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 margcruz
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 1
special needs childrenPage 1 of 1    
i joined this site bc i googled single parents of special needs children and a old thread popped up. i was wondering if anyone here is also a parent of a special needs kiddo. i havent dated anyone yet and was wondering if anyone has been through this. my daughter is just so amazing and she is priority #1 but eventually i would like to go out with someone. people talk about single moms having "baggage" and that is with "normal" kids. i am not looking for one night stands, parties, or late nights. i am actually not sure what i want, maybe just to chat with another single parent like me.
 serenity60
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 2
special needs children
Posted: 10/8/2008 11:16:33 PM
There is another forum for Single Parents that you may find helpful. Take care.
 redduck08
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 3
special needs children
Posted: 10/10/2008 2:21:33 PM
Hi, I was just looking through the different chats going on and seen yours. I have a special needs child and after my last long term relationship, I dated quite a bit. I learned that it is hard to find someone who is willing to get into a relationship when a special needs child is involved. I dont know why this is, because my child is awesome, and I am not looking for a father for him, I have been his mom and dad for 12 years and will continue to do that, I think if someone has a problem with a special needs child I see that as a red flag of insecurity, they are afraid more of your time and attention will be spent with your child instead of them.
 margcruz
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 4
special needs children
Posted: 10/12/2008 7:40:22 AM
I haven't dated yet and am not ready to at the moment but eventually I will want to be with someone. I am lucky in that my kids father is such a great father to my daughter (she has CP, visually impaired, tube fed and globally delayed). I just couldn't imagine being intersted in someone and then they meet her and are unable to see past her "issues". Also I think only people with special needs kids can really understand all the times we cancel plans last minute.
 ladydawg
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 5
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History
special needs children
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:42:35 PM
To everyone who has posted here:

I am the grandmother of a special needs young man who lives with me. He is the center of my life, and I have devoted my professional life as well to other special needs children and the parents who love them. Now that I find myself out here in the dating world, I figured that I might encounter those who view this as "baggage", and if so, so be it. I do what I feel I must, and as far as the men I have met, strangely enough it has not been a problem. If a man does not appreciate me and my grandson, he is not good enough for me, and definitely not the man I am looking for.

I know it might be different for you ladies who are younger and looking for a man to share the father-role in your child's life. The only advice I'd share is to be very careful who you invite in your home and trust to be with your special little angels. I'm sure you must know this already. I mention this because my own daughter was abused by my second husband, and she didn't wasn't even a special needs child.

My hope is that you all will find that special man who is man enough indeed, to share your life and all the added responsibilities that you are given every day. I once read something that said that God picked very special people to be the mothers of His very special children.
 Felanie
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 6
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History
special needs children
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:52:57 PM
I don't think that you will have a hard time finding someone to date - regardless of your child's disabilities... make it well known that when you do start dating, that your child already has a wonderful father, and you re not looking for a suitable replacement.. I think that a lot of single mothers make the mistake of trying to get a man to be the male figurehead to the children.. when in actuality... most people don't want to take the place of the absent parent... Be yourself... be honest.. and good luck fishing when you decide to toss out the bait!

Good luck with your daughter... sounds like she has a good Mom.

JMO
 margcruz
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 7
special needs children
Posted: 10/15/2008 6:40:58 PM
your grandson is very lucky to have u. My grandmother has been my support system. Her and I have taken care of my daughter. My grandmother is 73 and even after a knee replacementshe was still helping me lift and bathe my daughter. My kids father and I have just reconciled. I had to swallow my pride and even begged him to come back. I guess I will have to basically overlook alot of things i dont agree with. he is great with our daughter and she was so happy when he came back. She has never shown any sign of seperation anxiety and she did the first time he came home and then tried to drop her off at school. I really hope we can work things out for my kids sake.
but if we cant I am very lucky to have my grandmother. Grandmas r awsome. People always talk about "a mother's love" but there is something so special about grandmas.
margaret
 tiny_one70
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 8
special needs children
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:15:14 AM
my daughter was born with 2 lazy eyes..she had surgery at 5 yrs old. her eyes change every year...she was just diagnosed with blepharitis......she has learning problems were getting there.....i understand what your going through marqcruz
 2BAFastman
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 9
special needs children
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:22:15 AM
I never respond to Forums, but realize by seeing this one that they are very helpfull and can be healthy as well. I too have a speciall needs son, he is three and has endured more than I could ever, he just recieved his first wheelchair and is proud as punch to have it and also to have picked the colour to match my streetbike, he is the cutest guy in the whole world and has awesome personality, so to my point! I find women take to him with open hearts, everywhere we go he makes new friends, and even though I would never use him to meet women,( I stress this point) it is inevitable that I end up chatting with alot of great lady's. So I guess what I am trying to say is that women accept these situations better then men, they instantly form an emotional bond,more women wear their hearts on their sleeve so to speek, i am living this life but I think I would be afraid to jump into one,probably just because of my own ignorance!, just trying to keep it real guys! 2BAFastman has had to slow down a bit since my buddy came into my life!
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 10
special needs children
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:43:38 AM
i agree with the posters above me when they say that some will be scared away by the thought of having to be a "parent" to these special little luvs and i think some are scared by what they don't understand...and a lot of times, if a person isn't around people with special needs, they don't really understand what different types of conditions are or get freaked out by misconceptions about them or by misinformation that has been spread about as if it were truth...

i have three kids with special needs (four children in total)... the first is gifted (have *officially* known that since he was 4) and has *Just* been diagnosed with asperger's at the age of 17... my third child has autism (pddnos) and my fourth has a vp shunt, (internal) wears braces to walk and limited use of her left arm (the third and fourth were diagnosed in the same week, when my daughter was a couple of months old - up until that point i thought i had four completely *normal* and healthy children)

now, that all said, i know it can sound quite daunting... even to me and i live it but in actual fact, they are not on any medication, they're all very healthy most of the time and are incredibly funny, intelligent, lovable little people (well, apart from the "teen thing"... groooan )

but for those outside the situation, who don't know them/haven't spent time around them, i can totally get why they'd be put off the idea of having those *conditions* as a part of their life... because that's all they see - the *conditions*... not the children themselves

the thing is, with dating - we're just going out to have a fun time, to get to know people... so the kids don't really need to come into the equation at that stage... if things start to get serious, well then it's time for everyone to take stock and decide how they feel and what they want to do -but that time comes in any relationship, with any kind of things/stuff/past/etc that comes along with each person....

and sometimes the person won't be able to cope with it/be interested in pursuing further, and that's okay...everyone has their own preference, their own abilities/strengths/weaknesses.... as always, it's finding the one with whom we *mesh*

best of luck :)
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