| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:48:07 PM | | anyone here ever had a husband that was bipolar and hdhd? really hurt bad when he shows a different side of himself, he was very lovable, but had a bad temper, mood swings, i walked on eggshells everyday. thought he was my soulmate, loved him very much and believe i still do, cant get him off my mind, but the things he says or does hurts, been separated for over a year now, he can't or won't cummunicate. don't know what to do. looking for friends. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:06:38 AM | wow...been there done that~~~
it's difficult, but trust me you're going to be happier in the long run...My mother lived with my bipolar dad for 30 years until she passed away of cancer and let me tell you, things could have been better in our house. I ended up getting into a long term relationship with a bipolar man that lasted 4 years. I walked on eggshells a lot, saw the jekyl and hyde, and endured many, many "you don't know what you're talking about" when I asked him if he was cheating on me. Evidently, he was narcissistic too, because he needed to feel wanted by MANY different women. We broke up 5 months ago and today he's in jail because while I allowed him to visit our daughter he hit me...why did he hit me?? this is the good part. He snuck out to my car and went through my phone and noticed a number or two that he thought were men I was dating. Remind you...he's cheated on me my entire 4 year relationship AND is currently stringing along 3 women...but he went ballistic on me when he suspected that I was seeing anyone. If you need a friend, I'll be your friend. But you don't need the bipolar whack job...trust me....it's not worth it. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:11:50 AM | | There's bipolar, and then there's BIPOLAR. There's medication for both. My wife was bipolar. I'd marry her again tomorrow. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:15:01 AM | | I worked next to a guy who was bipolar. Great when he was on his meds. Instant a$$ when he wasn't. And he made life hell for us because he was too cheap to continue it. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:34:31 AM | sorry to hear your situation as I can relate. I am sure my ex is bipolar as well and suffered very similar issues through 8 years of marriage.
Three years of marriage councelling did not help. She was actually charged with uttering threats to a female coworker of mine. She used depression and lack of sleep as an excuse and went on antidepressants. She read a coule self help books, she thought she was all better and then took herself (convinced the doctor) off the meds. She reverted back to the same old behavior, quit the councelling and that was the nail in the coffin, so to speak.
I am free from the behavior and now struggling to get more time with the kids and give them a fighting chance in that house - have to give them some coping tools
good luck
I | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:48:01 AM | Kudos to Wabit 3! For his positive and compassionate statement!
I am a facilitator for a mental group workshop, we teach families (spouses, siblings, parents,etc) on how to deal and what to expect from loved ones with these diseases.
And it's not a character flaw,like is portrayed here by some, but a mental illness, that is controlled by medication. And everyone is different. To say that a person with Bipolar is normally a cheat, an abuser is is not true.
A very good friend of mine is bipolar, and maintains a job, a family and has a beautiful relationship with both. And was with her when she went through her psychosis, and it was hell for her!
For Pete's sake, for those who have had a bad experience, I don't mean to downsize it, but stop painting everyone with the same brush.
It's the equivelent of saying that because someone has abused you or been unfaithful, that all persons of that gender are like that. Unfortunately, the public is very ignorant of mental illness, it is such a stigma, that compassion is lacking and is is sorely needed ,as well as knowledge. I have 2 members of my family with mental illness, and I wouldn't trade them for all the tea in China!
Although I know, everyone is different and so is their situation, and they have to do what is best for them at that particular Moment In Life, I would hope to read more of the positive relationships out there, as in Wabit 3. And there is just as many positives as there are negatives!
Just a thought for the day, and Bless you all! | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:59:53 AM | Dear Lady,
I was married for four years and in a relationship for practically 10 years with a man whom I will..."love for the rest of my life" the problem comes in where the aching heart is much less painful than the (walking on eggshells) (or the bruises) or whatever else happens within that relationship...
It is a sickness, and to be with him I had to get sicker quicker ..does that make sense..
the best thing to do is to heal yourself if possible and move on forth into your life..not leaving him behind but cherishing someone that opened up new worlds within..
Society won't allow this relationship to exist either, don't even think that its something you or he did...because it' just has to much stacked against you..
there truly is no help other than the help that you can give yourself..
