| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 10/10/2008 11:12:05 AM | Will some one please tell me why a lot of women disregard the physically challenged guys like my self? I'm not so physically challenged that I'm in a wheel chair nor do I use crutches, nor a cane. I just walk with a Limp and I can not use my fingers on my left side. Please do not think I'm whining or self pity mode. I'm just trying to figure out Why its difficult for us disabled to be even considered to be a catch. I'm 43 years old and I just can't figure it out. Oh, I know, that there are the popular reasons:
1: Women want to be taken care of not the other way around.
2: Women want sperm that gives them a strong healthy child.
3: Its not socially acceptable for a woman to be seen with a disabled man.
I would very much like o hear from women Who wont date disabled men or women who never even considered it. | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 10/25/2008 12:18:31 PM | Sorry you are having difficulty, Kansaswind2002. It is hard for those of us who are perfectly healthy, too. Finding someone to love us seems to be our life's goal, but beauty and love are in the eyes of the beholder. We can't know whether someone finds us beautiful or loveable or not.
What I am finding is that I have to love myself first. Only then do I portray a self-confident persona to others that they might find appealing. How do I do that??
Since my divorce 3 and 1/2 years ago, I have joined many social groups to make new friends. Find some groups to join to get some of your needs for friendship met. There are groups through churches, singles groups, political groups, service groups.
Through getting involved, you meet others, and find a purpose in life. Soon someone who meets you becomes your friend, and then they introduce you to their friends, and things snowball. Pretty soon, you are having more fun and are busier than you've ever been!
Don't focus on your disability. Focus on what you can do! Each of the groups I belong to welcomes anyone who will participate. In the political group I belong to, they need someone to make phone calls. In my service groups, they need someone to help plan and organize things, serve on committees, make phone calls, show up! In my fun activity group, they can hardly get anyone to serve on the board because everyone is so busy. I got voted in as secretary because I didn't say NO loud enough! But it's been rewarding because I've gotten to know more people by being on the board.
I think that when we focus only on finding a dating or love relationship, we fail to take advantage of so many other types of friendship relationships. Get out and find a group that needs your help, and you will be well on your way to finding new friends, and possibly even love! MsIrish | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 11/22/2008 9:37:36 AM | I went from a towering 6' 7" to a wheelchair in the drop of a hat. It will be 3 years this December. I see the women that have "viewed me" and out of those, the women who have contacted me. The ratio is about 3 in 100. So... I'm a paraplegic, I lost the use of my legs not my personality, not my wit. Most people can't look past the fact that I am disabled, especially women when they're looking for love. Apparently I'm not good enough anymore, b ut that's fine with me. I know who I am, I know what I am capable of... and most important, I know what they're missing out on.
gc | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 11/24/2008 12:34:37 PM | ^^ we haven't seen you at any of our weekly dinner meets. See the Missouri forums for KC-area activities!
We love wit. You'll see that as you read the Missouri forums......  | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 12/4/2008 10:36:44 AM | | Hey Gary I love your attitude about your disability! You are not letting your disability stop you whatsoever! I think that is really awesome. To the first poster: That's just the way it is. I don't think a lot of the women can help that they may not be attracted to someone with disability. I think they are hard-wired from caveman days to select the stronger male. Don't let it stop your disability stop you though, I have heard of a guy who was handicapped and who had dwarfism pick up some of the world's most beautiful women. How did he does this? He had confidence in himself and he viewed failure as an opportunity to learn. The guy also had a lot of humor. View your disability as a strength instead of weakness. Show yourself that you can do more than people who are not disabled in many ways. I hate to sound like Tony RObbins but it's true. Change how you view failure and you increase your chances to not only be more successful with women but life in general in my opinion. :-) | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 12/8/2008 4:22:54 PM | | Hello everyone! I have been reading everyone's posts on this subject, and believe me, it's just as hard (if not more so) for a woman with a disability to find someone as it is for a man. I have met several really cool guys on here and developed a really good "typing" relationship, and a few even progressed as far as phone contact. There was, I thought, a strong connection with these men; but when I told them I had a disability (I am a "little person" who uses a wheelchair due to a genetic bone condition), they suddenly "found someone else", or began treating me like I had the plague. I was (and am) the same awesome, beautiful woman I was before I told them, but suddenly, I was someone else in their opinion. One man told me that I should reveal all of the information in my profile, which I did for a while; then the responses dropped to almost none, or the ones I that I did get were from all of the curious, weirdos, sympathetic, or desperate, none of which I have time for. Come on guys, help me out here, please! What's with the shabby treatment? | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 12/11/2008 5:13:07 PM | Hey little lady,
It's a real shame that in modern Western society people whom are disabled are often treated like second-class citizens in some ways. It sounds like to me that you need a guy like my Doctor. He is a really awesome guy and when I saw him and his wife one night in public at a bar I noticed right away that his way was disabled. The fact that she was disabled told me a tremendous amount about how great of a doctor and human being he truly is. I wish I could tell you were to find guys like that, but I do not know.
