| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:18:01 AM | Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject
someone online Vs. live?
I'm new to the online scene, as I ended a 3yr relationship 4 months
ago as no more connection was there on either part.
I don't do the club scene and I'm tired of the made up barbie's at
my gym so I thought this would be a good experience to meet
people with similar interests and values.
I'm noticing that it seems very easy for people to turn someone
away just by reading a few words on a profile and looking at a
couple of pictures than it is to actually turn someone away
while meeting live.
Obviously you choose people who you think would be compatible
with you to communicate with and vice versa.
For me personally, after I communicate with someone, I can't turn
them away without having experienced them live. For me, that's
the only way to get a better feel of attraction, chemistry and their
personality.
I'm just curious about other people's views on this subject? | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:40:45 AM | Some people can, some can't. I think it all depends on how strong the virtual connection was.
I can email with someone and things are great and then have a phone call and lose all interest and not have a desire to take it any further or it can make my desire even stronger to meet them.
I will say this, regardless of how strong the virtual connection is, nothing really matters until you meet in person, sad but true and that is why now I don't spend a lot of time getting to know someone virtually. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:58:22 AM | For me personally, after I communicate with someone, I can't turn
them away without having experienced them live
That sounds a bit ominous OP  I know what you mean though, you can't tell if you're really attracted to someone until you meet them in the flesh, but in my case I know I can get a better sense of whether or not I might have long term compatibility potential with them from a safe distance. That's why I like to hold off a bit until I think I have a feel for the 'real' person before I meet them. In some ways I can gauge a person better at a distance than I can when I'm sat next to them and possibly temporarily blinded by physical attraction 
I think that's where internet dating comes into it's own. There might be less people getting together, but at least the ones who do might have a chance of a lasting and happy relationship. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:29:16 AM | It is easy to impersonate while on-line.. you can edit what you type, choose to answer what you will, hide your body language, etc.
There is no (shouldn't be) emotional connection beyond mild friendship until a personal meeting.
Nothing quite like telling a heartfelt story to someone and then watching their eyes roll back in their head in boredom. I'm also certain that every pedophile really knew that they were actually talking to a cop on-line | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:46:36 AM | | Internet dating is like talking on the phone before meeting. Usually the telephone is just for arraning where to meet. But these days, the emails and IMs are actually used to get to know the person. So the chit-chat people USED to do on dates, is very often done on the internet first. You might reject someone IRL, based on the type of person she showed herself to be, because of how she talks. Why cannot women do that using the way you talk over the internet? | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:49:38 AM | | I find that people can be awfully rude sometimes. I think it is because although at some level we all realize there is a person behind the pic and the words on the screen - they can feel so far removed as to not be real to us at all. As for "rejecting someone"...that can come at any point - no pic (screams married and hiding to me); something on a profile that totally is a turn off; something in an email that would also be a total no way for me; or (and I'll admit it) the sound of someone's voice on the phone. However, I usually tended to move quickly with the meet and greet, so I didn't waste tons of someone's time who either wasn't going to be interested in me, or whom I had little or no interest. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:53:12 AM | | I think if you find a profile that interests you, get a response to your initial email and exchange a few messages and still are interested, it's best to meet sooner than later. You can certainly get a feel for someone based on their emails but to truly know if you're compatible or not, you need to meet them in person. You'll either confirm your suspicions or be pleasantly surprised. If too many messages and too much time goes by, you tend to build this person up to being something they are not and then are subsequently disappointed. It's important to accept people for who they are and try to have less expectations as to who you want them to be. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 11:31:44 AM | The same thing happens everyday in real life too. Umm.. It's called checking people out. The difference is obviously experiencing the person in front of you right away rather than "reading" all about them and looking through "picked over" photos.
In real life people still reject you , but for some reason it's not so cruel because we usually have no idea we were even checked out in the first place. If they happen to not reject you, their ad to find you is usually placed in the missed connections section of Craigs list with the hopes you would respond... lol. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 11:32:01 AM |
I'm noticing that it seems very easy for people to turn someone
away just by reading a few words on a profile and looking at a
couple of pictures than it is to actually turn someone away
while meeting live.
On-line dating is a write-off when compared to actually meeting someone. Sure, it's easier to find prospective mates based upon what's written in their profile but at the same time, easier to reject them for the same reasons. How do we translate body and or tone language via this media?
Therefore, this is just another tool in the seemingly endless search for "The One"...
Break A Leg and Happy Fishing! | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 12:05:07 PM | I think it's just about the same as offline, it's just that online you know more about someone and actually may talk to them before deciding it's a no go...since you can't determine attraction until you meet (tho you can decide if someone is your basic type before starting a dialogue).
