| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:12:46 AM | I was conversing with one of my friends at school, and he mentioned that a buddy of his was in a wheelchair. I started feeling kinda bad and asked what happened, and he said his buddy jumped off the garage roof and broke his legs. Immediately, I felt all sympathy leave me and he and I got into a heated discussion about how if someone's stupid enough to make a mistake like THAT, then they deserve the consequences. Now I'm one friend less, but I don't want to know if I was in the right or wrong, cause I don't care. What I want to know is what you all think.
Could you feel sorry for someone with an injury they got while attempting a very risky and high dangerous act merely for the fun/thrill of it? Maybe my heart is a block of ice, but I'd sonner laugh at someone who has a nail through their hand than feel sympathetic for them, provided THEY are the one who got the dang thing in their hand in the first place. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:14:54 AM | He broke his legs,and,you had no sympathy..........??
Geesh................hate to have you for a friend !!
Even though it was a stupid thing to do,id still feel sorry for them. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:24:52 AM | I'll "probably" get verbally spanked for this, but I have to say I find it really hard to feel sorry for someone who is suffering from self-inflicted stupidity. Didn't you have a mother who said something along the lines of ... "So if little Johnny jumps off the bridge is it ok for YOU to?" (For the record, MY mother had absolutely positively NO sympathy for self-inflicted stupidity. And funnily a lot (or not), I have turned out to be a LOT like my mom!)
So... yes, I would feel "sorry" for someone who did some stupid dumb-*ss thing that messed themself up, but that would be it... I'd feel sorry because I'd think THEY were sorry. Politically correct? Probably not. Do I care? Probably not. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:18:48 AM | It's a guy thing to do stupid silly things like that. As mentioned above, all our moms used to ask us "If your friends were going to jump off a bridge, would you do it too?"
I kid you not, when my friends jumped off a bridge, I found myself following suit. (In fact I beat a few of them into the water.)
So from where I sit, having taken my own lumps from learning my limits, I do have sympathy for those who mis-calculate risks. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 4:19:12 AM | My ex's best friend married his high school sweetheart - went on their honeymoon - came back 9 days later and threw a party for their friends at his dad's cottage - he got drunk and dove head first off the dock (that he helped his dad build) in less than three feet of water - broke his neck (I forget the "number" associated with the fracture) nearly died, and spent the following a year in a hospital/rehab - ended up a quadriplegic (no oxygen) who through a lot of therapy was able to regain some very limited use of one upper shoulder to help him navigate his motorized chair with the help of braces etc...
When I first met him and his wife, he was fresh out of rehab...my ex had told me he used to be a "nice guy"...hmm...what I saw before me was a boorish miserable man who drank too much and who seemed to take an evil pleasure at having his "pee bag" overflow, shouting at his wife to clean him up or to come make him burp or cough (impossible to do without muscle function)....a selfish man who would insist that we stay always a bit longer, even though his wife worked the next day and it would take at least another two hours for her to put him to bed...
I remember my feelings being in conflict when I met them...on one hand I empathised with his position....on the other I felt very sorry for his wife. It's not so much the part about the accident being his fault that bothered me.....it was his sense of entitlement and the way he treated his wife and those around him that made me eventually stop even wanting to be around this guy.
Looking back, I now see that none of us were "smart" enough to fully realize what was going on...the guy hated his life and couldn't forgive himself for having brought this on through his own "stupidity"....he quickly became an alcoholic and purposely tried to push his young and pretty wife out the door to relieve himself of the guilt he felt for her being "trapped" with him...it's a long complicated story but one that has a happy ending - today, he is clean and sober - his wife is still faithfully by his side - and they are happy and proud parents (they adopted)....
Do I feel sympathy for him? Sympathy isn't the right word...I empathised with him...I used to be haunted thinking of how it must have felt to be him...through empathy, I was able to feel his loss, his pain and mainly his guilt...and I let go of any "judgement" I might have had for how the accident happened.
People are human and as such they make mistakes. And if you stop and think about it, most "accidents" are NOT accidents....and many diseases and illnesses are brought on by poor lifestyle choices....where do we draw the line?????? Will we start refusing medical care to the race car driver???? How about the cancer victim who might have laid in the sun too much and now has melanoma? How about all the medical problems associated with obesity? Should we just shun those people? How about me...I smoke like a chimney...should I be taken in the back of the barn and proverbially shot should I ever get ill??
Personally, I don't want to live in a world where people can no longer feel empathy for their fellow man...not sympathy...not pity...but empathy.