My best suggestion is to not try online. Too much weight is placed upon profile photos and what not here online. I would suggest that you try offline more. | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:48:10 AM | I'm in the same boat. I'm disabled from a spinal cord injury. I'm not paralyzed and can walk without assistance. I am limited in strength, duration, and have some numb areas down the left side. I also suffer from chronic pain as a result of the injury. I have contacted quite a few women but rarely get a response....when I do it's the 'thanks for looking' variety. I have had one disabled woman contact me but when we met there wasn't a spark. There was a bit of an age difference as well. At least I got a friend out of it. :)
I won't take the disability stuff out of my profile. It's dishonest. Yes, I would get more responses but it's just not worth it. | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 5/9/2009 4:53:06 AM | Hi All,
Hey dating is tuff; no matter what the issues are. When me tell me, even before the meet me that they would date me if I was thinner then (this has been often) you know the line of perfection has become a visual thing. We are all visual people.
I work for th dept of mental health; I specialize and my client base is people with disabilities, mental retardation, and mental illness. My nephew has a disability; but won't date girls that aren't normal; however, they are not attracted to him and his disability. Girls with his same issues are attracted to him; he won't give them the time a day.
My question to all persons with disabilities; do you date others with disabilities? It is hard for a person without disabilities to be sexuall attracted to someone who has them and its hard to be "labeled" by the disability when you don't have one. It is a sad comentary, but true.
I am a court advocate for the severly disabled; even these most wonderful souls want someone to love. I love them with all my heart; but could not be in love or marry a person with disabilities. | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 5/16/2009 8:04:55 PM | I've had a first date with a woman who was disabled. Nothing came out of it though. I don't have an aversion to dating someone who is also disabled. The problem is finding someone to date, period. My last relationship was with a woman who was healthy. However, when my condition degraded and things got tough, she bailed. It's taken several years but I'm finally getting back to where I was.
What do you have against people with disabilities? | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:46:15 PM | Some people are going to be looking for perfection. There is nothing that anyone can do about those sorts. Someone is going to always be too short, too fat, too thin, too tall, have the wrong color hair, eyes, not talk enough, walk too fast, not make enough money or any number of other criteria for those individuals. But ignoring those sort what there are left are just regular people looking for others to connect with, including those with disabilities.
For me, where the disability comes into play is more in how it is presented. If the first thing out of a person's mouth is, hey I'm disabled, I will walk away. Not because of the disability, but because they think they have nothing more to offer me as an introductory comment. If while talking with someone they mention that they have a disability, then I will usually inquire more about it. But I will keep talking with them. The difference is because the second individual presented himself as a person first and a disability later.
To those with disabilities, don't sell yourself short. Certainly be upfront about the fact you have one, but leave it at a simple statement unless someone questions you about it. Instead, let people know about the great many qualities you have and don't just focus on the fact that you have a disability. Lets face it, everyone of us could become disabled in an instant. Yes, it makes a huge change in your life, but it (the chair, lack of movement, etc) doesn't define you as a person unless you let it.
There was a 9 month period when I was unable to walk. I know only too well the frustrations a person faces when their life is turned upside down. I've seen how people, even those you thought were your friends suddenly treat you differently when you can't do the things you used to do. But, thanks to a few of my more outspoken friends, I've also realized that I was using my disability as a shield to push others away. Luckily for me, I recovered almost 99% of my motion. Not everyone is that lucky. | |
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| disabled guys and dating.
Posted: 9/2/2009 4:01:07 PM | Exactly! last month I read an entry on the official opinion of what constitutes a disability concerning the Office of Worker's Compensation for Federal Employees. They used Christopher Reeves as an example. It basically said that if he filed for disability he would NOT be considered disabled because he was able to "overcome" his disability. He was very actively involved in campaigns concerning people with severe spinal injuries. Because of his actively publicized life he wasn't considered disabled.
How do you like them apples! So, being disabled essentially translates to how active you are and your ability to participate in life's activities. He was paralyzed for crying out loud!!!! Physically he couldn't do a damn thing, but yet was not considered disabled. Go figure!
So, being disabled is all relative to each person. Furthermore, just because you are on disability according to Social Security or whatever, it may not be that you are considered disabled to another agency of the government.
If your disability prevents you from living life, you're disabled. Additionally, if your disability prevents you from working, going to school, reading, writing and the like, you are considered disabled. Again, it's all relative.
I suppose the best way to put it is ... if you believe, think and act like you are disabled, then you are disabled. Each person and each person's situation is different and pretty much has to decide for themselves if they are disabled or not. If you can get out of bed in the morning and can enjoy most of what life has to offer, then you are NOT disabled.
My final word on this is being disabled is just a "label" you or someone else puts on you to categorize you. I really don't believe that anyone has the right to say that you are disabled except for you! There are, however, people that are so debilitated by their illness or injury that every day is one excruciating event after another and any normal person would see that it is a situation that the individual is just not able to do very much at all. Obviously, if a person is bedridden, they are definitely disabled.
I would like to hear what others have to say about their experiences, beliefs or definition of disability is providing they have the "facts" to back their opinions.  | |
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