mu7
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Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:12:06 AM | :angel 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in..
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
5. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
6. I pay your salary!
7. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around-that's how far ahead of me they are.
11. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of money from the bank robbery, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
12. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.:  | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:33:58 AM | 14. Handcuffs and pepper spray, sounds like a great time
15. Aren't you a little too chubby for to be cop
16. Ok.... now lets see if I can catch you!
17. So are there any attractive cops in your department?
18. Did your mom make that uniform for you?
19. Sorry it's not halloween, no candy for you!
20. Hi officer Head, your first name is Richard (Dick) right? | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:12:01 PM | What are ya at today, Occifer?
(True story... a friend of mine had just finished telling me how he called policemen occifers when he was a child when we got pulled over. Guess who got himself a field sobriety test?) :) | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:16:48 AM | "Volo necos vos et imbibo vestri cruorem."
Y'gotta say it with a really demonic and twisted voice.
Heh, it'd be funny if they tried to bring a translator down, but couldn't find one that speaks Latin. | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:16:01 AM | I'll buy you a Crispy Cream if you let me off with a warning.
Aren't you the same cop that chased me yesterday?
No, I wasn't drinking, it aint smart to take my drugs with alcohol.
Aren't you that cop I saw on the news beating that guy senseless for J-walking. | |
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mu7
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Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:20:51 PM | A true story: I just read a newspaper article that said a man was stopped for driving with out headlights. He then failed a soberity test and was taken in. While he was being finger printed he moved close to a police officer and broke wind. So now he is being charged with battery of a police officer on top of everything else. So remember flautulence is also a bad idea when being stopped by the police | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:25:39 PM | When asked do you know why I pulled you over
1)How many guesses do I get?
2)Its late and you wanted some conversation?
3)You thought I was hot and thought I would give you my number?
4)What is Dunkin Donuts closed already?
True story I got pulled over late one night for going thru a yellow light.I have a clean record so the cop says I have to give you a ticket since I ran your license.So I asked him what was on the menu?Whats the cheapest ticket you have?He looked at the back of a ticket and told me the fines. I said ok so a broken tail lite is 42 bucks.I'll take one of those lol!! | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:30:13 AM | i think its off southpark
what seems to be the officer problem
if you didnt have that hat on, id kill you
can i see your license ? "..... no?"( i think it would be funny just because its soo simple)
Have you been drinking "I'm a maple leafs fan, that should answer your question" | |
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| A few things not to say when pulled over by the cops.
Posted: 4/25/2009 4:29:09 AM | A man is late for work and gets pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the car and knocks on the window, "Do you know why I pulled you over sir?"
"Yes officer, I was speeding; but I have good reason."
"Then what is your reason?"
"I'm late for work and if I am too late I'll get fired."
The cop nods his head and says "Well what to you do that is so important?"
The man knows he's lost, and so he sarcastically replies, "An ***hole stretcher."
"An ***hole stretcher?" the policeman seems mesmerized...
"What I do is I work on finger into someone's ***hole real gentle like, and then I work it in and out until I can fit a second finger. Once I have two fingers in I slowly work in a finger from my other hand, and then a fourth, until finally I have both hands firmly up this ass. The slowly but surely I start to stretch it until its... oh about 6 feet wide or so."
The baffled police officer says "What do you do with a 6 foot ***hole?"
"Give it a RADAR gun and have it patrol the freeway!"  | |
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R2D2_1
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Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 24 | |
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