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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > why does it take me so long to climax?      Home login  
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 misslady84
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 1
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why does it take me so long to climax?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have been seeing this guy for a while. EVERY time we have sex he wants to give me oral sex. I am not complaining...but it takes me soo long to climax that way. I am so lucky that he is patient and diligent in completing a started task, but after so long I start worrying that he may be tired because it is taking me so long and that he is only trying to finish to be nice. I have told him any times he gets tired he can stop, and his reply was "oh, I know I can, but I'm not going to".

But WHY is it taking me so long?? We are talking around an HOUR! (Some people are probably thinking that has to be an exaggeration or a straight out lie...that no man would stay down there that long...but he does!) I have never had a problem having an orgasm, but have rarely had a guy stay down long enough to have one. and it has NEVER taken me this long before. It feels great, so I don't think he's doing anything wrong...maybe I just get distracted or nervous (usually nervous its taking me so long), but how can I speed up the process?

He said he was sure I was just getting distracted and frustrated and that it would get faster with time, but I feel bad for having him stay down so long. I don't want to fake it, that only creates more problems in the future (and when I tried it once he saw through it and gave it a second shot! lol), but I don't want to make him feel like he is not doing a good job by having him stop....

Twice, after the long awaited first one he went for #2 (with a small break)...I know we would both enjoy his efforts so much more if I could just get on with it!
 Bartleby Sanchez
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 2
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:03:19 PM
No guy would MIND having to stay down there...

 misslady84
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 3
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:03:23 PM
why was this voted to be deleted? it asks a clear and simple question...why is it taking me so long to have an orgasm...with plenty of supportive information to answer the question from. Gosh, get a life!
 Bartleby Sanchez
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 4
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:09:37 PM

why was this voted to be deleted? it asks a clear and simple question...why is it taking me so long to have an orgasm...with plenty of supportive information to answer the question from. Gosh, get a life!


There are many that believe if a thread topic has been done before,(even though it might be as much as 4 years old) that it shouldn't be done again...But the clear and simple truth is, many of the same situations are different....so, don't sweat it...the deletion was rejected....

Anyway...

to elaborate on the topic at hand...

Why would a man mind having to keep giving oral sex to a woman?....oh my gosh, twist my arm, sure, I'll stay down here longer...why me? ohh my how my life is full of disappointment that I have to continue to do this.



 Rustmouse2000
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 5
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:12:19 PM
Welcome to the real world - where one size doesn't fit all.

There's a host of things that it could be -

- you're simply not that into oral sex
- you're simply not that into him
- he's doing it wrong (no two women are exactly alike and if he's not paying attention to you, his 'technique' that had the last girl biting pillows may be an antidote for your insomnia)
- you take longer
- you worry too much (if he's willing to go the distance, you shouldn't be concerned that he had to pack a lunch)

The best solution?
- you should be telling him this stuff, not us.

It sounds more like you're spending too much time worrying about stuff (that really doesn't matter in the big picture) and that, more than anything else, is keeping your head out of the game. (for women especially, ecstasy is mostly a function of their brain, not their body)

Talk to him about this - he probably really enjoys going down and doesn't care how long it takes you - and, at a minimum, you can find out if he really minds that you take "too long" or if he's perfectly fine hanging out there.

You, in turn, can reassure him that it's not him, it's you (or give him a gentle nudge in the right direction - 'I really like it when you...') and everybody winds up happy!

Don't stress out over it - it's not that big a deal...
 misslady84
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 6
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:16:22 PM
we have talked about it. i think he would like it to happen faster, for my sake I think, but he is willing to do what it takes. I guess he doesn't hate it or he wouldn't go back for a second time in the same hour.
 Thorb
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 7
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:37:29 PM
orgasms happen from the mind more than the body feeling things.
time is relative
if it feels good ... relax and enjoy
if you orgasm fine
if not fine
just enjoy and return the favour
 CaliStevo
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 8
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:01:37 PM
Yep, you're "thinking" too much about it, and the "time line" An hour?? lol thats barely getting started for some......Going back more than a few times thru the night.....Practice makes perfect.

