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 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 1
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I met this guy on POF in person last Friday. Friday night we decided to meet at McDonalds... he brought his two year old son. He was 10 minutes late (but... in his defense, he did call on his way and tell me). We sat and talked and I thought everything went well - though now looking back on it - all that happened was he attempted to entertain us by getting his 2 year old to say cute things.

After night #1... he called me... and asked if I wanted to get together night #2 (the very next night). I agreed.... This didn't work out between our schedules too well but we still managed to meet at Taco Bell around 9:00 that night. He was 10 minutes late. This time he didn't call. We sat in the parking and talked for about 30 minutes or so. I was tired - so we left.

He called on his way home and asked me if I wanted to get together night #3 (the next night... Sunday). So ... I met him at Central Park. We were to meet at 6:00. He pulled up at 6:20 or so. Late again! But this time he had a babysitter. By this time, I'm seeing a pattern.

Here's where I really need your opinion.......

I think it's enough that he was late 3 times (my time is important too). But... not only was he late all 3 times.... when he met me night #3, he showed up with NO MONEY (Strike 1 for the night). He asked what I wanted to do - I suggested a movie... he said he'd have to go to the ATM (as it if was really causing him grief to do so). So we went driving around. I had just gotten off work so I was hungry. I asked if he wanted to get something to eat... He said he had already eaten. (Strike 2 for the night) What did he plan to do?

So I got something to eat (paid for it myself) Strike 3. But decided to give him a "next at bat". The evening went pretty well but we basically did nothing but sit in the park and talk. Then he wanted to go by the river... I said I'd just follow him because it was closer to his house... and I would just drive on home afterwards. We get there and he's on the cell phone. 20 minutes later... HE IS STILL ON THE CELL PHONE!!!! So I started my car and started backing up. He was in disbelief that I was leaving.

Please tell me why he, for even one minute, thought that would be ok to talk on the cell phone for 20 minutes????

He called me that night - I didn't answer. He called 3 times the next day. I didn't answer. I'm done. Am I wrong?
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 2
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:31:04 PM
I was in defense mode for the dewd until you mentioned the cell phone thing. That's bull. Are you wrong? Wrong for what? You were patient, gave him (mulitple) benefit of the doubt(s). The only thing I would say where you 'might' be wrong, is the way you just blew him off in the end. Why couldn't you explain to him that obviously he has different priorities, shows a lack of interest, or whatever and wish him well? Not saying you owed him this, but it just seems like the 'right' thing to do.




~ds~
 ~TrueBlood~
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 3
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:48:13 PM
I could not get past the fact you met a guy for a first meeting and he brought his child, and second the first two meetings took place at McDonalds and a Taco Bell parking lot. Then factor in he is always late, has no money, and was on his cell phone while you were waiting. I think him being rude talking on is cell should be the least of your concerns...
 derevkofan
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 4
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 2:41:09 AM
You are not wrong at all - clearly not the sort of man that you'd want to get into a relationship with at all! He showed a complete lack of respect and his disbelief that you left does rather suggest that previous women have put up with it - more fool them!
 sheilarodri
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 5
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 2:57:59 AM
why did he bring his son with him. I am assuming it was a first date, if it was a first date that was SO, SO, SO WRONG, you do not bring children on first, second or even third dates.
You did manage to go out 3 times with him within a weekend, thats a lot of dates.
As to the phone you are more patient than me- he was very disrespectful for yapping that long while on a date.
He would have gotten the email i dont think we are a good match msg.
 Aurora772
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 6
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:25:50 AM
OP, you are completely correct. The guy is selfish and rude.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 7
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:05:41 AM
Thanks for all of your replies!!!


Why couldn't you explain to him that obviously he has different priorities, shows a lack of interest, or whatever and wish him well? Not saying you owed him this, but it just seems like the 'right' thing to do.


You're right - at the very least I guess I could send him a quick message... but I don't owe him anything. I probably should have done that. But, now it's been 5 days since his last phone call (I'm so thankful) and I'd really hate to stir things up again.
 mjollnir73
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 8
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:08:44 AM
The guy's a complete schmuck. If you're looking to date off of a dating site, be prepared to actually go on proper dates. McDonalds, Taco Bell, not having money, ignoring your date while you're on the phone, are all Cardinal Dating Sins. And the dude shouldn't be bringing his baby on the dates either, that's just flat-out creepy and lazy.
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 9
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:45:20 AM
You were absolutely correct in leaving... I believe you were much more patient then was required. At the same time giving him 3 times to prove himself differently noble... I don't think I'd answer the phone either when he had called after that... it is no more rude then how you were treated.

The sad part is that he is probably clueless as to why you left...
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 10
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:34:18 AM
Thanks Pixy... I'd say you're right - he probably has no clue. I think I'll leave that to someone else to teach him.