I hope this makes a little sense...and I'd love to talk about this more specifically and share stories so to speak..I've been so quiet about the pain of this myself for so long...
fee free to message me at buttrflys on POF...and we can go from there if interesting in a chat..take care
blessings
Sherri | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 4:14:58 AM | that is controlled by medication. No, not always. Those that have been having episodes for years have the kindling effect. Their brain has gotten so used to having the episodes that even medication doesn't completely stop them. Episodes can get so bad that they are abusive not only to others but themselves. It doesn't show itself in just physical but verbal abuse. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde walks through the door one night and the next it is Mr. Hyde.
Early symptoms include the sexual appetite. Sex at an early age results. As they get older undiagnosed episodes get worse normally and become more frequent. You can chart them on a calendar.
Self medication with illegal drugs or alcohol.
Everyone in the family is effected/affected by the instability.
There is so much more I could write about, if you need or want support, please email me. Been there done that, have the broken heart and the scars. I had to clean the egg shells out of my house. I can walk on my carpet again.
Good luck | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:16:27 AM | | Over a year ago I met a guy off here that was not only that but a Narcissist as well. Try to get him off your mind or he will consume you. They are not healthy to be around at all. Do what I did...walk away from it, make new friends and start living again. They are controlling, manipulative and try to make you feel bad on purpose. Good luck on that, believe me, you are better off without him. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:52:30 AM | haha, my kids mom is bipolar and manic depressive. What a ****ing whackjob she is!
Stay away from people like this, they'll do nothing but hurt you and bring you down. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:27:02 PM | | I have dated 2 guys I'm pretty sure both have personality disorders. My first boyfriend I'm sure is bipolar. One minute he'd be the most kindest and loving person, then at a drop of a hat he'd get really nasty and insensitive for no reason. When I told him my aunt was dying of cancer he said "What's the matter, she can't live forever". I even confronted him about the nasty things he said to me, he would deny he did them. Acted like he knew nothing about it. I was constantly walking on eggshells, and we broke up 2 times before he walked out on me for good. Now looking back it was the best thing he could ever do for me. He was always putting me down, No one deserves to be treated like that. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:57:42 PM | Get help, either legal, therapist or both. The other thing is to stop thinking about him and take care of you. Your love for him is not the question. The question is at what price are you willing to pay for that love? What can you live with and what can't you live with? Set boundaries for yourself and start living.  | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 8:07:19 PM | | I had a bipolar husband...he was into his illness..he never got better only worse. I found him selfish and unloveable. I got out of the marriage. But I wish I had gotten out sooner. Time in life wasted. They don't change. Not in less they wish to. My ex liked being all medicated...and slurring words...and he was into himself..and being the one who needed so much taking care of. He even scared me sometimes with his moods when they got really dark. My advise? Get far away from this trouble. And make a happy life for yourself. Don't leave him a forwarding address or phone number for him to contact you. He is never going to change. Believe me...I know!!!!!! | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 8:10:59 PM | | How ****ing dare you, I'm bipolar and I would never do anything to harm or bring anyone else down. You're no saint, who the hell are you to judge anybody but yourself. And last time I checked it isn't funny either, grow up. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 9/30/2008 8:13:43 PM | Is he seeking help and is he on medication to regulate this disease? If not, I am afraid his erratic behaviour will continue. Even with treatment bipoloar disorder is very hard to deal with because when the patient is on a high, they do not think they need their meds and frequently go off them resulting in another episode of depression soon after. It is also very difficult to find the right combination and dosages of drugs to use to treat the disorder because everyone's brain chemistry is different so what works for Bill will not necessarily work for Sam.
If he can get this disease under control you may get to see the man you feel in love with again but, if he is resisting treatment or refusing to acknowledge that he even has the disease, I am afraid you may have lost the man you knew. As long as the disease is in control, the man you knew does not exist anymore. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:50:32 AM | My heart feels for you. My husband suffered from Bi-polar disorder. He was also Borderline. I never knew which personality would come home. I bent over backwards to "keep the peace" and let him live as stress free as possible. No matter what I did, something somewhere would trigger an episode. Last year, 2007, was very bad. He bounced in and out of hospitals for suicidal tendencies. He would go from being huddled in a ball crying, to rage, anger and manic "I am ok" episodes. I supported him, got him medical treatment, therapy.....