I'm guessing also as mentioned, maybe he needs a new technique for you..... I always had to change it up thru the years with different women.
There's a whole LOT more than licking away for an hour. Best Wishes
 thatguynick
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 9
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:06:14 PM
add a toy in now and then for the added interval stimulus. (as per what the girl on the phone is telling me) heh, hope that helps.
 lepetitemorte
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 10
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:39:26 PM
AN HOUR??
He deserves a medal! I'd be getting lockjaw and tongue fatigue. Before that length of time I'd gently suggest you finish it yourself "so I could watch" ... *and avoid painful tongue blisters*

Your anxiety is only making it worse I think. Perhaps have him not touch you there at all until YOU are MORE than ready will help. *shrug*


*an hour?!? Holy Moly*
 64 Classic
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 11
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:50:56 PM
I know how frustrating this can be. I don't know about in your situation, but for me it was a matter of frequency. If my ex performed oral on me too often it always seemed to take longer for me. It was almost as if I became desensitized. Once or twice a month and I'd blow within minutes.
 Hooloo77
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 12
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:13:25 AM
Where is this guy?
 Dr.Manhattan
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 13
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:24:17 AM
maybe he's trying to earn his merit badge.

why focus on it...just enjoy the ride sheesh...it's not a race.
 gourmetchef09
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 14
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:40:50 AM
well..IMO..a climax starts in the brain..so u have to set the mood..soft music..candles..maybe a warm bath together..a long and deep senseous massage with warm oil..etc..etc..
this all takes about an hour..(the same time)..but its not 'work'..capish??
 newblue1970
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 15
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:26:32 AM
Misslady - I get caught up in the same boat when a woman performs oral on me - the more I think about how long its taking me, the longer it takes! Its a nasty catch-22. The mental aspect of sex can never be over-rated and it gets me into trouble way too often - I think too much.

You need to stop thinking (I know its hard) and relax. Maybe a glass of wine first. Or a back rub to relieve some stress beforehand. As for the actual act - is he mixing it up? Switching to a finger sometimes? Then using a finger inside while giving oral? What about bringing some toys into the action? Have you ever tried any anal play? In my experience some finger play on the outside or inside back there during oral is usually what sends them through the roof! I've only had one woman not enjoy that tremendously.

It sounds like you do need to stop him sometime by pulling him up and telling him that while you really enjoyed what he was doing, sometimes you just can not get there. He has to know that its OK to have and enjoy sex even if both parties do not orgasm.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 16
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 7:06:42 AM
It takes longer for you 'cause you are caught up in a cycle thinking/worrying about when it is going to happen. The minute he starts inching his way downwards, your brain instantly starts to panic about it. You start thinking.. omg it's going to take me ages, omg he's gonna get bored (um.. trust me, it doesn't happen), omg this SUCKS!!! When you do that, nothing is gonna get it to happen.

Don't fake it. You aren't doing yourself or your guy any favors when you do that.

K.. so here's my story... I'm a one-shot girl. I orgasm only once (it's a massive cluster orgasm tho, so I have never cared that it only happens once) in a session. Lately, once it happens, I let go and thoroughly enjoy the sensations.. and then carry on... and omg.. there's a second one happening. The more I *WANT* one, the less likely it's going to happen.

Here's another thing to think about. While it feels good what he's doing, is it the right kind of touch for you? Every woman is different and likes to be touched differently. Soft is nice and relaxing for me. I'll lay there for hours literally and just enjoy it. It's not going to get me off anytime soon tho. Medium pressure is slightly better, and I orgasm no problem. Depending on my mood and the time in my cycle I'm at will impact on how fast. Sometimes having harder pressure drives me over the edge and off the cliff in no time. Just seems to me that the harder the pressure, the faster I orgasm. That's something specific to me tho.

HOW you are touched is important. I can't stand little flicking motions. Irritates me, makes me grumpy, makes me the opposite of turned on. Larger motions work better, and side to side... omg!

You can't forget that there's more down there then just the clitoris. The clitoris is like the tip of an iceberg, where the majority of the nerve bundle is located below the surface. It actually splits in two down the length of the vulva. Stimulate the labia minora, tease around the vaginal opening and the perineum, don't just concentrate on the clitoris. Honestly.. if that's all mine did, it would probably take me ages to orgasm as well.

