| | More or less intelligent?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I'm interested. From your past dating experiences which you prefer, dating someone who is more intelligent or less intelligent then you are. Why or why not? Equal is a fair response but that is rather hard to find don't you think?
In my case I would prefer slightly more. I would love to have someone who I could have crazy conversations with, that could get me thinking and vice versa. It's no fun when a majority of the things I say I have to explain, IE definitions of words, explanations of current events, etc.
Anyways, what do you guys/gals think?  | |
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| More or less intelligent?
Posted: 10/23/2008 10:39:01 AM | I'd pick about equal intelligence, but since that isn't an option I'd say more intelligent than me would be my preference. I like healthy civil debates about things and with people lacking on the intuition/intelligence side those can get lame real fast.
I don't like explaining current events, politics, or other basic knowledge about what is going on in the world to people either. People need to actually open up a newspaper or a book every now and then and take some interest in the world they live in, not just their little bubble of existence. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 10:40:55 AM | as long as they were quick witted and fun I really do not need a inteligence test or anything.
Not looking for someone slow.... long sigh... I'm a systems analyst. A computer consultant. And honestly all my long term relationships have been near my level and very quick witted with a great sense of humor.
I guess I never thought about it as any kind of requirement. I think in general I enjoy people near my level as they understand things I talk about and interest me in general.
I want someone to share my life with and that means day to day conversation. As long as they can "keep up" thats really all I ask. (wink)
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 10:44:30 AM | Its nice to teach someone what you know, so you are spreading it around.
But, its also nice to learn something new, too. | |
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| More or less intelligent?
Posted: 10/23/2008 11:00:24 AM | | Thanks for the responses guys. I'm still interested in hearing more if people are willing to offer. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 11:07:29 AM | I meet a lot of people but rarely meet anyone with my level of intelligence unless I am at one of the private music festivals that I attend.
I prefer people that are happy and always try to have fun without causing drama.
As long as someone lives like that it doesn't matter how intelligent they are because they are always fun to be around.
So I say attitude is more important than intelligence when it comes to finding a mate. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 11:24:26 AM | i'm not sure if it's a matter of the person i'm dating being more or less intelligent than me, but i really do need to be able to have engaging conversations with them.
it's possible to date someone that's really, really smart but who is unable to carry on any sort of conversation, or convey an idea well. not saying these people are bad in any way, but i would have a tough time in a relationship with a person that doesn't communicate well.
by the same token, i've gone out with people that don't have an extensive formal education, but are very engaging and have great communication skills and are able to keep my interest at that level. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 11:33:38 AM | It's hard to gauge what intelligence is measured by. Heck, in the scientific world they're still trying to figure it out.
I once heard someone say that intelligence ought to be measured by how stupid someone feels after they've done something that was rather dumb in the grand scheme of things.
All very interesting responses. Thanks! | |
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Erai
| | Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 9 | |
| More or less intelligent?
Posted: 10/23/2008 12:11:18 PM | I used to think I wanted to date someone more intelligent than me for similar reasons as the others (engaging conversations etc). Now I'm not so sure.
The one guy I dated, who was more knowledgeable than me, had some sort of superiority complex which was extremely ugly. It was the reason we eventually broke up. I got tired of him calling me dumb when I didn't agree with him (apparently because he was smarter he thought everyone should share his opinion).
So, if I dated someone smarter than me again, I'd probably want to make sure he wasn't an arrogant, self-important, jacka.ss with it.
Thanks Korartiz and I agree with you too.....
It's hard to gauge what intelligence is measured by.
It bothers me that people confuse ignorance with stupidity. Someone can be extremely intelligent but ignorant. Just because someone isn't well versed on a subject doesn't mean they cannot grasp the complexities of it.
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Posted: 10/23/2008 12:15:38 PM | I agree with you Erai.
I've come to find out that a lot of those that are labeled as intelligent know it and in turn, they end up being very egotistical. It is important for me to find someone smart, but humble.
Thanks for the response! | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 12:22:40 PM | I don't happen to believe that the level of the true intelligence of a person can be accurately measured. So I don't pay too much attention to people who claim to have high (or low) IQs.
It means nothing to me in and by itself...other factors must be present to make them an interesting person to me.
Anyway...what I'm looking for more than a high IQ number is compassion, kindness, awareness, gentleness...all wrapped up in a cutie (cutie to me) who has a curious and open mind! 
JMO | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 12:57:57 PM | I'd almost feel wrong dating someone less intelligent than I. The only time I ever feel more intelligent than another person, is when it's blatantly obvious the person has no clue about anything... Then I just feel kind of bad for the person that they just don't understand..
The women I've met in my life who i've deemed "less intelligent" than myself, often made me feel uncomfortable when I talked with them. I can only think of maybe one or two women in my life time that I've actually deemed 'less intelligent'.
I guess it's because I don't consider myself a very intelligent being - and I often argue that nobody is really very intelligent - It takes a lot for me to even think in those terms in regards to another person.
I'd say if you think in terms of measuring one's intelligence to your own, regardless of their 'perceived' cognitive level, you're not really approaching other human beings in the right state-of-mind. Especially when I'm looking for things in a mate.
Usually, Intelligence isn't even something I contemplate - As long as we can talk, and achieve a level of understanding together.
Hell, I admit to every prospective date: "I'm pretty much an idiot - It's a given premise - So any future arguments we have where you call me an idiot just makes you redundant!" | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 1:16:39 PM | OP: How does one measure this?
Do you personally give a potential S.O. a test that you have created (lol)? or go together, and take IQ tests?
