| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 7:37:41 AM | Hey there. So last month, this guy and I met after getting to know each other online - and hit it off swimmingly. We spent a whole afternoon/evening together, then consequently spent the next wknd and the wknd after that together. I thought he was smitten (as I was), the chemistry was amazing between us... as he seemed genuinely interested, sweet, treated me out to everything and was a true gentleman. The next week, he breaks it off with me saying that he didn't "feel it anymore" and only wanted to be friends. I was almost devastated b/c I seriously felt a wonderful intellectual, emotional and physical attraction with him unlike any other?
I tried to get him to explain to me what happened, but he couldn't define it.
Since then he's asked for us to be friends and the bizarre thing was that he often acted happy when heard from me. He even suggested hanging out. We're scheduled to meet soon, but now I sense he's acting weird again.
I don't get it - can you (esp. the guys) explain this to me? I plan on being "friendly" with him when we hang out, but I don't understand why this happened. So how am I supposed to act now? I also heard the term emotionally unavailable, does it apply here? Thanks.  | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 7:51:15 AM | Ok...I had this girlfriend a LONG time ago who was a new date junkie. She always had to have that exciting, tingly, butterfiles in the stomach feeling ALL THE TIME. When that was gone or even dulled a little that was it. Dumped. One guy to the next to the next... She's still looking. 20 years later.
He KNOWS why. He's choosing not to say. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 7:54:14 AM | i dont really understand the dating games people play.. it seems to be more about a cat and mouse game then a person geniunely looking for the right person and willing to build something from it.
i honestly think you did nothing wrong. you did what was true to your own heart and went with the flow of it.
i guess its all about what the other person picks: what they think they 'should' do, or, if they will feel their heart and emotions and go with the flow, its up to the other person to pick which is more honest and true for themselves/
just my 2cents ;3 | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:05:46 AM | sounds to me that he did everything women ask for.
he told you when he wasnt feeling it. he stayed friends and continued to try to have you in his life, despite not wanting to be with you "like that".
sounds like you got lets-just-be-friend'd ( not just for women anymore, apparently)
the truth is, you didnt know what he was thinking. you might have been really into it, but just because you really thought he liked you romantically, didnt mean he did.
but happily, he wants to still have you in his life and if you guys can be friends, thats truly awesome.
as for how you should act now is the same advice i give to guys. dont make a thing about it and JUST BE COOL. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:15:33 AM | An old flame came back into his life, that's a good reason for his behavior.
He felt you may have been falling in love and that may lead to pressure for marriage and he did not want that so cooled it down.
He grows bored quickly, as men and ok ok women do too.
He met another woman he is interested in
Don't feel alone, this crap happens to so many out there it's sad and it happens to men and women.
The above are just possibles/suggestions of why my guess is item 4 on that list.
I'm sorry for you, because this is very hurtful but love isn't always fair or goes the way we wish it would. Try to get your confidence back up and remember there are others out there that you will meet, this will pass (the feelings you have).
Personally, I wouldn't get together with him at all as friends, as you mentioned "scheduled to meet soon" call him and cancel and real friendly and happy like say "hey since we are friends, well guess I can tell you, I've met someone and can we take a raincheck?"
THAT'LL FIX HIS ARSE. hahha let him think you are way over him already because hey you found someone that fast woo hoo.
Best of luck
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:19:40 AM | OH BS on this comment what are you a church girl. I usually wouldn't even comment but the lady did not give the milk so fast, that he wouldn't want to buy the cow.
Even that 3 date old tale is just that "OLD"
She was "dating" him, so cut the trying to make her feel bad bit and passing your obvious moral judgement call. You may make them wait till marriage to spend a wkend with you, but that's not everyone and that's OLD OLD fashioned honey.
You don't buy shoes without trying them on do you? I'm happy for her actually that this happened NOW rather then after she married him and had children to have to care for on her own. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:23:47 AM | | Funny how things work... when you like someone you make youself avialable to that person right? WRONG... don't be so easily avialable..When he calls don't call him back wate 2-3 days or so! Don't share feelings & Learn from your mistakes! | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:24:28 AM | (quote) not sure how to post who my post is going to on here so others can see why I am saying this, but it's meant for the poster snprynm
Yep has to be what you say, that's why the man spent wkend after wkend with her and still wants to be around her poor hygeine as friends.
For a grown man, stop being an immature kid and grow the hell up. You are a sorry sort who obviously has an inner hatred of women.
