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 suzie74
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 1
Why do I get so nervous around him?Page 1 of 1    
I have been on a few dates with a guy I have known for awhile(He works out at my gym). He just had is heart broken last month. I'm strongly attracted to him but some odd reason my body language says the opposite. If you would look at me im totally closed off to him, yet im extremely attracted to him. I know he has alot more experience in the dating world and has dated extremely hot girls. I don't know if im comparing myself to them or am I just way to shy so show him I like him. We are friends and just went on two dates. He expresses himself very well and is very open. but for whatever particular reason , im distant from him.
 Thunderstorms62
Joined: 12/11/2004
Msg: 2
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:44:43 PM
After reading your profile I am somewhat convinced that
you are no "ugly duckling."
How you view yourself stacked up against others is another
issue but why go that route? Does it really matter who he has
dated in the past? Do you feel that you aren't his "type?" (abhor that word)

If he is looking at your body language what signal is he receiving?
I don't get the "intimidation" thing between the sexes but I sure see a lot of it in these
threads.
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 3
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Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:49:43 PM
You are nervous because you find him verrrrry hot. You want him bad but are afraid of rejection, so you stay aloof.

Put on your big girl panties and do not be afraid to show him that you like him without being too overt. You can start by saying " I really enjoy being with you and give him a kiss"

Good luck,

Jim
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 4
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Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:00:01 PM
Maybe your gut is telling you something that your head has not heard yet????

Can be something from a past experience, certain character similarities, even a smell that reminds you of someone or something else that triggers an event that makes you nervous and/or closed off.

It might also be that he is just out of a recent relationship and you know that it takes time to heal, and you do not want to be the rebound woman. Your attraction may be there, but your reality knows better....for now.

Just my opinion......
 Rydethere
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 5
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:00:04 PM
The best way that I know if a woman likes me, is if she touches me. (Like while laughing, touches my arm) Know what I mean? Perhaps even a slight lean into him will capture his attention.

The other thing, is all the little things that you see as romantic, (That get your attention) will also work on him. Flowers or a card sent to him. Remember, it's always the little things.

Being Nervous is not a bad thing.


~Good Luck
 suzie74
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 6
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:22:35 PM
He does have some similar charateristics of my ex, I guess that makes me a bit weary. I feel like I cant communicate with him. Yet he tells me everything. He has released a lot of private information to me. Especially so quickly. I'm a very non judgmental person and he knows that. I guess im putting up a wall because the fear of getting hurt again is there.
 AndrewTS
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 7
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:20:14 PM
Yeeeha! Guys, we bagged a good un in our "ask a guy" net!

As to your question, which was not asked at all, now you know how all guys feel around you. "But my silent tongue has tricked me... before I reach the phone... the phone's too heavy, can't lift it... must I always be alone?"

You were first impressed by this guy because he looks so suave, muscular, nice-smelling and hot. This is a typical male trait, to be impressed by the physical attraction of another, so yes, maybe that explains why you're behaving weirdly for a woman: You behave around this guy like a man, and as if he was a woman, so to speak for the purpose of this discussion.

I've seen it happen, and it really hits me as funny when the attraction hits a woman like crazy. She becomes obsessed like men, but women are more refined, kinder and less outgoing, so she just swallows her lust and wallows in her unsatisfied craving for the man.
 willis-re-up
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 8
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:23:44 PM
I wouldn't worry about the looks thing - you've already been on a few dates, right? I wouldn't go on a date with I woman I didn't find physically attractive because I don't think a few dates are going to change my attraction to her. I bet your guy's the same.

When I feel nervous around a woman, it's because I've known her for a while & I've built up such high hopes in my head, it gets to a point where it's hard to even ask her out.

Your roadblock is opening up to him, so follow Nike's advice like I do: Just Do It. Just blurt something you're thinking in your head without thinking about it, & the rest I think will come out easier.

It can't hurt, since you aren't moving forward & you can't stay in this holding pattern much longer.
 Rydethere
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 9
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:43:27 PM

I guess im putting up a wall because the fear of getting hurt again is there.



Walls are nothing more than protection. Might be that he is taking some time in between relationships. Another option, he may still Long for her and be looking to you for advice/help. And since you are asking GUYS, be careful not to end up as (sex) the in between. (because yes, we will)

He has though, gone out with you (and you him). Is this not a good start? Is he going out with anyone else? Maybe he wants you, but doesn't want you to feel like a rebound. And honestly, What has he been dating....Super Models? You are beautiful!!! I know that when you look in the mirror in the morning you may not feel beautiful....But YOU ARE!

