jkc63
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Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 1 | |
| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 2:59:57 PM | May 8th, a day with very special meaning to me. It was on the same day that my grandma and grandpa were married. It was the same day my grandpa died. I wanted to remember this date so I chose it as the date of my wedding. May 8th, 2004 I married the girl of my dreams. Since a little boy I have modeled my life after my grandfather. His story about meeting my grandmother the first day of school when they were ten years old is one of my favorites. About him going right up to her and telling her that she was going to be his wife! They were wed on May 8th, 1936, and were together till May 8th, 2002 the day my grandfather died.
Since I was just a boy my biggest dream has been to be in love, To have a companion, friend, partner, lover, and wife to share a life with. To create my own family like my grandparents, and parents did. So May 8th was a day I looked forward to remembering for the rest of my life. Marcy my bride was the first girl I met walking down the street. She had opened a small store selling handmade soap next to my bicycle shop. She used to stand out front and like a circus carnie try to entice people walking by, to come in and take a look at her shop. From the moment I met her there seemed to be this magical bond. I was attracted to her entrepreneurship spirit. Then I learned that we both had daughters the same age. For months I would stop at her store to talk with her. The more we talked the fonder I became of her. We seemed to share everything in common; to the point it just seemed strange. Finally we started dating, first just taking the girls out for fun. Our first date was July 4th, 2002 we took the girls to go see the fireworks. Before long we were spending every minute we could together. In the fall of that year we rented a house together, and combined our families.
The next two years went by in a blur. This relationship was so different then my first. It all just seemed like a dream. I had never been so happy in my whole life. I had everything I had ever dreamed about. So it goes without saying that May 8th the day Marcy and I got married was the best day of my life. For the next two years every day got better and better. Marcy was the complete opposite of my first wife. My first wife was very controlling. She belittled me connately. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her. She would not let me do anything around the house, not even mow the yard! I might mow it the wrong pattern and kill the grass she would say. She made me feel like a guest in my own home. I put up with this for twelve years for my daughter. Finally I decided it would be better for my daughter to show her how two people are supposed to love and live together.
I have always had strong motherly instincts. So when I closed my retail store and sold my building, we bought a house in the country and I set up a rural at home business. This was another one of my dreams. Then since I worked at home, I got to do all the cooking, cleaning, yard work, and child care. My life just could have been any better at this point. I woke up every morning feeling like the luckiest man alive. Marcy was the only woman in the world that I even noticed. My favorite time of everyday was when I knew Marcy was coming home. I always had dinner on the table. I used to pace the house and look out the window constantly looking to see if she was home yet. I greeted her at the door each night. I loved spoiling her, the girls, and all our pets. Like I said everyday got better I was truly living all my dreams. I would not have traded it for anything.
Then one day in May 2004 I received a certified letter, Marcy had filed for divorce. This was the day my whole world came crashing down. I could not understand why this was happening? Nothing made any since? All Marcy would say was that there were problems with our relationship and this was the only way she knew to tell me. She told me that if I would sign the papers so that it was an uncontested divorce, it would prove to her that I loved her. That she had no intentions on filing them. That she would give me the opportunity to work on the problems. I signed the papers only to have her come home the next day the most upset I had ever seen her. She told me that her lawyer had written the document on the wrong type of paper. That it was not legally binding. I reminded her that she told me that she was not even going to file it. Only to be told that it was special to her, she wanted to keep it as a keepsake. She wanted me to sign another set of papers. I refused because I knew the first set was a legally binding document.
I got Marcy to go with me to see a therapist. But she announced at the first session that she was only there to support me. That she knew that I was going to need a lot of help. She said that she would give me a chance to save the marriage. She told me that she would stop the divorce proceedings. For the next three months I did everything she asked. She kept telling me she had stopped the divorce, but when I would check she had not. I told her that on August 28th two weeks before the final hearing. That if she had not kept her word and stopped the divorce. I would have to hire a lawyer. The evening of the 27th, she still insisted that she had taken care of it. The next morning I asked her what I was going to find out when I checked. She told me she had no intentions of stopping it. So I asked her to move out.
That morning the mystery started to unfold. I went to the bank to close our joint account and found out that she had started opening secret bank accounts starting five weeks after we were married. She had seventeen accounts in eight alias names. That she had been overdrawing our account by paying back debt she never told me about. She was using the other accounts to float money around daily to cover the overdrafts. She had paid back over 33,000.00 dollars worth of debt fixed her credit, and bought her own house! Which she closed on September 1st I further found out that she had not paid any of our bills for three months. My house was five days from being foreclosed on. It scares me to death to think what would have happened if I did not ask her to move out on that day?
