| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks? Why?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:14:33 PM | | I think that three weeks is a pretty common amount of time to date someone that seems really interesting, and then have one person decide to end it. I have been both the dumper and the dumpee. Sometimes when people break up with someone, they don't really tell them specifically what was wrong, to spare their feelings. So since posting in this thread is fairly anonymous and no one will know who you are actually talking about, what are the REAL reasons you ended something that seemed to be going fairly well for a few weeks, and seemed so promising in the beginning? | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:18:17 PM | | Yeah,If I could get past 3 weeks,I could get to 3-6 months.That has seemed to be more the pace in my experiences.If soemone wasn't going to last 3 weeks,they weren't going to last a second date. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:22:57 PM | | I like to take things slowly, get to know a person, but sometimes the attraction can be very strong and everything begins to happen quickly, too quickly for me, and I get scared and pull back. It's not "dumping", just running for cover so to speak. I am careful to say what's going on, but sometimes the other person can't handle it. I gotta SLOW DOWN. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:24:02 PM | I can say yes to three weeks, but on the average, it usualy is about three months for me.
That way it gives us both time to see what if anything there is between us, and then go from there, or back of entirely....  | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:32:11 PM | | The specific timing is not that important to me. I am more interested in hearing reasons why you broke it off (when things seemed to be going well and there wasn't an obvious reason such as cheating, fighting, or some specific dealbreaker that you could tell them about). You know, those "it's not you, it's me, I'm just not ready" breakups where there's really something wrong with the other person that you don't want to tell them about. I'll give you an example. One guy was just so irritating, and just always had this urge to push people's buttons. Even to his cats he would just do things just to irritate the cats for fun. I just couldn't fall in love with him. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:41:08 PM | I dumped a really nice, decent guy because he was very anxious and depressed and had self esteem issues and I just had this feeling he wasn't interested in feeling better and might not ever. He acted like we were maybe going to get married and I couldn't let him think that or worse yet, propose, so I ended it after 2 or 3 months.
I can't think of any time I broke up with anyone at 3-4 weeks. But then of couse I've mostly been dumped versus the dumper. I think it stems from the fact that I find it more common and occasionally easier for people to break up with me rather than me with them.  I'm such a wiener. But then it's not like I've ever let too many relationships get that bad. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:45:19 PM | I met a man about a year ago who in the first three weeks seemed perfect!!He was smart, articulate, had his own home, business, well educated, was good to his family, single, no children, never married. I thought perfect!!
On or about the fifth week he told me he had joint custody of a dog with his ex-girlfriend. He had the dog every other weekend. He also told me when he was in a "dry spell" he would have sex with the ex when he was picking up the dog. Hmmmmm. It seems he could break up with the girl but not the dog. Now... here is the "creep" factor that pushed me over the edge: He called her Sis, she called him Bro. ewww, gross, uckkkk, *vomit*
My head was spinning, he went from Romeo to Bozo in about 4 sentences.
I never told him the "real" reason. What I did was excuse myself to the ladies room. I called my daughter for back up, told her to call me in 5 minutes with a family emergency. She called and I bolted. I never went out with him again. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:46:27 PM | Lol - After a very fun night out with a bunch of my friends, I hooked up with one of them whom I've had a crush on for quite a while. The next morning we decided to start dating, so I dumped the 3 week guy ;)
I never expected that to happen, so I'm sure it blindsided him, but there was no way I was telling 3 week guy what really happened  | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:58:04 PM | I invested 6 mo in chatting with a guy before.
He was good to talk to on the phone. However he didn't have good pics up, and over the phone he was comfortable talking to me.
We met in person, and the thought of him saying "He hated being in public around other people", was a glaring obvious problem. As well I was soooo not attacted to him physically.
Some people seem to believe that if you can talk to a person for that long, you should be willing TO SETTLE for them, simply because you put in the time. Yes, I enjoy/ed talking to him, however when we met, is when I could tell I would never feel anything more than friendship. As well I could tell he was very moody, and dark... Not my cup of tea.
So I told him after he wrote me a couple flowery love poems that I thought he was a nice guy, BUT the distance was to far, and we had to many differences... I was being honest about the whole thing.
He fired back venom....
Which in return I politely said, ya know, that is the very anger I was talking about that I noticed, and I do not allow myself to be close to anyone that gets angry and flames me...
He wrote back all apologetic, but I told him sorry the damage was done, and I would NOT reconsider, HOWEVER I wouldn't mind remaining chat friends.
Was that fair? I don't know, but what I do know is if I said, sorry you aren't attractive to me, would that have been better??? I don't think so... | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:03:36 PM | My average is 6 weeks.
Generally I have a low "***hole" tolerence. And while I tend to be optimistic in nature, I am not overly generous in allowing flaws in the early formation of a relationship.
This is when everyone is "supposed to be " on his or her best behavior. If I am already seeing early indications of real issues, I usually bail before becoming embroiled in the muck. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:13:46 PM | My last boyfriend lasted 6 months. I thought he was perfect for me at first, over time had to face the fact that he was selfish, controlling, self centered. When I broke it off I went over to his house and started gathering up my stuff and he says why? I told him just that, he was selfish, self centered and controlling and I had cried more in the past 6 months than I had in the previous 20 years and I would not allow myself to be treated like that. End of story, we haven't spoken since.
