink copious amounts of water, and literally spend hundreds of dollars in supplements every month, and are ALWAYS sick..........I eat healthy, but don't deny myself the occasional "treat", take vitamins in moderation, and am trying DESPERATELY to quit smoking at ALL, and am much healthier and happier. I wouldn't be happy with someone who was always criticizing everything I put in my mouth as being "poison", but I wouldn't be happy with someone who didn't care "at all" about what he was eating and drinking.
Trouble is, we are such extremists in the United States....it's anorexia or obesity......teetotaling or alcoholism.....whatever happened to that good Biblical wisdom, "moderation in all things.....?" | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:16:35 AM | Compatibility is KEY. As some have mentioned, they can live with a smoking, boozing, carnivorous mate, and some wouldn't be able to. It boils down to whether or not YOU can live with it.
I don't drink. I don't care if my guy does.
I don't smoke. I won't put up with that stink.
Eat whatever you want. I'll put my tofu up against your steak any ole day. lol
But if our lifestyles clash, then why bother? I would hope to share my life and time with someone that compliments me, and vice versa....
Work with what you can... but don't "accept" things that will only bring resentments down the road.... | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:30:43 AM | It would depend on how the other person handled my personal preferences as to food and exercise, etc.
If that person treated my personal preferences critically, that is, they criticized my decisions with comments like "You really shouldn't eat meat, it's unethical how they treat animals." Or "white flour will kill you." That would send me running for the hills, because it's no longer your lifestyle choice; it's now an issue of control, or ethical failure or moral lapse. The person with the healthy lifestyle now has the moral high ground. "You got sick because you eat so unhealthy." Hey, maybe I got sick for some other reason, like genetics, environmental toxins, random chance?
Generally, the more you have in common in terms of lifestyle choices, the fewer areas for friction in the everyday banalities of life. In the scenario you described, the ultra-restrictive diet (raw, gluten-free, no sugars), versus the 'couch potato' would probably not last. Every meal would have to be a careful negotiation of what can and can not be enjoyed. That's too much work.
It's different if someone has a medical condition which necessitates the food restriction (like gluten allergies [celiac disease] or diabetes), or restrictions for religious issues, but a lifestyle choice is tricky thing. People are much more emotionally invested in them.
As for me, smoking is a definite no-no, not only because of the smell, and because I am allergic to cigarette smoke but because it has no health benefits whatsoever, none, nada, zip. Now, compare that to the dubious nutritional benefit from a bag of nacho cheese Doritos and you have no contest. I have vegitarian friends, and when they come to dinner I accommodate them as best I can. But that doesn't mean I can't have my steak and eat it too.... | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:28:03 PM | I think it depends on the two people involved and how rigid they are in their habits and how much they are willing to compromise. I run 3-5 miles nearly everyday, no chemical products in my house, no medications, rarely even Tylenol and eat a very healthy diet, steamed veggies, fresh whole foods, etc.. That didn't stop me from having Burger King last night (boy do I love french fries) or occassionally indulging my love for ice cream, cheesecake, chocolate, wings or ribs and I'll skip my run if I just don't feel like it. If another person was rigid in either direction or trying to force their lifestyle on me, that might cause a problem. The hardest for me would probably be a vegetarian if they didn't accept the fact that I am not. Some of my friends tend to be a bit preachy about it. I would also have difficulty with someone who was at the extreme, as OP describes, in not taking care of themselves. That just comes down to a lack of self respect, not something I would find attractive anyway.
It would also depend on if you were living together or not. When you live apart, the majority of your lifestyle choices are still your own. When you live together so much of what each of you does affects the other. It's certainly easier when both of you are supporting each other in your choices instead of always butting heads about what's for dinner, smoking in the house, products used and activities in general. | |
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| Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:40:50 PM | As with any other "criteria" you want to come up with...
For some it will be a deal breaker... for others it won't.
Some women will say: He eats liver... can't date him.
Some women will say: He won't eat liver... can't date him.
Some women will say: I don't care if you eat liver or not.
Replace liver with any food of your choice...
Replace "eats liver" with ANY criteria you want...
And all 3 will still be true.
Then swap genders... and it will still work.
Such is reality.
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