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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 1
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I met my boyfriend on POF back in April...we were really JUST friends, but things developed and we became BF and GF on Aug 8, he just decided to lable me his GF and one day introduced me to his friend as his GF. I was very happy, and we have seriously awesome sex and are very compatible,very, I say. He is 40, I am 38 and we have a great time together all the time. I asked him why he still has his POF profile still up and he says for networking, etc and changed it to "friends" although the body of the profile still reads as though he avail to go on dates.... it really bothers me. He says I have to trust him and that he is not talking to anyone....but what girl would put up with that? He has told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known" that I was also the most intelligent open minded girl he knows... so What gives, I dont know what to do... some one please tell me how to handle this... he always has 6-7 people that he is on "their" fav list???????????
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 2
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:30:15 PM
Well I certainly can't tell you want to do but if it were me in your shoes, I would not put up with that. I have a boyfriend and I am still here for the forums but I have put up on my profile that I have a boyfriend. He should put up on his profile that he has a girlfriend. Networking in his case means he is still casting his net. Don't listen to his flattery. It's bullcrap. Bomp him on the head!
 as always
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 3
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:38:03 PM
Well your profile still says you're looking for long term. How does he feel about that?
 cubanguy
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 4
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History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:40:24 PM
And so have you... What does he do?
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 5
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:41:17 PM
Thanks, I believe you are right, but he flat out told me that he does not want to take it off......he does treat me well and he spend good time together, but I can check and see when he goes online in, and sometimes it is minutes before I arrive or leave his house.. he is a very calm person and we have not ever yelled at each other at all, and we can talk openly, BUT I still cant understand....and he is unable too make me understand and I dont know how to handle this gingerly...thanks for your advice ALOT!
 pinciperro
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 6
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:44:47 PM
He says you are one of the most open minded women he knows? Hmmm, but not on this issue evidently.
Personally, I would not worry about it. Some people are just on to flirt and engage in interesting dialogs with others.
Darlin', he is with you for a reason, now trust him and have some faith in yourself.
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 7
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:45:44 PM
Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.
 Nordic33708
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 8
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:48:18 PM

he says for networking


He says I have to trust him and that he is not talking to anyone
How do you network unless you talk to people?

What kind of networking can be done here?

He cannot govern who puts him on their list so don't worry about that. However, does he have people on his list?

I would not trust a guy who said to trust him about having a profile on here.
 RustySurfer10
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 9
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:48:34 PM

Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.



You have serious issues.
 MidnightStorms
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 10
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:50:57 PM
There's a reason he doesn't put not single on his profile. I would make it simple up date it or stop seeing me.
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 11
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:51:16 PM
Oh my gosh, you make a very good point! thanks! I should have faith...but one would expect that once you find someone that you think is irresistible in mind and body, that you wouldnt need POF anymore....he could HIDE his profile for the time being and see how we go... but he is not willing to do that either.. I have to say he is by far the nicest most sweetest, gentle man I have ever met, super intelligent. I told him the other night that I loved him and he seemed happy and took it well, he did not say it back I did not expect him too
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 12
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:57:21 PM
Forgive me, how have you come to that decision that "I have serious issues" I have a guy that told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known or been in bed with" he also told me "You are the most intelligent open minded girl I know" I also treat him very well, I respect him and I adore him, I do alot of nice things for him and we LAUGH our ass off together all the time. We have known each other since April...He tells me I am the sexiest girl he has ever known! BUT he cant take his profile down OR HIDE IT.... or update it to say he is not single? I have issues....NOT
 flyboy114
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 13
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History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:00:27 PM
She certainly does have issues...........I guess it's not ok for her BF to treat her great, tell her all the right things, act the right way....be compatible in every sense...and have a profile up on POF.....yet it is ok for her to sneak behind his back and keep tabs on when he logs on and off.

Some serious control and trust issues here.

So you cook and clean for him. Terrific. How nice of you. You also spy on him behind his back...what does that make you? I know I wouldn't put up with that crap.

You asked him about it and he told you the story. Trust him. You cannot control everything. And if something as insignificant as a profile gets you upset, then wait till something important happens. What then?

take his word for now, chill out, and DON'T SPY
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 14
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:06:04 PM
Dear FLyboy,
I respect your thoughts and you do make valid points....however HIS Profile is LEADING other woman to believe that he is AVAILABLE for DATES..that he is SINGLE... and he is not...(at this time)..... how can that be explained???? please make me understand, really, I need to know how to understand this.
 ZaharaJoliePitt
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 15
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:12:24 PM
If I were you, I would do two things:

1. Stop obsessing and checking into what he's doing! It's a waste of your time and violation of his privacy.

2. Put your profile back up and keep looking. You don't have to be intimate with other people, but you'll feel better about yourself if you don't put all of your eggs in one basket with this guy. I would date other guys and have fun.