Life is an ongoing learning experience. Therefore, if I had to pick someone's level of intelligence it would be "equal" or "greater" than my own. Lesser, would probably bore me, as I need mental stimulation. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 1:18:08 PM | This is a subject that has seen the light of day (or night by way of moon and star) on more than one occasion. Honestly, whether it's too far above or too far below, you can feel short-changed. I think you can be happy with a sweet spot of intellectual compatibility, but once you get out of that range you will become dissatisfied over a period of time.
The truth is, asking a question about one aspect of a person and how that particular aspect affects the dynamic of a relationship, forms an incomplete picture on which to evaluate your feelings.
Sure, it's nice to be able to hold conversations about various things and know that your significant other can 'hold their own', but it is also nice to be able to laugh and smile with them too; to be able to trust them and know that they are on your side, even when they don't agree with you... if you get my meaning.
Blah, blah, blah
the giggleparts | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 1:27:39 PM | I think I have to consider that there are a lot of different kinds of intelligence. I look for men who are articulate, interested in the arts, culture and world affairs, and capable of friendly debate, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'd have an off-the-chart-IQ. In fact, sometimes the smartest people are so wrapped up in their own specialized fields of endeavour that they become quite disengaged with the rest of the world and hence, boring.
Having said that, overall, I'd prefer somebody a little smarter than me, but not a whole lot smarter, who could challenge me without making me feel like a moron. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 2:17:52 PM | IMO intelligence is only an issue if there is an obvious and huge disparity.
I would love to have someone who I could have crazy conversations with, that could get me thinking and vice versa. It's no fun when a majority of the things I say I have to explain, IE definitions of words, explanations of current events, etc.
IMO when you say this you aren't talking about their intelligence, you are referring to their ability to communicate with you. Or measuring your ability to communicate against theirs. Not to mention the importance of having similar interests and personalities.
I dated a woman once that said something along the lines of "I hated my boss, she was a real b*tch. Supposably she enforthed the dress code and my skirt was an inch too short. So I had to leave work to change my ensembo, without compensention. For reals."
It was really hard to prevent myself from classifying her as unintelligent. Instead I had to learn and accept that her vocabulary was not obtained by reading and study, but simply through general conversation, which affected how she came to hear, process, retain, and use words to express herself.
A relationship did not work between us because most of my life and experiences have been based on studying, questioning, pursuit of knowledge, and focus on self supporting independence.
Most of her life was based on family, friends, building social networks, and communal interdependence.
Basic who you know vs. what you know.
So the problem wasn't intelligence, it was different life focus, self expression, and ability to communicate.
I personally prefer to date people that have similar communication style and ability as my own, as they are easier for me to understand and relate to. | |
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| More or less intelligent?
Posted: 10/23/2008 2:38:28 PM | I only date women so it isn't possible to be with someone less intelligent.
And the brown noser of the year award goes to ....
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Posted: 10/23/2008 3:02:43 PM | | I "measure" a man's intelligence by the time it takes to get me to shoot Diet Pepsi out my nose laughing......or not. Ehh...just keeping my attention for more than 15 minutes is something. | |
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| More or less intelligent?
Posted: 10/23/2008 3:05:58 PM | Until they can carve both our heads open like cantaloupes and plunk our gray matter down on opposite scales with a bunch of electrodes testing every synapse response time, WITHOUT killing us both, I'll settle for an attractive lady I can simply get along with.  
There's no infallible way to accurately discern how many "points" one is above the other, so rather than relying on standardized tests to determine our compatibility, I will let her selection of words speak for her character/intellect (or lack thereof).  
P.S.: If it really gets down to tough call between two ladies of comparable intelligence, I'll go for the better looking one... | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 4:42:42 PM | Not everyone knows everything. That's how we all learn from each other. I learn something new just about everyday of my life. I once a long long time ago went out with someone who had a 6th grade education (parents needed him to work the farm). I could tell when he didn't understand certain large words I was using. That didn't make him less intelligent than I am. He just didn't know.
I said if you don't get a word, it's ok, that's how we all learn, no big deal. I went to college, I don't know everything, if I did I'd be omnipotent.
There are no stupid questions, just the ones that aren't asked. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 5:16:44 PM | More or equal, otherwise I'm intimidating and scary.
Not good in a relationship. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 5:56:07 PM | I would say pretty equal. Very few guys are more "book smart" than me, but the guys I date tend to be more brilliant than me in other ways (extremely witty, great at on the spot problem solving, deep philosophical mind, etc) . So it tends to all even out.
A guy who is smarter than me is a huge turn on though. But then again, I am a bit of a geek. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 5:57:31 PM | | I'd go with more, hands down - so long as it doesn't come with arrogance and a condescending attitude, of course. | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 5:58:17 PM |
I only date women so it isn't possible to be with someone less intelligent.
HA! 
And when you think about it, that is probably the most intelligent thing said in this thread, as you just earned huge brownie points with the women. Well played! | |
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Posted: 10/23/2008 6:00:40 PM | I'm with superserial.
I HATE having to explain "the basics".
Now, I don't consider myself any kind of genius but I do know what is going on in the world...and not just our little piece of Canada. I am not interested in spending time with people who don't care or for whom the big news is who is winning on American Idol.
On the other hand, I don't tolerate being talked down to or patronized by people who think they know more than me but usually you can weed those types out in the first meet-up if you haven't done so in their emails!
I usually ask prospective dates what they are reading and that, for me, is one indicator of where someone's head might be.
Another indicator of someone's intelligence might be the shared ability to laugh at the same kinds of things.
SARL | |
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