| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:30:04 AM | | I have met another individual whom we have a lot in common, however there is a significant age differance between us, other than that, we are like two peas in a pod. It is almost like each other answers the others question before it is even asked, the age differance is great over 30 years differance and we have discussed this between ourselves 1) i do not want to feel like robbing the cradle and 2) she does not want to feel like she is sleeping with her dad. so far we have had no intimacy because of societies standards and our own standards , any other comments from any one? This is just not a weeks meeting, but we have stayed distant from each other for 1 year now, because of the age differance, and that is the only reason, there is no other barriers. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:41:52 AM | I generally won't get serious with anyone more than 15 years plus or minus my age.
It's just too great a gap.
I'm curious, though.. what could 2 people 30 years apart possibly share in common?
I know people think "age ain't nothin' but a number"
But it's more than that. Throughout our lives we go thru stages wherein we learn, grow, mature and develop our souls and personalities.
If this is a really young girl, chances are she doesn't really know yet what she wants or who she is.. We generally don't get a strong foothold in that area till after 30.
If you do end up together, there's every possibilty you'll grow apart as she continues to grow and mature.
Also, like you said, both of you will feel awkward about it.
The older one will feel like he has to act young and the younger one will be forced to grow up way too fast.
I think that since the age difference spans a generation, it's not a good idea. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:55:12 AM | While I think gals 10-12 younger than me ARE my age group (20 year ex is 49 now) - 30 years is in my thinking - being unrealistic. Also more or less being unfair to her.
While it is flattering to me - I discourage the gals that are under about 45 when they contact me - or “eyeball” me out in real life.
I just think it would be unfair to them (no matter what my weinersnitzel thinks). | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:56:25 AM | Something for the OP to ponder: Are you the same person you were 30 years ago? How have you changed? If she were 30 years older right now, you may not find any attraction to her whatsoever.
It's hard to resist temptation when we find someone who seems to be the other half of us, but cooler heads need to prevail. She has so much of her life to live and explore and grow and change before she truly catches up to you in maturity.
How would you feel, 10 years down the road, if you detected that she was not happy in your relationship but was afraid of hurting you by telling you? Even 20 years down the road, she will just be coming into her prime and you'll be ready to enjoy a slower life.
I'm not saying it can't work. I'm just saying that I would feel guilty (were I in your shoes) about potentially robbing her of her youth. No matter what society thinks, I've witnessed with my own daughters that it is not good for kids to have to grow up too fast. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:02:10 AM | | OP, you're 53, have been married, had children and are now separated. You've lived half a lifetime already. She is 23 and 4-5 years out of high school. Her life is just beginning. I think that kindest and most mature thing to do is allow her to live that life. I am so different from the person that I was at 23. She hasn't even figured who she is yet... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:03:54 AM | | If you are serious abou this you might want to wait until your divorce is finalized for a couple of years ... also if you want to make sure that the feelings of sleeping with your daughter and her sleeping with her dad are addressed by both of you going to therapy. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:12:10 AM | | Thank you for your honest approach, that is why I possed the question, it gives me , many things to consider, as I do care about the impact I leave on another. Life is just not going about what ever makes you feel good, but more so how the impact will eventually leave the other and sense I am the one that is more mature I must take the lead to protect the other, called responsability and accountability. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:14:45 AM | It depends upon the individual(s) involved...
There's a woman that I know now whom really likes me, and is sixteen years younger than myself...She's got some very endearing qualities...but as far as I'm concerned, it'll go no farther than friendship, with NO benefits...
I can't do it...too much of a physical, emotional, cultural, and need I add...financial gap that I'd be expected to bridge...Sorry, not happening...not now...
Hell, I have second thoughts even when they're within SIX years of my age, either way... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:24:07 AM | Just a thought here, but is it really a sexual relationship that the two of you are looking for? It sounds as if the two of you are very close already - but you might find that once between the sheets things change and get a little awkward.
I had a similar experience (although not so large of an age-difference) when I was 28 and very good friends with a 20 year old. Things happened, we got intimate, and suddenly found that all of a sudden our friendship had changed into something neither of us recognized... It got quite messy.
My feeling is that the older we are, the more mature we are about this stuff and the better we're able to handle things like an age difference... But until we get that life experience behind us we're still not ready for such things - despite the fact we might think we are.
All of which is just a long-winded way of saying that I think you're getting yourself ready to be severely hurt - albeit unintentionally by her. Much, much better in my opinion to just stay very close friends and allow her to live her own life, as someone before me pointed out. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:24:12 AM | Age is just a number but people change over time,I am not the same person at 42 as I was at 23.Even though I have met some very mature 23yo women,and I would be flattered if they liked me,there is no way I would date one.Someone who is 53 with grown kids has already lived a full life but a 23yo is just starting off in life,30 years is too much of a age gap.
OP:you need to get a divorce and get your priorites straight before getting in another relationship. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:38:13 AM | | 30 years is way too large an age gap. My first husband was 18 years older than me. I was 19 and he was 37 when we met. I really didn't have a clue about life until I was almost 30 even though I was a single mom when I met him. As time went on I grew and changed, wanted a social life, when he was content to be a homebody. Eventually the many differences that developed as I matured caused me to be very unhappy in my marriage finally realizing that divorce was the only answer. So yes, an age difference that large can make all the difference in the world. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:41:43 AM | It's not the years in your life but the life in your years.
I feel as long as both are mature adults, know what they are getting into but mainly at the same stage in their lives, both on the same page..likes, dislikes.
I have a friend who is 18 yrs. older than her man, like a match made in heaven, He was married twice,, been together for several years and both say it's the best relationship they have each had, His children are still in early years, he has visiting priv. hers are married and on their own..some with families...
love has no age or distance..unless your robbing the cradle or looking for a sugar daddy,,,or mama... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:57:43 AM | Thanks a person who uses a mutitude of counselors is not only wise with wisdom, but when coupled with knowledge, and understanding will make a wise descision.
