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 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 1
A Date TonightPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I just read in a person's profile that we are to choosy...that there are plenty of people who would love to be on a date tonight..we just need to pick someone. That they might not be the right person for us but it is better than not going and sitting home.

Personally I would hate the idea that someone knew ahead of time they werent really interested in me but they just wanted to go out on a date tonight. I think you can go out and do things with friends, family or by yourself if you want to "do something". I guess I never thought of dating as option like that. I still don't. I know when I was younger I had some friends who viewed dating as a recreational activity...they didnt have to like the other person to go out with them..they would go just to have a date. I would have thought by now we have outgrown that mindset.

So since you are now 45 plus...do you consider going out on a date with someone you know ahead of time that you wont work with in the long run with?
 ***piano4te***
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 2
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:34:00 PM
When I first started getting back into the dating life, I was ok with meeting women where I didn't think there was going to be an 'attraction'. I was fine with meeting new friends, and just to get out there. I think everybody in the beginning should at least try to get out there without the pressure of trying to either impress or have false notions of how things are going to go. Meeting a new friend in the same sort of situation you're in is a good way to start.

After awhile though, I wanted to start meeting somebody that I thought would interest me or visa versa. So I didn't go out with anybody unless I thought that was a possibility. The funny thing was, I actually had better times and conversations with the ones I knew there wasn't going to be anything with than I did with the ones I was hoping I would click with.

But as nice as the new friend meets were.... I really just don't want to go out for the sake of going out anymore. And since I'm really not into the internet anymore as a means of meeting somebody, I'm not likely soon to even ask anybody out for a 'date', even if she has the most awesome profile I've ever read. I have friends who call me to come hang if they know I'm back in town, so I usually go meet them somewhere. I spend the majority of my freetime alone anyhow due to my job travels. I've grown accustomed to being alone. It's not so bad.
 bearwoman1959
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 3
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:46:15 PM
I'd rather stay home and read a book. Seriously. Dating from the internet is almost as bad as a blind date, even if you've spoken to the person on the phone. The date is always different once you see them in person and go out with them. I've spoken and emailed with guys who seemed like a good match only to find out there was no spark after meeting them. It's all a crap shoot anyway. If I were lonely enough to go out for the sake of going out, I guess I would go, but past experience has made me skittish. The guys I went out with who didn't turn me on and who weren't turned on by me still talked about sex. Homie don't play that. Right now I'm waiting for Mr. Perfect to fall out of the sky. Yep, I've got one long-ass wait.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 4
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:23:19 PM
Unless they have an absolute deal breaker in their profile - like hates pets, or only here for sex LOL - how would I know whether we would suit each other or not? I checked my ESP at the door when I joined POF, and I need to get to know people before I can say whether we would suit each other or not.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 5
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:35:50 PM

So since you are now 45 plus...do you consider going out on a date with someone you know ahead of time that you wont work with in the long run with?

No, not unless that is made real clear up front. I'm in this questionable place (POF) for a couple of different reasons. Sure, I would love to find a great match that goes the distance, but I do have a fairly open mind, have seen enough to know not to rush to judgment, and really do believe that gold is where you find it (haven't seen a map, formula, or other sure-fire tip yet that's any help).
The only possible way for me to know whether the potential is there is to spend some time with a woman, arm's length or closer. If, for whatever reason, we will not be lovers, I'd certainly hope we could be friends. I have lotsa room for those.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 6
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:42:23 PM

we just need to pick someone. That they might not be the right person for us but it is better than not going and sitting home.
Not in my world. I'd rather just sit right here than go out with someone I knew, I had nothing in common with from emailing or talking with them or coffee. Or with whom I could tell I had no attraction to on any level.

While I don't have ESP, I'm not just going to go out with just anyone, like close my eyes and say "ok" at random, just to go out? No. *shakes head*


Personally I would hate the idea that someone knew ahead of time they werent really interested in me but they just wanted to go out on a date tonight
I would also saphireeyes.


they didnt have to like the other person to go out with them..they would go just to have a date. I would have thought by now we have outgrown that mindset

No, there are some who haven't outgrown that. I have an acquaintance from a long time ago, on here, she's 53, who says, "well, I need to eat ya know." And she picks one, anyone and goes out. Never in the least bit interested in some of these men she's accepted dates with. But, she did things like this 30 years ago too.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 7
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:56:12 PM
clasact, you have said exactly what came to mind when I read Sapphire's OP.


While I don't have ESP, I'm not just going to go out with just anyone, like close my eyes and say "ok" at random
rather than staying home alone.

