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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??      Home login  
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 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 1
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??Page 1 of 1    
How can you tell the difference between serious flirting that might lead to dates as opposed to flirting where the other person has no serious intent? Also, do sexual ovetones mean more serious flirting? I'm trying to figure these things out with men who have flirted and I always seem to read it the wrong way. If anyone can enlighten me, I'd be grateful. Thanks all! :)
 druminky
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 2
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 8:57:57 PM
This is why flirting can be a huge issue for some people.....you just don't know. Flirting can sometimes even be unconscious...as in when I'm talking to a girl, she knows I'm interested...even while I don't realize it yet. :)
I try not to flirt in general, unless it's very obvious that the intent is playful and nothing else. I've never heard of "flirting with serious intent" - to me, that is called "making a pass."
 JLMounce
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 3
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:02:00 PM
Everyone is different, so that's a hard question to really pin down.

I don't personally flirt with girls I'm not interested in. So if you and I were flirting, your answer would be I'd be interested in a date.

However, that may not be the case for all guys. Why not just ask for a date yourself if you are interested?
 providename
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 4
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:05:38 PM
Couldn't tell the difference to save my life. I flirt relentlessly. Hell, I'll flirt with a guy if I think it will make him uncomfortable and lead to a bad joke I can laugh at obnoxiously.
 QuoteTheRaven
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 5
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:12:20 PM
Thats a hard one. It differ's from person to person. So I doubt you will get a worthy answer. It's hard to be absolute. On a personal note, I've noticed like my own methods, when mild touching takes place it's a certain sign. Now I mean by touching as on the shoulder, elbow, knee. Harmless places but it enters your personal zone. Strong eye contact could also be suggestive. For me those are a sign.
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:25:16 PM
Nowhere flirting is usually engaged with people who are already off the market. Serious flirting is done with single people. One sign of serious flirting is eye contact, the more they have it, the more interested they are.
 Thunderstorms62
Joined: 12/11/2004
Msg: 7
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:13:06 PM
I can't seem to find the flirting handbook so I'll wing it here.

Non serious flirting--What I do with that cute cashier at the bank every Friday. It's
not going any farther than that and she and I both know it.

Serious flirting--When I am telling someone I am interested in them in such a way.......
that they respond in kind or run away. (lol)

Sexual overtones--Dangerous ground when flirting. I prefer something of that nature
once a friendship has been established. (Can easily blow up in your face)
 forsale66
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 8
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:41:43 PM
Serious flirting should be for single people I find that these chat sites are chat sites and only that . I send a message get no response 90% of the time and when or if I get a response it is usually abusive. So if you want to flirt you should do it directly with someone in person. I got told I was a loser and I was desperate because I was trying to express myself on a computer. I thought girls were supposed to be more mature this is not the case around my aeria.
 AndalusiaJoey
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 9
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:42:46 AM
Look. Play it safe and guard your heart by assuming that she has no real interest in you. Her motivations is about being the center of attencion. Period. You are merely a convenient tool for her ego.

Now, if she keeps coming back to you and persisting beyond that which you may find merely flirtings, then it's probably okay to accept her invitations.
 Cuisinarte67
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 10
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:48:04 AM
My ex used to accuse me of flirting with telemarketers and other women who I would have to talk on the phone with like office receptionists as an example.

I thought I was just being nice and friendly on the phone. What I would call go nowhere flirting. But apparently she felt threatened by it.
 chatte
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 11
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:14:20 AM
Lone female stepping in...

I think OP, you have to look at the situation. I have male clients that flirt a bit. It's harmless, I know their family situations and I'd never get involved with a client anyway. We each know it's just fun banter.

Apart from those type of situations, I think you have to leave it to your own interpretation and comfort level. If I am out and someone flirts with me as long as he keeps it light and harmless, I'm ok. It turns in any way overtly sexual, this fishy swims off asap. Any man who does that either his approach really sucks or he's not after a LTR, he wants more like an hour TR. If it's just a flirt or two and then turns to conversation, I would think he's interested. That's comfortable to me.

For me personally, if I just meet someone and I am flirting with them in most cases (not all) it's because I have no interest in them. If I'm not interested, I am not worrying about making an idiot of myself and harmless bantering comes easily. I am shy and reserved when I first meet someone I am interested in. Once I am comfortable with them, then I will flirt. It's very rare that I skip to flirting and I have to either be REALLY attracted and just going for broke or something about them just sends me right into a comfort level. Or both!

How's that for adding to the confusion?! OP, go with your instincts. No one can give you a cut and dry answer because it's different for each person.
 chatte
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 12
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:21:36 AM
Another thing I forgot to add: Flirting is often done as a teaser or "bait". How it winds up depends on how the recipient of the flirt reacts. So if a guy flirts and you don't respond, it was just a flirt, no harm done. He still walks away with ego intact. If he flirts and you respond, it can progress to something more. So a lot has to do with how YOU react and not what his original intentions were.
 bk0x45
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 13
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:51:04 AM
OP: The best indicator of whether flirting can lead to dating is whether or not the guy is physically attracted to you. If he isn't, it won't. If he is, then circumstances matter...
If there is a valid reason to not date (same employer, employer/employee relationship, a client relationship, or he's involved and faithful) then the flirting is likely harmless... although if his situation were to change, then his willingness to date would be back.
Basically, if there's no reason why a relationship shouldn't be possible, and the guy is attracted (and you're interested), then you should flirt back. How he responds should determine his interest level.
Sexual overtones to flirting really depend on the guy and how well you know each other... I've incorporated double entendre (and outright explicitly sexual content) into harmless flirting with friends. So it's not the best indicator of intent, really.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 14
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:30:41 AM
Non-serious flirting is general and non-sexual.
Telling someone they look nice or their haircut suits them.
I'm always saying that to female co-workers or girls wherever and mean nothing by it.
Nice to say.
Nice to hear sometimes.