Position makes a huge difference for me too. Traditional missionary position is nice, slip a pillow under your hips so he doesn't get a crook in his neck to go along with the lockjaw. Hehehe.. The times my guy *rips* an orgasm from me he has me on my back, but comes at me on an angle... one leg bent and wrapped around his lower shoulder (the one on the bed), the other up and around his upper shoulder and back, my hips on a sideways angle and his hand under my hip pulling me up (supporting me) and into his mouth... omg yum! *pant gasp squirm* In this way he has access to everything and a larger range of motion.

Make sure that you are mentally present when he's going down on you. I know I can find myself wandering in my head and then I'm so far from feeling it that it will never happen. You need to be really aroused before he heads down there as well.

The FB I've had seems to be able to get me off in about 5 min. My guy can do it sometimes that fast too, but he likes to draw it out a little bit.. make me squirm and wiggle and moan a little before pushing me off the cliff.

Bottom line... relax. If you go into it thinking it's going to take you ages to orgasm, guess what?? It will. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go into it thinking, OMG I'm gonna cum hard and fast... hehehe.. again, self-fulfilling prophecy. It will happen.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 17
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 7:23:12 AM
I can only give my experience my wife has the same problem when I go down on her ..i guess it gives her too much time to think ...so I have two words ...sixty.... nine...this works for her when she is getting oral and at the same time ...thinking about giving me pleasure ..she gets off pretty darn fast ...she actually said ...I like it ...it feels good....but its kinda like I'm alone up here when you are down there ...get him to turn around so you can be involved in the moment...worked for me ...hope it does for you
 forumgenie
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 18
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 8:09:02 AM
I agree with much of the above advice.

First of all you have to be honest with yourself about how much you are attracted to this guy. Sometimes chemistry outside of the bedroom isn't a direct correlation to chemistry between the sheets.

Are you recently out of a previous relationship? Do you have residual guilt about what you're doing? If you're still thinking or emotionally attached to an ex-, this won't help the sitution.

I agree with changing positions. Sometimes just repositioning a pillow under your butt can help as well as removing the pillow from behind your head. Or let gravity help and straddle your guy's face so you can control pressure and hip action.

Get rid of distractions. Personally, I need the tv and radio off or I can't concentrate.

Finally, let him know what you like and don't like. Not all guys know how to please a woman orally [ I know.....alert the media]. If he's at you like an icepick on a frozen windshield and you prefer the wide, lazy paintbrush stroke, tell him tactfully: "I REALLY love when you go slow and wide" not "WTF are you doing????!!"

Best of luck!
 misslady84
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 19
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:41:21 AM

but its kinda like I'm alone up here when you are down there


I completely agree with that. Not that it isn't great, but it's so much less of a personal connecting experience. Honestly, I'm not that crazy about giving or receiving. Sometimes, yes, it is OMG WOW! But not every time.

But I don't want him to think he's not doing it right and that's why I don't like it. I guess I just need to think less. He certainly deserves a medal for persistence! :)
 7070J
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 20
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:51:40 AM
Sounds like u have a broken vagina , do u keep the reciept . send it back , or at least get store credit , be thankful some women have never had any oragasms , fast or slow , maybe use a magic bullet on ur clit as he liks u ,,,,, u will cum buckets have fun play safe
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 21
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:57:08 AM

I am so lucky that he is patient and diligent in completing a started task, but after so long I start worrying that he may be tired because it is taking me so long and that he is only trying to finish to be nice.
The worrying, is what is preventing you from the climax. Women cannot climax if their amygdala does not release. You have to relax and enjoy it or it's never going to happen. The more you stress out about it, the longer it is going to take.

There is a lot of complaining coming from men that women don't want to have sex if they are upset or angry. This is because sexual response in females is inextricably tied to emotional state. It starts and ends in the mind for the XX contingent.
I have told him any times he gets tired he can stop, and his reply was "oh, I know I can, but I'm not going to".
Why exactly are you complaining? He likes it, get over it, this is not all about you.
But WHY is it taking me so long?? We are talking around an HOUR!
Geez, turn over the clock so you can't see it, just enjoy it. He seems to be. Sounds like you are lucky.
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 22
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:18:05 AM
As the good Captain Beefheart would exclaim, "I've had to much to think!" An hour-wow-that is a stretch-maybe pare it down-that seems a tad "excessive!"
 stratoman1
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 23
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 1:09:52 PM
My thoughts on this are that you are thinking way too much.