JMHO, but I don't want to be on a pity date, nor do I want to spend time with someone who is totally incompatible with me.

I recently saw a profile that really spoke to me, and made me want to contact the man ASAP. He has the same values, owns a motorcycle, is no couch potato.... all very attractive qualities for this lady. Then ....at the bottom of his profile he states that he doesn't like cats but will tolerate them if it is important to his partner. Definite red flag for me, as I am a cat owner. Truthfully I thank him for his honesty as I would have been very disappointed if we had gone out and that info was revealed over dinner.
 candylily765
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 8
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:23:42 PM
I never felt the need to date even when I was young. I have to at least think there might be a little mutual attraction before I agree to meet anyone. I also won't continue to see someone if I feel it won't work in the long run.
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 9
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:25:39 PM
If I go out with someone that I like as a friend but don't see something romantic coming our way then we go dutch.. go have dinner or see a movie... if I like the conversation and the friendship then why not? If it's someone that is an "acquaintance" and I have no desire to have them in my life as a friend or otherwise then why do it... then i'd say write words of wisdom with your glass of wine right here in front of the screen... lmao...
 p-zed
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 10
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:51:42 PM
If I know that I am not interested in the person then no, I would not go out on a date with them. I don't want to lead someone on. I doubt someone would ask me out or accept an invitation if they knew they were not interested in me.

However, as Celticmist said, for many people you wont know if there is an interest until you meet them. That's what dating is for. Emailing is a nice way to start then talking on the phone. Dating is just the next step. I can't really tell from email and phone conversations. I need to see someone's eyes.
 Thunderstorms62
Joined: 12/11/2004
Msg: 11
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:03:22 PM
I just read in a person's profile that we are to choosy...that there are plenty of people who would love to be on a date tonight..we just need to pick someone. That they might not be the right person for us but it is better than not going and sitting home.


It would NOT surprise me to find out that these are the types of
people that are constantly complaining of dates not meeting
their expectations.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 12
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:18:52 PM
Holy Moly! I have to say that I think for the very first time I agree with Mr. Piano! lol (no offense Mr. P!)
His post mirrors my thoughts on this subject exactly. No interest in going out with someone whom I know there is no attraction with. Honestly, not too interested in dating at the moment either. Just happy to be myself in my happy place at the moment. (and no, not THAT happy place either! lol)
I never did date for the sake of dating anyway. I have lots of family and good friends for going out with if I so desire!
 heartnsoul51
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 13
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:20:23 PM
NOPE! I'd never go on a date just to give me something to do. I can always stay home and wash my hair I'm sure there are those who DO go out with someone they feel nothing for, but in their little world, it would beat staying home and being 'stuck' with their own company.

Why be miserable alone with your non-existant personality! Take some poor unsuspecting person out and let THEM experience your blandness also!!
 Woodstar
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 14
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:50:35 PM
If I want to go out just for the sake of going out...I take myself!

However, I will go out with men who interest me. Whether or not we "click" and it developes into something else...I won't know until I get to know them. Savey?

As to dating just anybody...nope. I get asked by the local yokals...and tell them "not in this or any other life time, bub!" But then, their idea of a date is a beer at the local "hang out" (and I don't mean a bar) then breakfast at my place.
 Mr. Happy, PE
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 15
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 7:53:57 PM
I'll pretty much ditto piano4te. At first, very excited by my new freedom and all the exciting opportunities out there awaiting me, I was a dating machine, making up for lost time and all that. After 15 years and several relationships of various flavors, intensities and durations I pretty much feel like I have seen and done it all. Although I still go out regularly, I try not to get too involved with anyone who I believe is not "the one". I am emotionally exhausted from all the breakups and certainly not prepared for another in the future. I have too many ex's who I miss, and I miss them all now and then. Why add to the list?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 16
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 8:47:25 PM
"but it is better than not going and sitting home. "

??? The above seem to assume that a) I would be sitting home and b) I haven't created an interesting lifestyle full of friends and fun.

I won't be going out of a date unless I am told thrilled to be seeing that person.

I have been far more bored by dates than I had been being home alone.
 spring light
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 17
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:08:10 PM
On-line dating seems so common in some ways and yet still, for me anyway, has a sort of awkward vibe about it. I mean honestly, it is pretty interesting being here scooping out the whole joint, but the thought of answering the, "Where did yall meet?" question with, "The internet" is sometimes enough for me to easily decide to avoid going out to meet somebody from here.