I don’t know that I have the words to describe how I feel now. We are in our twenty-eighth month of litigation. The destruction she has caused is just unmanageable, physically, mentally, financially. I have found that in the last two years that the only people that understand what I am going though are people that have been through something like it. I have studied sociology for two years both with a therapist and on my own. Marcy was a psychopath. She has been diagnosis as having Antisocial Personality Disorder. All of her behaviors were text book. Everything about our relationship was a lie. She used me as a vehicle to reach her dream, to own her own home. I am not living the dream anymore I am going through my worst nightmare! Every day I think it can’t get any worse but somehow it does. One thing is for sure I will never forget May 8th | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 3:48:25 PM | I don't know what to say. I read your long post and basically have come to the conclusion, you are far to trusting. There is no way on God's green earth she should have been able to take that amount of money without your knowing. Further when she first filed divorce papers, why would you not check out things, your finances, her finances, other men, a reason why it was happening.
We all share dreams, where or what we expect life to be. Dreams only become reality in hard facts and deeds with work. No one can accept another person without knowing them no matter how much you love them.
You have learned a hard lesson, go out, straighten out your mess. See if your lawyer thinks she should or could be committed. Good luck, Bob | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:52:21 PM | | No you will not forget May 8. I am very sorry for the betrayal that you feel now. I am so, so sorry. Judging from the way you wrote your text, you are able to bounce back. You will bounce back. You wrote your story in an eloquent manner and your story has a happy ending because it's not over....you are just past these trials and tribulations....turn your nightmare back into your dream. You can do it! | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:53:43 PM | Call me skeptical, but things don't add up here, the most obvious being:
May 8th, 2004 I married the girl of my dreams.
Then one day in May 2004 I received a certified letter, Marcy had filed for divorce.
Hmmmm.....I dunno, maybe just a typo but this entire story seems a bit too contrived, even for POF. Maybe because just minutes after this post, you posted another long, flowery story in the creative writing section. Just strikes me a bit odd from somebody who is supposedly living a nightmare right now. I'm thinking this one belongs in the creative writing section as well. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:44:32 PM | | I am not sure whether I believe this tale or not. You've been here since 2006? Where was good old Marcy then? | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:46:33 PM | I am not sure whether I believe this tale or not. You have strong Motherly instincts? Now that's just creepy.
You receive a certified letter from a LAW OFFICE but choose to ignore it, because Marcy told you to? In the years you were married you never opened a bank statement, checked on your investments or opened your mail?
Sounds to me like you enjoy women that control your life. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:51:12 PM | | No offence but the content of your post sounds as a rough draft for a Stephen Speilberg film. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:32:35 PM | Yep ! Something stinks in Battle Ground Indiana and I think it's this post!! | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:30:38 PM | Im usually not too sympathetic but I really feel for you. I cant relate much cause im only 23 and ive never been married but I chased around a girl for years getting strung along. She knew how I felt and would sleep with my cousins in front of me etc etc...she didnt give a shit about me or how I felt..It was more of a joke or game to her...Im not saying that was your situation, cause I dont know you. I hope it works out for you though. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:53:34 PM | I'm freaking confused as heck and reading way too dang much to try and figure this out...
Here are my issues:
May 8th, 2004 I married the girl of my dreams
Then one day in May 2004 I received a certified letter, Marcy had filed for divorce.
Huh?
Like when?
The day AFTER you got married?
How's that work?
I told her that on August 28th two weeks before the final hearing
What STATE was this in????
I couldn't even get a temporary award for child support within three months in IOWA and I'd been married to the man for 15 years...how does this happen?
Were you living somewhere with a population of less than 50?
Was it Alaska?
Do you moose hunt and know the governor?
I don’t know that I have the words to describe how I feel now.
You had a lot of words here.
I don't know that I have any words and that's....really odd.
I'm not sure why you're on a dating site.
I don't think dating is a good idea for you, at this time....
Or maybe ever.
I am not usually a pessimist nor a skeptic, but something here, simply isn't right.
Something is really, really, really, odd.
I have studied sociology for two years both with a therapist and on my own. Marcy was a psychopath. She has been diagnosis as having Antisocial Personality Disorder. All of her behaviors were text book.
I have a sense of.....serious doubt about this post. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/22/2008 11:03:03 PM | | wow. I went out of my way and wrote all that nice sh!t for you too. get a life. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:09:50 AM | ^^^lol..
It's not a bad idea. He writes the outline and we fill in the blanks ...
OP, firstly get your dates right. Continuity is important.
Secondly, make Marcy a little more vivid. What was she doing while you were cooking, cleaning, baking, scouring and generally whistling while you worked?
Thirdly, it definitely needs more sex. Perhaps you could include a chapter on how Marcy also turned out to be a bisexual transvestite or something. You know how jaded today's audiences are.
