| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:33:24 PM | Why do guys post they are looking for a long term relationship when they are not at all?
I have met a guy on here, he had posted he was looking for a long term relationship. He contacted me first.
And since he lived in my area I agree'd to meet him, all on the basis of him looking for a long term relationship.
We start dating steadily, and I was really getting attached to him. I told him I was. Then he tells me I shouldn't. That he is going to continue to date others and I should too. But by then I was not wanting to date anyone else, just him. He truely is a nice guy. I hung in there for awhile hoping if he saw how good I was to him, he would choose to stop seeing others.
It has not happened, he continues too see me regulary, but is not looking for a long term relationship at all.
I actually think he has hit on every girls in our area. What is with these guys posting lies on their profiles.
I am so confused what to do, I really care for this guy.
But I did start to date others.
Whisper | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:44:05 PM | Well, there are two different things that could be happening here. Either he is posting long term falsely and is just trying to lure women to him more easily using that looking for status. Perhaps just to date more or even just for an ego boost.
This second scenerio is not at all meant to come across as mean or rude. But, perhaps even if he is looking for a long term relationship, he is dating others because he is not sure that he is wanting one with you. This is not meant to offend or discourage you from dating. Simply a statement that could be a possibility. Unless he has expressed his lack of desire to have long term with anyone, then one may assume that while he enjoys hanging out with you, he wishes to continue dating others. Either because he does not see a true lasting relationship with you or because he would like to keep his options open until he is certain you are the one.
I wish you the best of luck with this. Continue dating others as well as him if you wish to still see him. Good luck to you!!! | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:45:01 PM | it happned to me too 8mths talked about moving in togther and marrage the whole lot he took me ring shopping as well, then turned out completly horrible dumped me. for reasons i dont wanna mention, but he was also long term so i no how u feel sorry to hear ur being treated like this not nice for anyone rise above it i had too,dont let him show ur being hurt even though u are, im meeting a lot more nice people now, not ones that make false promises.... hope u find wot ur looking for it will happen   | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 3:03:25 PM | | The saying "Any port in a storm"comes to mind.regardless of if he lied in his profile or not,truth is,he's just not that into you.Of course he's going to continue seeing you.He knows you like him and at very least it's an ego boost for him to have you around.The bottom line is,it's hurting you emotionally to be around him.He's said he's going to continue to date.As difficult as it may be,it's my opinion that you need to dump him and let him find another Ms.Right Now.No matter how wonderful and perfect for him you may be,he will never see it.He's already decided that. You deserve to be with someone who's as into you as you are him. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 3:04:18 PM | | In this situation, I think you are wise to believe what he says and date others. You can never know what is really in his head about wanting long term. You have described the one sided feeling situation - it is not a pleasant place to be. I'd cool it off a bit with him. Not playing games, I jus would naturally feel distanced from someone who behaved that way. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 3:19:11 PM | I think the others that posted in this thread pretty much hit the head on the nail.
Why do so many dating relationships fail?
It is almost as if all the planets have to come into alignment for them to succeed.
Meaning that for one reason or another and regardless of common ground........
most dating relationships do not endure. (I read recently that 8 out of 10 will fail)
That's what makes it so special if you do happen to succeed.
Keep fishing!!! | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 4:45:52 PM | Q: Why do guys post they are looking for a long term relationship when they are not at all?
A: Those guys are lying because they believe that if you think they are after a long term relationship with you, it will be more likely to lead to s*x.
Q: I actually think he has hit on every girls in our area. What is with these guys posting lies on their profiles.
A: You probably think that he has hit on every girl in your area, because he has tried to do just that. He is lying to them because he believes it is more likely to lead to s*x.
Implied Question: "I am so confused what to do, I really care for this guy." Stop caring for him. When he started seeing you, he thought that you were stupid and would buy a lie about him wanting an LTR. Now he realizes that he can actually see other women, and keep dating you also, because you are letting him. Which you should stop doing. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 4:55:39 PM | | Just because long term is your goal does not mean that every date is going to move in that direction. I know it hurts when signals get crossed or affection is not returned but it happens to everyone. You'll meet your right one someday. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:43:16 PM | I'm inclined to think he IS looking for an LTR... and he's scoping the market trying to find the "best deal". You may, or may not, be the "best deal" he's found so far... but he's unsure that maybe there's someone better out there and so he's still scoping the market.
He may not have lied at all. You may not be what he's looking for. On the other hand, you may BE what he was looking for but he was hoping for something yet better because he's got this fantasy partner in his mind.
I dunno. Maybe he was lying, maybe he's a "playa". I never figured out how that works, so I can't talk about it & make any sense. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:56:41 PM | my favorites are the ones whose profiles do not match them AT ALL in real life. I also had that drive by from someone who had long term on their profile who on the 2nd date told me he had a really full life. (translation it's not happening here honey). He said on his profile he liked to take weekend trips. He told me in person he didn't make long range plans. I continued to see him casually but he told the truth, so I moved one.
Then there was the one who said he was separated who posted long term also. I found out that she was probably still living with him so I quit taking his calls.
I try to keep an open mind but this is ridiculous. If I like you I will tell you. I'm too old for those games.