I forgot to mention that he also told me that he works full time for CSX and part-time as a policeman here locally. That story evolved into ... he recently had surgery and is off work (both jobs) right now - - will probably go back to work in about two weeks. That story evolved into ... his doctor approved for him to go back to CSX but the CSX doctors won't approve it.... AND... when the new police chief starts he might get a permanent position but he's not sure what will happen if the same police chief stays. I really don't think he's employed at all. If you're between jobs, that's one thing... but when the story continues to grow (over a 3 day weekend period) - it's a concern.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 11
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:35:24 AM

The guy's a complete schmuck. If you're looking to date off of a dating site, be prepared to actually go on proper dates. McDonalds, Taco Bell, not having money, ignoring your date while you're on the phone, are all Cardinal Dating Sins. And the dude shouldn't be bringing his baby on the dates either, that's just flat-out creepy and lazy.


Yeh, you're right! You'd think when you first meet someone - they would at least be getting the "best of you" ... I'd hate to think what he's really like if what I saw was his best!
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 12
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:36:30 AM
Oh... and Pixy.... he will have a clue why I left (if he didn't already) just as soon as he reads these posts
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 13
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:38:29 AM
Wow, I thought you were quite tolerant. I don't think you were wrong at all in any of this. I would of left too.
 foxy00072
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 14
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:36:07 AM
no not at all hes a twit leave him b find someone whos not going to mess you around being late is one thing but every date then talking on his phone no hes had his chancesx
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 15
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:48:56 AM
This is so tragic that it is comical.......

Being late is a normal pattern for many.......just plan differently or drop them.

Can you not see that this man has little or no money, and is more than likely juggling expenses, and survival economically? If this is a problem for you, then drop him. I am amazed that you would ask him if he was hungry and then think that it was his duty to buy you dinner.......

The polite thing to do would have been to invite him to have something to eat and expect to pay for it yourself, since you asked, and maybe if he was financially sound enough, he might have offered to pay for you as well.

If you think that the attraction is there enough to formulate some chemistry, then I say go for it and enjoy the ride. If his economic status and lack of consideration is not in your realm of understanding.........drop him and move on.

The cell phone part is another whole topic of discussion, and one that needs to be addressed by itself.

Just my opinion......
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 16
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:04:26 AM
I can see your point... but I didn't "EXPECT" him to buy my dinner. My complaint on that particular point is - - - he invited me out - we decided to meet at the park and then figure out what we would do - - - he had mentioned dinner and movie several times on the phone - - - when he obviously had no plans when he FINALLY arrived I brought up the ideas he had mentioned before... and to answer your question - YES it is obvious that his man has little or no money...... which, by the way, I could definitely get over (we all go through tough times) but when he says he works full time at CSX and part-time as a policeman AND brings up the idea of movies and dinner on the phone - I would have expected him to at least offer. Furthermore, it has been my practice in the past to always offer to pay for my own drinks/dinner/movie tickets on the first few dates. I'm certainly not after money... I have my own... but I am after respect and honesty. I just don't think I found it there.


Being late is a normal pattern for many.......just plan differently or drop them.


As for this statement... it sounds like you think it's ok to persistently run late. I disagree. He is the one who planned the time... he should be on time. OR... the very least he could have done was to call each time and let me know he is on his way and why he's running late (he managed to pull that off on the first night). But anyway... I did your second option... "dropped him". However - - - if the ONLY issue I had with him was the fact that he was running late every time - I probably would have at least talked to him about it before deciding he was not for me.

Thanks for your opinion though....
 sexygreeneyez68
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 17
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:07:44 AM
Ma, you did the right thing!! If you didn't stand up and say enough is enough, when would he ever get the picture? It actually makes me wonder if he realizes what he did wrong in the first place. lol I wouldn't waste my time any longer wondering if you were right or wrong because girl YOU were RIGHT!!!
 dalejrgirl
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 18
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:40:35 AM
OK...bringing a child to a first date should be clue to many of you! I am a single mom and I would NEVER bring my child to a first, second or third date. More so it being a blind date, sorta since you really dont know the other person! To me that shows no respect to the person they are meeting and of course no respect for values that should matter more than a date!

Just my opinion.