(I really hope his story is fiction, otherwise he'll probably top himself after this post.) | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:18:50 AM | | OP....get back here and defend yourself man! | |
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jkc63
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Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:14:39 AM | In response to the critics of my post; Yes there is a typo she filed for divorce in May of 2006 we were married for two years. I will also say that yes I made some large mistakes! I do trust people way to much! She got away with this because I never insisted on seeing bank statements for our joint account. That account was hers before we met. When we got married she added my name so it became our joint account. But she had it set up as an online account, so statements were never mailed to the house. Yes I opened all the mail, up to the last 3 months of our marriage. I was working 2nd shift at that time. I always sorted and kept track of the bills. I prepared lists for her, of who to pay and how much. She wanted to pay our bills online. I thought we had a good system; we were working as a team. It was not until I asked her to move out that I ever saw bank statements for our joint account. Yes this was a big mistake on my part.
Just so you don’t think that I am stupid to have let this happen. You should know that People with Antisocial Personality Disorder are extremely charming and very good at hiding their disorder. They are able to fool even the most trained people. Marcy’s job is the Administrative Assistant to the Department head of a major Big Ten school in Sociology Anthropology. So you see it is not just me she is fooling. I posted these stories for two reasons: One; to give people a little insight to who I am, and Two; to educate people as to the dangers of people with this personality disorder. If you want to learn more there is a great web site called Lovefraud online.
Yes I joined this site shortly after Marcy left. I had hoped to make some new friends and have someone to talk to. But I had no activity until this week because I was just not ready to make new friends. I had a lot of healing to do. I still do! But I am well on my way to starting the next chapter in my life. I am putting this divorce behind me and am doing what is needed to improve my life. I am back in school earning my degree. The two posts I put up yesterday were Remembering Essays I wrote for an English class. I am ready to make some new friends and hopefully someday I will be living my dreams again. I am not a bad guy, just a guy with bad luck! | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:10:20 AM | | Wrong jkc, you are a bad guy, for you, for your kid. When you let someone dupe you out of that much money or fool you into believing things are fine, you do your self a great disservice. We all make our own luck, being a pollyanna and hoping for the best is BS. It takes work to make something special, not just love and blind faith. Learn that and move on. Bob | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:46:44 AM | What a shame that others are not believing your story JKC. Some people with personality disorders/mental illnesses can and will wreak havoc on a relationship. They are experts at camouflaging their disorder/illness to get what they want and they show no remorse for the hurt and devastation that they cause.
Keep working on yourself and getting your life back on track. It will take time and a lot of hard work. Just don't forget that you will have to learn to trust again before you will be able to have another meaningful relationship. You CAN trust again, just smarter. Kudos for getting therapy!
Good luck JKC! | |
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jkc63
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Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:50:25 AM | | Thanks for the kind words. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:24:04 PM | | Yes, it's a shame that people are so untrusting, but I am betting that is because someone ruined it for you already by pulling their legs one time too many. Peace to you brother. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:47:41 PM | I apologize, OP, as it appears I took a cheap shot at you.
However, I took the liberty of checking out your profile and if you keep talking about how ''passionate'' you are and how much you want "snuggling", you're leaving yourself wide-open for Marcy #3. It might be time to think with your big head for a change. Just a thought, though. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:23:45 PM | | Apologies Internet you know | |
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jkc63
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Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| Nightmare
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:46:22 AM | | You people are probaly wondering if I have learned something from this? And can I ever trust anyone again? The answer to both questions is YES!! I will always trust people, at least till the prove me wrong! What I have learned though is to trust my instincts when I think something is wrong I don't ignore them anymore, I listen to them. My instincts are usually right! Everyone here at POF needs to learn about people with personality disorders so they don't fall victim to one. I always thought psychopaths looked like Anthony Hopkins in "Silence Of The Lambs" not cute sweet little girls! A great resorce to learn more is the web site" Lovefraud" | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:37:21 PM | | wait... marcy went from having a little , what was it? homemade soaps or something shop, to being the administrative assistant to the dept head of a major big ten school in sociology anthropology??? WHAT???? give me a break! what a bunch of crap! sounds to me like the op is a pathelogical liar. | |
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jkc63
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Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| Nightmare
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:07:39 AM | | Her soap shop failed because she could not give it the time, you cant run a business part time. That is what she was trying to do. She always had the job at the school. It amazed me that she was able to get grad students from her department to run her store for free. I ended up helping a lot as well. I started making all the soap for her. | |
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| Nightmare
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:18:14 AM | how did you find the time to make all the soap as well as doing cooking, cleaning, shopping, child raising and running your own business? no wonder you forgot to open the letter with your divorce papers in it..
you know, OP, I want to believe you, I really do...
but this
A great resorce to learn more is the web site" Lovefraud''
and this
Maybe because just minutes after this post, you posted another long, flowery story in the creative writing section
see my dilemma? | |
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jkc63
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Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 25 | |
| Nightmare
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:15:55 AM | | You don't have to believe me thats fine but everything I wrote is true. Yes it was a lot of work, but owning your own business teaches you to work long hours. Like I said these posts were two essays I wrote for a english class I am taking. I posted this story to help people understand the dangers of people with Personality Disorders. I hope no one ever has to go through what I have. And yes if you want to learn more check out that web site. It was created by a Therapist who happened to marry a psychopath. | |
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