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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?      Home login  
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 Hardin9
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 1
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I was just watching Good Morning America. They did a report on married people who are secretive with their spouses about their financial expenditures. What's wrong with these people? Don't they know it's a sin to hide money from ones spouse. I guess I would be in trouble if I was married. I keep my financial business to myself regardless. If I had a a billion dollars I would burry it where no one could find it. If I was stand up comedian write a good joke about what they reported.
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 2
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:27:25 AM

Don't they know it's a sin to hide money from ones spouse.


Is that the new 11th Commandment?

Keeping your financial business to yourself is fine - until it affects someone else. And once you are married it affects both people every single day.

I wish I had been so lucky that my ex-wife had hidden money from me. Instead she hid tens of thousands of $$ in credit card debt.
 Seafarer227
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 3
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:36:54 AM

If I had a a billion dollars I would burry it where no one could find it.
What good is a billion dollars to you if it's buried where no one can find it? Isn't the point of having a lot of money to spend it? To instead horde all your money away while suspecting everyone else is out to cheat or steal from you... well, I'm pretty sure that violates at least one (if not two or even three) of the seven deadly sins.
 Sweetbabeblues
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 4
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:43:01 AM
Well my X hid money from me, and made me furious !!!
It was money he took from my personal accounts, and also my business account. And then spent most of it on gambling!
He also hid alot of others things from me as well...
And the reason we are not married today.
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 5
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:46:51 AM
Jim,
Maybe we should introduce our ex's? Geez..

Sorry OP but you and your money will live a cold cold life. I would rather trust and lose everything again then live in fear that someone will take my 2 nickles. How sad to be so greedy. JMHO
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 6
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:52:06 AM
When I was living in sin with my ex, I use to hide my hard earnings. I always kept 'just a few dollars' in my purse. Reason? He was a gambler and I wasn't prepared to share my cash with a horse or greyhound.
I think that once the rent/morgage is paid, the bills are paid, and there is food on the table that only then can 'our' money be separated into yours and mine.
 psssst
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 7
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:59:06 AM
I think that with time and accumulation of things which equate to stability and security for both the present and the future, our opinions adjust to accommodate our different circumstances...

When I was younger and just starting out, I was a firm believer in pooled resources... and at that time it worked well for me.

Today I would insist on legal agreements that clearly outline the separation of funds and assets both during the relationship, and in the chance that the relationship were to dissolve...

As for spending habits, as long as the spending wasn't affecting the other person, then I don't really see the need for full disclosure. I wouldn't specifically hide it, but to list that I'd spent 3.95 on a cappucino and 28.95 on a book would be anal... IMO.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 8
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:09:52 AM
LOL! Yeah... like my ex had money. He did, however, have credit cards (joint) that he obtained without my knowledge with the statements going to his mother's address. When I learned about those (via free credit reports) they were cancelled due to fraud. D*** straight I hid money! That's how I paid for the divorce. Addiction is a nasty disease that totally transforms an otherwise great person. You have to get good at covert ops if you hope to not lose everything to drugs you never did. By the time he died he was unemployed and over $20,000 in debt for cash advances to buy drugs. Hide it? Blow it? Snort it up your nose? What difference does it really make? Gone is gone. Finances are the #1 killer of marriage.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 9
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Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:22:25 AM
Hiding Money? Secrets between a married couple are never a good idea. But I do believe that there should be a family account as well as personal accounts for both. Some people like to shop others are more conservative. As long as the agreed upon financial goals are being met I think it is important for a person to feel they have some level of control over their mad money.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 10
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:43:25 AM
I think if both parties are contributing financially, they should always have a joint account and their own individual accounts. Hiding money is really no different than telling hubby the new shoes were on clearance (when they were not!) or his buddy gave him the new set of clubs (when he did not!). LOL But it should be a small, affordable amount of each persons income...nothing drastic!

It's as old as marriage itself...and maybe if people still practiced these little "white lies," there would be less divorce over finances!

Of course the mentioned issues in this thread are extreme...gambling instead of paying bills, incurring credit card debt, etc....bad, bad, bad!

But I think since I have been independent for 19 years, it would be hard to go to 100% of pooling resources!
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 11
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:49:37 AM
I agree with Carol and Harley actually. I like the practice of maintaining a joint account for household expenses and individual accounts for a modicum of control and independence. I wish I didn't need credit at all but I live in the real world so I just won't ever have joint credit again.
 hamburger
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 12
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:30:48 AM
Isn't part of the difference in mindsets between 'millionaires' and 'poor' people how they see money? I think the saying is "Some people see money and think of what it could do (buy), successful people look at money and determine what it can do for them." Or, some people see money as a key to luxury, some people see it as simply a tool.

Hopefully (or at least ideally) you know by marriage what the other person's viewpoint is.
I would hide money from someone that just saw money as something to spend on stuff.


What's wrong with these people?

Maybe nothing.
Maybe they just don't want an argument about money, seeing as that (finances) is one of the top reasons people get divorced or break up, and a lot of people know this.
I think there would be something wrong if one person is taking the other persons money and hiding it, or spending 'communal' (joint checking) money and not disclosing it.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 13
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Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:33:10 AM
This is something I wouldn't ever do...not that I ever had a whole lot to hide anyway, LOL!

