| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:18:55 AM | I have written about this one man before. He is a buddy of a friend who lives in my neighbourhood. This guy has had a bit of a crush on me ever since I moved here earlier this year. In the beginning, I would only see him on occasion when hanging out with friends, but he was always trying to come on to me. I kept brushing him off. He kept trying.
Over the past couple of months, he has gotten more persuasive. In fact, when the gang is getting together, the only thing he wants to talk about is him and I getting together as a couple. I keep telling him it is never going to happen, that I only want to be friends.
I have talked to my friend to tell his buddy to tone it down. That has not worked. I have been forward with this guy. He is also a very touchy, feely person and he is always putting his hand on my shoulder or trying to kiss my cheek. He is driving me mental! I told my friend that I would not be socializing with them any more because of this joker's actions.
Now, the last straw came on Monday evening. I was heading out the door, sicker than a dog and had to cover a meeting for work. Who comes running up to the car, but this fool, to tell me that he is moving in with my friend and I would be seeing a lot more of him in the future! Good God! I see too much of him as it is!!!
He then opened the car door and tried to come in as I was putting the keys in the ignition. Once again, he was telling me that I am making a mistake, that I need to give him a chance cos he is falling in love with me. I told him if he doesn't stop it with the nonsense, I am going to bend his nose until it's flat against his cheek!
Anyway, now I am creeped out about the whole thing. I tried being nice. I tried being firm. I have talked to his buddy. Nothing is working. This guy seriously can not take NO for an answer.
What should my next move be? | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:31:28 AM | lol I have not desire to date this man. There is no attraction there, we have nothing in common whatsoever, I have tried making him miserable without dating him. Dating him would make me even more miserable, so it's not going to happen.
Restraining order: I hope it doesn't have to come to that cos our mutual friend would be caught in the middle.
Hired thugs: MMMMMMMMMM now, there's a thought! lol
Switching sitdes: That would probably just get him going even more. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:35:09 AM | Your going to have to go off on this one. subtle and firm didnt work. You can choose if its in your front yard or in front of all his friends.
SHOUT and say PHUCK OFF! Do not ever touch me again. Do not speak to me. I am NEVER dating you. You creep me out. Are you a MENTAL CASE OR WHAT??
I have TRIED to be nice. Your dumber then a dirt clod or you would of caught on.
LEAVE ME ALONE !
Darlin I am sorry but this guy just does not get it and unless you go off on him its going to get way worse now that he is moving in nearby.
Wishing you only the best !
Cowboy | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:39:06 AM | Geeeeez J-me, I've heard of playing 'hard-to-get', but aren't you carrying it a bit far?!
Seriously though, I would recommend that you have one last conversation with him and inform him that if he doesn't leave you alone, he is leaving you with no alternative than to involve the authorities. Particularly, when he comes onto your property and touches you and your property (car). Be careful. He sounds a little "off" to me.
~ds~ | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:46:44 AM | SHOUT and say PHUCK OFF! Do not ever touch me again. Do not speak to me. I am NEVER dating you. You creep me out. Are you a MENTAL CASE OR WHAT??
I've pretty much said all that already, without the mental case part! lol I didn't shout it tho. I guess I just have to let the anger come out more.
David, I will do that the next time he approaches me, but with the shouting voice Cowboy suggested.
He sounds a little "off" to me.
Okay, I'm not the only one who thinks this guy is a nut then and crossing the boundaries. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:50:24 AM |
I've pretty much said all that already, without the mental case part! lol I didn't shout it tho. I guess I just have to let the anger come out more.
Without the anger it can come off looking playful. You DO want to appear to be extremely PO'd. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:26:37 AM | Why not punch? Punching's good. I punched a guy at work who jumped out at me and grabbed my tits. It wasn't exactly a thought-out plan, more of a reflex action, but it did work. He never bothered me again. Of course I spent a couple of weeks worrying that he would bring some sort of legal action against me, but fortunately he never did.
Other than that you could try repulsing him in some way, such as discussing yeast infections or farting.
Whatever you do, don't write him a letter explaining why it would never work etc. I did that in a similar situation and it only seemed to make him more determined.
Of course you could take the litigious approach and have an AVO taken out against him.
Being Wiccan myself, I would do a spell to send him on his way. If you take this course of action make sure you are clear you intend him no harm, you simply want him to move on for his own highest good. You can also do a "cloak of invisibility" spell, where you become less noticable to him and other undesirables.
I know it sounds a bit crazy, but if you are desperate, it's worth a try. It really can work if you do it right. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:52:05 AM | You’re trying to be nice and in the majority of cases , men will get the message, men will respect your declines…… it’s the nut jobs that turn it into “being hard to get” and continue to be pests. How many ways or times does one have to say “no”? Sometimes you just can’t be nice, you have to be a **tch…….. come on she’s there, maybe way down deep somewhere , you just have to let her out. If you do get stern make sure you are not completely alone with him, as the above poster said if he is a little off you don’t know how he may react.