Ideally I would meet someone who I loved there stats, picture, written profile, and email sent to me in the first place, and I would simply be totally moved to connect. That hasnt happened in the time I have been here.

I go by my feelings. I notice how I am responding to their information put forward to me and everyone else. Some of the best looking guys contact me (okay usually way too young), some seemingly very interesting successful men, but something in their profile will put me on edge. I am waiting for it all to work together and that hasnt happened yet, or the nerve to actually agree to meet someone.

I have read profiles that I found interesting and pictures I felt something for, but really who knows? Pictures can give a different picture sometimes and well, I dont know, I am really wondering lately if I would enjoy to go out for a coffee with a few of these men to see what is what.

I am also with the whole crowd that likes to be alone (ha ha the crowd that likes to be alone, ha hah hahaha). I love to be alone. I love to be alone.
 makenusmile
Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 18
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:37:44 PM
If you find someone that you share some interests with it is OK to just meet and "hang out" IF you make it very clear where you stand. Just make sure the two of you are on the same page.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 19
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:43:26 PM
Well again while I am quite happy on my own, and do not require a man to pay for my meals, nor be my entertainment for the night - if there are no red flags in a man's profile, I will meet with him to see if we have common interests and if there is any possible attraction between us. I usually pay my own way if it is a first meeting and am quite happy to do so.

Why be here, if you have no intention of meeting someone , or are waiting for the perfect profile?

I also give them in my profile the option that if they want to meet me, they can drop in at one of the POF events I am attending, and I list the events in there in my profile, as I attend them.

I could easily be a hermit in this lifetime, but I decided I only get one shot at this life and I can be alone all I want, when I die; so I go out on dates, always careful of my personal safety, and give myself and the men with no obvious red flags that show an interest in me - a chance. A chance to get to know each other and possibly make a connections. I have had very few "bad" dates, made a few friends and had some great conversations. Why be on a dating site and not date?
 Rosalund
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 20
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A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:49:49 PM
Not sure if I understand this?? but if someone I knew ask me out and we had met, even though the spark was not there for either of us......yes I might...depends on my mood at the time.
But if we enjoyed each other's company and both wanted to spend an evening together... a movie.....dinner....dancing... Something we both enjoyed and wanted to do I might.
But if he was someone I had met and knew I did not enjoy his company .... Nope why spend a boring night with someone who I knew was spending a boring night too.
Seems a real waste of both our time.
 Its Better Together
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 21
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:21:22 PM

So since you are now 45 plus...do you consider going out on a date with someone you know ahead of time that you won't work with in the long run with?


Answer: NO. I'd rather watch paint dry.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 22
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:47:11 AM
I wouldn't go out with a man just to go on a date. What would be the point? I have to feel that we may have some connection in order to want to date a man. I have no desire to go out just to get out of the house. At this point in my life, kicking back at home on Friday and Saturday nights is just fine with me.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 23
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/16/2008 6:22:46 AM
This Thread really resonated with me,"Sapphire".....................
I remember when i first became single after the end of a very,very long relationship,i went CRAZZZEEEEE................(like a kid in a candy shop)
I was out 3-4 nights a week with different guys........................and,this went on for months..............
There was one guy in particlular id catch up with weekly,as opposed to staying home,alone.............(we had zilch in common),but i just couldnt/wouldnt stay home !!
One night while out with him i remember my mind drifting & asking myself what was i doing there with him?
That was the night i decided to NOT waste time on guys i had no interest in.

And,from then on, ive been more than happy to stay home,put my feet up,enjoy a vino,& chill in front of the goggle-box( tv)..............
 RanRan18
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 24
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/16/2008 6:25:34 AM
It must be one of the reasons for all these 'boring' dates that people aren't taking the time to get to know the other person via email and phone calls.

Maybe we all get pushed too hard for a quick meeting after a cursory round of emails - but I resist. Some women don't like that...oh,well. But I can honestly say, I've never had a boring first meeting - they've all been interesting. The 'all' not being a large number - a quality vs. quantity sort of thing. Forget the LTR stuff - play it as it lays. Enjoy the moment without the expectations of it being more than that. Meet BECAUSE they're interesting.
 zeeba
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 25
A Date Tonight
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:43:28 AM
I'm also not thinking about purely "online" contact for dates. I'm not exactly meeting anyone currently in real life (curses...!) But, I would certainly consider going out with someone I met if there seemed to be some "like" there! It's fun to catch a movie or try a new and different place to eat, and who knows? For me anyway, I'm much better off getting out there and mixing/mingling rather than staying at home all the time.

YMMV, of course! (And, RanRan has it right...)
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