ils99
| | Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| | man who doesn't sleep with wife??Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Has anyone heard of married men or women who don't sleep with their spouses? I personally find it strange that married men or women don't have sex with their wife or husband, its just a little odd. Given though, I'm still young and won't be marrying anytime soon, so I guess I wouldn't know. But for those who are married, do you agree its weird? I can understand perhaps, if he doesn't get along with his wife, or maybe they don't live together...??
I only ask because I just received an email from a 40-something married man who says he's looking for casual relationships, and that he doesn't "sleep with" his wife (his own words). Could he just be lying? | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:49:05 PM |
I only ask because I just received an email from a 40-something married man who says he's looking for casual relationships, and that he doesn't "sleep with" his wife (his own words). Could he just be lying?
Of course he's lying....
Men saying they don't sleep with their wife is one of the oldest lines in the world... | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:52:35 PM | O my gawd here's ur sign>>>>> 
of course he's lying 9 times out of 10 when men who have a woman at home say there not sleeping with thier woman anymore there lying there's always 2 sides to a story an i'm sure she would say just the opposite that they probably have a great relationship an have sex every day an nite..an i'm sure the 40 something year ol mans wife would love to know about his secret life an looking for women to hook up with for casual sex an giving them bull shit lines.. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:54:00 PM | | It's possible he isn't sleeping with his wife. Maybe she doesn't want to have sex with him. Who knows but him. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:55:18 PM | Not necessarily lying... Do they live together? I had a boyfriend whose parents lived together but slept in separate beds if you can believe that lol.. and a lot of marriages aren't happy ones... its pretty common or so ive heard for even young married couples to go months without sex... due to stress, falling out of love, arguments.. Maybe he would like to sleep with his wife, but she wont because of, i dunno, could be anything, stress, menopause, fighting and bickering...
I just dont understand why he wouldnt go file for divorce though if hes emailing people looking for 'casual relationships'.. and if hes still living with her, then... wtf? | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:38:36 PM | | Sadly there are a multitude of relationships that seem to linger for years - in a sexless yet commited manner! For some reason they remain in the marriage for obscure reasons - only they find reasonable - yet venture off to get their jollies from others - who will glady supply it! It is very possible they don't sleep together - but it is also possible he will NEVER leave the marriage! | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:07:50 PM | Probably-I know of one such male and I'm not posting any kiss and tell stories here-if you have NO sexual relations, if it isn't a medication problem and communication = 0, then you head for the hills and find a new mountain to climb! Tally-ho!!  | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:36:33 PM | Yes i've heard of it but to be honest it's a pretty lame excuse in this case. I mean if he's looking for casual relations why mention his wife at all. It's unlikely the person who agrees to sleep with him will care if it's only casual to her too.
Maybe it helps him ease the guilt. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:52:54 PM |
Sadly there are a multitude of relationships that seem to linger for years - in a sexless yet commited manner! For some reason they remain in the marriage for obscure reasons - only they find reasonable - yet venture off to get their jollies from others - who will glady supply it! It is very possible they don't sleep together - but it is also possible he will NEVER leave the marriage!
Leeanne nailed it. There are many, many people that live in sexless marriages. They stay together for the kids, for financial reasons, fear of being taken to the cleaners by the spouse, and even fear of the unknown... some people just cannot be alone, so they'd rather be in a marriage and lonely than alone and lonely.
I personally don't understand that line of thinking, but as I always say, to each their own. Yes, there is a possibility that he is lying, but at the very least he is being honest about his marital status.... he could easily lie about that too.
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:55:22 PM | | Just believe him when he says he wants sex with people other than his wife. I think thats all you need to know. And yes, some people exist in sexless marriages. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:32:01 PM | o s hit,, ya there are 2 sides to a story i always say that.. an ya there is a reason like 1 woman said why his wife may not be showing him any "love" but to really know the real story you would have to talk to her an talk to him,,seperatly an at the sametime..
ya i agree with you there are alot of people who stay in relationships an marriages an have no intentions of ever leaving EVER..
but either they want thier cake an to eat it to.or they want variety but wanna have thier safe spot to always go back to.or just because thier "comfortable" an are just afraid of being alone an dont wanna have to go through what most "REAL" single people do,an dont wanna have to start over wit somebody new... | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:46:25 PM | I believe he is telling the truth. I work for a family husband is 43 wife is 39 she sleeps on the 3rd floor he sleeps on the 1st floor make up both of there beds every day.So yes there are married couples that don't sleep together. How sad? | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:57:35 PM | | Well, I'm a man, and I can say that's a load of crap! If a man is married, you don't believe him. It's pretty simple. If he's married, and separated and living under a different roof, well that's another situation, and could very well be valid. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 8:07:03 PM | Ok, first let me say, he's probably lying.
On the other hand I didn't sleep with my wife for a year and a half. I was in the basement and she was upstairs. People do it for the kids sometimes, others just end up with parallel lives that are too afraid to end it.
Usually you end up with make up sex a couple of times a year.
It's tragic what people subject each other to, I seperated recently and now all of a sudden the cloud begins to lift.
An affair will never go anywhere though so don't go into with expectations.
G | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:06:00 PM |
I had a boyfriend whose parents lived together but slept in separate beds if you can believe that lol
Been there, done that, no laugh. It happens sometimes if one is a heavy snorer, and the other a light sleeper. In my case, the snoring was eventually cured by means of a CPAP, but the pattern was established, and remained until we parted. There's more to that story, but it doesn't belong here.
