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People who jump from one relationship to anotherPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
We all know someone who is hopelessly addicted to love or at least the idea of it. I know several people who just CAN'T seem to be single for more than 5 minutes! As soon as one relationship ends they're straight into the next one, or sometimes have even lined up the next person before the last relationship has ended.

Personally, I wouldn't have a relationship with someone who does that. I don't want to be with someone who hasn't got over the last person before starting something new!

I think dating sites are FULL of people like this. Often, people start looking before their relationship is even over, I think this is very unfair to anyone who they contact/date. If I ask someone how long they've been single and they say "2 weeks" ... I say bye bye!!

Your thoughts??
 I flunked pre-school
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 2
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:59:20 PM
Received some education from a social worker once, that the perpetrators in relationships move on really quickly. The victims much more slowly, sometimes never.
 BionicAngel
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 3
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:36:07 PM
Yeah I'm always wary Chem... so much so, that even a years seperation has me sceptical... lol .. Some ppls relationships take a year to actually end...

When I enter a relationship, they are long standing. I enter very slowly though. My single times are often long standing too... I move on pretty quick though, and re-establish my single self fairly easily.

Perpetrators of what exactly, IFP?... Makes it sound, like relationships always have a baddie and a goodie...
 *PookieDoesPerth*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 4
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:37:10 PM
I don’t know about being addicted to love but I do know about persons that can’t stand to be alone - this from the True Story files

Sadly this person is a friend and I see his current situation is fraught

He dumped one lady, after 3 years, because an old flame turned up who apparently offered him all that he wanted. He waited only two weeks after dumping Lady Number 1 to get together with lady number 2. Ok fair enough, Lady 2 was an old flame but he hadn’t been with her when he was with the first lady. Anyway he then became engaged to Lady number 2, only 9 weeks later….now lady 2 – he had known her for years but they had never lived together nor even really dated (she was a 4 day fling from years ago but kept in touch) Lady number 2 lived 4000 kms away so during this courtship period of 9 weeks, they only had one weekend physically together before he proposed. Their courtship was done via phone, email, msn, etc.

Accordingly they got engaged but they weren’t able to live together until he got a transfer to her home town….so for 7 months he was on one coast of Oz and she on the other…a nitely phone call ensured. But while the cats away, mice party…so he then recommenced an affair with Lady number 1, who for all intents and purposes was still in love with him and was shattered by the sudden turn of events…so they had an affair for 7 months, which all blew up when the fiancée found out. My friend still moved to be with his fiancée and even though she knew of his infidelity of the whole of their engagement, they married 2 months later.

I was friends with the male and his former g/f who btw is still a mess about it all.

I have since run into my male friend and he seems pretty happy but I told him my g/f back home was devastated, his answer to this was that my g/f will be fine when she meets someone else.. I said to him. “My god do you think its that easy, just to transfer your affections from one to another ? like changing clothes ? and he said “Yes’ He really does believe that old saying that you forget one love in the arms of another.

This person also could not stand being alone and the fact that during his engagement he was still seeing his ex should be a real red flag to his new wife. I was shocked that she went ahead and married him after learning of his infidelity only two months earlier but she did and they are married now….chances of this marriage working out…mmm you figure it out…

Personally if a guy came to me two weeks after his long term relationship had ended, then wanted to marry me like 2 months later and then meanwhile had an affair whilst he was alone – Id be seeing major red flags. MAJOR

As for the my male friend…I pity him…I’m surprised he doesn’t get all the names mixed up…and may I point out that when his first marriage ended he took up with my g/f and told her that the marriage had ended two years before..It was more like two months.

Yes Chem some people cant stand to be alone, perhaps because its gives them way too much time to spend in their own company, company which forces them to self examine and maybe not like what they see.
 1NSATIABLE
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 5
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:28:55 PM
ya gotta kiss a lotta toads b4 ya meet the handsome prince

but i cant bed-hop ...dont fall in or out of love fast

known some that do & finally stop with 1 there comfy with
 I flunked pre-school
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 6
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:34:25 PM

Perpetrators of what exactly, IFP?... Makes it sound, like relationships always have a baddie and a goodie

I was meaning in the context of this from the OP.