I'm going to guess that you are thinking "at all" because you are not mentally prepared for sex . The women I have known most often needed to be in the right mental state of mind to be ready for physical intimacy. Which means that you might find, if you are honest with yourself,that this man does not really turn you on well ahead of the time that you end up in bed. Foreplay can be a wonderful thing. There is nothing quite like looking into a woman’s eyes and, knowing that she wants to f**k your brains out. Does he ever see that look in your eyes?

When you hear his voice over the phone or get an e-mail from him or, when you are at a restaurant or just out walking and talking, if you don't have feelings for him and you don't feel aroused by him, even anticipate his touching you in your most secret places in all the ways that you love, you are not going to climax just because he throws you on the bed and buries his face in your pu$$y for an hour. Why would you? Romance is very important; more important to some than others but, in general, women, being the delightfully emotional creatures that they are need more mental stimulation and it begins long before the candles get lit. If he doesn’t already understand this, he’s a bit of a clod and, needs some instruction. This is where you really find out how much he cares about you and your emotional needs which in turn will tell you quite a lot about how he is approaching your sexual needs as well.

Another thing that I hear you say is that he is performing a task. If I felt that a woman was doing anything sexual for me as a task, I would be completely turned off and would run the hell outta there as fast as I could pants and shoes in hand. With this sort of mindset you are not freely giving yourself to this man. You eventually let go, it seems, more out of obligation for his diligence than anything to do with pleasure. This can’t be very rewarding for either of you. What I'm trying to say in my awkward way is that you should really check your feelings for this man and be honest with yourself about him. If he is not the right man for you, let him go, then go find yourself so you'll be better equipped later when the right man does come along.

I do not know what this man’s point of view is about what he's doing but, he seems eager and willing to please you. Your receptiveness, on the other hand, seems inhibited so, I'd like to address your role in this. You must help this man. Instead of wasting your experience worrying about time, let yourself feel. Let your head get into you and how what he is doing is making you feel, gently talk to him and tell him what to do so that it feels better for you. Help him to please you by learning for yourself what really does it for you.

Have him try different techniques, lightly tickling with his tongue, sucking, kissing and not just your clit either. In your present state of mind, your clit can easily become overly stimulated and you will experience even greater difficulty cuming. So, tell him to enjoy other areas of you. Let him tickle your ass with his tongue for a while you work on your pu$$y with your fingers. In this you will be showing him how to touch you. You might like to add toys or his fingers to the mix for added pleasure. And, ask him to put a well lubricated finger in your ass and another in your pu$$y while he is sucking your clit, that is, if you think you are up for that.
[disclaimer: these are only some suggestions, you are encouraged to find your own combination of stimulating activities]

This could be a whole new world of discovery for you and having such a willing pupil to explore with might even change your feelings about him for the better. This is supposed to be about pleasure: yours and hopefully his as well. Your part is to find your own pleasure and share it with him. You don't think about it, you feel it.

Just feel it baby.
 DirtyOldManInTraining
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 24
why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 1:17:36 PM
Wow!!!

Is an hour of oral REALLY that long of a time???

I've done it longer! Plenty of times.

But then, Imma true poonanny and oral lover!

No exaggerations.

OP: Do you HAVE to cum EVERY time?

Sometimes, it's ok to push him off and tell him how much you are ready for him now!

It sounds like you are being more of a "worry-wart", than just laying back, relaxing and enjoying, and just "being" and feeling.
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 25
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why does it take me so long to climax?
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:08:15 PM
There is a "condition" for lack of a better term known as a hooded clitoris. That is an extra thick covering and makes it extremely difficult to cum. My wife had never had an orgasm until she was 29 and with me. I could stay there all night and it wasn't gonna happen.
I eventually got her to have such intense orgasms that she would squirt occasionally.
I'm not a quitter and sounds like your guy isn't eiether
There could also be a stress factor, you think you can't and so you worry about it, even tell him he can stop. Free your mind and relax and let it happen.
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