| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 10/31/2008 10:59:02 PM | | I am wondering just how hard raising a child by yourself is? If you had to do it again and knew it would be by yourself, would you? what is the hardest part about being a single Mom? WHat has your experience been like? Thanks! | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 10/31/2008 11:07:11 PM | | I don't think being a single mom is really 'hard' it is stressful at times, when you just wish someone else would take the reins for a bit. If I had a choice...no I wouldn't choose it...but if it happened, I would just keep on keeping on. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 12:43:07 AM | Years ago this topic came up. My biological clock was staring to tick, no white knight was on the horizon and someone asked me if I would consider having a child on my own. I said no, not because I think there is anything wrong with it because obviously sometimes a marriage doesn't work and you do what you have to do but I preferred to find the right man and start a family with a mother and father. But I was also 22 at the time.
Having been married to someone that was a complete pain in the rear when it came to parenting, i.e. behaving with no regard to schedules, discipline or doing anything hands-on with the children, I can honestly say that I have been parenting alone from day one although 12 of those years the father was living in the house with us. It would have been easier if I had truly been alone from the standpoint of consistency and not resenting the lack of help from the partner.
On the other hand, if you find the right man, it is wonderful to share the daily work of raising kids, the responsibilities, the worries, the joy. If I were older and was seeing my window of opportunity for having a child closing I would definitely do it on my own. A child really is a wonderful blessing and it is not like you lose the opportunity to find Mr. Right and a good father for your child but you are then able to really wait for the right guy not the one that's maybe compatible enough to posibly go the long haul. Too many people fail to ask the right questions of a mate, pay attention to the way they handle discord, talk about money management and how one would raise children relative to values you wish to instill and appropriate discipline. I would much rather see someone that already has a child and realizes these issues needs to be discussed than people that think they should get married when they haven't even discussed how many children they wish to have or how they plan to raise them.
I have a friend who is 31, she spent five years in a relationship and they were engaged but things fell apart so she found herself approaching 30, still unmarried, and cognizant that she had a finite time to have children. She made the decision on her 30th birthday that she woud have a child by herself at 35 if she had still not found the right man. We are crossing finger's because she seems to have found the man but I have no doubt she would have been a good mother if she did it on her own.
And here's the thing, you only do it by yourself if that is the way you live your life in general. I have no family in the area and it has taken me a while to learn to ask for help because I tend to be the one taking care of everybody else but people want to be there. They understand the difficulties of single parents and the network that has been there for me since I have been single was there when I was still married. Parents need help whether they are single or not. People need times to themselves so sleepovers and babysitting can be traded, sometimes you get hung up in traffic so one of your friends grabs your child from school until you can get back on that side of town. I have spent countless hours talking to friends about parental concerns or brainstorming how to deal with behavioral issues, the same things you would ideally discuss with a spouse. You find people to fill those roles and also male role models so that your child isn't missing that in his/her life.
The hardest part of being a single parent is the same stuff that is the hardest part of being a parent, period. You cannt be in two places at once, you do things when you are totally exhausted because you have no choice, and you learn to put your kids ahead of yourself without making yourself a non-entity. There never seems to be enough time or attention to make everyone happy. If this thread is related to a decision you are making in your life I would recommend not thinking about the single parent part of it but whether you want to be a parent, period.
I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world and I would do it again knowing I would do it alone, maybe not three because of the outnumbering, lol. Parenting is hard work. It is repetitious, you must adjust yourself to kids that don't know how to hurry and keep time with adult schedules. You must have an endless well of patience and be able to set limits and be stern when necessary. Everything you do affects your child and children learn from the examples we set and we must remain cognizant of this whether they are watching or not. In many ways your life will never again be your own and there can be days and weeks that you seem to do nothing but butt heads with the kids and you just want to jump off a cliff. There will be many times when you feel like you totally have no life.
Then you have one of those moments that can perhaps be best described as parental grace. Your child does something unbelievably sweet for another person, makes a comment that floors you with it's wisdom, a 13-year-old boy wraps his arms around you after being around some kids that were severely neglected and simply says thank you for being my mom. Your child is born and adores you from the moment they enter the world. A good parent does many things including providing a safe, stable and nurturing environment but also continuously earning the trust and respect of your child.
