| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:13:13 AM | I have been seeing this guy just over a month now. I met him through friends on a night out. We actually was chatting on the night out until 5 in the morning. Before he left my friend’s house he asked for my number to take me out for a drink.
We had our first date and got along really well, no awkward silences etc. The next day he text me asking to meet up again, which we did. However, shortly before we were due to go out he said that he had a headache and had to cancel. I thought it was a bit of a blow off (coming from bad experience) but said okay and scheduled for another date with him two days later. He was really apologetic and panicky about letting me down. On the next date, it went really well and we discovered we had loads in common. We kept in contact and on the third date we actually kissed which was awesome!! We went out a couple of more times but we haven’t slept together yet.
I was feeling really excited at this man who I was into and he seemed into me. He also was not an over confident guy and as I am not an over confident girl, we were comfy with each other.
Then the weekend just gone he was out with friends and so was I. My friends have known him for years and towards the end of the night, he sent me a text asking me where I was. We met up and went back to my friend’s place where we drank, talked and laughing etc, till about 4 in the morning. I asked him if he'd had a nice evening and he said "yeah but the best part of it was seeing you", which I thought was really sweet and he is not a man to open up and give compliments. We then went to sleep. We had the conversation about sex and I said I wanted to take it slowly and he said he understood. The next morning he got up at about 8 to go back to his friend’s to get changed. He asked me if I fancied meeting up later, I said sure! However, later on he told me he was feeling really poop (understandable as I did too) and did I mind if we left it until the week and which night? So we scheduled for Thursday (last night)
However, this week he had been complaining about feeling as though he has man flu!! He was joking about needing a nite nurse etc, did I want to do the honours etc. On Wednesday he said he was all on his own in his house and I said I would have kept you company if you had wanted and I didn’t get any reply!! The next morning (Thursday morning) he text and said sorry he didn’t answer he had gone to sleep and that he wasn’t going to be able to see me that evening as he was still feel shitty! I just said fair enough, no worries and left it at that. But to be honest with you, I just felt as though he wasn’t into me and was messing me about. Probably wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t had cancelled on Sunday and the time before (making it 3 times). Then he sent another text just saying he hoped I didn’t mind etc, didn’t bother to answer that. Then a couple of hours later he sent another text saying he had now gone home to bed and it was a pity I was at work as I could have joined him! I didn’t answer that either (I was pretty sure he was messing me about though) then he sent another one about 4 hours later asking how I was and what I was up to. Ignored that too. An hour later my phone was cut off as the company were updating my SIM card and when I switched it on there were two missed calls and a text message asking if I was okay and if I wanted to meet up tomorrow night as he was feeling better now he’d had the afternoon in bed. He’s asking again today.
I don’t know what to think. Yesterday I was pretty much 99% sure he wasn’t into me and was just blowing me off. Now I’m thinking he must like me a bit, but is it because he doesn’t want to lose back up. Hmmm, not sure, what should I do? | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:56:44 AM | Didn't you post about another guy who was "flaky" and another guy who was something else..you seem to have very bad luck in the men you choose to date.
Either that, or I'm spending too much time on the forums .... | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:15:39 AM | | No this is the same guy that I posted about who had the headache. It's all detailed in what I've written. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 5:04:00 AM | | If you have other options, go ahead with them. But if you don't...then you have the time to see where this guy takes you. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:20:14 AM | Yeah, I like games too...or at least the kind that involve either fake money and Boardwalk, or someone I'm into, an "arrestingly hot" outfit and handcuffs.
Unless this guy's illness involves an I.V. and chemotherapy, maybe you should just tell him you're interested in someone who is interested in you. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:26:50 AM | OP - my gut and I just chatted about your situation and we've decided:
- he's going to be the type that cancels for tummy aches, headaches, aches and pains - often.
- if you like him well enough and can put up with this - great (unless he becomes a hypochondriac - that would be some annoying sh*t) Also, if he is the type to use illness as a way to get extra pity, nursing, coddling, etc... then he is manipulative.
- if this is getting your goat, tell him what another poster wrote "sorry, I'm looking for someone who is as into me as I am into them"
Good luck! | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:49:23 AM | Maybe I just haven't had the benefit of reading your other posts but my impression just reading this one is, lighten up! Maybe he really was just sick and didn't want to be bothered by anyone. He certainly communicates with you enough. Why are you thinking he's not interested just because he cancels if he's not feeling well? And now after just a few short days he's feeling better and wants to see you again?
