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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?      Home login  
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 braddley
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 1
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Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?Page 1 of 1    
My name is JB and I'm 24 years old. I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years ( sense high school). I was in San Diego for the last two year was doing the long distance relationship with my girlfriend from Irvine Ca. I went down to SD to get promoted in the job i have but things didn't work out. so when i start to see thing weren't going to work out me and my girlfriend decided that it was time to make the next step in are relationship and move in together. For like the last year all my girlfriend has wanted is to get engaged and for me to move in with her. She would always ask me or pressure me about getting engaged because she sees a lot of people she knows getting engaged. She would get upset because these people she knew were only together for a couple of years were getting engaged. She would get asked a lot by others why she isn't engaged because we have been together so long. I wanted to ask her to marry me but not while i was still in SD. I wanted to move in first then ask her. So finally i moved in and i was so happy because i could see my best friends (my G/F) every day. This was the happiest i've been in a long time. So finally i started to look for a ring and i told my mother to help me. Well the day i told my mon that i wanted to start looking for a ring my girlfriend told me she wasn't happy and that she wanted space. She crushed my heart. I never saw any of this coming. No warnings, nothing. She told me she felt like this for the last six months and that getting engaged and living together would change the way she felt. I don't understand i have done everything shes wanted now i don't a girlfriend. She told me that she doesn't deserve me and that she would just be a bad girlfriend to me if we kept going. She also said that she doesn't know what she want and that me and her are the only thing that she has know and doesn't know what being single is like. To me i feel that she is lost and confused for some reason. I love her so much and i don't want anyone else. i dont need to see other people to find out. Can i do anything to get her back, should I let her see what being single is like to find out what she missing. I cant just through 8 years out the window and say fine later because that not how i feel. Please help me!
 MEGA_CHULO2007
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 2
Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:24:32 PM
To answer that question, the answer is very simple....they found somebody new they're interested in and they wanna see where it goes. Women NEED to have a next (potential)man in waiting b4 they let go of the old man. It's like swinging, they won't let go of one rope until they grab the other.
 braddley
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 3
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Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:32:03 PM
I asked her if she was cheating on me or if their was someone else and she said no i couldn't do that to you. I told her that i want to know now if she was and ask her like 5 time but she still said no.
 Calinative1
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 4
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Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:33:54 PM
You are still young, with a lot of life ahead of you. She may have told you the truth that she needs space....or she may have told you that to spare your feelings. In any case, the very best thing to do is give her the space that she told you she needs. I know it's super hard for you right now, that you want to try to work it out, you want to know why, you want to beg her to take you back, all of these things are normal.

You need to let her go, it may be for good, it may not be. But if you don't back off, she'll feel more pushed and will back away further. Use this time to learn what you need to about relationships and how you relate. Learn the things that make you a better person, the things that will make you happy in life. Don't look at this as a failure or a setback, even as painful as this is. Look at it as an opportunity to make for a better day in the future, whether it be with her or someone else. Grow stronger from this, you can get through the heartache. Let yourself feel everything, your feelings are valid. When you feel the urge to call her, don't. When you feel the urge to see her, don't. Start a journal, write all the things that you are thinking, all the things that you are wanting to say to her. Make sure you never show her this journal though, at some point you will be strong enough to burn it or delete it from your computer.

I would advise that you look up "the zen of doing nothing" online. It's an awesome reference for your type of situation.

I'm a guy dealing with a heart wrenching breakup too, so I truly do feel your pain. Hang in there, don't do anything stupid like harrassing her or showing anger. These are natural feelings, but you need to express them elsewhere, and not to her. Good luck to you!
 braddley
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 5
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Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:04:43 PM
I haven't been calling her or anything. One thing thats hard is we both have the same friends that we have grow up with sense high school. So i hard to even see my friends because she will be there and i don't want to make it hard or awkward for her. we both only have a couple of really good friends, one that she lives with so it like i can't even see my friends either. I have been trying to stay bizzy with going to the gym and working but it's like i have no life now because it feels like i just lost my best friend.
 pandamoose
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 6
Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:05:12 PM
I would be completely blunt with her. What I mean is, first prepare your heart for the worst and then say something like "Look, I just want clarity on the situation. I'm not going to get mad at you no matter what the answer is, but I need you to be honest with me and tell me what exactly is going on."
 Chauna
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 7
Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:33:56 PM
Sounds like she found someone else while you were in SD and *may* have cheated.