Right now I'm on a hiatus. Both guys back to back where a little too much for my ego and I'm trying to see what part I played in both of them so I don't do it again. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:57:23 PM |
Just because long term is your goal does not mean that every date is going to move in that direction.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
I've done the e-mail thing, chatted on the phone, and had the first date....and there was no connection for me. I stop things there. Once or twice, I was given grief for not being a long-term person. Huh? I would think that I would be asking for it if I went for sex and then cut it off....but after a hug or a kiss only, sorry - it just didn't work. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 9:03:57 PM | Pretty much everything has already been discussed.
There are guys that are maneuvering for exclusivity and they know that is not going to happen with the majority of women unless there is at least the possibility of a long-term relationship.
The man has not lied to you, he may in fact be looking for a long-term relationship and he either does not see himself long-term with you or he isn't into you enough to go there.
Then there are the people that think they are ready for a long-term relationship but start seeing someone and realize that they are not ready.
OP, if you enjoy spending time with him keep seeing him but date other people and perhaps things will click with one of those guys or even perhaps with this man down the line. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 9:58:38 PM | I personally have no interest at all .... in other than LTR.
I stopped “dating” right after I started. I’ve have been on ZERO dates for over there years and ..... it is not because I can’t get dates.
I don’t understand why anyone goes out with anyone - if they already know that person is not a high potential for a real two way match.
Many people say “how do you know if you don’t date”. My guess would be they ALREADY KNOW - and it would take some fluke to change their minds.
From my limited experience (married most of my life) casual dating is nothing but casual sex with a PC spin on it.
OP ......... I would guess that most guys that put LTR in their profile because it is true ....... but they are doing the “try it and see how it goes” - the “how can you tell with out dating” is what most people think. I just happen to think most know BEFORE the date that the possibility of a real match is not there. People get tired of - not at least dating some. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 10:10:01 PM | I guess he decide that you are not the one who he wants build long term relationship after you seen each other,in another words, he dosent fall in love with you... .thats why..he is still looking for the one that make him give up looking for women. ..and he still keeping see you cause he is lonly and need a woman spend time with him when he feels longly. sth like that...
If he says he is looking for long term relationship,then probably he mean it. i belive that.. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 10:12:36 PM | | Good for you gal for starting to date other men. I know it hurts your heart but there is a song out there and the words kinda fit in this scenerio...JUST WALK ON BY...darlin but dont' wait on no corner. The right man is out there for you and don't feel that all men that post looking for long term are not..remember ALL MEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL for that matter neither are All Women but sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince. There are some terrific guys out there but I can also see from a mans point of view, if they are not ready to commit to one woman..its pretty darn scary. I was married for 21 years and I too thought it would last forever but you have to work on relationships just like flowers, if you dont' water them, they die. Good luck my friend and I hope you find the man that makes your heart sing!! | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:10:46 PM | | Just because one is looking for a long term relationship doesn't mean the first person they make a connection with will be whom they want a long term relationship with. It sounds like this guy met the criteria and things you were searching for, but you didn't necessarily meet his. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:11:31 AM | Op I say ditto to almost everything said here by other posters. He may desire long term, but not with you. If he wanted to build a relationship with you, he wouldn't date others. I have been there and done all of that. You may connect with this man on certain levels, but he isn't connecting with you. Then again he may have lied and is using the long term bait to lure you all in, he very well could be playing you all.
If you had such deep feelings for him you would not have started dating others. I think you know deep in your heart that it isn't gonna work out with this man. He just wants to test the waters and play around.
I do wish you all the best. If you desire long term, state it up front. But don't get caught up in the whole scenario of one date = lifelong commitment.
Love is like an overgrown garden. We have to walk and pick through the weeds to get to the most beautiful flowers.
Take care. | |
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gxa
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Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 21 | |
| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:26:36 AM | this thing the site has to block users from writing. Its laughable. It just encourages deception. Like I see a pretty girl. I want pretty girl. I can only write to pretty girl if I want long term. ...
Honesty only comes from relationships that enable honesty. The more instances that honesty becomes a pain in the a$$ you will find more flexing in what the "truth" is.
So, this guy was honest with you. But you set up these restrictions in your mind, that if some how said guy looks for long term he may not be looking across a large number of possibilities.
For example. I hate dating. Im looking for long term. So I don't want to frig up and make choices i might regret. So I keep looking for a while. And find many good candidates. I don't want to date when Im 80, so I better pick the right one once. So it takes some time..
Still you might have triggered a detection of manipulation. he might have picked up extra nice as a exaggerated behavior. he may very well be seeking long term. Just not with you.
and why do people assume "long term" means monogamous? | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:40:55 AM | Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
He is searching for long term, just not with you.
I believe he has the right to date whomever he pleases in the hopes of finding a compatible match.
What is with these guys posting lies on their profiles.
Again, it isn't a lie. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:46:26 AM | Start dating other people. Guys like this either aren't connecting on the same level that you are or they don't know what they really want. Has this guy ever been married? Saying you want to commit and doing it are 2 different things. Actions speak louder than words.
Good luck and keep fishing!!!!
Southern | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:48:11 AM | Hey there a lot of girls who do that to! You would be surprised.
He turned you into a booty call and you fell for it. I thought that would not make him a nice guy? I am confused? | |
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