| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:00:13 AM | Please explain this to me. I recently met someone and we had a pleasant night. Since then the texting and phone calls have been incessant
1) Don't people know about smothering others when one is over 30 years of age? Especially after just one encounter! The individual is attractive, intelligent, and independent. Is it possible that they haven't developed the proper relation skills in this area?
2) How do you handle these individuals? | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:31:23 AM | Immediate dismissal. One date? Even twenty dates. Neediness.
It isn't very becoming and will pave to road to hell if it is already occuring.
Men and women have different perspectives on incessant.
More than once a day for either is excessive after one date~ IMO. If there is no response there is no interest.
To continually text or call someone is obsessive behavior, no matter what the date/encounter entailed. A little play on words for you. :)
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 4:01:58 AM | Wow....... you really must have turned her on or something :-)) ..winks
That is being very obsessive and "NOT normal behavior" in my book and is very needy, clingy, something is just not right there..
Daily contact.....ok, but dang, depending on the situation and why a person contacts comon now.. lol Just from what you say...........that would scare me LOL
There is a difference to contact a person more than once to let them know the situation of when you are going to be somewhere, like asking for directions, letting someone know your late..........reasoning texting or calling, but from what she is doing.........omg....where is Mr. Valium
I would be telling that individual to stop texting and that you would contact her, tell her if she doesn't stop its called blocked and deleted... | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:16:50 AM | In response:
1. What area? In the heat of the "pleasant night" - did you say anything you perhaps should not of? Did she know it was just a "pleasant night"?
2. Did you tell her to stop? Perhaps a simple "sorry, really not interested" might suffice? Just a thought.
My two bits worth.
jtf | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:53:41 AM | This is scary. Had a guy like this after one date. He took it further to confess his love to me and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It was constant texting and calling. Creeped me out.
I told him to stop it, I didn't appreciate it. He backed off a bit but was still a bit obsessive. Just as I was ready to tell him to take a hike he was suddenly in love with someone else.
I think the others are right, if you haven't told her to stop or back off, do so. If she continues, tell her you're not interested and are tired of the messages so her number is now blocked. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:32:09 AM | Can i have your no?
I need to tell you something...................LOL
Op,while i totally concur with what other posters have said,i will say that if you were smitten with her,you wouldn't think this was a problem.....................
Obviously she's more into you than you are her......
Hopefully,she'll back off...............
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:17:39 AM | Insecurities occur in any age zone. You happened to reel in one of those "leeches" on your fishin' line | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:11:57 AM | | I would just ask her to cool it, tell her u are being charged for all those texts she is sending you and to please stop, lol. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:36:05 AM | Well you have to define "incessant." I know some people who consider anybody who is remotely into somebody after a first date to be "needy."
Secondly, did you even tell this lady that you are concerned there is a little *too* much contact going on here? Sometimes people get a little self-conscious if you're not communicating back. It's a common mistake to make when we are into somebody we have just met.
Thirdly, yes, there ARE crazy people out there. I would hope by this time in your life you have your *crazy filter* on when out on a date... but every once in a while the wrong one gets through. The best thing you can do is communicate where you stand.
Well, that's not the best thing you can do. If this continues or gets to the point of stalking, I would always suggest a "cease harassment" form and then a restraining order. I've had to file two of these in the past against crazy people in my early 20s. Luckily, I became a LOT better at handling those situations since becoming a bit older.
Your friendly neighborhood K,
--G | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:14:57 PM | | Run, do not walk, run... If you are being bombarded by texts and call after the first date, imagine what will happen after a second date. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:45:55 PM | | LOL.....Oh how I wish I had those sort ot problems!!!!...but I guess you'd need to have actually gone on a first date first, before you need to start worrying about the aftermath!!..and as thats about as likely as the World "ending" next Wednesday, then I won't lose too much sleep over it!! :) | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:57:53 PM | I can see her point of view very clearly (and I am not saying it is the right one). She indeed may be independant but she wants relationship or a male figure in her life. She is looking for validation. She wants to know and hopes that it is going to progress and after intimacy things will move forward.
Sounds to me, you are not giving her enought info and actions that it is going to turn into good dating. It makes her nervous and she intiates a lot of contacts because she hopes to hear something positive. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/5/2008 10:14:48 PM | I hear ya, OP. Happened to me too.
In the space of half a day, I got these messages:
Hello! how are you..... (more text here)
Hi! What's up!
