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 Katietxgirl
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 1
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting differentPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have been dating a wonderful man for 10 weeks. Everything has been great. We have spent lots of time together, we have fallen in love (both said it) and we have been very happy. He has said he was happy many times and we consider our relationship serious with a chance for a future. We went out of town this weekend and had a good time, or so I thought (it was his idea to go out of town).

Everything seemed fine this last week, and we were having our usual great time. This weekend, he seemed a little distant some of the time. I asked him if everything was okay, and he said yes. We had a nice time, and he said he had a wonderful time when we got home. But then, he took off and said "see ya," which he never does. I tried calling him last night, and it took him hours to return my call (which it never does). He seemed distant and seemed to want to get off the phone. I called him right back and asked if something was wrong. He said no, just tired.

Today, I sent him a text like I always do. Nothing. I sent him another one later in the day and he just ignored it (we always text back and forth). Finally, he called me in the afternoon quickly before he had to go to a meeting. Still seemed quiet and weird. I finally asked if he were ignoring me because I hadn't heard from him like usual and was something wrong, was he sure, because he seemed to be acting differently. He said that no I hadn't done anything wrong, nothing was wrong. He said he would call me tonight.

This is so out of character for him. He has been very attentive to me and has been such a great guy. I never questioned that he was devoted to me this whole time. I just feel that something is wrong. He never ignores me, but he has been the last 2 days. When I have talked to him, he hasn't seemed in the mood to talk. I don't know if I should just wait and see if he calls and how he acts. I feel I can't keep asking what is wrong. What should I do and think? I know when men start acting differently, it usually is a bad sign.
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 2
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 4:30:54 PM
It could be a bad sign or it could be that something else outside of your relationship is going on in his life and he's distracted by it.

Sounds to me as though you may just have to wait things out for a few days and see.
 fishin15
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 3
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 4:41:10 PM
leave him alone....if he does not call he is just not that into you....i wonder if the two of you got intimate on that weekend, perhaps too close for comfort, and scared him. Sometimes the guy or girl finds that they did not think they would have a problem getting close and getting involved and then when they do they get scared. You do not need to chase a man if he is intrested and cares about your relationship and wants to keep it he will do the work. Concentrate on you and your life.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 4
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 5:01:35 PM
Here's the deal OP.....
You have asked him a number of times if anything is wrong, he said "no" and that you didn't "do anything wrong" and "nothing was wrong".

Even if there is something wrong (and it seems likely that there is) he's not going to tell you until he's ready, if ever. Stop asking him. Don't borrow trouble.

However his actions seem to speak louder than his words.
Take that for what it's worth.

He might have a personal problem, problems at work, maybe a problem with what he's feeling in your "relationship", whatever, but give the man some space. Learn from HIS actions.

You have texted him and phoned him, if I were you I would leave him alone and let him get back to you. If he doesn't then there's your answer. He knows you're concerned, you've expressed that time and time again. If he doesn't respond then that shows you his character.
Just sayin'

Edit: But might I add.......your profile reads that you are "single" looking for "long term". If you are in a relationship then why are you listed as such? And "Seeking attractive guy with a sense of humor. "
 Alli_K
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 5
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 5:11:48 PM
I agree, seems maybe you both rushed the "love" thing and being away for a weekend alone scared him and realized this could lead to more and maybe he's just not ready.
The worst thing you can do is keep bugging, texting and calling. If and when he is ready he will call. If not chalk it up to an experience and move forwards.....good luck!
 girlwillbegirl
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 6
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 5:18:12 PM
Let him breathe.
 Katietxgirl
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 7
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 5:44:24 PM
We have been intimate many, many times. In fact, he has been staying at my home almost all the time. He went back to his home due to the long commute. Other than that, he said he loves staying at my house. I don't think he got scared, since we have been spending most of our time together anyways. I feel that something else has changed.

I definitely have a life and am pretty busy. He is the one who has been involving himself in my life all the time.

As for the profile, I didn't even think about that. I need to change the status, but I haven't been on this site for anything but reading the forums in many months. I definitely am not looking since I already have a man.