In person you know if there's attraction before you even approach, so the other person just doesn't know it happened. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:57:34 PM | I thank you all for your replies, especially ones from the
ladies....
I've actually had this happen to me before and I find it
really annoying.
For example I've been in contact with someone and it didn't
turn out at all, or a total blow off immediate without even
a reply to a genuine email,
I have actually run into a couple of people from POF completely
by accident
Strangely enough, it was the women who approached me because
they liked my look, started talking and even ended up seeing
one another.
I later told them that they rejected me online and they didn't
believe me LOL. I showed them the emails that were still stored,
and their jaw dropped LOL. They'd say something like, I don't
know what I was thinking to turn down a hottie like you!!
Or just in a matter of pride, I'd recognize them from POF
during the accidental meet and I'd bring up the fact that
they were very rude to me and didn't even give me the
time of day for whatever reason online.
Now that you're live next to me, you are all into me??
I would say to them, what's so different now that I'm
in person than online?
Of course they'd hem and haw before I'd complete
their sentence, "see, it's not so easy to judge someone
by a few pics and a profile now is it?"
It really is too bad that people are much harsher online than
in person.
But I guess I can agree with the one lady who stated it allows
you to be safe from a distance and see if you have any further
interest in following up.
My opinion, if too much time is spent chatting online, and
more than a week or two goes by without meeting, there
will be nothing left to talk about in person where you get
a real sense of who you're meeting.
I think if one has had more than 3-6 chats depending on
the situation, the person simply sees you as someone to
chat with and has no interest. At this point I remove them
from my MSN or delete their number from my phone.
Sounds a bit mean, but I do have standards for myself and
dont' have time to waste chatting online.
I also agree with the lady who stated that someone who doesn't
post a pic is usually trying to hide someone I.E. husband/wife,
GF/BF etc.....
In the end, I do think it's harsh to not give someone a chance
to even meet up to get a clearer picture.
Obviously, you meet in a public place, some where not so expensive
so no money is wasted if it doesn't work out, and then carry on with
your life.
I wish it was this easy for guys.
LOL it's hard enough online for us getting spam for adult websites,
from local Call Girls, and other garbage, but to have the added
bonus of a woman not even trying you out makes it that much
more unpleasant.
I do still try to meet people at the gym or work etc... But at least
in my gym people are either already taken, or they are made up
barbie dolls LOL and not my cup of tea.
Any how, if anyone wants to add further comments to my reply
it's much appreciated.
Thanks again to everyone who replied, opinions greatly
appreciated. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:08:30 PM | I later told them that they rejected me online and they didn't
believe me LOL. I showed them the emails that were still stored,
and their jaw dropped LOL. They'd say something like, I don't
know what I was thinking to turn down a hottie like you!!
Sounds great, except for the fact that even after meeting you, they still didn't end up in permanent relationship with you. So what's the difference between being turned down immediately online, or being turned down after a month of live contact? Personally, I'd take it much harder if a woman decided not to be with me after she DID get to know me. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:14:16 PM | Well spontaneousjay you have two qualities that make you think that way. Your Canadian and your a Scorpio. ;) two qualities I posess myself.
To some it is easier to react that way because there are many on this site to choose from. Most are "looking for their perfect match" when indeed they should be starting at the friendship level and working their way up.
Although, I did go out to a pub this past weekend and got more attention from guys there than I do here. It's that hole "presonal contact" thing you speak of.
Some good advice, don't take this site too seriously and move on if you never meet in person. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:22:44 AM | In my opinion there is validity to what you are saying. I know personally that men are far more attracted to the "real live me" than they are online.
I get lots of drive by traffic but few emails, if however I am in a club or elsewhere the interest level is much higher, I think because the "total package" affect is in effect.
A profile can give you an idea, a picture can give you a general image, yet it takes the glint in the eye, the spark in the smile, the light in the personality to really give you an idea or essence of a person.
Internet dating falls way short of doing most of us any justice~ | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:49:28 AM |
Internet dating falls way short of doing most of us any justice~
NO LIE!!
Speaking straight to the topic, I almost never find it easy to reject someone,whether online or offline,(unless the person is behaving like an ass) because I know there is a living breathing human being at the other end of that email. And I realize that the profile and photos may not do justice to the person. Usually for me to reject someone online,out of hand, there have to be SEVERAL potential issues going on...i.e. distance, age, relationship status,dating goals, a lot of blank spaces or "prefer not to say" on the profile. I have very few single factor "dealbreakers" coming just from reading a profile.(being married, extreme age difference,excessive use of alcohol/heavy smoking) Something might come out in subsequent communications that would cause me to start detaching,but I generally try to be kind about it.
