| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:23:43 PM | Ok ok let's get this straight yes i'm in a relationship but i'm here because I wanted to post on the forum.
I met a woman about 3 of months back and during the last few weeks we have started having sex. It's good, there's no doubt there but I have to be honest i've had more adventurous partners!
Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate there's more to a relationship than sex but variety is the spice of life as they say. I mean we have all the intimate long lasting romantic touching sessions leading to sex and we sometimes jump into bed for a quickie too but I can't get her to shift from the missionary position and it seems to me that we have different ideas of what is 'experimentation'.
For her it's new underwear but i'm thinking 'sex toys'. We really are on a different wavelength. I have tried talking to her about it but I know she has boundaries which I respect and she thinks i'm having a laugh if I suggest anything other than conventional sex.
She suggested watching a porn film together which although potentially a bit weird I thought might be a good idea. I abandoned that idea very quickly though when she started asking what happens in these films and I told her. She was totally shocked! Really really shocked!.
I'm no stud, I know things must cut both ways and i'm pretty much disgusted with myself and that i'm thinking of ending the relationship if things don't change, but what can I do if i'm not happy? Am I being an ***hole here? | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:29:46 PM | | If you 're not happy within 3 weeks , you'll be less happy in 50 years with her . How is the relationship otherwise ? Maybe she likes the missionary as preference ? In which case , you may have to compromise . | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:36:36 PM | The relationship is really good otherwise and to be honest I imagine if we were having less sex it woudn't be such a big deal but she thinks i'm losing interest because I can't keep up with her and her demands in bed.
That's not the case at all it's just that it's not 'doing it for me' a lot of the time now and I can't see that changing.
What a dilemna | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:41:02 PM | Well, you just might be an a**hole, but at least you know what you deem important at this time of your life. Now the big decision is, is it really THAT important? And you know what you can do if you aren't happy.
As mentioned you aren't here to buy. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:43:47 PM | First of all, how old is this girl that she had to ask what happens in a porno? Or was she asking for a synopsis about that particular video? Either way, I find it very unusual that any adult would be "shocked" to hear the contents unless you planned to show her 2girls1cup or something of the Tijuana hooker/donkey variety.
If she's on the inexperienced side, perhaps you should hold off on the toys for now and work your way up to that. One suggestion for avoiding the missionary position is to initiate sex away from the bedroom- grab her in the shower or on the kitchen counter top. If even that is too adventurous for her maybe you need to find out what established her boundaries and if they appear to be permanent. You said that you're only a few weeks into your sexual relationship so maybe she just needs a little more time to fully be comfortable with you in that department. But if it looks like time isn't going to improve the situation and you're unsatisfied, it may be in both of your best interests to part ways sooner rather than later.
EDIT: Onemoretime- ya gotta be quick with the submit button around here. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:44:41 PM | How old is she? I ask because you said when you suggest to watch porn, she asked you what happened in the films. Has she never seen a porno before? Was it anything really kinky and she never seen anything like it before? Was she disgusted by the thought of watching others have sex? Is she really old fashioned and only likes the missionary position? What might she consider taboo? It seems you are both on opposite sides of the spectrum and the only way to understand each other is to talk and communicate.
LOL aloooohaa, you beat me. We were asking the same things. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:51:44 PM | | Well you have to look at sex as one aspect of a relationship but still an important one. Look at the other important qualities you seek in a person and ask yourself, could you continue a relationship if your needs in non sexual areas were met? I for one have a short list of qualities I think are very important in a person, for example I want to be with someone who isn't racist...could I maintain a relationship with someone who was great in lots of ways but also a bit of a bigot? Answer: no, so I would move on. Same thing when it comes to sexual compatibility, its all part of the relationship equation, if you can't make the parts add up then its not gonna work. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:54:11 PM | You have hit on a very important point. I mentioned my problem with a close (in a very happy in a relationship) friend and as it turns out life isn't great in that dept for him and his wife either so i'm not alone. I wouldnt have guessed it because they seem so happy.
His secret? DIY. I have to admit after some 'DIY' I think to myself 'what was the big deal'?
I'm not sure i'm willing to spend the rest of my life making up for a less than satisfying sex life by resorting to self gratification. If I was a 'woman user' who had no concept of a woman's needs and no intention of pleasing my partner it would be different but that's not the case. I'm not an expert but it's not for lack of trying. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:01:14 PM | She is 34 (6 months older than me). I think maybe she has lived a somewhat self imposed sheltered life.
I'm not talking soft core porn but not sick porn either. If she saw 2 girls 1 cup she'd head for the bathroom and while he hurled up her guts she would no doubt wonder why her boyfriend is so sick he even knew about that video! | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:10:41 PM | Show her lemonpartydotorg or tubgirl and see what happens.  | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:16:28 PM | | well then you and your new woman are not meant to be since problems are already developing....either work out the differences and work something out before the confusion comes into play....or just hope that theres more to her than when your seeing now | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:52:04 PM | 2 suggestions:
Here's a good movie: Two Moon Junction. It's not porn. It could be called really soft porn, but it's more of a funky sexy story...
