| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:41:24 AM | | At my age, my native friends believe that falling in love must be before having sex, but some my American frineds think that having sex should be before falling in love. Some American men here told they want to find out if sex is compatible first. I am confused about these American opinions. If one never falls in love and only wants to have sex, he or she always has an excuse of sex uncompatible. If a woman and a man don't love each other, how could having sex be compatible? I do like to learn some insights about love and sex from everyone here. Please tell me what you think about love and sex!!! Thanks! | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:56:51 AM | Ditto-the closeness is so unique and precious that the bond is MAGICAL!  Casual stuff; while not frowned upon by many; was never on my list of priorities as I became older and wiser!! Do what YOU feel like-it's your life!! Good luck!! | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:01:00 AM | | When you are in love, you make love to the other person. You can connect on all levels. Sex is just sex. It isn't the same when you don't care about the other person. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:10:58 AM | My motto is: no love, no sex.
It's easy to know if someone loves you. However, the first thing is if you love the one back. No love is between each other, please stay away  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:14:22 AM | | I see. Sex is just sex. Having sex is just having sex, which isn't necessary to connect with love, so no love can have sex. If one doesn't care about his or her sex partner, does he or she care about himself or herself? In case, the sex partner has STDs and infects one, how could the one handle this situation? This question comes from the basic of no love no trust. Some people here may lie about everything. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 2:14:05 PM | | OP, I can't speak for all Americans, but I will say this -- anyone who wants to have sex before they fall in love doesn't have the emotional maturity for either. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 3:11:35 PM | How I wish I had the maturity of youth to see that this issue is so black and white!
I wish someone had told me that it is easy to tell if you are in love! How and when are you sure when it is beyond infatuation?
In my half century or so on this earth, I have been in a relationship where I have been loved, truly loved emotionally, and loved in return, but when it went to the physical stage - it was all one-sided and selfish on his part, and that was the true deal breaker in the relationship. In those ultimately physical moments when two people could not be closer, he proved to me that the only one that he really cared about was himself. This may sound harsh to some, but I also have a few years of experience - I would not buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, and I certainly would not share my bed permanently without sexual compatibility. You do come to a stage in life where you feel freer to do what you want with whom you want, because it is no one else's business to judge you. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 3:21:06 PM |
anyone who wants to have sex before they fall in love doesn't have the emotional maturity for either.
Your right you don't speak for me and many others...
I prefer an educated person speak for me! So I guess I'll do it for myself!
A mature person that has their emotions in check are able to make sexual connections with out it being about emotions. It's the immature and emotionally challenged people that can't understand the difference!
Having sex or making love to someone doesn't make the love for another any stronger!
Commitment yes, love no!
Sexual desire is a physical issue not an emotional one! Ask any nymphomaniac! | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:11:01 PM | OP
Who cares what anybody else says or does in regards to their sex / love life!!
Follow your own moral compass....and seek out someone who shares the same values as you.
Good Luck  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:27:18 PM | Hi All ..
In my eyes Sex is a need and also a bridge to love. Love is strengthened by sex, but not dependant on it & will develop without sex, as long as both partys can handle supressing thier needs.
Loving sex is also beutiful along with enjoyable though.
I think most people need both the act of sex and love combined, but also to pretend sometimes that its more primative and physical occasionaly, with the safety net of trust and love waiting on the edges -
realising this underpinns a healthy sexual relationship most times, but you often find that one of the two wants this disconnection more than the other which may cause problems..
I have a lot of respect for religions/ways of thinking that dont do sex before marriage, but to me - sex is an icebreaker lol..
:) Sam | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:52:12 PM | You can be in love all you want...and find the sexual aspect of the relationship lacking...which leads to "cheating" and an end to the "relationship". Not good. Testing out a "product" (in this case, sexual compatability) is all part and parcel of finding a compatible mate.
As the couple get older, they often change, and decide that they are not so compatible after all...which can be combatted by the couple by having a few things in common that they enjoy doing together. (Outside of sex...like shopping, collecting things, whatever.)