A
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 19
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 12:55:05 PM
it's up to you what you do, obviously - all very subjective

personally, i think i'd have talked to him about being persistantly late and let him know that it got on my nerves, if it did - or actually, made a joke about it to bring it to his attention - more my style

i find that sitting in the park and talking (using the swings maybe? chucking a frisbee? throwing old bread at ducks? lol poor wee thangs :D) can be fun - a nice and relaxing, peaceful way of getting to know someone without other distractions

however, i can see his continuing to chat on the phone for so long after you'd arrived at your destination could be a little off-putting... of course, maybe it was an emergency, or someone he just had to talk to... but in that case he could have taken a second to put his hand over the phone and apologize to you, letting you know that he *had* to talk and he was sorry

re the not answering thing, i think it'd have been more polite to let him know why you didn't want to be in contact with him any more... (and who knows, maybe he'd have become aware that his tardiness was something some women wouldn't put up with and you'd have saved the next woman some aggro :))
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 20
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 2:38:17 PM
Hmmm... I'm the childish one. Interesting.
 ~curlygirl~
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 21
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 3:28:22 PM
OP, i don't think 10 minutes late on date #1 is really a big deal, but 20 minutes late on date #2 is certainly inconsiderate (assuming he didn't call to let you know). being late isn't entirely inexcusable...sometimes life gets in the way, but consideration enough to call ahead when you are late is just good manners.

as for your 3 strikes on date #3...

strike 1 - he showed up with no money. okay, why should this matter provided he didn't ask you to pay for him?

strike 2 - he didn't want to go to a movie, and didn't seem to want to go to the ATM. hmm back to you being upset that he didn't want to spend money. hey, maybe he was a bit tight for cash til payday...it happens to the best of us. instead you spent the evening in the park talking...wow there's a concept, actually getting to know each other rather than sitting silent in the dark for 2 hours.

strike 3 - he wasn't hungry, but you decided to get something for yourself, and *gasp* had to pay for your own meal! sorry, but i don't buy into the bs of a guy being obligated to pay for me whether we're on our first date or celebrating our 10 year anniversary. i earn my own money, so if i want something, i am entirely capable of not using a man as my personal walking wallet in order to pay for it.

so then you give him another chance at bat...and the cell phone issue arises. i'd like you to clarify, was he on the phone for 20 minutes while you were both driving in your separate cars, or was he on the phone for 20 minutes in your presence? if it was while driving, you then arrived, saw him on the phone, didn't even get out of your car, just started it up again, and drove away...then yes, you were kind of rude about it. however, if you were physically present and he had a conversation on his cell for more than 5 minutes, then yes you have a right to be annoyed...and 20 minutes (barring an emergency call or very important business call of some kind) would be insulting. but without clarity, i cannot determine which situation this was OP, and therefore i cannot give a definitive opinion on this matter.

maybe these things are hot buttons for you, maybe they're personal expectations you have...and while i may consider some of them a bit heavy-handed, that's beside the point. obviously you don't want to forgive this guy, obviously you want other posters to validate and agree with your position, and obviously this guy isn't a good match for you. so my suggestion is, move on, find someone else...posting in the forums asking for opinions you probably don't really want isn't going to change how you feel or change your mind anyways.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 22
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:26:03 PM

I was in defense mode for the dewd until you mentioned the cell phone thing. That's bull. Are you wrong? Wrong for what? You were patient, gave him (mulitple) benefit of the doubt(s). The only thing I would say where you 'might' be wrong, is the way you just blew him off in the end. Why couldn't you explain to him that obviously he has different priorities, shows a lack of interest, or whatever and wish him well? Not saying you owed him this, but it just seems like the 'right' thing to do.

That makes two of us. Before the cell phone thing, I thought he was just a guy that didn't have much money but still wanted to get to know you. Twenty minutes on the phone while on a date is just rude. I would let him know what I thought about the phone call if I liked him.
 ~curlygirl~
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 23
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:51:30 PM
^^^ i'd like to point out, the OP has not clarified whether the 20 minutes her date spent on the phone was while she was with him in person or while they were driving in their separate cars to his place. everyone here is simply assuming the former. i think the OP needs to clarify that point before we jump to conclusions and form our opinions.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 24
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:58:15 PM
You did right.
Run... fast... NOW.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 25
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:10:20 PM

strike 1 - he showed up with no money. okay, why should this matter provided he didn't ask you to pay for him?

strike 2 - he didn't want to go to a movie, and didn't seem to want to go to the ATM. hmm back to you being upset that he didn't want to spend money. hey, maybe he was a bit tight for cash til payday...it happens to the best of us. instead you spent the evening in the park talking...wow there's a concept, actually getting to know each other rather than sitting silent in the dark for 2 hours.

strike 3 - he wasn't hungry, but you decided to get something for yourself, and *gasp* had to pay for your own meal! sorry, but i don't buy into the bs of a guy being obligated to pay for me whether we're on our first date or celebrating our 10 year anniversary. i earn my own money, so if i want something, i am entirely capable of not using a man as my personal walking wallet in order to pay for it.


You obviously didn't read my Post #16... not that it would matter.
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