I agree that I am just going to give him space. I have asked what is wrong, and doubtful he will tell me until he's ready. I know something is wrong. I wish I knew what because it hurts to not know. It hurts to have someone do a 180 on you, too. I don't understand that part. I will not text or call and just see what he does.
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 8
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:03:31 PM
Katie, I understand you have been dating 10 weeks. Being intimate many, many times can be taken several ways. If you were intimate on the second date, 3 days after meeting is different than sex 2 weeks ago after 19 dates, then having relations everyday for 2 weeks.

Sex too soon tends to dampen long term desires. Only time will tell, if he's not into you and only mouthed the words, then I'm sorry for you. If you truly want a long term relationship, you need communication BEFORE you have sex. There shouldn't be that distance you sense between 2 loving people, and if something comes up that is disturbing to either of you, you should WANT to share that with your partner, not keep secrets. Bob
 boredwithpgh
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 9
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:06:56 PM
I would definately wait a few days. Perhaps he is having a difficult time (personally outside of you). If it continues.. Two thoughts would go through my mind. Either he is not interested, or he is perhaps seeing or talking to someone else. Ride it out for a little while.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 10
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:07:55 PM
Something is definately amiss, you know that or else you wouldn't have posted about it.


I agree that I am just going to give him space
Good, because whatever it is you have, could go wayyyyyy downhill if you don't give him some space. Trust me on that.


I know something is wrong. I wish I knew what because it hurts to not know. It hurts to have someone do a 180 on you, too. I don't understand that part. I will not text or call and just see what he does.
I know, it hurts not to know and it will drive you batty if you let it, so keep busy and don't text or call.
 Katietxgirl
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 11
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:12:52 PM
Bob,

We actually knew each other as friends for over one month before we even went on a date. Then we waited several dates before any intimacy. After that, we were intimate all the time.

I don't think the sex had anything to do with it. We communicated a lot before sex. We talked about everything. We both expressed a desire for a long-term relationship. I agree there shouldn't be distance between 2 loving people, and this is the first time I have felt this.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 12
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:13:57 PM
Totally right, Clasact: Actions speak louder than words.

Op: Love at first site is very possible. Happens a few zillion times a day. But, it sounds like all the talk of the future, etc., came a bit quick in my upscrewed opinion.
 pauli50
Joined: 9/28/2008
Msg: 13
Everything wonderful...
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:20:34 PM
Sounds like he needs some time. He may be scared right now trying to sort out his feelings. I think he needs to figure out where to go from here. Commitment or run. Corny as this sounds, if it is meant to be he will call you and work things out. I think guys have a hard time dealing with things that aren't a "quick fix" for them not to say anything is broken but he has something going on in his head and heart that is maybe foreign to him. Hang in there!
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 14
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 6:37:57 PM
Katie, I have a different take. No matter what anyone says on this thread, we're all talking from our own experiences or some are just guessing.

My thought would be give him 72 hours (3 days). Don't call, text or anything, see what he does. Then call once and ask him to meet you as soon as feasible for both (2 days?). When you meet him, speak plainly and honestly from the heart. Explain how you feel, that you think he pulled back, that you love him, that whatever is bothering him is best shared, so at least you can support him in his need. That you want to communicate, you gave him almost 5 uniterrupted days to work out his feelings and issues.

Then sit back and listen to what he says. If after being direct, honest and caring he cannot share with you. You are going to have to think about this not working out. He is not being forth right with you, allowing you in. Worse as others have said or thought it could be something not good for you (other woman, unsure of feelings, whatever). Hope for the best, prepare for disappointment. Bob
 CapeLo
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 15
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 7:58:39 PM
This could be a symptom of a drug addiction. Does he have money problems too?
 nickolysseus
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 16
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 8:04:44 PM
Re the Opost