Sex is one of the best and easiest ways to get to know each other, not just intimatly, but also have a deper undertsanding of each other. In todays fast-paced society, we don't have the time nor energy to "wait" for love...we have to activly seek it out and engage it. There is little time for "love to grow", and it needs all the help it can get. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:08:42 PM | | I tend to have sex pretty early into a relationship. Sexual compatibility is really important to me, and I also feel like there are things about dating someone you don't know until you've been intimate together. How someone is as a lover, whether they're attentive or not, etc, tells you an awful lot about who they really are, and sometimes those things aren't as apparent elsewhere as they are in bed. I'm honestly not sure I could fall in love with someone I hadn't slept with. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:23:40 PM | I have had GREAT sex with women I've known for less than a day. It was so good because we felt a passion for one another. It was NOT love.
I find the idea of love apealing, but I don't think it's for real. True love should be unconditional. Right? That means no matter what the other person did you would still love them. Right? If they cheated on you? If they beat you? If they kidnapped small children and cut them into little parts while dancing like Gene Kelly?
Love is a wonderful concept, but I just don't buy it.
Sex, on the other hand, is very real and can feel fantastic even with someone you hate. I've never had good sex with a woman that made me wait to have her. I assume this is due to a lack of experance. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:54:56 PM | | I say stick to what you believe because it's good. Don't go around having sex with other people because they say you need to see if the sex is compatible. What that means is simply that they want to base a relationship off of sex. Anyone who says something like that isn't worth your time because they won't put you first in the relationship. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:08:04 PM | I think you need to do what works for you and the other person. Sometimes, what works best for you is sex. Sometimes, it's love. Sometimes it's neither. Some people mostly do sex, and a bit of love. Some people do only love. Some people do half-and-half.
Do what works for you.
The thing is, from what I've read, if I'm not sure, and that happens a LOT, then I should stick what is clear, and close at hand. If it's unclear, or at a distance, then I'm better off going back to doing whatever is clear and close at hand. So far, it seems to work quite well. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:19:41 PM | Everyone is different and have different opinions about love, sex, emotions and compatibility. I think as long as the two people involved both feel similarly about their involvement with each other, then whatever they choose to do is okay.
You will know when you meet a person, (and it's different with every person you met) what you want to do with them and why... or if you want to run away screaming. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:32:11 PM | | Sex is about the best feeling thing I can think of. It seems obserd to my to deny one's self the plesure of sex simply because you are not "in love." Abstinence is a sexual perversion. After all, it's an unnatural state for humans. We are the most sexual creatures yet to be discovered. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:38:13 PM | simple, no love, no sex.
even then, it takes me a while to hop in bed with someone, I don't do casual sex.
But thats just me, everyone is different. anywhoo, for me casual sex is pointless without love or a special non physical bond
just m 2 cents | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:52:27 AM |
You don't need to be in love to have sex...
How could one do this? I have no idea. If I don't love someone, how could I have the feeling of having sex with him? It's impossible!!! My passion to someone comes from my love to him that helps to increase my hormones. No love, I am cold, so I am a fine human being with human being passion not animal's  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:02:20 AM |
How could one do this? I have no idea. If I don't love someone, how could I have the feeling of having sex with him? It's impossible!!! My passion to someone comes from my love to him that helps to increase my hormones. No love, I am cold, so I am a fine human being with human being passion not animal's
That's perfectly fine. Some people just want sex and don't care about love. If someone asks you for sex first, then don't give it to them because you're not ready for that without the love in place. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:38:27 AM |
In my half century or so on this earth, I have been in a relationship where I have been loved, truly loved emotionally, and loved in return, but when it went to the physical stage - it was all one-sided and selfish on his part, and that was the true deal breaker in the relationship. In those ultimately physical moments when two people could not be closer, he proved to me that the only one that he really cared about was himself.
You said that he only cared about himself, so he didn't love you! As he didn't love you, there was no love between both of you. You might love him; he didn't love you back. He loved nobody but himself. Then both of you had no compatible sex. Sorry about that! Now you seem find your love. Congratulations! | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:58:34 AM | | I could not have sex just to "have sex." I need both. If I do have strong feelings for someone, I will definatly "go there." As long as there is both physical and mental stimulation there, it can be wonderful. I am just waiting for the day that certain man can take me to that level. It is an amazing thing when someone can get into your mind and you feel a certain comfort with them. Just follow your heart OP, I know I am. :) | |
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