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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?      Home login  
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 desert wildflower
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 1
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I have met quite a few 60 something men that married their 20 +years younger trophy, second time around, then after the baby insurance and enough years to get full alimony , she pulls out. I have noticed that these kinds of situations just really seem to rip the older guys up a whole lot more than let`s say their first marriage to thier college sweetheart of the same age etc. They seem to have such tenderness and seem so terribly hurt when they realize that the young women just weren`t going to stay, and seem to become much more bitter about relationships by this kind of abandonment.

So my question is, does it hurt much more for people when their young "trophy" partner leaves, as opposed to someone of their own age? Do they feel they have lost much more because of the youth and beauty that their partner had, and valued them more, and thus lost more of their heart?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 2
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:01:59 PM
Sounds like the first one didn't hurt because they did the dumping, while the second time it was they who were dumped.

It could also be a lot worse because deep down they always knew the marriage won't work, but didn't listen to their instincts.
 Phoebe48
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 3
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:10:09 PM

So my question is, does it hurt much more for people when their young "trophy" partner leaves, as opposed to someone their own age.?


Hurt is hurt, regardless of age.
 Prairie Princess
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 4
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:51:33 PM
It's all about ego of course, crushed egos
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 5
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:59:56 PM
It hurts when one feels used, no matter the age. You may be presumptuous about their previous relationships. I haven't had a "trophy" situation, but I have yet to go through a divorce that didn't hurt. I think it would hurt more if they thought everyone was happy only to discover that the spouse appears to have planned departure all along and was lying to them the whole time.
 samuraicindy
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 6
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:17:21 PM
Perhaps for some it's about the dream, not the reality, leaving. I don't know. I keep my cabana boy in the basement and he is very happy.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 7
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 1:57:55 AM
^^^

On the serious side, I agree that hurt is hurt and everyone is different,
and putting something like this in a box and labeling it.. it's kinda silly.

Plus most of us here can only speculate on such a senario.

You might find ONE forum reader/writer who is an older person who lost a long term marriage and went into a young 'hottie' marriage and after awhile the hottie left them.
And that one would not be able to tell how it hurt others that it happened to.

 /vASYA
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 8
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:19:24 AM
of course. Some look for a trophy. A relationship is a give what you get. And some look to be the beneficiariaries of that. My peers also have looked to the same kind of "bailout relationships of convienence" so I am not clear why you associate the "younger types"

I see some very clear animosity in your statement. Perhaps a first haand experience, or just a little too much of Maury Povich?
 GreenEyesBlondeHair
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 9
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:49:10 AM
Sounds like Karma to me, what goes around, comes around. I do not feel sorry for such superficial people!
 wdb2064
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 10
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:54:32 AM
Sounds to me like the 60 something men who married their trophy got exactly what they deserved. I guess those guys never heard of a prenup.

It really doesn't make any difference on the age though, when your dumped, it hurts.
 belle.la.donna
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 11
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:51:25 AM
Having a prenup doesn't stop the hurt in your heart, it only stops the out flow of cash.

I think time spent happily is the measure of hurt..if you only had a happy situation for 2 years, that has to hurt less than having a happy one for 20 years..
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 12
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:52:44 AM
Three points to consider while bashing older men and younger women:

1. Does it hurt more because he lost someone who was pleasant to look at in the morning as opposed to loosing someone who looked more like a hangover?

2. The youger wife is probably less likely to "know what he should be doing" and less likely to tell him how he should be living his life.

3. Men's biological sexual attractions favor fertility and that means two characteristics stand out. Age and body shape. I would guess the younger woman stimulated him better than an older women could just from pure sexual attraction.

It could hurt more because he knows he lost more and the odds of getting another one are unlikely. This thread seems to be an implied warning to older men chasing younger women but not all older men consider younger women for LTR. I have come across quite a few "cougers" on POF and find this attempt at some lesson for men a bit shallow and transparent. At what age do people grow out of these games?

I figure the old geezer, who married Anna Nicole Smith, died quite happy for having done so.
 oldsoul
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 13
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 7:44:55 AM
If someone genuinely loves and cares for their partner, I can't see how their age (or looks, status, etc.) has anything to do with how they feel by being left behind...?

On the other hand, if a marriage was "only an arrangement" from the start, then no one should be surprised and/or hurt when one half of the "arrangement" arranges a better "arrangement" somewhere else...no?