HI!
Hey!
:)
?
What's wrong?
These are the messages I saw when I finally picked up my phone. I had to answer nothing's wrong. I just didn't have my cell phone with me at all times.
Like some of you, I use my cell phone for mostly utility purposes. Sometimes, it isn't even by my side.
I guess in this connected world, everyone expects and maybe even craves instant replies or results. The bad part of this is that when there's this expectation of the other person replying at once, not replying makes some people ASSUME the worst (he/she doesn't like me). Which tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy because they become a nuisance to you. 
It's unfortunate, but some people just assume things all the time. Well, on to the next!
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/6/2008 1:32:17 AM | Met a guy on here a few days ago, chatted back and forth a bit. He sends me his number and asked me to text him all day the next day. I responded saying I likely wouldn't, as that's just not something I do. His response? He blocked me. I consider it a blessing!
Some people crave constant communication. They need to be reminded that they are special, liked, loved, etc..... Why? I think they need external validation because they don't have a great sense of self. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:04:25 PM | Sounds like she's trying to turn that one date into an instant relationship.
Some people are just over the top with excitement when they meet someone they think is great.
At least you know what you're in for if you do decide to get serious with her. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:53:17 PM | ~OP~ I agree with ^^^^. Insta-relationship person. Not for everyone. If you were "feeling" the same it would be different. Obviously you are not. How would I handle it? I'd call and tell her exactly what the issue is. It's too much, waaaaaaay too soon. Sometimes a date turns into many dates or even a relationship, I think those situations are rare, but usually mutual. Until that happens, dating is just that: social time with a member or members of the opposite sex. No exclusivity. But some people just have no clue we all don't view it the same. I do hope you aren't speaking of a POFer who is infamous for these behaviors ~ if it is the person I know of, you're in for a long bumpy road with that needy gal. She's actually quite scary! Ewww, I'd feel bad for you or anyone else who crosses her path. It's just creepy weird with some people. JMO  | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/7/2008 3:19:01 PM | Honestly I feel your pain...I once had a situation where I was dating someone, after our second date and they droped me of at home, I believe that is when the texting started and did not end til 5:30am.....to tired to answer the texts through the night....and not yet knowing how to completly silence my new cell phone....i groaned and suffered through the agonisiI had facts for the next day when I planned on calling him).....Although my situation isnt usually THAT bad (my life runs on the "when things are bad they are BAD rule) I would just tell her straight forward that you had a great time and you think she is a great person however, your not a "text all the time" type person and that it isnt really "your thing". I she dosnt catch a hint and keeps doing it....I would start questioning her security issues......
good luck | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/7/2008 5:32:06 PM | Of course it is possible that they haven't developed those "skills". Having been in a relationship for the last 15 years, I'm not sure I know what the proper skills are. It seems they have evolved into unfamiliar territory for me anyway.
But, that said, I would be curious to know more. Like, what is "incessant"? Is that once a day, twice a day, twenty a day, what? And also, "how" pleasant was the date? Was she left with more promise than has been delivered? I.E. A commitment to see each other again soon?
Sorry but too many variables, not the least of which could be skills.
Hawk | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:29:06 PM | Give her the "I need space, I need time speech" which means you are not on the same level of need or commitment and never will be. She will eventually leave you alone and you can go on to find someone who grows with you at the same pace.
After one date? Sounds to me like OCD. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:41:51 PM | | oh wow! that just spells Neediness, clinginess and run run forrest as fast as you can!! | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:51:49 AM | | After 1 date that seems to be a sign of immaturity but if you wish to possibly continue a relationship/friendship with this person you should be straight with them and tell them how you feel about it. If they don't get it cut them off. Because it sounds a little obsessive. | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:03:48 PM | got my mobile and work mobile, have to know someone really well to give out the work number :)
had someone send loads of texts, asked why they could not use emails.... | |
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| Nonstop calling and texting
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:38:29 AM | Well, what in your book is "incessant?" This is the age of unlimited texting, and if you are excited about somebody, you want to communicate as much as possible. Some people get a smile on their face, each time they get a text :)
However, if you think of her texting as overkill, just tell her. Maybe you are too busy to read all those texts and respond. After all, communication is the key to a good (future) relationship. She might see your point.
The passive way is not to respond to any communication, and eventually she will get the hint. But I'm all for telling her [hint hint] | |
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