There are no guarantees. If you want to have a child, do so and raise him/her well and if a wonderful guy comes into your life, that is icing on the cake. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 1:46:39 AM | Yeah, it's damned hard to raise a child alone, but what rewards! My son is, by far, my greatest achievement. His father and I split when he was 20 months old... he is now 39 (I was 18 when I had him). He, his wife and I all live together and get along beautifully. We are all very close and really enjoy being together. BTW, they have been together for almost 21 yrs.
When my son was little, there were many time when I had to work 2 jobs to provide for us. His father NEVER paid child support. Times were tight, but we dealth with it and in many ways it made us closer. He wasn't spoiled, but he sure knew he was loved. Every Friday was our 'date night'. That was the night when he could choose what we did... just he and I. It could be going to the drive-in movie, or miniature golf, or shooting pool, bowling... whatever he chose.
Saturday was my night to go out with friends. He knew that and understood it. I don't think single parents should avoid having a social life just because they have children. It's important that the kids realize that their parents have friends and a life other than home.
I think that the Peace Corps motto should be for single parenthood... It's the toughest job you'll ever love. Would I have preferred to be happily married and for my son have both parents together? Of course, that would have been ideal. But life isn't always ideal and you deal with what life gives you. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 2:47:05 AM | I am wondering just how hard raising a child by yourself is? If you had to do it again and knew it would be by yourself, would you? what is the hardest part about being a single Mom? WHat has your experience been like? Thanks! ~ladyjy~
I have had 3 children...The first two I had during my marriage..several years after I divorced I became pregnant with my youngest child...whom I have raised alone so far.
That being said, being a parent...whether you are single or not....is an all consuming life commitment....but not one without huge rewards...
Being a single mom with little support must be really tough...but I would bet most mom's who are in that situation wouldn't choose to turn back the clock if it meant they didn't have their child(s) in their life.
I know lot's of people including myself who wish they could rewind the clock so they might make better choices....but I have never met a mother who would choose to erase the birth of her child if she could...
The hardest part about being a single mom....would be the doubts, judgements and questions I continuously see that perpetuate a negative undertone and stigma towards single mother's....
The mistakes I have made... have made me the person I am.. and have blessed me with the children I have.... | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 4:17:35 AM | Parenting period is hard work....and the good parents out there dont even realize they are making sacrifices along the way, they just do it naturally.
Sometimes 10 years later they will stick thier heads up and go 'wow, all Ive been doing is the Mommy thing'...but it is not with regret..more like amazement.
Single parents have more demands on thier time, and often worry about Plan B..ie, what happens if they fall seriously ill? Thats alot to carry...but they do it. It's amazing what a single parent can achieve, for the love of thier children. I have never seen anything as motivating as the love of a child.
Social stigma? I cant say I really ever felt that. I am lucky to have most of my extended family nearby and maybe because I was not putting myself 'out there' until a couple years ago, I just was sheltered from it? When I began dating again, my son was already 14, so perhaps no one saw him as a liability, as he was already a teen? Im not sure.
No regrets here, and I would do all of this over again for sure. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 6:54:41 AM |
He, his wife and I all live together and get along beautifully. We are all very close and really enjoy being together. BTW, they have been together for almost 21 yrs.
Wow, what a fantastic living arrangement ForumFilly, kudos to you and your ex! | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 3:48:57 PM | Hi i would just like to say i have a daughter of 4yrs i was with my daughters dad for 6yrs we broke up when she was 15months old.Her dad has had her every week end since and gives me money each wk. I also have a good mum who has my daughter once a week.Since then i met which i fort was a lovely guy and was completly in love with him we were together for 17months and i accidently fell pregnant this time.Me and my partner had split before i even told him i was pregnant and he has had no contact with me rather than a letter to say he went cse he was under alot of stress.I still choose to keep the baby even no he said in the letter hes recently found out i was pregnant aswell and he hopes i get rid of it as he aint ready to have kids yet!