I guess I just don't understand the question...either you love and care for your partner, regardless of their age...which means that they were never a trophy to begin with, REGARDLESS of what people thought...which means that of course your feelings of loss and pain are real at losing them.

Or...it was never real to begin with, and what we're left with is what amounts to a failed business deal IMO. And while one can be disappointed, humiliated, angry, etc. that their "investment" didn't work out, one can hardly claim to be hurt or even surprised that their partner decided to go do business somewhere else.

The bottom line for me it that I try NOT to assume things about people I don't know personally. Specially about this younger/older stuff...maybe it's because my partner of twenty years was younger than I am and the very thought that he might have been a "trophy" to me is ridiculous and quite laughable. However, people are free to think whatever they wish, and to each their own and all that good stuff.



JMO
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 14
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:32:05 AM
I agree with ahoydave , this thread seems to nothing but an implied warning to older men chasing younger women .
many marriages/relations survive large age differences , and I believe the greater percentage of those that do survive, are one in which the male is older
 cdn*guy
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 15
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:47:49 AM
Good grief ... I’m sorry, but what a silly question. The amount of hurt one has from the break-up of a relationship is solely the result of the amount of feelings that a person has developed for another person. Some people prefer those younger than themselves, some older, some the same age. It’s called personal preferences and everyone has them – whether they choose to admit it or not. But what these preferences are has nothing to do with the amount of hurt one feels during a break-up. And the amount of that hurt has as much to do with the age of another person as the worth of an automobile has to do with the colour of its paint.

cdn guy
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 16
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:02:03 AM
It always hurts when a human bond is broken. One professional engineer I know was married 38 years and was dumped the day he retired at 65 by his first wife who is close to him in age. He came home one day and she was gone. Although she is an obese alcoholic, has a vicious disposition and his life with her had been stressful, disappointing and a constant fight, he was devastated when she left him.

My friend got some therapy, support from his friends and neighbors and adjusted to the situation. He dated around a little. Three years ago he met his current partner. He is now 70 and is living with a wonderful 54 year old female physician. They split their costs. They may get married. She treats him well and he treats her well. He now knows what it is like to be with a kind, considerate, educated and intelligent woman, and one who actually earns an income and pays her own way, none of which describe his ex-wife. He is very religious and now believes God got him out of a miserable marriage and into a beautiful, happy and serene new life so he can spend his golden years in a joyous loving relationship with a good woman.

By the way, his ex-wife may have found the man of her dreams, a financially desperate man a couple of years younger than her who lives on his social security check and some of the alimony my friend pays his ex-wife in the house my friend paid for in which his ex-wife lives. His ex-wife never worked during their long marriage so my friend has footed the whole bill.

Another couple I know have been married 38 years in a second marriage for both of them. At 40 he married a 24 year old. They have one of the best marriages I have ever seen. I know them well so I know it is a geat marriage.

Many more divorces are occurring late in life after long term marriages of people who got married in their early 20's to someone within a couple years of their own age. About 70 to 80% of the time it seems it is the women who initiates these "geriatric" divorces. This is interesting since studies show the 60 + year old men, once they finish grieving the loss of a long term mate, move on to find women far younger than themselves to either live with or marry. What happens to these older women I do not know. They do not appear to have many men from which to choose.
 Curvesall0ver
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 17
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:25:29 AM
OP asked

So my question is, does it hurt much more for people when their young "trophy" partner leaves, as opposed to someone of their own age? Do they feel they have lost much more because of the youth and beauty that their partner had, and valued them more, and thus lost more of their heart?


As others have stated hurt is hurt; but I suspect a crushed ego at the realization that their "trophy" no longer "adores" them would add to the already existing pain of being dumped.

As far as youth and beauty only belonging to the "younger woman" perhaps they didn't "age" as well as the first X did....people assume younger equals "better looking"-it doesn't always

I have no issue with anyone of any age being involved with whoever they find "attractive".

I do take issue when people of a certain age bracket exclude or ignore others simply because of a "chronological age" posted on a profile. In that case if the man excluded women in his own age bracket and exclusively chased younger, than I'd say his own narrow minded opinions have caught up with him and he got what he went after...and now has to face the consequences of his previous decision to only "hunt" for the younger "beauty"

Life's a b*tch and then sometimes some men are dumb enough to marry a younger one simply because they think it will make them "younger"
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 18
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:32:53 AM
I am with Cdn Guy on this - hurt is hurt and neither age, nor gender has anything specific to add to that. I find this thread to be a disguised older men bashing, and not conducive to helpful discussion. imho
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 19
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:40:54 AM
I think this is a bullshit thread, bitterness becomes no one.