As for you having your guard up...That is good and isn't too much of a concern to most men. Most women have walls up and are worried about being hurt. (I am sure this has been a concern before......correct me if I am wrong)

Believe....Hope...and take a chance....Put yourself out there a little, but don't push. Guys like to lead.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 10
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:07:57 PM
I agree with pirate that you are nervous and therefore aloof. Maybe have a couple of glasses of wine before you see him next time...................just to calm you a little..................
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 11
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Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:47:17 PM
I could ponder the possibility your consumption with fitness has you anxious as to how you're gonna stack up with his apparently ample experience. I could also suggest that maybe you're scared of appreciating a man for more than his packaging. Nah, just go play Frank Zappa's "Catholic Girls."
 IamDadda
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 12
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:58:37 PM
Maybe you're not listening to your woman's intuition? Lust is clouding things up? Or maybe he's diggin the fact that you're distant and not throwing yourself at him but you don't know it? Good luck, I'm sure whoever has the wall up, it'll come down if it's meant to be.
 Sivoph
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 13
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:00:10 PM
Do to it like they did the Berlin Wall, sista.
 chanel27
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 14
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:56:00 PM
All I have to say is keep your guard up & don't give it up easy...you never know how many other women he has messed around with at the gym.

You dont want to be just another name he adds to his blk book

Good Luck
 anneC/L
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 15
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:42:19 AM
Don't be reseved just because you might be hurt. We all get hurt at some point, if we gave up life would be miserable. Remember we all have the capability to hurt someone else too. Take life as it comes x
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
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Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:10:49 AM
1) You want him so bad, you fear losing what it is you want. So, rather than risk losing what you want so bad, you instead do....nothing.

Ironically, if he thrills to the chase...you're attractive to him. But once he gets you...he may only be interested in the chase.

If you want to be less shy, then focus less on what you enjoy about him. Focus more on just having a good time.

2) maybe your head is sending your body the red light, since he sets off some warning bells.

sit down w/ a piece of paper, write down the things about your ex that wasn't good. Write on another piece of paper, the things you see in this guy. Detail WHY you feel you aren't communicating with him. THAT is probably your red flag. Be very concrete and detailed on both sheets of paper

Now compare both sheets of paper.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 17
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:01:07 AM
Just from your thread, not reading into it too far: "He has a lot more experience in the dating world" means: He not only gotten around a lot, but he's failed in a lot of relationships. It also means, he's kind of a pro at this and, in subtle ways, maybe he knows how to keep control or be in control, which isn't conducive to comfort for you.
Free associate on your own vibe. Is he physically strong, which may be appealing, but also threatening? You've already alluded to a comparison with other women as a possible threat. Free associate and keep note of where your mind goes. It may help.
Not sure I like the "have a glass of wine" idea. In that vein, you could try losing consciousness and see if that helps.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 18
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:32:06 AM
You know that a long term anything with him is unlikely, particularly as he dates a lot and has only just broken up with someone. Do you want a short-term fling or not? If not, whatever the attraction, you'd probably be smart to listen to your nervousness and look around for someone you feel more comfortable with as well as attracted to.

I think your attraction to and nervousness regarding this guy is mostly about your ego -- you perceive that he's desirable to and able to go out with "lots of extremely hot girls". If he shows an interest in you, that makes you feel desirable, so you're hoping, but you've got your defences up because you're scared he won't feel that way about you. The way you write, it sounds like you're letting him judge your attractiveness -- this is not really about relating to the man or having a relationship with him, it's just a "hot or not" rating.
 thewrongdossier
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 19
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Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:05:58 PM
Drink beer.........


.
 willis-re-up
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 20
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:42:29 PM
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen such a diverse (but not bad) number of opinions & advice in such a short thread before! Each one I read makes me think it could be right! But, only one can previal, so...

I'm taking thewrongdossier's advice right now, it's working!
 Plastic Sturgeon
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 21
Why do I get so nervous around him?
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:07:49 PM
I'd like to know the answer to this as well. It's always interesting to
see how and why women do what they do!

What I don't understand is why the OP figured that guys would know
the answer to this question. Wouldn't the question better be answered
by women? But it would be interesting to see whether any of the suggestions
felt right to the OP. Please tell!
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