But he was the best with my kid i didnt understand why he didnt want any of hes own.I couldnt go through with loosing him and the baby on my on so i choose to keep it.My babys due in 4wks and im probably gonna be on my own hes mums gonna be involved thoy.I choose to take the risk as i didnt ann get rid of the only part of him i had left.But i think this time i will find it hard cse of my circumstances.I hope this helps u? | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 4:01:08 PM | Hi i would just like to say i have a daughter of 4yrs i was with my daughters dad for 6yrs we broke up when she was 15months old.Her dad has had her every week end since and gives me money each wk. I also have a good mum who has my daughter once a week.Since then i met which i fort was a lovely guy and was completly in love with him we were together for 17months and i accidently fell pregnant this time.Me and my partner had split before i even told him i was pregnant and he has had no contact with me rather than a letter to say he went cse he was under alot of stress.I still choose to keep the baby even no he said in the letter hes recently found out i was pregnant aswell and he hopes i get rid of it as he aint ready to have kids yet!
But he was the best with my kid i didnt understand why he didnt want any of hes own.I couldnt go through with loosing him and the baby on my on so i choose to keep it.My babys due in 4wks and im probably gonna be on my own hes mums gonna be involved thoy.I choose to take the risk as i didnt wann get rid of the only part of him i had left.But i think this time i will find it hard cse of my circumstances.I hope this helps u? | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 4:55:05 PM | | No. I wouldn't I love my son, but the circumstances aren't what they should be. I dont believe he's "damaged" from the way our lives have went, but I think it's far from ideal for both of us. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 5:23:44 PM | Yes, I would have my child again.
Even though I was 16 pregnant, 17 when he was born, I lost a baby before having him and almost lost him, too.
I would, without a question, have HIM again and go through abusive ex, losing friends, family & moving to a different country with zero education, having to put myself though high school and college, being isolated from everything else.
I would have my child again.
Because he makes everything else seem insignificant in comparison. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 7:11:32 PM | | My son came home after visiting at his g/f house and gave me a big hug. I said well what was that all about. He told me I wouldn't trade all we have for what they have. Talking about his g/f parents. I said,"Honey we don't have anything". He said."We have love in this house,there is no love in hers. I felt so sad for his g/f who is now like a daughter to me. I would do it all again. He made it all worthwhile that day. I felt bad many times that I couldn't give him what other kids had. I wasn't aware at that time that I had given him a gift more precious than gold. The gift of love. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 8:15:14 PM | | If I knew things would turn out the way they did, I wouldn’t have had kids but since I ignored some pivotal points in my life where I came to a cross road and chose to go in the wrong direction, I have kids and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I think the hardest part for me is not giving my children the happy 2 parent home that I had. Yes they will have all the materialistic things that I had as a child but they will always have the memories of the break up and the possibility of fear of marriage for themselves. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 10:54:04 PM | | If you have family that supports you it definitely helps out. I do not mind being a single mom at all , just the drama it involves at times is something I have a hard time dealing with. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/1/2008 11:10:00 PM | If youa re financially/emotionally/mentally healthy and stable, and you feel that being a single parent is the only way for you to have a child, then that is your choice, read through the forums in dealing with issues of single parenting and dating, it's tough. It can be done, but it takes awhile to get there. biggest concern also is if you have the time to really give to a child, sleeping in is few and far between, not going out as much, etc.
Your time is no longer your time when you have kids...
You can't be as careless as before, you are now have a child to always consister and put in priority...
more worries ...
you have to pack double the amount you already do when you travel, even more so!
if you're a clean freak, it's going to be hard when your child will get messy and more messy as time goes by.
Even though she was unexpected, she brought me a sense of purpose to live and I was ready to give her all my time. I only wish my ex was involved for my daughter's sake. He's really missing out. I have a married mom friend who stays at home, while husband works a lot. I don't think she realizes how good she has it when she can be carefree and not worry about expenses and can be with her child. would I have another child, it would be awesome and have a nother sibling for my daughter but I doubt I would since I'd have to find a great, stable relationship and be healthy financially. I'd be really scared if I found out I was pregnant again, scars from my only pregnancy will always be there,s o not sure i want to deal with the stress again. Unless I'm rich and can afford a sperm donor, but that's unlikely to happen lol | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 3:25:52 AM |
I am wondering just how hard raising a child by yourself is?
Pretty damn hard
If you had to do it again and knew it would be by yourself, would you?