If someone marries for anything other than love then how is loosing anything going to hurt. You dont cry over the loss of possessions and if you can buy one you can buy another...any man who uses money to get a wife has brought a glorifed whore and any woman with a man strickly for his money is a glorified whore.
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 20
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:45:28 AM
pleasant to look at ...Age and body shape...stimulated him better than an older women could just from pure sexual attraction...It could hurt more because he knows he lost more


He lost more? Flesh...that's what you are talking about....flesh, appearance...sex....this is what is more? As compared, as the OP did, to a long time relationship, someone he had been with since his youth. I would think the loss of a long time marriage to someone who had possibly been your first love, your wife, probably the mother of your children, even though the last years of the marriage were not happy, I would think that was the greater loss...losing someone with whom one had a complex relationships of depth and substance...that the person who was lost is the real loss, not a 100 or so pounds of flesh. I guess if the marriage was horendous from the start, but not all were, some just went bad or people grew apart. I read so much anger and bitterness in these posts. But my point is, it would seem that a complex relationship with another person is the greatest loss, not, as is described in what I quoted, not the loss of a pretty face or body.


I think this is a bullshit thread, bitterness becomes no one.

I agree. This thread just seems to be a set up to attack.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 21
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:59:14 AM
LMAO....... I will let you know when this happens.......

OT........None of this needs to happen if one takes care of themselves in such a way that they are secure within their own skin, and know what they are looking for and offer.

That and a bank account that can knock your socks off.......

Just my opinion.......
 desert wildflower
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 22
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:08:34 AM
Not an attack, an accusation, or anything of the sort. Reality is that a very high percentage of older men do prefer younger women for a multitude of reasons, thus probably valuing them more for the sex, the looks etc. It`s not an attack. It is the nature of things. When a person observes something about the opposite sex, and does not make a sweeping generalization, but only asks a question, it is not an attack. It is a question and an observation. Also, I don`t know why a bunch of people are answering this if they haven`t been in this situation and assuming it is warning to men about younger women. If you read the question carefully, it is gender neutral. I used a man as the point of the story , but the question was across the board.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 23
Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:34:03 AM
Sugar, it reads bitter.

You are asking if it hurts more if the are young and beautiful...I think that question in and of itself is saying if you are involved with someone younger you dont have any value in yourself...that the only reason it would happen is based on sex or money.

It paints you as not seeing why a younger person would be attracted to an older one, like saying younger women are only after a man's money or younger guys only want older women for sex...yes that exist...but to say that was the bases for all relationships when someone is older and one is younger just is wrong.

Age isnt not an indication of maturity or ability. There are girls/boys in their 20's who havent taken care of themselves ...there are girls/boys in their 50's who have. Age is strickly a number. I have met some outstanding younger people who are lightyears ahead of people 20 years older than them...cause they apply themselves to make themselves better. I have met some people who the first time something happens in their life they turn to drinking and drugs and then never walk away from it.

The sweeping generalization is that if someone is older there is no value outside of sex /money for them being with a younger person...that mindset is retarded. Love is about the individuals not something stupid like money or sex.
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 24
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:44:36 AM
Re-reading it, it's still a rhetorical question with an implied warning to older men seeking younger women indicating they will be hurt more if, and probably when, he is dumped. It does not indicate a reverse role as the term "trophy" is not associated with younger men any more than "couger" is associated with older men.

To answer it directly, I doubt if I was in that situation I would feel worse than if had a relationship with a peer ending. I would be somewhat grateful for the extended youth having been with a younger person would likely have provided. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I don't currently have significantly younger women in my search criteria but this type of thread could convince me. Younger women tend to have had better opportunities and taken advantage of those career and educational opportunities to become more complex and independant individuals. They tend to not be as fearful as females among my peers and that enables more fun and adventure.
 samuraicindy
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 25
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Does it hurt more if they are young and beautiful?
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:28:24 PM
Ahoy, there, Dave, and wait just a minute!!! I repectfully SO disagree with you:
Younger women tend to have had better opportunities and taken advantage of those career and educational opportunities to become more complex and independant [sic] individuals. They tend to not be as fearful as females among my peers and that enables more fun and adventure.
That's certainly not my personal experience at all, either with my GFs or wirh men I have had the pleasure to date. You might be thinking of people stuck in a rut. Ruts can, and do, happen at any age. Just IMHO.
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