He tells you the best part of his evening is seeing you.
He communicates with you by calling and testing.
When you're together you are both comfortable and talk for hours.
He respected your wishes when it came to waiting for sex.
Maybe I'm missing something, a timeline or something, but for month it sounds like it's going well. If it is games he's playing, then you're playing them, too, by ignoring his calls.
Really, all we can ever go on is our own gut feelings and if yours are telling you he's not for real, well then he isn't (whether he is or not) because you will make it so. I think your name might say it all: you're bruising too easily. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:08:38 AM | OP: Well, you certainly seem just as insecure as you claim, if not more. Is it so much of a stretch to think the same of him?
Consider the possible facts here: your relationship is certainly not secure; he is really into you and worried you'll dump him for the slightest misstep; he believes he needs to be 'on the top of his game' when with you, so doesn't want to risk seeing you when he's not feeling well yet; and he hurries to show you he's still interested, even on those occasions he's not feeling well. If he's anywhere near as insecure as you, the facts you've described fit the ones I've described.
Stop overreacting to every move he makes. Stop trying to analyze him from his actions which could be explained in multiple ways, and just talk to the guy.
I mean, while in the long run, you'd probably be doing him a favor by dumping him, I don't see any reason why you would want to. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:40:09 AM | | You have put this guy under a microscope. Stop analyzing everything for "clues" on what he is thinking. JUST ASK HIM. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:12:32 AM | OP,
I think you may be reading too much into this too soon. The two of you just started seeing each other so sometimes for what ever reasons meeting up can't always happen. You should still continue to date him and see how things progress and if he has a pattern of always blowing things off with no explanation or doesn't say sorry than you can consider other options. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:30:11 AM | Poor guy. I feel sorry for him.
Agreed!
We went through ALL of this, "I don't know if he's into me" BS in the last thread she started about this guy.
I reiterate, I feel sorry for him. He obviously has no idea what kind of drama & game playing he's involved in.
BTW: here's the other thread she started about the VERY SAME issue about a month ago:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts10832717.aspx | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:43:28 AM | Sounds like he might be in another relationship....
And your the other girl...
Constant cancelations... resceduling .... illness....
Take a hint hun...
Most guys when they like a girl... in the begining at least... we try and see our partner as much as possible... | |
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Posted: 10/3/2008 12:38:53 PM | unless there's something else that isn't able to be communicated through the written word, (a bad *vibe*) i'd take it that he started feeling unwell (pooped/tired) on the sunday and got increasingly unwell during the week so couldn't see you
however, even though he was ill he still made the effort to keep in touch with you
to me, that sounds as though he cares
(if he cancels again due to ill health, then maybe you could ask him if he typically has reoccuring health problems - maybe he has some sort of gastro problem/ulcer or gets migraines etc and hasn't thought to tell you about it) | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:00:35 PM | I'd say talk to the fellow and tell him that the back-and-forth, off-and-on stuff is confusing and hurtful for you; give him a chance to be supportive. He might surprise you! But if, as I think you more or less expect, he doesn't seem to get it, or can't respond in a way that's helpful, then IMO it's time to move on.
Good luck! | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:26:58 PM | OP: If you haven't figured it out yet.... TALK TO HIM.
I can practically guarantee he is into you. Just try to make him comfortable and confident in the relationship, and I think you'll be amazed how it all works out. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:08:03 AM | Hey thanks for all the advice - that's what I shall do then, talk to him 
bk0x45 - do you think that by reassuring him and being consistent it wil make him more confident in the relationship? | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:35:21 AM | From what you've written, it might not necessarily be a relationship issue...
It IS the flu season, and there ARE some very nasty bugs going around this year. Maybe he is telling the truth, is sick as a dog, and is trying to make sure that you don't get the same.
As far as texting and telephoning, I know that when I go under then I usually limit my interaction with everyone else as well... I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt. | |
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| Don't know what to do
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:06:37 AM |
He was joking about needing a nite nurse etc, did I want to do the honours etc.
Then a couple of hours later he sent another text saying he had now gone home to bed and it was a pity I was at work as I could have joined him!
Hmm, a few 'joking' invitations to come on over to his place, even though he was supposedly dying of man flu.
Me wonders if this guy really took any notice of you when you said you wanted to take things slow.
I also wonder if he's a bit cheap, and just wants a convenient booty call.
Give him a chance OP, but I suspect he'll not be available much for nights out, however, he seems like he'll be available for nights in, if you know what i mean. Go cautiously with this one.
G. x | |
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