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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you marry someone without first dating them?      Home login  
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 TimothyPaul001
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 1
Would you marry someone without first dating them?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Would you marry someone without first dating them? If not, why not? If yes, why?
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 2
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:39:04 PM
No. Because I'd need to know what sort of sexual connection we have, first of all. If you mean without seeing her first, then it's because physical attraction is critical for me.

The essence of it is that I don't "need" a relationship, unless it's the right one, one that makes life better with it, than without it. Otherwise, I'd be perfectly content to remain single.
 Cuisinarte67
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 3
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:46:01 PM
Do you mean, like, to keep them in the country? The INS is going to ask you all kinds of personal questions about your relationship - her family, her habits, any describable moles/beauty marks, sexual preferences, etc..

You better get to know the girl first or you may do time. Of course the money may sound tempting, but I'd pass. I prefer to know who I'm marrying intimately.
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:46:39 PM
A better question is would you marry them without living with them first.
 TimothyPaul001
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 5
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:51:48 PM
Hi Renaissance Man 1950,

I let the cat out of the bag too soon. Anyway you can delete the quote?

:-)
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 6
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:55:00 PM

Would your answer change if a "relationship expert" from India told you that dating was a complete and utter waste of time. Even worse than that. That dating was destroying any chance you had to find true love and happiness. Would you believe him if he had statistics to "prove it." Would you be willing to pay him $2,500 dollars to let him decide who you will marry?


No
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 7
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:06:17 PM
no, because i would want to know the person i was marrying - and that would mean first hand knowledge, not hear-say...

of course, that didn't work out so well the first time...

but, even though i understand the concept of arranged marriages - that logically they would *appear* to be better ideas as they are based on gathered facts about how the relationship would benefit each person (and their families) and after character checks, apparent compatibility etc.... rather than based on feelings, which are often transient and changeable...

i still would prefer to make the decision myself...

...it's rather a momentous decision and one that i wouldn't feel comfortable leaving to someone else... maybe it's a need to control certain aspects of my life... but it's my life and a choice that i'd need to live with and take responsibility for, whatever the outcome
 ~PumpKyn~
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 8
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:19:13 PM
Would your answer change if a "relationship expert" from India told you that dating was a complete and utter waste of time. Even worse than that. That dating was destroying any chance you had to find true love and happiness. Would you believe him if he had statistics to "prove it." Would you be willing to pay him $2,500 dollars to let him decide who you will marry?

Statistically...the relationship expert is right too.

Pre-arranged marriages have the highest success rates.

However...keep in mind...divorce is usually not an option for those people

So let me throw another swing on this scenario...
Would I marry somebody blindly? No
Would I marry somebody from the net who'd Id done nothing but webcam with and get to know online but never met in the flesh? Yep

Ive only met a few scarce people from the net in a personal capacity...so you can bet Id be sure about it too.

Ive webcammed with enough people to know if there's something "there" or not.

Oh one last thing...if you chose yourself an Indian bride for example...best you scoot off over there...cos if you bring her back to the good ol' US of A...she'll find out real quick she doesnt need to be married to you to have a real shot at a good life.
 Enchanted107
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 9
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:21:45 PM
No, definitely NOT! I would not even date someone without knowing him first.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 10
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:23:54 PM
I cant believe some of the crap that gets posted here for christ sakes??? LMAO

Uhh NO.

Cowboy
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 11
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:10:46 PM
Geez, can't believe I didn't read that someone wants to fall in love with the person before marrying them, isn't that supposed to be the most important thing with marriage?
 Dempcey
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 12
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:21:34 PM
No Wah!
And not without knowing what kind of lover he is.

I think that is called a pre arranged marriage in more ways than one. An agenda.
 MissEmpress
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 13
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:24:10 PM
Umm for the obvious reasons: I wouldn't marry a stranger and dating is the only way for me to know them and decide whether I want to commit a lifetime to them.
 bilczuk
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 14
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:36:43 PM

No, definitely NOT! I would not even date someone without knowing him first.


Same way here.


 TDHofstetter
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 15
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:46:59 PM
Nope. Not with, not without. Not again.

I'm past the sensible age for parenthood, and there aren't enough good argments for marriage at this age. It doesn't make good sense in my mind.
 TimothyPaul001
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 16
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:53:55 PM
So far everyone has said no because they highly value getting to know their husband or wife in advance. That makes sense to me. Marrying a "stranger" seems like a huge gamble.