Not by choice. No.
what is the hardest part about being a single Mom? WHat has your experience been like? Thanks!
Its the single most lonely thing in the world to do.
With every smile you share with your children...for everything you give...
...well...none of it really matters to anyone except you. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 4:10:24 AM | | Actually I have more time to myself as a single parent. Their father takes them on Saturday and they stay the night with him every other weekend. When I was with him he took off as he wanted while I was always with the kids! It is harder on dating though due to the simple fact it seems men see kids and run the other way. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 5:58:22 AM | OOOOOOOOOOOO Raising kids on ya own is hard at times....But double the rewards once you get there & you get to see your little'n's turn in to well rounded adults,teenagers it make it all worth while....Every sleepless night,every cold,cough,tootache the lot.....
I have rasied 3 on my own & yep yep yep i would do it again.... Not meaning that i'd want to but life throw's things at us which gives us no other choice but to become 'Single Parents'
My experiances so far so good......!!   | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 11:21:45 AM | | I would do it over again but i would stay with just one child. I really believe you can raise one by yourself but more than one you really need help. Most people dont mind one child around but a hoard of them is a different matter. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 12:37:44 PM | I would do it again in a heartbeat!!! I agree with all previous posters!! It is hard, however, the benefits far outweight anything you have given up. When you have family and friends that help...life is easier. The greatest gift I received is when my son graduated from high school. I gave him a party and when he got up to speak, he told the crowd. It was my MOM who made me and my sister what we are today.
Both of them are confident, morally and ethically strong individuals. The love of a child is greater than any other love you could feel. To all the single moms out there, I applaud you!!!!!
| |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 2:50:22 PM | [quote[What is the hardest part about being a single Mom? WHat has your experience been like?
Its the single most lonely thing in the world to do.
With every smile you share with your children...for everything you give...
...well...none of it really matters to anyone except you.
Absolutely, Kyn. BUT...imagine life without them. YES, we'd have more money. YES, we'd have more lovers (even one would be nice). YES, we'd have plenty more options, like where we live, for example.
But we wouldn't have our darlings that love us so much and bring such joy into our lives. (I know you know this; just reminding both of us!).. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 5:04:52 PM | | you have good and bad days my dear just like with anything else in life yes being a single mom or dad is hard but hell life is hard no one ever said it was a cake walk but at the end of the day totally worth it.. the other day i had a bad car accident rote off my truck after rolling 3 times i didnt even reaize how luckey i was until i got home from the hospital and seen my little girl come up to me and say mama r you okay? can i rub your back i mean i really feel like the luckest person in the world and in a second i would have her again no matter how bad thigns get that chubby cheek smile always seems to make everything all better or those spiecial hugs i get when im upset about anythign she is my rock and if i had to do it again in a second i would......... | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 5:28:21 PM | Although I was married when I had my kids, I was a default single mom, since their dad wanted nothing to do with their care. We've been apart for four years now, and he only takes them for his weekends because he's been ordered to by the court.
IMO, being a single parent is easier than having a resistant partner. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 6:52:13 PM | Yes, I would do it again-because I love them and cannot clearly remember life BK (before kids), but No, I would never recommend it, at least not with more than one child-they outnumber you, LOL.
Having, in the course of my oldest child's almost-9-year old life, had the joyous experiences of being totally single, with an infant, no child support, no visits, no nada, co-habitated with lots of fighting and rages, been married-happily-with no fussing and fighting, been in scenario #1+pregnant with child number 2, and then raising both on my own both-at different times-with highly conflicted divorces, and with highly friendly divorces, as well as with total absence (whew!now, imagine-that was all ONE MAN!!!) I think it is fair to say that I have experienced just about every kind of separationt here is to have...except long-distance where you have to drive or fly your kid to visit the Ex every summer or whatever....haven't done that one! But I firmly believe that a friendly cohesive, co-parenting separation is FAR better for the kids than a sucky, yelling, back-and-forth marriage. | |
|
| Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 11/2/2008 7:14:08 PM | | I wold do it again in a heartbeat to keep them out of the cycle of abuse. I love them too much (and slowly learning the love myself) to allow them to grow up in that type of situation. | |
|
Home
login 