In Feb 08, he decided I was the reason (for 20 yrs) of his mood swings. He had to get away, that I was the one making him crazy. He walked out on Valentine's day. I found him an apartment, paid for 3 months rent because he said he would work on our relationship. Because of his illness and dislike of people/being close we have not had marital relations for over 7 yrs. I never went to cheat, never even looked anywhere because I believe in being faithful to the one I am with. He demanded a divorce, which I gave him. His leaving sent me into a major depression (first time ever for me) I could not function, I could not sleep (sleeping alone is ROUGH), I could not understand HOW or why this could happen? How can someone just walk out? What happened for better or for worse part? I would have had plenty of excuses to leave with his rage and manic episodes but I understand his illness was the reason for his behavior, it isn't "him". So very hard confusing time for me. He never spoke to me again.
On fathers day my daughter called him and he did not answer. She called me demanding I go over and check on him. To which I responded, taking care of him and checking on him is no longer my job. His work called me Tuesday to say he hadn't come in. I reported him missing. The police found him. He had swallowed all his medication. I now feel he left me so he could off himself. Waited until the kids were gone and on their own, waited until he saw or felt I was doing ok, then took care of business. He left a note saying he was upset over our divorce. He demanded it, then got upset over it? Ok (confused I am over that) Do I feel guilty? Yes in a way, if I had gone over when my daughter called, could I have saved him? Should I have? He has tried so many times to die (3 serious attempts) and I stepped in, was I wrong to keep him going as long as I did? So lots of questions, no answers.
Bi-polar is a horrible, horrible illness. It affects EVERYONE around that person. Parents, siblings, children, spouses. It is just not a one person disease. It eats away at all it encounters. I hope you are getting help, as well as the person who suffers from it. I know I cannot be involved with someone like that again. A good place to find support is on the Internet, just do a search for bi-polar support groups, be you a spouse, person who suffers from it or a child/parent of a bi-polar. Best of luck to you all~Patricia | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:57:51 AM | | I've been in your shoes. The best advice anyone can give you is this: people are who they are, and they don't change, so walk away and don't look back. I know that it's a really hard thing to do, but you'll be better off for it in the long run. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:23:24 PM | | yeah i have moved on and seeking friends now, we both own a house, which him and his sons live in, and i have to go rent, i cant afford the house payment, sigh. he wont get a divorce and i cant afford to with paying rent etc on my wages. he does go to the shrink and takes meds but they dont help because he smokes his pot to help self medicate he told me not to tell the shrink. he has got his old ex gf comes to see him now after years of wasting his time with her, said she never was his type, hated her, etc. so yeah im moving on and felling better but i still have the memories and there will always be some love there but at the same time i hate him also. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:48:17 PM | | Hello and thank you. I tried to get ahold of you but it said I couldn't, I would like to talk to you I have been recently diagnosed Bipolar 1 and would like to ask you a few questions. please contact me asap. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:58:17 PM | Some of you people need educating PDQ. Here we are again, everybody wearing a white coat.!! Most of you are describing the behaviour of people with borderline personality disorders. Very different from the symptoms of bipolar.
Someone who is controlling and manipulative, and always trying to make you feel bad are definately not displaying the characteristics of bipolar.....Try Borderline Personality Disorder.........and only therapy can help them, not medication.
People with Bipolar can also have BPD, but people must learn to differentiate the symptoms in order to help someone get the right treatment.
69 shwing....manic depression and bipolar is the same thing you whackjob.  | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:12:55 AM | Living with a mentally ill spouse is hell on the "well" spouse, and hell on the children......ESPECIALLY when (this is classic) they refuse treatment because they think nothing is wrong with them!
I watched my ex-father-in-law deal with it for almost 50 years, and it literally killed him.....and it really screwed up his children...... | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:36:03 AM | What an admirable quality that some would start a relationship with
people who have a psychological/physical illness.
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