"Relationship experts" from India counter by proudly pointing out their dramtically lower divorce rate--less than 3%. The "secret" is that parents chose who their children marry. Stats "seem" to indicate that an objective third party is better at picking a spouse for you than you are!

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:43:09 PM
Is that the goal? No divorces at any cost, so long as the stats look good?
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 18
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/13/2008 11:37:59 PM
In India they are raised in a culture that honors and respects that... It is not going to work here. Although I do not think it is such a bad idea, most people can't pick people to date for crap, you never know, it might work.
 EasyRidin
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 19
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:03:30 AM
mmm..not very likely.
 soulmate08
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 20
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:35:09 AM
In India they are raised in a culture that honors and respects that... It is not going to work here.

^^^^^^ agreed
the reason arranged marriages statistically work.. are because theyre based on family/tradition and respect.. etc etc.....
op research why arranged marriages work... they decide to choose that path and the reasons why... are what hold them together...with no option of dissolving the marriage they learn to accept/like and adjust because .. there is no out in the back of their heads...
although if youve ever watched any bollywood movies.. where either the man or woman.. has fallen in love outside of parents choices.. but then go and marry the betrothed.... theres been unhappiness... b/c theyve felt love... otherwise if theres nothing to compare love too.. they can grow into loving their chosen mate..(different sorts of love exist in the world).
i agree with above poster..
arranged marriage does not go with western culture... because we have too many choices and reasons for relationships...
we tend to make relationship/marriage decisions very differently to other societies,.... thats what id suggest you research,... those differences...
and would you want your parents choosing your mate?.... i wouldnt..
partly why i choose being single....
i would suggest you reasearch why they work... ive seen some great documentaries actually with the couples honestly saying how they /think/feel etc... its a culture thing...
and nope i wouldnt pay anyone $2,500 or $100 to pick my mate..
i also agree you go and live in that culture for a couple years.. and live that life... get to know the culture etc... and know the males role within it also..
i had a young indian guy ask me many years ago.. would i marry him (hypothetically only) so he could get out of india... and because there was a caste society he could never marry in his country... he did not meet the requirements for marriage..

b/c i suggested he try marrying an indian woman who already lives in australia.. he said hed never be eligiable...

there are certain religions.. where the guru/leader (whatever tittle) takes groups of people on 1 day and picks who marries who.. from groups.. without any prior knowledge.... the people literally meet on that day.. married.... once again if that statistically works.. it would be b/c ( i imagine) their committed to that religion/guru ..
good luck
smiles/peace


 Grumpy Barbie
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 21
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:42:55 AM
Would you buy a car without first driving it?
Would you buy a pair of shoes withoug first trying them on?
Would you cross the street without first looking?
Would you chew on the barrel of a gun just for shits and giggles?

I can't believe we bit and replied to this post.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 22
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:50:56 AM
I would consider it, if I knew what kind of family she came from. I think if two people are dedicated to making a marriage work, and have similar outlooks on life and marriage, then maybe it could work. I know it's not always that simple, but given the high divorce rate in our culture, it would at least be worth looking into. Do some research, could be for you. Ask yourself; are you trying to find a life partner or a "date?" Then, proceed from there.

I should warn you, I am biased. My Grandparents both say they fell in love the first time they met. That's the story at least. They were together until my Grand dad died. So, they did something right.

Lateef
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 23
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 1:20:09 AM
~OT~ My exhusband had an arranged first marriage. He was not from a foreign country. CA to be exact. His mother determined a lovely Portugeuse woman would be right for him, they married. He was 20. His mother died 9 years later ~ he divorced the wife. Had his mother not died, he would likely still be married to her.

Would I marry someone without dating them first? Hmmm. Well, I don't seem to do too well with marriage knowing someone for years beforehand. I don't really like dating but there is a hitch for me personally. I require love prior to sex. I'm not too certain a man looking for an insta-wife would be happy with my stance. No love no nakie-nakie. So, I suppose I'd better stick with just falling in love. I'd hate to have to have a permanent migraine in the event I never did fall in love with the unbeknownst to me husband.
 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 24
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Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 2:39:14 AM
... only if my parents pointed a gun at my head...
 Nothing4now
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 25
Would you marry someone without first dating them?
Posted: 10/14/2008 3:36:30 AM
Would you be best friends with some one that you don't know?

Never!!!


I should ask: do you want to be just married or happily married?

I think the first year of a relationship is just honeymoon! Couples try to be at their best behavior.

If both partners are very franc and can be themselves from the very begining, also go through stressful situations and see how they can problem solve and work as a team, then it is not impossible.

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