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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He says he loves you but is never intimate....      Home login  
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 gypsiangel
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 1
He says he loves you but is never intimate....Page 1 of 1    
My guy had a 7 yr old son. He never left the boy with anyone so we could "date" so the 3 of us dated. He's ask me to come over to spend the night and I did a several times but felt funny about the kid being awake when I got there where we both put him to bed. Finally it got to where he'd ask me to come over and I'd call around 10pm to see if the kid was in bed so I could come over the kid would still be awake. (The kid ran the household by the way) So, never being alone with the man who kept saying he loved me, I made arrangement for him to go with me out of town on business trip. Wonderful motel, all expenses paid and I only had about 5 hours of work over two days time. He avoided me the whole time. We did not get intimate even though I paraded around in the motel fully nude. I finally asked him if he even found me attractive. He said it was a stupid question cuz he thought I was hot. Then I asked "why, no intimacy". He said he felt guilty for leaving the boy at his aunt's house and couldn't concentrate on us. He wined that he wanted to go home soon. Okay.. so I try to understand but get this.... he worked a lot of nights and "I" was the one to sit with the boy all night while his dad went to work. What gives? If a man says he's in love and that I'm sexually hot, why can't he even touch me or hold me much less have sex? So confused!
 ApplePieFacePlant
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 2
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:01:26 PM
He loves you like a babysitter.
 TenaciousJ.R.
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 3
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:04:29 PM

We did not get intimate even though I paraded around in the motel fully nude.


After looking at your profile and pictures you can assume the man is gay. No straight man would turn you down.

 memyselfandus
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 4
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:06:13 PM
He likes you for babysitting.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 5
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History
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:13:42 PM

He loves you like a babysitter.


*SNORT!!!*

Should post that with a warning Applepie.. holy crap that was exactly what I was thinking!!
 Candra
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 6
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:20:16 PM
He's afraid! It would be a lot less trouble (and probably cheaper) to just hire a babysitter, so I don't think that's it. He's afraid of getting hurt if he gets close. Or, maybe he's afraid you won't want his son. He may have some little secret which is a big deal to him but would probably not be all that significant to you. Or, he may just be shy and/or clumsy. Why does everything have to lead straight to sex? Why not give him a chance to get to know you, and you him? Men are people too. I don't believe they are all looking for an indiscriminate roll in the hay. I believe they are as complicated and as sensitive as women, if not more so in some ways, and it isn't a weakness or a disorder. If he continues to stick around, spend money and time on you, invite you to be part of his family life, tell you he loves you...then, give him and the relationship time to develop at a more realistic pace.
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 7
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:26:56 PM
Giving him the benefit of the doubt... maybe he has ED or an STD and he's afraid if he tells you you'll leave him. I find it hard to believe that guilt over the kid is the whole reason. But if guilt over the kid is the only answer he'll give you, well, the kid isn't going anywhere so maybe you should.
 TenaciousJ.R.
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 8
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:31:14 PM
so I don't think that's it. He's afraid of getting hurt if he gets close. Or, maybe he's afraid you won't want his son. He may have some little secret which is a big deal to him but would probably not be all that significant to you. Or, he may just be shy and/or clumsy. Why does everything have to lead straight to sex? Why not give him a chance to get to know you, and you him? Men are people too. I believe they are as complicated and as sensitive as women, if not more so in some ways, and it isn't a weakness or a disorder.


Afraid of getting hurt? Clumsy/shy? Complicated and as sensitive as women? Didn't I just post I thought he was gay?

He was in a Hotel with a beautiful, nude woman; if he didn't want sex he has to be gay.


So since your man has fathered a child, he is capable of being w/ a woman.


I know a few homosexuals and lezbians that tried playing straight for various reasons. Hmmm. Such as religious, family, friend, and societies pressure to conform. Having a child means nothing; look at Ricky Martin and Clay Aiken.
 byebye baby
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 9
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:31:51 PM
I find it kinda hard to imagine he's gay, mind you that was my first thought...
I've a very close friend who's gay and he's told me he can not even stomach the idea of being with a woman.

So since your man has fathered a child, he is capable of being w/ a woman.
I'd ask, if you're really becoming attached to him, if he's dealt with the break up or whatever his situation was with the boys Mother.

Sometimes a serious underlying issue, left unresolved, CAN keep a man from engaging in any sorta sexual activity.

My ex had alot going on when I became pregnate with my daughter, also he wasn't exactly looking to procreate ... but he stayed with us, and we were the cute happy little family, outside of the bedroom.
He did reassure me daily of his love for me... but we did not have any form of sex from the 4th month of preg. until she was 2 years old.
I too, tried everything and would come out & ask him, what was going on... unfortunetly he couldn't give me an answer...
It took me breaking up with him to bring back any interest on his part, of having a sex life with me... for us a temp. fix... but at least I got some for awhile!!