I truly appreciate everyones input and concern, as I stated earlier we have not had any intimate encounters as that is not in either of our natures, we are both extremely cautious, but there is a force and I will try to explain it the best way I can.
Have you ever had a thought as simple as 1+1=2 and before you even finished it, the other completed it. I am greatly over simplifying this as I truly am looking for my best 1/2 to simply compliment me and not to complete me.
Since my legal seperation was brought into question, and money was thrown into the mix also by others, lets just say because of money seperation has been going on for over 4 years ,so emotionally I am over it, and have lived on my own, it is amazing to me how a few can be so quick to criticize others, I created the money before and I will create it again, as money, intelligence, capacity,capability, and all requirements for existance, God willing will be provided, as God has been better to me than I deserve, and I am forever humble under his presence, I was just asking for wise counsel from others and things to consider of which I had not pondered, do not get me wrong but as always when some have their own agenda, they prefer to destroy the messenger, when they cannot destroy the messege, as I was just asking a simple question to start with. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:00:03 AM |
the age differance is great over 30 years differance and we have discussed this between ourselves 1) i do not want to feel like robbing the cradle and 2) she does not want to feel like she is sleeping with her dad. so far we have had no intimacy because of societies standards and our own standards , any other comments from any one?
Good Grief! Your 53! If there is over thirty years difference in your ages, is she even 21? Yes, you SHOULD feel like your robbing the cradle!  | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:43:33 AM | | Well, i have said this before as a reply but it's true. The only factor to consider is that as we age, the process increases exponentially. For example from 20 to 30 not much change from 60 to 70 a lot of change so she needs to be aware that although you will each be getting older at the same rate, you will be aginging much faster and is she in it for the long haul if, God forbid, you were to succumb to one of the many medical conditions associated with age. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:14:03 AM | | Age has no limits when it comes to love. We're talking love and not gold digging, lust or someone of illegal age. The only thing I suggest is that you talk about having children first. She might want them and you've already had them. What do you do???? Other than that, what are you waiting for, get on with it. Ignore all these nay-sayers. Turn your head the other way and march on. Not because you've got a trophy wife of 30 years your junior but because you have found that one special someone which is so elusive to all these other people. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:21:45 AM | Do what makes you happy.
No one has to live your life but you. Only you can sit down and weigh out what you think is important.
But remember it takes two to tango. What you find important, this woman might not. What she might find important, you might.
Realize this woman will face much more social pressure and public ridicule than you will over this. Most women are catty and passive aggressive and competitive with each other. They will give her a hard time just because they can.
Most relationships will NOT survive if a woman's friends, coworkers and family do not approve of the man she is with. Most women I've met from my experience care a great deal about the social perception of her mate.
Do what makes you happy. But, to be fair, I would caution you to have measured expectations. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:25:14 AM | op,
only if you let it become an issue.
personally, i'd never get serious with someone more than 10 yrs my junior, but for shorter term relationships (maybe 6 mos up to 3 yrs), no problemo. i figure it's all good now and no long-term issues, so who cares about age? (lol unless they're older than me which a turn off! hey, a girl has her preferences, ya know? ;)~~ | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:30:23 AM | Re the OPost
30 years? In my case that means 16 or below (or 77+)!! A tad too much.
When I am 60, date a 30 yr old woman? Hm, I will have to reply in 14 years.
I would not date anyone less that 22 yo no matter what the age difference and the "connection". | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:31:26 AM | | Yes, I vote to delete this thread. The good news is, I am sure OP and his daughter are on the same level of emotional maturity. Given his ability to use this forum properly, and learn from others 100's of past threads... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:41:43 AM | I have considered the affects of aging, as I have seen my seniors using their wealth to preserve their health. I started dying the day I was born, and truly believe by what I have seen thru pure science without any preconceived notions 1) There is a God 2) I am not God 3) So thankful he is in control and not me 4) Allows me to just be me by conditions of mercy and grace, and not by works.
Let's just say with all other things being equal, I have never been challenged mentally, as any woman can attest to the true way to her heart, is not thru her body, but threw her mind 1st.To believe otherwise is just purely seeking lust for lusts sake,or to satisfy ones own personal needs. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:46:14 AM | | Question?? Your profile says that you are separated, your post says that you and the girl have stayed away from each other for a year now. How long have you been separated while looking for long term. How can you look for long term while you are still married? Your post also states that you have found another girl that you have things in common with. Another being the operative word. How many have you tried to have a relationship with??There are some inconsistencies in your post. Do you have children? Are they older than the woman in question?? | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:47:21 AM | With today's extended life span and medical advancements I see no reason not to go for it. At 53 you can easily maintain an active lifestyle for another 20 years and how many relationships last 20 years? A friend of mine is in his mid 70's and he just finished reshingling his roof in the country!
Unless that young lady has been living under a rock she's well aware of life. Young people know more today than ever before and she's making a choice. Maybe she doesn't want the young lifestyle of club hopping and all night parties, struggling to pay the rent, driving a car that constantly requires repairs, a boyfriend who is forever eyeing her girlfriends.........the list goes on.
If you both feel good together that's all that's necessary. This idea of "things in common" is nonsense. My partner and I dealt with differing native languages, religion, culture, political views, education levels and salary along with a nine year age difference. We never had a problem over the last 12 years!
If two people want to be together they will do things together because they enjoy being together. It's just that simple.
Don't let convention or friends/family deter you. It's your life and if that's the lady who turns your crank then go for it. Far too often people discount "chemistry" and seek things that have absolutely no bearing on a romantic relationship.
If you both want to be together then that's the answer, be together. | |
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