The ONLY time I ever did this was when I'd open up a "secret" savings account to save up money to surprise HIM with something. I'd stick $10 in the account here, $15 there, and eventually after several months, I'd have enough for a nice condo rental at the beach, or a cool birthday present or something like that.

The only way to keep from spending the money was to keep it in the bank where it wasn't convenient to get to it. I purposely didn't have an ATM card for the account, If I wanted the money I had to go into the bank and take it out.

It worked out great, I remember once I saved enough for us to go to Gulf Shores for 5 days, and it was just with little amounts of money that we didn't miss along the way.
 thisisbj
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 14
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:48:41 AM
If they are hiding it from their spouse, wouldn't they also have to hide it from the IRS....

so...hiding it from the spouse might not be a sin...but lying to the government is....

don't ya just hate how those things work out like that...
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 15
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 9:02:06 AM
They DO say that money issues are what usually breaks up marriages. I know for a fact my friend's marriage broke up because her hubby was so bad with money, she had to take his paycheck every week and cut up his credit cards. She felt like she was his mom not his wife. That ruins every dyanmic in the relationship. A different kind of trickle-down effect!
 lalala1284
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 16
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 9:12:01 AM
It's sad when folks have to start hiding money from their own spouses. It's a bad situation, but it has happened many times before, and will continue. Besides, there maybe a valid reason as to why their money is hidden. But if you have to hide money from your spouse, then maybe you two shouldn't be together.

Marriage is suppose to be based on trust, and other values. If you can't trust one another, then I don't see the purpose in even being married.
 geoffrey116
Joined: 10/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 10:23:48 AM
Hiding money will then lead onto more secrets later on I reckon. What about trust etc that goes with togetherness. My first wife hid money sometimes..and wine bottles and it did my head in.

Good enough to sleep together then you are good enough to share together.

II know a few chaps at work who keep their money. I dont see why as surley it is a better loving relaitionship sharing things together.

I must be old fashioned in this day and age.
 MidnightStorms
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 18
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 10:32:20 AM
They are planning for their marriage to fail.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 19
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Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:40:16 PM
I too agree with Harley and Carolann. I think that people should feel free to spend some money without necessarily "accounting" to the other person. I also think when couples make a decision that one parent is staying home with the children, has essentially given up the career to take care of the kids whether male or female, that person should have an account that will allow them support if the marriage tanks.

I had a friend whose husband was not necessarily happy about it but he knew she kept an account with three or four house and vehicle payments even though she did not think she would need them. She was educated and at the time while a stay-at-home-mom finishing her master's, so she was not without means of support but would it be immediate?

Her father left her mother when she was in high school and would not contribute a dime until ordered by the courts, if not for the benevolent grandmother, they would have lost their home. Her parents made the decision that her mom would stay home and raise the kids and he not only left her with no warning, he cleaned out the bank accounts. My friend didn't expect her marriage to fail and they have been married for more than 20 years she just felt better having a cushion that couldn't be touched without her authorization.

I think rather than supporting flight, it allows people that are really committed the knowledge that they are not trapped, and can bring a more positive attitude toward working things out when a rough patch is reached. Those people that would use it too easily weren't going to stay anyway.
 kittenshere41
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 20
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:47:24 PM
when you're married the money belongs to both parties. Both parties may take what they want out of bank at any time as long as the other one knows about it. hiding money is unnecessary. you both should have access to it anytime you want it. whats the point in hiding money. If my guy done that to me, I can guarantee you that he would quickly be single again.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 21
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:47:36 PM
I'm a member of another board and it's of shopping fanatics. You would be amazed what those women hide from their husbands. I'm talking handbags over $10K a piece. The problem is that I'm sure their husbands know what's going on. It's just another way of lying to an SO.
 princesspinkpixie
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 22
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:57:51 PM
I had to when i was married to my ex husband as he was a terrible gambler.I also hid money,not lots of it,so i could go buy the children birthday/christmas gifts.Also,for holidays and things like that.

If i hadnt then goodness knows what would have happened as he gambled everything he could anyway even though i worked 2 jobs just to survive
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 23
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Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 1:05:09 PM
Maybe it's your accountant? Hold your liquid coinage as well as your mistresses close but hold your portfolio and accountant closer.
 jonibgood
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 24
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 1:08:03 PM
The number one thing to remember in a relationship is honesty.

If you'll hide money from your spouse - the most important person in your life - you'll hide other things, such as addictions or extra sex partners. The lask of honesty in a relationship is what starts the problems in the first place. If you're 100% honest with your partner and they're 100% honest with you I don't think there is anything that can't be handled together.

JMHO
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 25
Hiding money from your spouse, what's wrong with you?
Posted: 10/21/2008 1:29:16 PM

They are planning for their marriage to fail.


In a way, midnightstorms is right. It's called "run-away money". I think it goes back to a time when most women were financially dependent on their husbands. When I was young, my mother advised me to do this - hide a little away from the housekeeping money each week, so you had a stash in case things turned bad. Mind you - my parents divorced when I was 14.
I've never done it. I would always forget!
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