But that probably doesn't apply to OP's case; the guy may be lying, or he may not, but neither bodes well for OP, because he's likely not leaving where he is. OP's best course: keep far away. | |
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ils99
| | Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 1:15:04 AM | | Wow, I didn't realise there could be many reasons why he wasn't sleeping with his wife. Thanks for the tip. Yeah I've decided I no longer wanted anything to do with him, fishy or not. Besides, he's too old for my personal preferences anyway lol | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 1:57:04 AM | possible, but she doesn't show respect to his wife: tell about a stranger in email about their (lack of) sex life shows this guy has low ethical standards, it's a private matter should be only between him and his wife.
women often forget: usually if a man treats a woman badly, he does that to all women. with the exception when he really wants something (ie. get into your pants) for himself he is showing a nicer "image".
the only exception here if they live in "open marriage", so the woman doesn't mind (less than 1% chance probably....).
ask him to give you his wife phone number:
1.if you know her number, you can call her or meet her and ask about their marriage to find out from her,
2. if he doesn't give you - you have no basis to believe that the man isn't just cheating around.
why should give yourself all this headache and complications when there are out there many single, divorced etc. unattached men to choose from?
actually, if you respect other people's marriages: just tell him you are not dating married men, period | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:20:07 AM | | He could be lying , that he does not sleep with his wife very often, perhaps the wife sleep with him only twice a month, the first and on the fifteen that is paydays. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:52:41 AM | I have had married male friends tell me they don't have sex with their wives, but when I pushed them, they said they DO, but not enough.
By the way, couples can sleep in separate bedrooms and still have sex. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:22:48 AM | OMG you are only 20 so you wouldn't really understand. Sorry but this happens everyday behind closed doors. My husband and I stopped sleeping together for the last 4 years of our marriage. I am not going to explain my whole story here but there are many reasons for it. Having children causes rifts between couples because you don't realise how tired you are both going to be.
SO yes I do believe him and that is why alot of men and women come onto these sites looking for sex. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:43:07 AM | Ugh!
I had a long post, and the ISP ate it!
Here is a quick version.
I know of cases on both sides. People get married for all kinds of reasons. People have sex for different reasons. More on that later.
In one case, the guy is not sleeping with his randy wife. He is not really into sex, and a couple of years ago his wife decided to "forget to tell him" that she had unilaterally decided to stop using birth control. They ended having a child just as he was getting laid off. The whole intimate trust thing is a little broken there. I can imagine her cheating on him in that case.
In another case, the woman slept with the guy up until the rings went on, and then all sex internal to the marriage abruptly stopped. Why she got married at all is another question.
People get married for a variety of reasons. When I was a young lieutenant in Germy, it was relatively common to do a marriage of convenience. They signed extensive pre-nups and basically continued their single lifestyles. They got married for the tax breaks and for the government housing stipends, etc.
A wise woman once told me that people have sex for two reasons, for fun and for love. If both parties are having sex for the same reason then all is good. If the reasons differ then life gets complicated and unpleasant.
How true!
Take care,
Brian | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:47:42 AM | We have had separate bed rooms
Yes its is a strange thing to hear of .... living it feels odd too
I chose to stay to ensure my kids had someone that could offer guidance, support and, feel they have a nurturing presence in their lives.
I do not feel it is fair for me to complicate the lives of single women by requesting they consider becoming involved with me. Out of respect I do not send them any messages unless it is a comment on or, related to a forum subject as a matter of debate and then, only when I or my needs are not the subject of the forum.
I get some negative attention in the forums on occasion for having an intimate encounter selected in my profile as tho that desire means I'm furiously messaging any woman with a pulse for sex. There seems to be a number of preconceived ideas that are quite presumptuous that anyone with the honesty to have such a stated goal also has a complete lack of depth, judgment or modicum of decorum.
I doubt I would have enough intellectually in common with someone not of my generation. As a parent when I see a what is in my eyes a young girl that is dressed provocatively I do not think yeah I want that.... My first thought is do her parents know she left the house dressed like that.... then I realize shes 30ish. | |
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| man who doesn't sleep with wife??
Posted: 10/3/2008 5:28:39 AM |
Well, I'm a man, and I can say that's a load of crap! If a man is married, you don't believe him.
You do yourself, the OP and reality in general a diservice with such a limited perceptual range...
It can and does happen that couples may remain married, choose to or are precluded from maintaining an active sex life, sharing a marital bed or engaging in much more together than cohabitation. Responsibility commitment and compassion can mitigate ones decision to stay in a situation that may be unpalatable personally. In some states, in certain situations it is, while not impossible to divorce, nearly an insurmountable task. If your the legal guardian of your spouse for medical considerations (incurable debilitating disease, physical handicap, mental illness) divorce is beyond messy and requires expert medical testimony which can result in your spouse becoming a ward of the court if there is no one else to act in their interest.
On a lighter note there is child care and financial considerations which is in my opinion a walk in the park comparatively.
Anyone can walk away from responsibility .... in fact it's easier I suspect.
Speaking in absolutes tends to put people in a indefensible position when they speak based on passion rather than knowledge.
To the OP:
I think if a married man is contacting a younger single woman for sex regardless of his motive it would benefit her to avoid becoming entangled in a no win situation with someone that may have more baggage than a freight train or could simply be playing the field. | |
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