I went out with a guy that I met on another site twice. He is so nice but upon meeting the first time I find out he is about 5'5" and weighs about 230lbs. I tried to get past that but when he is all wanting me to be his girl and not see anyone else and making plans for our future I had to tell him I couldn't see him anymore. Especially when he told me that once we are living together that I have to start getting up at 5:30am with him.....yeah right! Not ever gonna happen!
I'm not sure if any of this was relevent, I just felt like posting :) | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:30:50 PM | My last ex was a long term. He just got fat and lazy. I got tired of doing everything while he sat around watched tv, slept, ate, and got fatter. This is a big reason I am looking for someone that exercises now. I think that an active man is sexy. I am sure that mentally there is more going on with a man that is active than one that sits around and watches tv all the time.
I am being pretty picky about who I date. I am in no hurry to meet anyone. I am looking for the right guy, not just "next." It seems like there are lots of people on here that don't take their time before they go out with guys and end up kicking them to the curb too fast. I guess we all have our way of trying to find the right one for us though. Everyone has their flaws. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:31:42 PM |
I'm not sure if any of this was relevent, I just felt like posting :)
Shug, frankly none of this is relevent, nor will it change anyones life I imagine, but on the slight chance it does, then we have done our job.
If not, then it is one of those entertaining threads that make us think on how we have handled things thus far, which sounds like in your case, seems like you have set some strong boundaries, and that is a real healthy thing... I like your style... | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:44:07 PM | I've had a couple a few that I backed off from at just about the 3 week mark over the last few years...
One was rude and demanding to others. I couldn't handle that...
One was so into me that I felt i could never catch up and eventually didn't want to try...
One just lacked in physical closeness and indepth conversations. Everything was there, but I couldn't seem to get to it (if that makes sense). | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:54:13 PM | | Three weeks is definitely not the norm for me. I usually have pretty good "people skills". If something seems incompatible early on, it's not likely to change for me. Typically, if the initial chemistry and physical attraction is there, my relationships last at least a year. It takes that long for the "dating facade" to end and the real personalities to emerge. Then it's time to re-evaluate. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:51:35 PM | I wouldn't even call 3 weeks a relationship of any kind. I's say just not compatible. I've broken it off at 3-3 months mark. To me that's just the beginning of a relationship.
The 3 week one, there was major chemistry but no sooner would he be on the phone telling me that he wanted to be get to know me and hide profiles, he'd be online with fake profiles, lmao. Who has the time and energy for that foolishness?
The 1 month one was just not all there...nice respectful fellow but I always felt like I was having a conversation with myself - his mind was always visibly wondering. Throughout the dating period, it's like he went through the motions of what he has heard he was "supposed" to be doing - not really based on reality. Hard to explain.
3 month fellow, let's not go there - gives me shivers just thinking about it, not in a good way either, lmao.
Oh well, I don't know how this helps you OP, but there it is. To me the first 6 months if you make it that far is getting to know someone. It can work or not - just means we're not compatible. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:26:43 PM | | Well I went on a first date that went very well, but that sure changed by the second date. On the second date, he started talking about living together and talking about his two cats and how he wanted to get two more. He said they were his babies and soon they would be my babies too....ICK!!!. I don't mind a guy that has a pet but he went on and on and on about them, how they eat his food, get hair all over the place etc etc. Also more quirks of his came out and I was so turned off, it got to the point that I was not even attracted to him anymore. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks? Why?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:30:37 PM | GoneSailinBabe's response pretty much summed up my experience...we're living parallel lives, lol.
3 weeks would be a personal record for me. In my experience, things usually become infected after 6 weeks because the image my dates carefully craft and present to me start to unravel about that time, and their initial selling points are revealed to be misrepresentations. So I leave, mostly because I'm not a fan of fraud. When are people going to realize it's better to lay your cards on the table with no apologies upfront (so people can base their decision to be with you on accurate data) than to be exposed as not being who you say you are? Why waste someone's time?
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks? Why?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:49:26 PM |
Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks?
Yes, I have.
Why?
Due to the choice of sobriety that I made long ago,
she was simply someone that I could no longer stand
to be around. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks? Why?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:13:17 PM | I think the first three weeks is the getting to know the person stage, to see if you want start a relationship with them. I kind of consider it the trial stage.
It usually either ends or goes into a relationship by that point. | |
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| Have you ever dumped someone after three weeks? Why?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:40:52 AM | She got emotionally attached faster than I, and she needed "more" from me, than I was capable of providing.
Apparently my emails were too "cold" and emotionless, but she ignored the emoticons and required the equivalent of body language in *email*.
We enjoyed our time together, but the stress from her nagging about having no "feeling" and "warmth" in my emails got to be too much.
As it is, I did tell her straight up exactly what it was that was wrong. She officially ended it by telling me to have a good life 
One thing that bothered me, that I never revealed though was that I later learned that she lied about her age on her profile. She was 2 years older than she actually was (when she was creating her profile, her "friend" told her to go 10 years younger than her real age, but she instead went with 2 years younger). While this was such a minor issue, I couldn't really get the thought out of my head that if she could lie about that, what else might she lie about.
The age thing was not something that lead to the end of our time together. | |
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