OP..this guy doesn't need your sympathy or your pity.... OR your judgements. In fact he needs nothing from you. It's you (IMO) who needs to open his heart and understand that like you, this guy is just an imperfect human being who fvked up and who now has to pay dearly for it...who amongst us can claim to have never fuked up?? No one that's who. Some of us just got lucky that's all. 
JMO
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 4:58:34 AM | I think we all have done things that, in retrospect, were pretty stupid. Most of the time we learn not to do it anymore. My sympathies dry up when someone repeatedly does the same stupid thing over and over again.
But to the OP, if the person thought he would be able to succeed, then who are we to assume otherwise? Each of us has our own unique talents... maybe his was jumping from high places. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 5:05:26 AM | | How old was he when he jumped off the roof? If he was like 7 or 8, then I'd feel sympathy, if he was a drunken 23 year old then no, he pretty much deserves it. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:17:16 AM | Although most injuries usually are a result of carelessness or wrecklessness, I still feel sympathy for anyone in pain or with broken bones...
Yeah, I may shake my head in disbelief that they were stupid enough to take the risk, ask them "what they heck they were thinking", ... but still would feel bad for their hurting. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:40:00 AM | | A good friend of mine got into a major motorcycle accident a few months ago. He was warned by all his friends and family to slow down, the cops were even on to his speeding. Now hes in the hospital all messed up in a hailo and all that. They expect him to get out soon with a lower quality of life, but the point is I can't help but feel bad and even helped him out financially. Tell you what though, if any of this B.S. goes on again I will not be able to feel the same. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:01:13 AM | Perhaps sympathy for their retardedness.
Empathy for the injuries.
Some people do dumb things. Often there is no harm done, but sometimes a small error in judgement can be darned painful. I've run my fingers through a sewing machine a couple times....trying to hurry along, and "ouch!"
Sometimes we have "duh" moments in our lives. But to deliberatly go out and jump off a roof? Or dive into unknown waters (unless it is an emergency and there is no time to check...then shallow dive if you can!)
Some things take no thinking, you were taught better than that.
Knew a guy that fell off a roof while shovelling the snow off it...slipped and busted his hip...about two minutes after some teenager told him he should tie himself off. Guess teenagers soemtimes DO know better huh?
lol! | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:13:32 AM | I dated a girl once who was in a wheelchair. She ended up in a chair 2 years before I met her. She was partying with friends and had to much to drink...stumbled and fell out the window...3 floors up..her life changed that day. I think we all have done something stupid at one point in our lives that could have turned bad very easily...but we got lucky...maybe it was run a red light....run across the street then stand there and laugh about the friend on the other side etc...;everyone has done SOMETHING..that was stupid and foolish..to ever laugh at someone in that situation is childish and to have no sympathy for the challenges one faces in a chair regardless of how they got there ....is forgetting an important line......but for the grace of God , there goes I ....
T | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:32:59 AM | ...but for the grace of God...
Ever heard that phrase??? Honestly, we've all done really stupid things. We've all taken stupid chances.
Have you ever eaten something after it fell on the floor? blew on it and pulled the "5 second rule"? Well, that qualifies. What if you caught some disease or illness from it and ended up w/long lasting consequences???
Yes, it could happen. that is a chance we all take when we eat food that fell on the floor.
We ALL do stupid things...but for the grace of God...we'd be in that wheelchair too.
On the other hand...motorcyclists w/out helmets....GRRRRR...that just pisses me off b/c we all pay when they crash and end up as vegetables... You take a stupid chance with your life, YOU pay the consequence and yes, I'll feel sorry for you for your stupid decision. But you take a stupid chance and I have to pay the consequence? That makes me MAD!
Kaylie | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:44:25 AM | There's a difference between sympathy and pity.
Every day hospital emergency rooms are filled with people they need to patch up because of some error in judgement. Because of who they are, as professionals, they are helping people, hopefully not stopping to determine if someone deserves the help or not. That is part of character. You help someone because of who you are, not because of who they are.
The person you are decides how you deal with it. The doctors don't turn them away, but there are situations where for instance, an alcoholic doesn't get a liver transplant because there are so many others waiting in line.
You can have compassion, instead of sympathy. You can be aware of their limitations, be aware of the guilt they might feel for burdening others with their mistakes.
Most people in wheelchairs don't want pity. They want to be liked or disliked for who they are as a person--not because of the chair.
The person is not the same person who jumped off the roof. Their life has changed irrevocably. If they continue to take crazy risks, then you don't rely on them. But if they have become a reliable, cautious, thoughtful person then that is the person you are dealing with. You said you felt bad when you first heard about the friend in the wheelchair. You never have to feel bad for someone. You don't know their story.