Cindy O | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:57:59 AM | | I just went back and looked at your profile...I'm NOT trying to bash you at all, just give my thoughts on what you said about meeting people in person who rejected you online. I would imagine some of them would look at your pics and think that a bodybuilder type wouldn't be happy with someone "normal" (I hope you follow what I mean). I would further think that you list so many qualifications, that may knock some others off the list. There's nothing wrong with wanting or not wanting specific things; however when it sounds like a shopping list that can put some people off. Also, don't forget, some of us don't photograph very well...and even those that do - if you are a vibrant person, that may not show in pics. The "real life" experience of someone can be WAY different than a few pictures and a few words (and that can go either way, good or bad). | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 11:58:31 AM | OP- you're posting style of creating paragraphs was difficult to read my way through. You made some nice remarks and great dialogue, but...the style was...tedious. JMO
My opinion, if too much time is spent chatting online, and more than a week or two goes by without meeting, there will be nothing left to talk about in person where you get a real sense of who you're meeting.
I think if one has had more than 3-6 chats depending on the situation, the person simply sees you as someone to chat with and has no interest. At this point I remove them from my MSN or delete their number from my phone.
Sounds a bit mean, but I do have standards for myself and dont' have time to waste chatting online.
While you may not have time to waste, I think what is harsh is creating a "chat" environment and making a push to force someone to meet you sooner than they may wish to do so - simply because you have come to the conclusion that your time table or agenda is THE right one.
I concur that the profiles may not always be a good indication of a man's worth (so to speak) and perhaps you are veyr attractive in real life or you haven't posted the best photos on your profile, although why wouldn't you? If you're THAT attractive in real life and your photos don't show well your assetts perhaps you should consider better photos? Aren't we trying to "sell" the audience? Why choose a photo that doesn't represent you at your best?
Looking for the right relationship, time invested in my future and who I spend it with, to me is NOT "time wasted online"
You may want to reconsider YOUR attitude and what it is you're doing here online.
JMO
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 2:17:03 PM | | IMO people tend to be more picky online than offline. Many people on internet dating sites have a long list of requirements. If someone doesn't exactly match their requirements, then he or she is quickly rejected. Online, a woman could reject a man just because he is 1 inch under her height requirement. Offline, she may not even notice an 1 inch height difference especially if he is several inches taller than she is. Online, a man could reject a 40 yr old woman just because she is outside his 30-39 age range. Offline, he may not find out her exact age until some type of connection has already been established. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 2:54:08 PM | I am with pamperpooch000
but in my case I know I can get a better sense of whether or not I might have long term compatibility potential with them from a safe distance. That's why I like to hold off a bit until I think I have a feel for the 'real' person before I meet them. In some ways I can gauge a person better at a distance than I can when I'm sat next to them and possibly temporarily blinded by physical attraction
That's precisely why I no longer agree to meet shortly after saying hi, and I have not been disappointed. The time I was pressured was the only unsuccessful meeting.
Sometimes it also depends on your purpose in meeting. First meeting for me is not a date. I am meeting someone for friendship first. If the main aim is romance at that time, then the focus is more on physical attraction. The time my meeting with someone was a failure was when that someone had changed his agenda and our motivations clashed. He was more into my commitment that early than establishing a frienship first. Any demands for a commitment or sex at that stage is a red flag. At least for me! Sometimes it is sad because the friendship established online is killed with the meeting. 
I agree with one of the posters, OP. They may reject you more online because of the message you seem to express in your profile and yes, the way you have presented yourself. Whereas in real life, you may exude a more likeable personality. | |
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| Just wondering if anyone else finds that it's too easy to reject someone online Vs. live?
Posted: 9/18/2008 3:20:53 PM | but in my case I know I can get a better sense of whether or not I might have long term compatibility potential with them from a safe distance. That's why I like to hold off a bit until I think I have a feel for the 'real' person before I meet them. In some ways I can gauge a person better at a distance than I can when I'm sat next to them and possibly temporarily blinded by physical attraction
I'm not saying people should meet right away. But I don't think that people should wait TOO long to meet up either. When you wait a long time before meeting, then sometimes you can form an unrealistic fantasy image of the other person based on their photos, profiles, and email/phone conversations. When you finally meet up, the real image of the other person is often different than the fantasy image and you quickly lose interest. IMO meeting a person within 1-2 weeks is reasonable. | |
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