Oh, there are many potential reasons, but I agree with other posters re breathing room.
One potential explanation: For a new couple to go away for a weekend and be together 24/24, it is a new and very revealing experience. Maybe something did not click on his part.
It is one thing to date or even spend a lot of time on weekends together, and another to be away from home together 24/24 for even 2-3 days, IME. Makes or breaks rels.
 beniandthejets
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 17
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 8:14:55 PM
Is this the same guy that left you at the play to talk to the actress?
 PokerBreak
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 18
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 9:14:49 PM
Im a guy, I think he is scared. Maybe he has been hurt before. Maybe he is scared of getting to close. Ive made the same mistake. I was scared. Then I realised I was falling for her. albeit it to late. I think mostly you need to worry about his reaction to his own fear. Has he actually acted on his own denial for loving you and stepped out? Many of the other posters were correct in asking you to slow it down for a second. You definately don't want to make him think you are clingy and need him. After a few days though, with a calm voice and disposition you really should express your feelings for him once, and only once. Don't make demands, just reassure him that you are available for him, and that you don't want to just be a peice for him. What your long term goals are, and who you are for him and what you expect for him. If he has stepped out, after such a short time, well. You need lots of distance and maybe if the fire was really there, he will step back and realise what he has lost and you 2 can rejoin at a later date. Mostly though, I think the guy was scared and might have played you and really doesn't want to be in a relationship long term.

I hope everything works out for you. You sound like a dream to me. You want to fall in love. It'll be ok, time heals all, I think. I hope.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 19
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 11:28:57 PM
My guess is he's back with the ex or the gf is back in town now or he's taken an interest in someone else...my point being...there's someone else. Guys seem to have a pattern of trying to fit something/someone in between...believe me...and no matter how great a wonderful time you had and he was super attentive...they'll usually fall back to the ex or old gf...not sure why...because obviously she wasn't enough...why be with someone that still makes you want to be with other people...doesn't make sense to me. Alternatively, why would I want to get back with an ex who needed to be with other people...but that's their life...not my problem...thankfully I'll hold out for the one that loves me for me and is satisfied with just me and I with him
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 20
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/20/2008 11:34:08 PM
Time for you to find something to do to amuse yourself. He is probably on his way out.

Talk is cheap, cheap, cheap. In fact it is free.

You can always suss out the level of interest a man has, by how he behaves. If he is truly interested in you, his actions will show it.
 gourmetchef09
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 21
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:08:43 AM
yeppers...it IS a bad sign...it's prolly all because of the trip..i suppose it was the first time u were together 24/7?? especially for an extended period of time??/Its a relationship killer.He realizes he doesnt want to spend the rest of his life with you, but he cannot bring himself to tell you.Sorry, but a breakup is imminent...he's just too wimpy to come out & tell you.
 Funterrific
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 22
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:46:56 AM
One of the other posters said it, let him Breathe. he may be feeling suffocated, pressured and pursued by your energy (and behavior.) back off and continue to lead the life you had ten weeks ago before you met. bc it souns like he just became the planet you are orbitting around and that's not fun for anybody. it's too much pressure. good luck.
 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 23
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Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/21/2008 2:15:25 AM
OP i agree with what others have said above.

there can be a number of reasons for his 'strange' behavior. if he's refusing to share his personal problems with you, if there is any, all you can do is offer your support and let him know you're there for him. however, since he's firmly stated that there's nothing wrong, all you can do is......wait.

cheers!
 ImAlreadyGone
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 24
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/21/2008 2:32:00 AM
My take on this is men are men...Take a breather and look back without the rose colored glasses. Still see nothing wrong, it's probably because yer a woman. Men borrow trouble where there is none...Quit askin' what's wrong, quit callin' and textin', just quit buggin' for a could days. If he values the relationship as much as you do, or thought he did, he'll get ahold of you and let you know what the issue(s) was(were). And if he doesn't value the relationship like that, then yer better off without him.
I say if he doesn't get in touch with you in the next couple days (of you not buggin') then very politely send him a text (at this point doesn't deserve voice or face to face in my opinion) letting him know that you require more attention that what he's apparently interested in giving at this point. Will he take the hint? Probably not. Better luck next time!
 ImAlreadyGone
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 25
Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different
Posted: 10/21/2008 2:33:29 AM
"...just quit buggin' for a could days. "
I mean a COUPLE days...
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