Life is too short to obsess over men- just have fun! When you're with the right person, you'll know. I don't think he's it.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 16
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:17:06 PM

he just decided to lable me his GF and one day introduced me to his friend as his GF


Have you actually discussed the nature of your relationship, or did you assume that because he introduced you as his girlfriend that you and he must be exclusive? I don’t think you are. He refuses to remove his profile and he does not mention having a GF in it. And “Network” on a dating site? Yeah, right. Look, there comes a time in your life when you’ve got to say, “I am a human being, G0ddamnit! My life has value!” So I want you to get up now. I want you to get up out of your chair. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out and yell, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
 flyboy114
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 17
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:18:17 PM
Look..it goes both ways. I will bow out of this because it's none of my business..except to say this, luckee.....

Maybe stay off POF for a little while and try and have a relationship with your bf away from the online environment, if you know what I mean. I cannot speak for him or you, but my comments are based on the impressions your words here give: there are trust issues at play here. Let it go. Seriously. Trust your man and let his actions and words towards you speak for the relationship. Do not spy on him. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he treats you well, says and does the right things and genuinely cares for you, then you should focus your energy and emotions towards the relationship.
Look...I'm not saying what he's doing online is right or wrong. But if you're as happy about him as you write, then maybe a little benefit of the doubt will go a long way.
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 18
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:21:27 PM
Thanks for your reply i do appreciate it alot, however I dont really see how it is a violation of privacy? if that were the case then people on POF site privacy would be constantly violated as soon as they were on someone's fav list... that is just the way the site is set up... but on the other hand I will stop checking... and let the universe handle it, Iwont put my profile back up, I am not going to behave like "tit for tat" I guess he NEEDS to have his up for some reason, I have to let go and just continue to be who I am and if it works out....we will see, I hope so, I am truly in love for the first time in my life.
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 19
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:22:46 PM

he cant take his profile down OR HIDE IT.... or update it to say he is not single? I have issues....NOT


Actually, you have issues. It certainly isn't his problem.

This is precisely what they teach in anger management. Nobody can MAKE YOU angry. You become angry all by yourself.
 RustySurfer10
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 20
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:25:08 PM

Forgive me, how have you come to that decision that "I have serious issues" I have a guy that told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known or been in bed with" he also told me "You are the most intelligent open minded girl I know" I also treat him very well, I respect him and I adore him, I do alot of nice things for him and we LAUGH our ass off together all the time. We have known each other since April...He tells me I am the sexiest girl he has ever known! BUT he cant take his profile down OR HIDE IT.... or update it to say he is not single? I have issues....NOT



How do I come to the conclusion that you have issues? You hide your profile and only keep it active to spy on him. Adding him to your friends list and taking him off again just so you can keep track of him? You portray serious psychological issues with your behavior. So yes, you have issues, and you should seriously speak to someone about them.
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 21
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:26:04 PM
PLease read again, I never used the term anger I am not able to understand, I am confused... that is all, I am asking for help, for resolve, but like I said, we have never yelled or even raised our voices to each other, anger is not involved here. Maybe a little now with your reply, because you are way off...
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 22
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:27:34 PM
So does it sound better if I say NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU confused?
 badkitty718
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 23
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History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:27:59 PM
sounds waaayy familiar ... the guy who did the EXACT same thing to me with the EXACT same excuses... well when he found someone else online in april..or early may.... he decided that we were through...if you find someone and are serious there is a way to hide your profile... that way you are not available on the "searches".... when i asked my guy why he was online he said" well it is because i have freinds i've met on here, that i still talk to .. even though they are just freinds" .........sounds like bull??? it was...he was looking for his next victim even while we were very happy together....be very aware that he is still active on the sites means he is still on the market....
 luckeeinluv
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 24
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:31:58 PM
Hi Frau,

We says he is not looking for anyone else, we speak and call each other BF and GF all the time, he knows I love him....he knows how much I adore him, we see each other 3-4 time per week, we live 6 min apart..... we talk on phone regularly, I like your energy, but I am not mad as hell as you suggest.... thanks for your reply, it is helpful.
 PNewman
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 25
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:34:16 PM
Ahh, don't worry about it,OP. Live by acts and actions not by suspicion . So what if he still has a profile up, it matters none.
Part of healthy relationships is allowing the other person(s) freedom to be themselves. It offers change from within. Relax , things will be fine!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?