Poster this guys post is one for the toilet "flush flush flush" | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:25:47 AM | | why cant you stay friends?, he hasnt strung you along so fair play to him,you never know how it may turn out,let him see you as a friend first, he must still like your company,so he hasnt kicked you out of his life forever,so dont give up on him just yet, you enjoy his company, he obviously enjoys yours, good luck xx | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:34:21 AM | | it sounds like he likes you, likes spending time with you but isn't interested in a long term relationship with you... unfortunately, one person feeling chemistry doesn't ensure the other person will, too | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:52:08 AM | Kinda strange, but I had a similar situation recently. I met someone, we talked, moved it to phone calls, and eventually met. Great first date, even better second date, but I called her after that and ended it. I didn't know why I wasn't into her anymore, just that I wasn't. Afterwards, I realized that beyond the physical atraction, there really wasn't much there. I'm past the stage of putting so much emphasis on that, and I didn't want to string her along, ya know?
Sounds like this is the case with this guy. Just my POV. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:11:11 AM | | lol it sounds like typical guy to be honest now i an't havin a pop at men in general . It seems to be that there are apperent rules you should follow lol lol well arcorrding to anything you read on ' how men think' Well its up to you to make your own set of rules and if someone is generally intersted they will just not fall into to line but have no problem with you or what you want. Lets face it they will want the same thing so it an't going to be a problem innit. So hey ho! he gave you the wrong signals ..... AND .......WHAT ?????? you going to sit and sulk or scartch your head thinkin ' what did i do wrong' NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is the answer. His loss.............Your gain its better to find out now than a while down the line.............NEVER PUT YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET ALWAYS KEEP UR OPTIONS OPEN lol lol well these days it seems to be the way.........The dating game lol lol lol what i joy it is. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 10:51:07 AM |
He KNOWS why. He's choosing not to say.
Exactly! There is a reason, be it chemistry or maybe something that he felt was a deal breaker for him.
I do have to say that this caught my attention though..
treated me out to everything
I'm only assuming by your post, that he paid for everything. If thats the case, did you offer to contribute? No person wants to feel like they are the only ones giving, at least I know I wouldn't. Maybe this MIGHT have had something to do with it? Pure speculation, of course, but something to consider....JMO | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 10:51:23 AM |
spent a whole afternoon/evening together
I think you moved too fast too soon. I could be misreading this, but thinking you were intimate. Read the threads on here. You will find that the women that have the breakups and wonder why, often have given into their heart, where the man didn't. Sometimes the man will try to pull the fwb then too.
Move slow in the future. Listen to your head and not heart. Set up rules for yourself and follow them. Keep the pain you are feeling in mind. It helps not to move too fast next time.
Good luck | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 10:54:01 AM | It sounds to me that he got what he wanted out of the relationship and has now decided to let it cool off so he can look for someone else.
You may have felt the chemistry, doesn't mean he felt it or to the same degree. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 10:59:29 AM |
passing your obvious moral judgement call. You may make them wait till marriage to spend a wkend with you, but that's not everyone and that's OLD OLD fashioned honey.
Yes, I can see why you don't want a 'moral judgement call' being married and looking for a someone for sex in your profile. Having morals, is not old fashioned, it's what separates humans form animals.
You don't buy shoes without trying them on do you?
You're right. I try shoes on before buying them, same with a coat, a skirt. However, have you noticed that you're not allowed to try on intimate apparel, such as underwear before buying them? | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 11:00:36 AM | sunny I'd trust your instincts and move on.
that's why you've got intuition - no point in having it if you won't listen to it.
Unfortunately this kind of stuff 'hardens you up' and you'll end up becoming a bit more like the people who do this to you. Then someone else will tell you you're doing it to them. Not that you become jaded, necessarily, but you learn that 'It ain't happening until it's happening and when it stops happening it ain't happening' - then you don't even bother questioning the other person involved as to 'why' or asking 'is it me' as the signals are so like all the other times you got the signals you get the message without anyone explaining anything. It's always them, in fact. And I'm not being sarcastic there. It is them.
All the signals are bog standard and are learned through experience. Once you see this stuff repeatedly you learn to not even bother thinking about it.
That just about sums it up, sadly. It's the same for both genders. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:09:11 PM | | Are you *sure* you didn't know the reason why you broke up with your ex or are you just being "nice" about it? Look deep and hard... I mean, I have a series of possible reasons why this guy broke up with me. But I'm starting to find there are some guys [and maybe gals] who only like the beginning thrill or "lust" stage in a dating relationship, but once that's over - the person gets bored and moves onto someone else. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:11:03 PM | | Thanks. I think your reason is the one that may hit the closest to home... and yes, I will (try to at least) find out why did he dump me. Suppose I can only learn from such mistakes and not do it again in the future. [sigh] | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:18:18 PM | | Geezus; people here need to stop reading into things. There was nothing in her original or subsequent posts that stated or even implied that she's slept with/had sex with this guy - wow, some people are sure quick to judge and ASSume. | |
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| Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:29:22 PM | Don't take his weird behaviour personally. Maybe it's just not the right time for him to commit to someone.
I hope you didn't do the deed with him. If you did, then you gave it up too easily.
If it were me, I'd stay in contact with him but not expect anything more than the friendnship he is offering to you.
Don't cry over him, just move on my dear. | |
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