Your man does sound a little overly attached to his son..... I'd bet he's got alot to sort out, and wasn't ready yet for a relationship just for himself... He says he loves you, I'd believe he does... but he sounds like he needs to work on whatever his issues are ..... a consideration anyway.
Best wishes to ya...


... maybe he has ED or an STD and he's afraid if he tells you you'll leave him.


Another likely answer.... if you can deal with either of those possibilities, I'd push him to open up, while reassuring him of your feelings for him
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 10
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:35:24 PM
OP, I don't understand why you need to post a thread on this. OBVIOUSLY there is an "issue". He may have ED, which would be my guess. Or else, he's not into you, which is hard to imagine, looking at your pics. In any case, it doesn't seem that he's capable of being sexually functional with you, whatever the reason. The "why?" doesn't really matter, unless you don't care if it's sexual either.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 11
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History
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:40:23 PM
And here I thought a woman in Oklahoma would love to have a man that wasn't a Sooner? Who knew?

Even if any of us were qualified here we'd of course have to ask him since he's an individual now wouldn't we?
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 12
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:54:29 PM
You aren't confused, you know exactly what is going on. It is just so hard to face what you are seeing. You are seeing the man you fell in love with being controlled by his child and has his whole life wrapped around the child.

He knows you are beautiful, but his life has become the son. Some parents can't seem to balance dating, they can't balance their time. I know that I know my children want me happy and going out with someone makes me happy. Children need to see that you have a life. If a child grows up and only sees you make their happiness and not have any, they will do the same when they become a parent. It is important to live your life.

Your boy friend has checked out and you could do counseling, but I am guessing you won't be able to get him to see what he is doing. You will probably either have to live with the way things are, not getting any better; or leave him and hopefully find someone that appreciates you for you and can be part of your life as much as you are part of his.

Good luck
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 13
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:22:04 PM
I agree with candra and alooohaha. It could be a number of things.

In the end it's your decision based on how your really feel about this guy. Good luck to you.
 DirtyOldManInTraining
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 14
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:39:53 PM
My first impression would tend to follow the "gay" posts.

I mean, NO physical intimacy??? holding hands, snuggling, etc????

But, upon further reflection............I would have to agree with byebye baby and em.

This guy has bigger, deep-seated issues!
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 15
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:40:09 PM
This isn't meant to be pandering, but this man's issues are much deeper than you'll probably want to know. If you want a boost of confidence, find 999 out of 1,000 guys and your parading around in the nude will provoke a very different reaction. Find another horse and saddle up.
Sure, the son situation is a red flag, but loving you like a babysitter is pure idiocy. More likely he fears you like a babysitter. But, that isn't more than a gratuitous guess. Either way, for some reason his libido has stopped cold and it takes a lot of psychic energy over a period of time to make that happen. Predictably, he's gay or very troubled.
 Octobersixty3
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 16
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:37:14 PM
He has serious issues with intimacy if you ask me. Probably feels guilty having sex with someone who isn't his son's mother...Refer him to a psychologist, and call ME the next time you go out of town on an all expense paid trip, lol- kidding, couldn't resist cuz you are HOT
 TakeMeTheWayIAm
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 17
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/22/2008 11:18:28 PM
He's either gay... or he has a very small penis... or maybe he suffers from E.D. perhaps.

Dump him. It sounds like he's just shopping for a mother, not a wife/lover.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 18
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:13:55 AM
But, if he's got all these "issues" like ED or STD or whateverrrrr....why did he go on the trip with the OP? He must have known it would involve a sleep-over...
Weird. Tooo weird.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 19
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:46:03 AM
Maybe he is using his son as a reason for not being intimate with you, because he fears getting you pregnant. You parading around naked was torture for the guy cuz he probably really wants to be intimate, but wont cuz of the getting you pregnant fear (probably the reason he wanted to leave that lil trip early).

Talk with this guy. Have a heart to heart and find out if this is his issue, or another one and get it resolved or........find yourself another man.
 sweet lady Lori
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 20
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:14:04 AM
Are you still with him? It sounds as if you are talking in past tense, which would mean you saw the warning signs and moved on. If not, refer to what I just said before this.
 DirtyOldManInTraining
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 21
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:21:14 AM
lori..............she could be like me and refer to present things in past tense as well. Especially where someone else is involved and may be looking.

I just have too much past experience with some internet people that have too much free time to meddle in others' affairs and create drama, for their own amusement.

So it's just far easier to broach current affairs as though they were past experiences. This helps to keep the unworthy from digging in too deep into one's personal life, without proper invitation.

OP: help the guy get into counselling or just move on.
 girlwillbegirl
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 22
He says he loves you but is never intimate....
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:27:33 AM
I say ditto to everything what Candra said. And I say Give the guy a break!
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He says he loves you but is never intimate....