I am a bit surprised that this “mutual” friend hasn’t asked him to “cool it”. I have had to speak up on occasions with “they are not interested, move on” and have had it done for me a few times as well. Only one guy I can remember didn’t heed the advice and he was “voted” out of the circle. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 10:20:33 AM | Nothing is going to stop this guy except the authorities, meaning a restraining order to start. If you are worried about your mutual freind getting in the middle then pull him aside and tell him to let this jagoff know what you are planning to do, and that you are serious about doing it, unless muffin head backs off. If either he does not want to get involved and tell the creep, or tries to talk you out of it, then you have to do what is in your, and only your, best interest.
There can be no more one on one contact with this guy because it is to the point that anything you say to him personally, positive or negative, is going to make him still believe that he has a shot. You have to cut yourself completly off from any personal contact with this knothead. If he does not get it then, let the justice system decide his fate.
If you want to go the thug way let me know I have freinds.
Stay loose and as far away from this dingleberry as you can.
Neil | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 10:39:52 AM | laffs....instead of letting him down gently..which you obviously have tried to do..
tell him to F.O.!!!
unless you secretly like this kind of attention.
I find it very hard to believe that this guy would be desperate enough to keep pursuing this! (men have to much pride)
Unless you keep doing something to make him think he has a small chance with you! | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 11:08:20 AM | I'd use his mutual friendship & new living arrangements to drive the point home.
Next time he makes a comment in front of your mutual friend tell him:
"Look, I've been trying to be kind, but the message is not getting across. I don't now, & will NEVER, want any type of relationship w/ you. However, I am good friends w/ X here.....& if you too value his friendship then you will cease making me so uncomfortable that I will soon have to stop hanging out w/ him, just to avoid any chance of running into you! I know you don't really care about how I feel or you would have stopped this the first dozens times I asked you to, but are you really such a horrible friend that you are going to ruin something nice for him, as well?"
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 11:19:47 AM | J-me.. Cowboy said it best -
SHOUT and say PHUCK OFF! Do not ever touch me again. Do not speak to me. I am NEVER dating you. You creep me out. Are you a MENTAL CASE OR WHAT??
I have TRIED to be nice. Your dumber then a dirt clod or you would of caught on.
LEAVE ME ALONE !
Say it loud, say it proud, say it infront of as many people as you can... and then apologize to your host/hostess and leave the gathering.
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with you getting a restraining order if he doesn't get the hint. Stop being polite, damnit.. tell the bast@rd off and be done with it. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 11:35:36 AM | | Well if you threatened physical harm if he did not leave you alone then you already know that the direct "I am not interested" approach , will not work. The next step is the cops if he does not cut it out. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:06:22 PM | | If he showed up outside your door without invitation after multiple rejections and almost forced himself into your car then you need to take action to protect yourself. That is stalking and can lead to even more serious behavior. I suggest escalating the issue and getting a restraining order or at least look into the stalking laws of your state. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:13:57 PM | Unless you keep doing something to make him think he has a small chance with you!
That's BS. I did nothing other than be friendly to a friend of a friend months ago. I am friendly to everybody when I first meet them. That is just the type of person I am. Trust me, I have done everything but kick him in the nuts to get him to leave me alone. He has just got this little obsession going on. There have been occasions when friends have get-togethers and he and I are both invited that we are in the same room together. That is it!
Advice is well taken from everybody. I need to get mean with him. For now though, I am disassociating myself from that group of friends and hopefully, he will find somebody else to pine after! | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:21:28 PM | | I actually WOULD punch him. From what you posted here, he certainly has it coming. But I guess (sigh) that could be counterproductive. I'd threaten him with the authorities as some here suggested and make sure your body language and tone reflect your determination to do so. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:33:04 PM | This is easy.........
Attraction is not a choice. Either you are or you are not attracted to someone. If that knucklehead cannot take a hint, tell him outright to his face.
If he cannot handle that, tell him to please leave you alone or you will call the cops.
Some males have no intuition whatsoever.......... | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 2:30:36 PM | Sounds to me like your on some sort of ego trip !
If your interested then dont contact him in nay way and he will soon get the message.
And why make a big thing about it on a dating site ?
So a guy was intestested in you ? big deal !
It happens all the time even to the ugliest of people... | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 23 | |
| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 3:06:12 PM | I always say..."out of sight, out of mind". If you are not in this man's circle for awhile, he will get the hint and he will NOT have the opportunity to carry out his antics.
Your friends if they are good friends will be supportive of this as well.
No need to resort to violence. It's wrong not only for a man to lay his hands on a woman, but the same applies to women hitting men :)
You do not have grounds for a restraining order. Leave the restraining orders and the time in court reserved for people who do TRULY need them.
Nona | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 3:13:40 PM | | Inform your friend who he is moving in with that you will not be visiting him at his home anymore because the guy who is moving in with him is giving you a hard time and you would rather avoid him. Also let your friends know that you want nothing to do with this person and that you would appreciate it if they would let you know if before you go to their homes or out with them that they tell you if that guy is there. | |
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| How do you let a guy down gently..without punching him???
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:12:05 PM | Ive to disagree with Nona about grounds for a restraining order. Him saying that you are making a mistake and almost forcing himself into your car are both huge red flags. While I am no expert my degree is in Law Enforcement and what you are describing is red line behavior. Stalking laws are designed to be proactive, if you wait too long you can possibly end up in a serious situation.
You know your situation better than any of us but the incident outside your home in your car just screams WATCH OUT to me. | |
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