| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 10/30/2008 7:37:15 PM | In another thread someone mentioned how they were laughed at for misquoting the old adage "You can't get blood from a stone" as "you can't get water from a rock"
It got me thinking......
My Nana used to say
" ingenuity is the mother of invention"
instead of "necessity"
It is really MORE true
I used to say
"A bird in the hand is better than a sharp stick in the eye"
I never DID understand the whole idea of birds in your hands as oppose to your bush!
Unless it's a rooster?....(get it?)....
Well I hope you get the idea, add some that you have heard misquoted, make up some of your own ...looking forward to seeing where this might go! | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 10/30/2008 9:05:01 PM | Oooh, goody! From the King: Here's some "Archie Bunkerisms"
A woman's doc: Groinocologist
Gyropracter
The Academy Rewards
Optical Delusion
Menstrual show
Spanish Imposition
The Three Muskatelles
Women's Lubrication Movement
Medicure
Welfare incipients
Expensive care (true, but intensive)
women's intermission (intuition, but you knew that!)
lawfully bedded husband
Ifso Fatso
vasexomy
Birth patrol pills
Communications disease (but communicable)
pyronymphiac
Hot flushes
Mentalpause
Geronomous zones and floorplay
Paragorically
Hardpore cornography
House of ill refute
movie: Cardinal Knowledge
Oh, and I can't forget Englebert Whats-his-dink...
Gloria Steinway
In ancient Rome they killed Sid Caesar
Typhoon Mary
Count of Monte Crisco
God Bless America....written by Milton Berlin
Roosevelt brothers...Franklin & Teddy
Rockefeller brothers...Nelson & Eddie
Rip Van Heusen (he gets corrected with "Winkle")....Winkle Van Heusen.
Marlo Brandon
Clint Westwood (I LOVE this one and use it all the time)
Jack The Raper
Henry Woolworth Longfellow
Potatum O'Neal
"Committing insex in the family."
"So I won't make the cover of Harper's Brassiere."
"Did Lincoln apologize to Alexander Graham Booth?"
"The sexual act was never constipated."
OK, just one last quote:
Gloria: "Daddy, do you know how many people commit suicide by handguns every year?"
Archie: "Would it make youse feel any better if dey jumped outta windows, little goil?"
Rock on.
~m
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:59:38 PM | Archie's going to sing the National Anthem, but it's gonna take all of his thinking and consecration.
"Oh say can you see by the dawn's every night... what so loudly we hail...of thee I sing"
More:
reclimbing chair
Old age: reclining years
decrap-id old people
Geriatricide joint (after these, I'm headed there!)
semi-animal meetings
lower intestubes
Inferior Decorator
a chronicle rash
saniquarium
invading the issue
a blackbuster
the smelting pot of New York
a string fourtet
keep things in the proper suspective
bonafried
innocent stand-byer
cross the freshhold
rememmorate
sympathizing my watch
self-perservation
piece of flywood
commenstrual with my experience
the beaurocraps
restract his attention
digitalis clock
besmooch the family name
assiatic nerve
dispoopsia
a unanimous letter
fac-same-ully
from a man to a morphadite
misconscrewed
arterial influction
very close veins
last will & tentacle
Hippocritical oath
mouth-to-mouth restitution
vertizontal hold
counterfeeter
pall buriers
the grim weeper
Salivation Army
Salvation Navy
race or color or breed
part of foot: instoop
last urology (at a funeral)
garlic stones (in the gall bladder)
umbiblical cord
UFO-CIA (AFL-CIO)
system of judaspudence
chicken chests and smashed potatoes
an invason of my privates
present company suspected (excepted)
veal scallopeepee
horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres)
friccastewing a chicken
smoke exhilaration
volcanoes erupting hot guava
don't draw me no diaphrams
carbon monoxygen
prostate server
rectal nerve (in the eye)
bank suppository
gratitude and depreciation
infilterating
pre-deranged
I'm gonna behead myself
high-powered spectaculars
maggot of Champagne
electrical degenerators
encroach the bench
a torn filament in the kneecap
eavesdripping
sinseriously
antitoxidote
Last thoughts: I know it's long, but when you work the buttons here, see, it develops what ya call the digitalis skills.
"Gonna be incrimated....they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals." Good ribbance!
"One of the funniest antidotes of all time... and you sit there like you're in a comma." | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:06:28 PM | From "Boondock Saints", just about the best movie out there. The bartender, Doc, is always messing old proverbs up.
"Don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen."
"A penny saved is worth two in the bush."
"People in glass houses sink ships."
and my favorite
"Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fvck outta here?" | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:45:31 PM |
"A bird in the hand is better than a sharp stick in the eye"
I never DID understand the whole idea of birds in your hands as oppose to your bush!
It's from game hunting, where birds lived in... well, in shrubs and small trees, and the hunter would have to flush them out before taking a shot or catching them in nets or whatever. The adage means a small but acquired amount of something, namely a bird in your hand that you've already killed that's ready to take home for dinner, is better than a larger amount of that same something that you don't have, for example two birds that are still hiding from you and may very well get away.
This has been your etymology lesson for the day. But if we're talking roosters, they're fine in your hand or in your bush. Either way's good. | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:04:33 AM | My father still uses the "Atomic oven" to re-heat his coffee.
A coworker years ago, said he was never gonna get one of "dem dere cellulite phones".
My Grandmother used to say: " If I tell you one thing, an that aint two".
Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:50:22 AM | ha those were really good. the one that always gets me is when ppl say "money is the root of all evil" when the full scriptre reads: "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil"
i also love it when my kids used prounounce "lingerie" phonetically with a hard "g" lol
"lyn-gur-ree" hehe | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 11/3/2008 2:55:16 PM | "looking for a hot, sexy llama"
(from http://www.plentyoffish.com/member2228078.htm)
For a comprehensive, scholarly list: http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/ | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 11/18/2008 6:54:24 AM | You missed my Fav archie Bunker quote
Archie is talking about how God made him (the white people) #1,,, and the Jeffersons (the black people) #2).
Gloria Says.'So what does the make the Rodriguzes ( who were trying to but a house in his neighborhood) #3?"
Archie replies stoned faced...' Not neccessarily......your japs and your chinks could be #3...........3A and #3B".............Mike walks out of the room holding his head screaming " I don't believe it"!!! | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 11/22/2008 7:47:59 AM | OK pray for me..... Its my own fault thinking my dad was cool back in the days when I was in Jr high...
He used to tell my friends, "If at first you dont succeed.... Suck some thing else."
None the less what does; a hard head makes a soft butt, mean anyway?
Its so ingrained that I say it to my daughter.... I think it means dont be a dum bass and you wont get a spanking....(in other words) but really what does it mean?
Mystriya  | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 11/22/2008 11:35:03 AM | I remember this one from many many years ago. Johnny Carson had answers from 3rd graders who were asked to fill in the blanks of old sayings. I use this one to this day:
"You can't teach an old dog New Math."
Oh yeah, and if at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you. | |
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| fractured phrases ei: water from a rock
Posted: 11/22/2008 11:37:12 PM | "That came from way out in left bank."
"Never look a gift horse in the eye."
"That's all water over the bridge."
"That's a mute point."
Yes, I knew the people who said these. Argh. | |
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