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 jklee
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 1
Am I single or divorced [CLOSED - Redundant - Use Your Search Function]Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
... This is a make it or break it question ..

I am divorced 10 years ago with children. At my profile, I wrote single but someone called me a liar because I am divorced ...
What is the different between single or divorced for those of us starting all over again ?
 Curvesall0ver
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 2
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:53:47 AM
dictionary definition below of the word single:



1sin·gle
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English sengle, from Anglo-French, from Latin singulus one only; akin to Latin sem- one — more at same
Date:
14th century
1 a: not married b: of or relating to celibacy2: unaccompanied by others : lone , sole 3 a (1): consisting of or having only one part, feature, or portion (2): consisting of one as opposed to or in contrast with many : uniform (3): consisting of only one in number b: having but one whorl of petals or ray flowers 4 a: consisting of a separate unique whole : individual b: of, relating to, or involving only one person5 a: frank , honest b: exclusively attentive 6: unbroken , undivided7: having no equal or like : singular8: designed for the use of one person only


Some people hold to the ideals that once you've been married you can never call yourself single again...others, could careless what "label" you stick on yourself or anyone else
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 3
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:05:43 AM
I would think that in this context, because 'divorced' is quite visibly an option, that choosing 'single' is inappropriate. In a profile, this is information - to be accurate, you should list yourself accurately. You are divorced.
 kmb74
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 4
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:08:01 AM
Technically, you're both. Single means unattached, but in the dating world, it's assumed that single means never married. Once you're divorced, you're forever labeled "divorced." Some people don't want to get involved with a divorced person, esp those with kids and labeling yourself single is misleading. I'd wonder what else you were stretching the truth on.

You're divorced, and you should be honest about that regardless of how long you've been divorced.
 MEGA_CHULO2007
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 5
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:26:20 AM
WTF!!!!???? Damn there are some real dumb people in the world. If you're divorced...you can be single if you're not seriously involved.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:35:57 AM
I'm with most of the other posters on this one ...

Single means you've never been married before. Now you could conceivably have been in a long-term relationship and even have produced children ... but just never married ... that would make you single.

But once you've been married and then divorced ... you probably should list yourself as your true status ... divorced.

I'm also with the poster who suggested that if you lie about that status ... what else would you lie about?

BTW ... do you have a problem with listing yourself as divorced?
 IluvChris
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 7
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:42:02 AM
BTW ... do you have a problem with listing yourself as divorced?


Saying "divorced" 10 years later , is holding onto the past.
He is a single man living a single life, why should he be required to use a word that holds him to his Ex wife?


OP..... you should say what ever you want. I say SINGLE and I have BEEN divorced.
Im over that chapter in my life, why hold onto it.
 paper or plastic
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 8
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:45:38 AM
Yet another area of labels (just like body type) that can go both ways depending on who you are and what you feel is right.
circle of life...... single-> engaged-> married-> separated-> divorced-> single.
To me, if you were married or separated and put down single, that's lying.
 NotaFish68
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 9
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:58:23 AM

WTF!!!!???? Damn there are some real dumb people in the world. If you're divorced...you can be single if you're not seriously involved.


People like you really kinda crawl under my skin.

Is there a particular reason you have to insult everyone? I suppose just answering the question wasn't an option?

I'm voting the only appropriate answer is Divorced. I mean, they wouldn't have it there if it wasn't ever applicable, right?
 Thanks From CT
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 10
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:05:14 AM
No OPie, technically you did not “WRITE” single.

It is a selection from a drop-down list for the “Marital Status” parameter and you selected “Single” from that list.

The selections on that list are:
“Prefer Not To Say”
“Single”
“Married”
“Living Together”
“Divorced”
“Widowed”
“Separated”
“Not Single / Not Looking”

So while you may consider yourself “single” it is not the appropriate selection from this list.

The correct selection from this list for your “Marital Status” is “Divorced”.

The difference is that you have the experience of being married and having gone through a divorce.

That may have relevance to some and some may consider you to be deceitful for not selecting the most accurate description for the “Marital Status” parameter.

Hope this helps,
Ceij
 hamburger
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 11
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:30:06 AM
IMO divorced (online) means they just got a divorce, or that divorce is less than 2 years old, so the ex may still be around/come back.
Or that there are children involved and it's a way of saying "I'm single, but the father/mother of my kids is still part of my life, even if only for the kids."

Single, to me (online), means they have no legal or moral obligations to another person due to a marriage. Therefore, to me, it encompasses someone that has been married a long time ago (over 2 years) where that person is no longer in contact with the ex or has any responsibilities due to a previous marriage.