Serious flirting is more specific/personal.
Such as you look nice in that dress and I've always noticed you, and think you're cool.

A girl can respond: "Well thank you".
Which means: Thanks, but I'm not interested in you.
or
"Thank you! I think you're cool too."
Which means: Thanks, and I "may" be interested in you.

It's a way to safely give and receive signals without either person
embarrassing them self or being a fool.

I only flirt sexually with a girl I know VERY well or am seeing.
Otherwise it comes off pretty lame.

Most guys don't know how to flirt.
They only try to hit on a girl.
There is a difference.
 Zentimes
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 15
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 11:05:47 AM
Flirting is flirting.
MEANS NADA.
When males tell you --
(1) your sent is sweet
(2) you look as pretty as an angel
(3) you have a luminous glow when you smile
(4) your walk is very seductive & alluring,

Those are BS lines. Most "flirting" lines mean nothing to men.
It does become a different story if the same lines are backed-up with any proactive gesture such as;
1) Can we go out for a drink? I would really love to discover more about you.
 mydoggie
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 16
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 1:08:10 PM
All flirting is nowhere flirting. It only becomes serious flirting when you flirt back. Flirting is tricky as it is not about the message you're trying to send. Its about how the message is being interpreted.
 Easy Read
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 17
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 3:52:41 PM
That is a tough one. Im curious to see your responses. My experience has been that anything and everything can be construed as and can be intended as flirting but does not necessarily have to be flirting.

Is it serious? I think wanting time with you is a good sign. I think a lot of touching during conversation is a good sign. I imagine sliding his hand over your ass or on your thigh are a good ones too. Sexual jokes can be serious but not necessarily. Maybe he has a raunchy sense of humor. Does he do this with everyone or just you?

ER
 TheDirtyBen
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 18
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 4:42:28 PM
If I'm flirting with you and you're American? It COULD be serious.

If I'm flirting with you and you're a Brit or an Aussie? It's definitely not going anywhere!

Afterall, I've only flown once! And even then, it wasn't far.

But damn! Now I want one of them jet engines for my Big Rig!

However, I'd hate to see THAT fuel bill on a weekly basis.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 19
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:34:42 PM
if they start to ask *real* questions, instead of just making comments/chat up lines or asking rhetorical questions (like, "have you been here before? where do you usually like to go?" rather than, "where have you been all my life"...etc...)

that can be a good indication of interest in You as a particular person, rather than interest in anyone they might happen to come across...

imo
 AndrewTS
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 20
Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/14/2008 4:35:20 AM
"All flirting is nowhere flirting. It only becomes serious flirting when you flirt back. Flirting is tricky as it is not about the message you're trying to send. Its about how the message is being interpreted."

Hm. Sometimes flirt is translated as well. If you and the guy can communicate in no common language, be it body- or verbal language, then you need to ask a person who translates your words or gestures for the intended target, and then vice versa.

I've known of a married couple, who had met in a student exchange program. He only spoke German and Azeri; she, Russian and Mongolian. Luckily there was on campus at at time a Mongolian girl who also spoke Chinese; a Manchurian candidate who spoke Latin; and a Tibetan monk who knew international sign language; and a Franciscan monk who could speak sign and druggie (maybe he was a San Franciscan monk); and druggie on campus who spoke German.

So the now married couple could converse and flirt and banter with the help of these string of translators. The guy would say something in German; the monk would put it into sign; the Tibetan would translate that to Latin; the candidate would put it into Chinese, which the Mongoloid would finally say in Mongolian.

This went on for quite a some time. In the process everyone in the chain of correspondence learned German, Mongolian, Latin and sign. Therefore chain male and the linked female could carry on a relationship communicated on many levels.
 mholmes63
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 21
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Difference bewteen serious flirting and go nowhere flirting??
Posted: 10/14/2008 7:24:14 AM
Is this guy flirting because he's interested or is he just a flirt? That's easy. Use comparative differential analysis. Do you know how long I've waited to use that in a sentence? Now all my life's ambitions have been satisfied and I can die a happy man! But I digress.

If he flirts with other woman the same way he flirts with you then he's just a flirt. Consider it a compliment. If he just flirts with only you that way, then you might have something there.

If he touches you on the forearm or elbow, then you have something there as well. He's interested and respectful. If he touches you on any of the 'romance' spots (i.e. hair, neck, shoulders, waist, upper thigh, butt, etc.) , then, in my opinion, he's looking for 'it' and not a relationship.

An unscientific test would be for you to touch his forearm while you are laughing at something he said. Touch, don't grab; don't linger. If he pulls back, he's flirting, but it won't ever go anywhere. If he touches you sometime in the next two minutes, then he's interested. Also, since you've touched him, you've sent him a signal that you would most likely say 'yes' if he asked you out on a date. The mere act of touching him at the right moment might be all that it takes to move the relationship forward.

Good luck!
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