She told me that she doesn't deserve me and that she would just be a bad girlfriend to me if we kept going. She also said that she doesn't know what she want and that me and her are the only thing that she has know and doesn't know what being single is like


Let het go hun. As hard as it is going to be, and for as long as you are going to hurt, she is right. She would be a bad girlfriend, and you deserve so much better! I do know how you feel though. It is hard to let someone you love soo much go. Probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life, but it will get better for you, and someone truley worthy of your love will come along.
 lnlyguy83
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 8
Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:20:55 AM
I have been exactly where you are man. I was with my girl for almost a year. The day after my birthday she stopped all contact with out a word. Finally about a week later I meet up with her and she said she just needed some time to "think" and "clear her head". Not only that but I found out that she had actually been hanging out with a guy she worked with even though she had told me she didnt like him and had no interest in him. I found out from here dad, he told me that she had brought him over a few times to meet her parents.

Like you I never saw it coming and it felt like some one had ripped my heart out. I truly do not know where to begin to pick things up. To beat it all that last time I talked to her, she said she would call me and talk from time to time, but I have yet to hear from her and she will not return my calls. Looks like I was replaced and she just fed me a line to get me to leave her alone.

I cant tell you why girls do these things. I cant even tell you it will get better. Honestly, I think we will always feel the same way about the girls that do this to us, solely because we let them into our hearts completely. I hate her for doing this to me, but at the same time I think I would fall to my knees and hold her if she ever wanted to come back.
 Anna.Molly
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 9
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Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:22:46 AM
Just because she says she needs space, or wants to take a break, don't instantly think of your relationship as over. She might mean just that. A break to think, to take a deep breath and figure out if marriage is really what she's ready for, or even if she thinks YOU'RE ready for it. She could need space for a number of reasons. Are either of you currently in school? Work full time jobs? Have family stress? You're both still young, and the worst thing 2 people could do, is rush into a marriage they aren't neccessarily ready for. I'd take this chance to do some reflecting of my own. Are you sure you're completely ready for marriage, and that this girl is THE ONE? Do you know what it's like to be single, or have your own space and freedom? Before you miss what you're giving up, you should make sure you KNOW what you're giving up.

If I were you, I wouldn't call her very often, maybe once every 2 weeks, just a "Hey, how are ya?" type call, since you ARE friends before anything else. You grew up with each other, so going cold turkey without talking at all might only make her not realize how great you [might] really be. But don't pressure her into thinking about the relationship, let her be the one to bring it up. Stay cool, but make sure she knows you still care, and are there for her. If she feels you've completely given up, she might do the same.

I'm not the best at relationsip advice, and technically the only one you should listen to is her and yourself, but I do wish you all the best.


 Anna.Molly
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 10
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Why do girls say the want space or to take a break?
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:29:20 AM

To answer that question, the answer is very simple....they found somebody new they're interested in and they wanna see where it goes. Women NEED to have a next (potential)man in waiting b4 they let go of the old man. It's like swinging, they won't let go of one rope until they grab the other.


And no offense to the guy who made this post, but do NOT listen to this. Women don't "NEED" to have anything lined up before they leave a man. I left my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years with nothing but an empty apartment to go to. What women DO NEED, is their own space, room for thought. Relationships are nothing like swinging, for mature people. If you HAD to compare them to swinging, it would be like jumping off the swing while it's still in motion. It's a risk you take, because you know in your heart and head, you'll be ok.






Again tho, just because she's taken a break, it doesn't mean she's gone.
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