So really the difference is how you define yourself and how others perceive the description, as everyone will interpret it differently.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:30:22 AM
On some of questionairs ,an interviewe write me down single, So now ,I referred myself as single and my friends referred me as single too. If some one ( one on one) ask me of my status as a single I will tell them I am a widow and goes the questions how long I am a widow ? what he died for ? blah,blah... There is no different of being SINGLE as widower,divorce, or not been married. Single means unattach with any one legally.
 torybabe
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 13
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:33:30 AM
You said youve been divorced for 10 years so i would say that makes you single. I would think you are "divorced" rather than single if you have been divorced for fewer than perhaps 2 years
 paper or plastic
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 14
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:41:39 AM
Being divorced is not a marital status, as this site states. It is a legal process to annul a marriage or other legal binding between two individuals. After a person is divorced, (meaning all legal proceedings including child support, spousal support, dividing of marital property, etc. are done), you are now single. No legal binding between you and any other person.
 mpaulag
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 15
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:22:34 PM
Depending on your age stating you're single may be a re flag to some women. If I were you I would just say you are divorced, then in the wrritten part just say "Have been divorced for 10 years" women will draw their own cocnclusions.
Good luck!
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 16
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:23:18 PM
divorced means, you were married and now are not

single means, never having been married

imo

if i read a profile where it says that he has kids and then see "single" as his status, it gives me a different initial impression of the man than if he has "divorced" as his status ... similarly if he has "widower", rather than "single" (if there is such a category offered)

each status is just one way that i can glean a little information about the person (which, admittedly, might prove to be inaccurate :))

 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:30:42 PM
Well, I am separated and stae so in my profile. My wife (ex in my mind) has a profile on 2 sites and presents herself as single.
I guess divorced is different because it shows a past whereas single could denote no past (marriage wise)
But I can also see if you are not married, engaged or otherwise attached, you could make a case for single.
I think the end result here is how much is that title hurting you in your pursuit of someone?
 Thanks From CT
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 18
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:41:19 PM

Depending on your age stating you're single may be a re flag to some women.

Indeed! You know I was waiting for someone to bring this up.

I often am questioned why I never married at my age and I’m sure it is a “Red Flag” to many women.

I suppose I could list myself as “Divorced” and then explain later that wasn’t quite true. I was engaged once so that counts right?

I guess that would be similar to posting 10+ year old pictures, lying about my age to not be excluded from searches, looking for “Dating” so I do not seem “desperate”, listing myself as “a few extra pounds” or “average” for body type to disguise my gym obsession… Oh where does it end!
 Curvesall0ver
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 19
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:58:17 PM
As far as the IRS is concerned you're single, married (filing together or separate), head of household or widowed...they don't have a category of divorced...
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 20
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:07:46 PM
IMO the OP should be listing himself as divorced. Some people do not want to date someone that has been married before. When I was much younger, I wouldn't date someone that was divorced. It was my preference at the time. Single - never been married. Divorced - self explanatory.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 21
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:22:02 PM

What is the different between single or divorced for those of us starting all over again ?


To me, the difference between whether you are single or divorced after 10 years, has to do with how small the mind is that's trying to grasp such unimportant concepts. Especially, if they called you a "liar".

I hope you dodged that bullet...
 Thanks From CT
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 22
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:30:21 PM
Well the IRS is not interested in dating you, being your friend, hanging out with you (unless you give them a reason to audit you) and the only “Long Term” commitment they want from you is that you PAY THEM until you DIE.

Seriously the IRS marital status’ is limited to the following to determine your TAX OBLIGATION only.
Therefore, from their point of view, you are the same because all they care about is your tax obligation.

Here are the IRS classifications:

Your marital status on the last day of the year determines your status for the entire year. If more than one filing status applies to you, you may choose the one that gives you the lowest tax obligation.

There are five filing status options:
1. Single. Generally, if you are unmarried, divorced or legally separated according to your state law, your filing status is Single.
2. Married Filing Jointly. If you are married, you and your spouse may file a joint return. If your spouse died during the year and you did not remarry, you may still file a joint return with that spouse for the year of death.
3. Married Filing Separately. Married taxpayers may elect to file separate returns.
4. Head of Household. You generally must be unmarried and you must have paid more than half the cost of maintaining a home for you and a qualifying person.
5. Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child. If your spouse died during 2005 or 2006, you have a qualifying child and meet certain other conditions; you may be able to choose this filing status.

They lump “unmarried”, “divorced”, and “legally separated according to your state law” as single because these are all the same on the “TAX TABLE”.
To that end, they also have the “Head of Household” category which also generally describes an “Unmarried” person that qualifies for something other than “Single”.
In addition, a widow(er) is also single unless you have a child and “meet certain other conditions.”

Again, the IRS is not interested in your “personal life”, just your tax obligation.
Comparing the legal or IRS marital status definitions to the PoF marital status “drop-down” list is taking the intent out of context and comparing the proverbial apples to oranges.
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:51:54 PM
Anybody who gets that hung up on how you lable yourself is probably not worth taking the time to get to know and they probably have serious issues with other things.
 produceninja
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 24
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:01:13 PM
I agree with the above post, if someone is that upset about it then you probably don't want to have anything to do with them anyway.
I was in two long term relationships, one that produced kids and one where we lived together long enough to be common law. But because I never went through any kind of ceremony I can call myself single while a person who is no longer with their licensed spouse is supposed to use a different term. The whole divorced label harkens back to a time when being divorced, though legal, was seen as being somewhat scandalous (say the 50s, where it could still ruin a professional or political career).
Ignore people and call yourself what you want, hell make up a term, really throw people for a loop.
 Curvesall0ver
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 25
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:03:04 PM
^^^^^^cij56-wow dude,FYI-I'm VERY aware of the tax codes concerning filing status...which is why I was simply being a smart azz...

Someone's tighty whities are in a knot and pulled up wedgie style ..yikes, if someone is that anal about a "label" like others have said...what else will they be so anal about
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