One of the best men I know jumped into shallow water in a pool as a young man and broke his neck. He is a world-renowned coach, mentor, graduated from college while in the chair, has a good job, gets his own chair into and out of his own truck, and is married to a beautiful woman. I don't think his past matters so much as what he has done with his life since.
"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority.
The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority."
~Ralph W. Sockman
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:55:12 AM | | I am always hearing about what a tragedy it is when so-and-so gets hurt in a violent sport (eg football, motorcycle racing.) I am sorry for their pain, but it is hard to avoid saying "you knew this was likely to happen when you signed up!" | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:38:48 AM | | Well I would think he is stupid for jumping off a roof, but I would still feel sorry for someone to be in that situation even if they put themselves there. We all do stupid things in life op, even you! We learn from out stupid mistakes and we hope that people around us wont laugh at our physical or emotional pain due to our stupid mistakes. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:28:21 AM |
I'll "probably" get verbally spanked for this, but I have to say I find it really hard to feel sorry for someone who is suffering from self-inflicted stupidity.
Yeah. I'm with you there. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:58:27 PM | Yes, every year the old Darwin awards are issued.
Don't take pity on people who do bad things to themselves! Just be disappointed that they made a bad mistake that will hinder them for life.
Ever watch the TV show Cops? Sometimes I’m confused if I should feel sorry or just say “they had it coming” when the arrests are made. You might have a crack head that is operating a car and gets pulled over. All is well, and then they forget to remove their crack pipe from the dashboard as the officer visits them. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:16:44 PM |  People Post STUPID stuff here on POF, all day and all night long and they have for years, Yet you don't condem them ?  You are one of us. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:54:56 PM | To Mary Freakin Poppins;
I know I do stupid things in life. But I also know it's my own damn fault, and I don't deserve any pity or sympathy for it. If I lied down with my leg on train tracks, and let my leg get run over and crushed, I wouldn't deserve sympathy cause it's my own damn fault.
To StrawBS08;
Yeah, he broke his leg, and I feel no sympathy whatsoever. Why? Because HE broke his leg. Not some accident, not some derrainged maniac, but him, some dumbass showoff wannabe, jumped off a two story house. Anyone who is sympathetic over that needs to wake up and look at the world.
To Oldsoul;
There's fvcked up, then there's being fvckin retarded. I'm guessing he's the latter, cause no one would think, "Duhhhh, I is gon jum fwom duh woof, an beh allllll otay." I'm sure he thought that because I met the guy after the accident, and said he thought there were no risks with it.
To AwP;
He's about 20, and was trying to show off. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:54:21 AM |
but I don't want to know if I was in the right or wrong, cause I don't care .....So you have NEVER done anything stupid in your life before Mr OP?
Just stop and think about your football games and the padding and stuff that these guys wear for protection
Could you feel sorry for someone with an injury they got while attempting a very risky and high dangerous act merely for the fun/thrill of it? .....It's a similar thing.
OK the act performed might not be what you and I would do, however a thrill seeker IS a thrill seeker. What would you say to a trapeze artist ?
We learn from our mistakes.
Could you feel sorry for someone with an injury they got while attempting a very risky and high dangerous act merely for the fun/thrill of it? .....A lot of people become cops for this reason.....the thrill and excitement. then they get the reward at the end of it. Death or Satisfaction.
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Quate
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Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 22 | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:10:35 AM | I'd still feel sorry he ended up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
Yes it was stupid what he did, but he wasn't trying to hurt anyone else and hey....we ALL have done stupid things now and again, especially when we were younger.
Now if he had been drunk driving or doing something so incredibly stupid it endangered other people's lives?? Then I would have quite a bit less sympathy. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:21:52 AM | Sympathy for stupidity is over-rated. While I could empathize with being stuck in the chair till his bones knit, I wouldn't have much sympathy. I'm just as hard on myself though. If I do something stupid I consider the consequences a lesson on why we should aspire to displaying as little stupidity as possible.
If this guy repeats this mistake in the future keep track of him so you can submit him to darwinawards.com when he eventually takes himself out of the gene-pool. | |
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| Stupid acts deserve sympathy?
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:04:42 PM | To JulietJuliet;
I don't play football for that reason. It's stupid, risky and jsut an excuse for guys to grab each other, I think, but that's neither here nor there. I've done stupid things, but I was also younger and did them because I didn't know better. I do stupid things now, but not on purpose. I'm talking people who do stupid things on purpose. I hardly think the "five second rule" post above and jumping off a two story high roof are hardly comparable.
And if people want to seek thrill and excitement, then they should ride a roller coaster. Becoming a cop for thrill and excitement is like drinking cyanide to quench thirst. It's also how corrupt cops come to fruition. | |
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