Another idea: Go see the new movie that just came out: Choke. The dude is a sex addict and one of the things thruout the movie is when he sees a chick he had sex with he "reimagines" it in his head. Great way to get a flash of like a zillion different positions... Then just say "hey, which one do ya wanna try". Plus the movie is funny as hell.
THird idea: Just come out and say to her: I'd like to try some different positions. Would you please climb on top of me. Or sit up and ask her to sit on you. Maybe hold off on doggy til you get her on top...girl on top feels SO good...and doesn't have the "OMG he's looking at my big butt" factor.
Another way to introduce teh subject: "Would you like to try something new tonight?"
I actually had a bf back in college say that. It was freakin' about time! I was too shy then to suggest (or think of) anything new but I too was a bit bored. I think this was like 4 months into our having sex. Yeah it was time. BTW, the "new" thing was he wanted to watch me touch myself. I did it, even though it did nothign for me and made me feel silly. BUT I learned that night that adding something that turns your guy on pays off and keeps things alive.
Kaylie | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 7:26:04 PM | Boring lol. My suggestion to you is to seduce, set the ambiance, start with some nice wine or berverage of choice. Give her a nice hot oil massage, blind for her, maybe you some ice cubes on her (use your imagination),before you know it she will be changing position but the key is foreplay  . And if she doesn't respond or is willing to try anything new then she is a starfish!!!!!! | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:24:01 PM |
Show her lemonpartydotorg or tubgirl and see what happens.
...  | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:29:55 PM | Maybe when she feels more confident in the relationship she will become more adventurous.
You say it wasnt a sick porn you explained, but I think 2 women and a cup is pretty sick. If you dont then maybe your expectations of what is adventurous are pretty high.
Let the poor girl go before you scare the crap out of her. (and no taking videos for the next 2 girls one cup video) | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:06:21 AM | | You need to be on the same page with your partner on ALL levels. Enough said. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:57:56 AM |
I mean we have all the intimate long lasting romantic touching sessions leading to sex and we sometimes jump into bed for a quickie too but I can't get her to shift from the missionary position
Sure you can. Just move her into position. If you're in missionary, you can roll her over to put her on top without having to stop and ask. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:04:25 AM | Re the Opost
She is 34 and only knows the missionary? WTH!
Dump her or charge her tuition fees (you can forgo room and board)! Education costs these days! lol lol
As per porn, why bother?
2 cents | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:14:31 AM | Sounds like you're not a match - that's too bad
I can understand not being interested in toys - doesn't do anything for me either. Sounds like quite a few like them though - have you introduced her to any?
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:47:37 AM | | You've given her 3 whole weeks and that's it? Maybe she doesn't feel completely comfortable with you yet and doesn't want to feel "slutty"...I dunno. I'd talk to her about it and try a few more things before throwing her out (I'm sure you very much the gentleman). How about spending more time making sure she feels REALLY good...that might make her more open to you. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:17:40 PM | Op Is your girl Amish or just that young or does she live that much of a sheltered life not to have heard what goes on in a porn video.
If she's young she could blossum into quite the Sex Kitten with some time and trial and error's or not...  | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 1:35:30 PM | What the heck is your problem? I don't see any.
Just do it. Just do what you want sexually with her. If she freaks out and breaks up with you, you don't have to think if you're an A$$hole or not. If she takes it like a champ, you've got yourself a mate.
What is the problem? | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:58:41 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Your friggen kidding right?
If she is already this sheltered when it comes to sex, if he does just pounce and she freaks even more that could stunt her sexual growth even further!
OP my 2 cents is to talk it out, maybe bring some small toys into the bed and show her, maybe attend a sex shop together and get some knowledge from the sales staff!
If this does not work, why deny yourself a fulfilled sex life? It could lead to resentment of her if you stay with her and are unhappy. Some woman grow into tigers quite quickly once introduced to new concepts of sex, others don't, so maybe 3 weeks is not enough time to make full assesment of the situation, but keep in mind you have doubts now, and if they are not resolved they will fester, not fair to stay with her in that case! | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 4:08:24 PM | | Have you sat down with her at an emotionally neutral time and had an honest conversation with her about how you'd like to seriously try some more adventurous things in bed? If you've communicated clearly with her and she's made it clear that she's not interested, then you need to decide where to go from there. Sexual dissatisfaction is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship if you're not happy, and that doesn't make you an a**hole, it makes you honest about your needs. | |
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| Conventional sex.
Posted: 10/3/2008 4:10:08 PM |
Conventional sex.
Just curious... Does one have to go to Vegas for that?  | |
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