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 1SweetPea1
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 1
How soon can you spot a red flagPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Some red flags are blatantly obvious; some seem to be a bit more subtle and could depend on one's interpretation and personal history. Would this be red flags to you:

-Very, very early in relationship, say, after 3 dates (maybe you don't even know each other's middle names and have not had sex...very initial stages) - Frustration from man when you do not reply "fast enough" to communication (such as a phone message, email or text) - frustration expressed via a second follow-up message one hour after the first, or a frustrated note a few hours after the first one which has gone unanswered. Is this an early sign of possessiveness/jealousy/stalkerish issues, or would you consider this...sweet?

-First kiss is not soft and slow and building, but aggressive and biting and soon man all over woman with hands..grabby grabby...Again, I am referring to FIRST kiss, not months into relationship. Sexual aggressor/disrespectful...or eager?

These are 2 experiences I look back on and wonder...hmmm...early signs? (from prior relationship).
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 2
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 8:17:28 PM
Oh hell yeah those are BOTH red flags.

The first situation is just scary. That type of person just seems very scary to me.

The second is just wrong.... unless you were nekid at the time and then I will cut him some slack for going WAY overboard. (wink

Cheers Darlin! And I am agreeing with ya. Red flags big time for both situations.

Best of Luck

Cowboy
 newfriend4you
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 3
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 8:19:42 PM
The first one is a definite red flag for me. It wouldn't be sweet , it would make me run.

The second one, that would depend all on the circumstance. If it was a long time waiting for that kiss, it could just be eager and passionate. If it's early on...then maybe he isn't being respectful. That one is really circumstantial.
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 4
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 8:22:08 PM
Freud would say he has an oral fixation and needs instant gratification.

IOW, he's a big, greedy, baby.
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 5
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 8:33:55 PM
I call myself a "NASCAR dater" (no, I don't REALLY follow Nascar).

I'm so good, I can spot "yellow flags!"
 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 6
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 9:07:57 PM
Red flat

I dont really know what im looking for
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 7
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 9:43:38 PM

call myself a "NASCAR dater" (no, I don't REALLY follow Nascar).

I'm so good, I can spot "yellow flags!


I go for the checkered flag. I always have to win. The ones the OP described need to go to the pits.
 read only
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 8
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:15:57 PM
All I am going to say is I have learned to spot that flag quickly. Twice the size of a road sign.
 WhereIsElvis
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 9
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:16:08 PM
I saw so many red flags shortly after I met my last ex gf, unfortunately I ignored them like a blind bat and paid dearly...one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life....what in the name of Martha Stewart was I thinking?

I would like to nominate myself for the 07-08 Biggest Dumb Ass Award....
 spider_mama
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 10
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:50:55 PM
Warning: Flag alert!! Warning: Flag alert!!
 lindamr
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 11
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:59:25 PM
oh absolutely red flag alert this shows that this person is possessive aggressive and a future control freak run............................
 Dempcey
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 12
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:16:27 PM
OP you say these were emails and IM's? Or phone calls too? I must say my sarcastic playful tones are missed a great deal in emails/IM's unttil one talks to me via face to face or phone to know I am a joker. Even a joker when I'm half ass serious. I say this to say that tones, attitudes and personalities can be misunderstood in words on a monitor.

However, if you have been on a date and have talked verbally with this male, he is a WALKING, BREATHING RED FLAG!

The other half of your post it is a RED FLAG if it makes you uncomfortable and after asking him to "slow down" but he continues or gets an attiude about it is a MAJOR RED FLAG. I knew of some men in my past that went way to fast for my taste, but in their defense they were just eager. A woman generally knows the diff between an eager man and a possessive one. I can say I have never been grabby grabbied by an eager man, just the kisses were leading to the neck and or back rubs, but never an out right disrespect of touching my goodies.
 michaely2k
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 13
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:40:48 PM
Bitting on the lips during kissing, is he a family member of MIKE TYSON? Once an ex-girlfriend of mine bit my lower lip, still hurts. I split right after that, 'cause it is abuse and control technique. Neither I like to control or abuse any one, nor I would allow anyone any more to control or abuse me. RED FLAG. do you know which way is the exit?
 CGY
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 14
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:45:55 PM
You're 31? WTF?

Run away. Fast.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:49:32 PM
Oh hell no! That would be a very quick fluck off and block. I wouldn't even bother to discuss it, he'd be totally off my list of someone I would talk to much less date.
 The rock man
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 16
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:12:14 AM
Are you really that lonely and in need of a partner that you need your own issues with this guy validated?

From all the threads and posts that you have on this guy and the way he acts and treats you. It seems very clear that this is not a healthy situation for you to stay in.
Yet there is something keeping you there!

You are worth way more then you are getting. Just peace of mind should be worth being single. Right now you have no peace at all!

It troubles you because it's trouble!
 girl2luv
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 17
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:29:38 AM
definately red flags! especially the first one omg!
 sheilarodri
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 18
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 3:11:15 AM
Lets see how soon can i spot a red flag--
depends on my mood when i meet the person

if i am in a good mood they will get the benefit of the doubt
if i am not well thats easy NEXT!!!!!!

and yes i am moody SO What.
 Jazzythecat
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 19
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:35:12 AM
Danger Will Robinson...Danger. Set faser for stun...if it gets up, reset faser for kill.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 20
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:38:30 AM
Yes, those would be red flags to me.


Is running the theme of the day today?

Damm I hate exercise!


Herds running?
Stampede!
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 21
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:02:22 AM
example #1 i would have burned his retinas with my response and that's the last he would have ever heard from me.

example #2 would have felt my knee indelicately meeting his nads in rapid succession and that's the last he would have ever seen of me.

or were they the same man? in which case, i think your picker needs a serious overhaul.
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 22
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:36:47 AM
I'd say red flags include obvious dishonesty, or the beating around the bush about full disclosure. A kiss is still a kiss, though! What? You waited beyond the first date for a kiss? What gives? Maybe you know how to kiss...I wouldn't count that as a red flag, for God's sake! Love, Titus
 stilltryn
Joined: 10/26/2008
Msg: 23
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:35:53 AM
Each person is a unique individual; good, bad or ugly. Some may share some traits or mannerisms that people have displayed in your past. Guess what, most people have basic animalistic urges...some just mask them better than others. When I hear of "red flags" or "deal breakers", in reference to basic human interaction, I want to throw up the "white flag". As humans, we seem to have gotten dumber as we grew smarter. We have taken a special thing, such as forming a bond with another and wanting to be with that person, and turned it into an over-complicated, anal-fest of excuses, paranoia, and are missing the big picture. If we are extremely lucky, we might actually meet someone we can tolerate MOST of the time. That is all I am asking for. After all, nobody is perfekt. Sorry, just had to vent!!!
 ThymeKiller
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 24
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:40:55 AM
I ignored those very red flags and it cost me dearly, though sexual aggressiveness in women isn't usually a red flag IMHO.
 SeattleRob
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 25
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:54:51 AM
Each person is a unique individual; good, bad or ugly


Yes. And some people have enough "traits" that, when combined, are known as "personality disorders", making them unpleasant to be around. I can still love them, but I also choose not to spend much time around them, or let them close enough to my heart that they can hurt me.

Exceptions are certainly made for those that are aware of their traits, and are actively working to modify the antisocial ones. Nobody's perfect...
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