| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:04:06 PM | I have noticed this one thing,with guys.not just my ex's,but my friends ex's, and ex's of friends ex's..... I was actaully discussing it with a friend earlier regarding her ex boyfriend,and why they always go for a woman who looks exactly the same as them!! (not always a good thing).surely,If things were not great in a relationship,next time the man will want someone as diffrent as possible to his ex/even in something as simple as eye colour...facial hair/eye twitch?  whatever? who cares!...but they just keep repeating the same old pattern and going for a carbon copy of their ex girlfriend. and I thought the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? can someone shed some light on my...erm..observation?? would help if you are male of course methinks! | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:09:36 PM | So I take it you dont have any physical trait preferences? Some of the "girly" magazines try to say if you go after a person who looks a lot like your ex it means your not over her. But being that these are the same magazines that tell us so many other things that are a load of crap I dont buy it.
People have preferences for what they like in another person. for example I like dark hair dark eyes tattoos .. European looking men.. does not mean I'm not over my ex just means it is my "type".
I would think the same hold true for men | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:14:15 PM | OP: It's simple... the looks of the ex are one of the things that attracted a guy in the first place. What's happening is the guys are looking for a personality, etc. that they like, in the package they liked before. Maybe that's impossible, but since there's no logical reason to believe that looks define personality (other than as is the case for blondes, that is) most guys just want to keep chasing perfection.
Note: not all guys do this, but this is likely what's happening with the guys who do.
And TS: Obviously, your taste is improving. | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:21:55 PM | I do not fall ito this category. My likes are internal. Intelligent, funny, charming, romantic, affectionate, etc. If those traits are in a BBw,or a petite athelete it they will win me over everytime.
However, men are visually stimulated and by picking a look-a-like they are just looking for "their type".JMO | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:22:24 PM | Blonde, Brunette and a Redhead...........
that's the chronological order of the last 3 women
that I had a R-ship with. | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:01:30 PM | | I too have a physical/personality/spiritual/interests type. So I keep looking for that type. That has nothing to do with not learning from my past (maybe I was the one who was wrong, not her? Did you ever think of that?). | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:34:49 PM | | I also have wondered about this...I am attracted mostly to redheads and brunettes, yet nearly every brunette woman I meet prefers a man with dark hair. Of the few redhead women I've known, they prefer redheaded men! Plus, almost every woman that contacts me first is.....blond with blue eyes. Not complaining, but it's just interesting. | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:38:37 PM | i always date in every part of the spectrum. you can be compatible with one type of person or more compatible with another. I havent dated 2 girls that look remotely alike. However, I have only had a handful of serious relationships. Sex isnt a relationship, its more of a friend with benefits natural occurrence. Even all me friends are different lolz.
Depends on the guy and his psyche. Most guys now a days are carbon copies, how are your dating habits? | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:16:11 PM | Yup, it's a type issue.
Or, maybe he wants to try again and end up with a different personality. (RPG nerds know this as re-rolling your character)
Also, since when did physical features determine personality incompatibilities? (Ok, it's generally true that the more attractive, frequently hit on women tend not to put in effort in being a decent partner because they never had to learn how to be a decent person.) But still, if I went after someone who looked like my ex, I wouldn't expect her to ACT like her, and if she did by coincidence, then I could expect the same thing.
Speaking of, do you know how many women have turned me down simply because I shared a NAME with one of their ex's? If I had to guess, I'd say it's about 10 or more. That kind of thing makes no sense, plus it's frustrating! | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:39:48 PM | I saw this a few times. I even heard how a girl I knew, who was dating a guy I knew, looked exactly like his ex. The relationship never worked. I think it's because he was trying to date his ex, and he wasn't. But I've seen this as well, with girls. The guys look a little different, but they are all the same personalities, with the same interests, and they end very similarly each time.
The way I see it, we tend to get used to things. After all, most people don't want to re-experience the heartbreak of their first love. But if you are really dropping all of your previous feelings, then it's like you never loved before at all. So every time is like the first time, and hurts just as much. People want to avoid that. So they go for the SAME type instead, because it will fail, but at least it won't put you through as much agony as before. You know you're going to lose.
It's not always that way. If you do lots of work on yourself, and you figure out why you were so unreasonable to get so cut up about a guy or a girl who didn't care about you that much anyway, then you are then at the point where if you forgot all about your past loves, and met someone knew, you'd be reasonable about it, so you wouldn't get your heart so broke about someone who didn't care about you. You'd only get your heart broke by someone who loved you as much as you did him/her. But someone who loved you as much as you loved him/her, wouldn't break your heart, because his/her heart would get broken just as much.
So when you've got your emotions under control and are reasonable about love, then you don't get your heart broke that badly. If you fall for someone who doesn't return your feelings, you realise that it's just not fair to want someone who doesn't want you the same way. So there really is no threat at falling in love like the first time. So you do. Because you can, and you do, you no longer have any reason to hold onto past loves. So you don't, and you're free. | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:46:39 PM | | hmm for me if you lined up every woman i dated and was interested in they would all look different. | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:11:19 AM | | Men date women who they find attractive. That doesn't usually change just because a previous relationship didn't work out. | |
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:17:19 AM | It's a "type"your looking for - a set of physical, emotional, or 'looks' criteria. If you had it with your ex and it didn't work out why on earth would you want to down that route again (a facsimily)? True you can meet someone that maybe looks or has the same hair colour or something stupid like that as your ex BUT chances are looks will be superficial and it will be their personality, intelligence or wit that you'll fall in love with.
i think meeting someone with personality and looks that you are interested in (more weighting in the personality) if your a male or female is more important but beauty is only skin deep and although it helps it is moreso only a shallow trait of an immature male or female mind.
You be with someone because you have or want to fall in love with that person and be with them because you know they will be there for you though the good and the bad times when you or him need support and because they are the most important thing in your life - you love them, you share special times together and you trust them without question.
Now if you've been though real bad times with your ex male or female (and i've been there done that....) why in the world would you want to fine someone else exactly the same? -a carbon copy? because your insecure, scared of change, scared of someone actually valuing you for what YOU are truely worth and showering you with love?
Going down the carbon copy route can only lead to one thing unhappiness. Because you will always be wondering is this going to end up like the last time and undoubtly it will.
No matter ho much you think you need or want the past - it has to remain just that - the past.......and in the words of Hoagy Carmichael "I get along without you very well"
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| why do they want a carbon copy??
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:28:51 AM | i think the reality is that from a humanistic psychological point of iew we always have a type !
and acroding to frued it would be something akin to our mother or father as this is where we really experience unconditional love ! | |
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