. Often, people start looking before their relationship is even over, I think this is very unfair to anyone who they contact/date

That's not commitment, faithfulness, loyalty or compassion.
Something perpetrators are known for lacking.
 Shell225
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 7
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People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:49:47 PM
I must admit that I find it takes time to move on from a long term relationship. For me it was 5 years after my marriage split. My ex, was in another bed the next week.. go figure.

I agree with the comment that for some people you just cant transfer those feelings onto another person. I think that we all need to heal and healing takes time and reflection.

Yes.. my RED flag goes up when someone is partner hopping. I dont want to be the third leg of the daily double, and I dont want the memory of some ex g/friend in my bed either.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 8
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People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 3:55:29 AM
I think the main concern with a person that moves on from a relationship very quickly is do relationships and other people mean anything to them? I mean you would think that when a relationship ends, there would be hurt and pain at the loss of a person so is this person just in love with relationships and not with the person they were with? I would be questioning whether the person is capable of commitment and caring about other people if they move on from relationships just like that and if they are just fair weather people who will only be there as long as it suits them until something better comes along.
 Kissthisfrog !
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 9
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:04:16 AM
In the distant past I was a "serial manogamist"..., and just for the record was'nt happy at all on that road.
I really enjoy my ME time alone these days..., just as I enjoy my time with my significant other.
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 10
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:25:20 AM
I just can't see myself jumping from one nest to another, near impossible for me, I am so fussy and never could be comfortable with just anyone so moving from one to another is just not my style.

I have seen some of my friends looking and moving into a new relationship immediately after a breakup most of the time failure again, so when you ask them why? the reason is fear of loneliness, I have never feared loneliness and probably prefer to be a hermit than with the wrong person.

and as for


the perpetrators in relationships move on really quickly. The victims much more slowly, sometimes never.


yes so true and those types are around, but I guarantee if it was possible to find the reason for their behaviour you may find they were abused in some way in childhood. I actually think most of them don't mean doing what they do, I don't think they plan to get a victim they are actually looking for that someone too, unless they are totally sick, but the one they love does become their victim because of the problem they carry.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 11
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:39:15 AM
I knew someone exactly like this and it got to the stage where we didn't even know the name of the "current" boyfriend.

They were just replaced with the next one and it would continue like this on and on................mind you when there was the "inbetween stage" where there was no boyfriend all hell would break loose...............so we prefered it when she was seeing someone - anyone really..............
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:50:26 AM

They were just replaced with the next one and it would continue like this on and on................mind you when there was the "inbetween stage" where there was no boyfriend all hell would break loose...............so we prefered it when she was seeing someone - anyone really.


lol I know the type spicy, they're often the same 'type' that dumps all their friends once they have a partner, then want to spend every minute with you when their single!
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 13
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:57:04 AM

lol I know the type spicy, they're often the same 'type' that dumps all their friends once they have a partner, then want to spend every minute with you when their single!


Do you know why they dump their friends???? I don't think it's really dumping, they run away from their friends because their friends know what they are getting into again but really it's that they try to hide from reality.
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:17:57 AM
Good point Goddess, hadn't looked at it that way.
 I flunked pre-school
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 15
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:18:56 AM

don't think it's really dumping, they run away from their friends because their friends know what they are getting into again but really it's that they try to hide from reality.

also to an extent when you with that new gf/bf your on a high , living live to the full feeling young , vibrant and fresh almost a mania and your in a different mindset to your social circle.
akin to like when your sober and a drunk friend calls round , it doesn't feel right alot of the time being in a mentally different place than them.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 16
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:20:48 AM
Wow you three are brilliant!!! Very well explained.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 17
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People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/7/2008 2:58:34 AM
I think the fall from a relationship ending is harder if your life revolves around that one person like through deserting your friends when your in a relationship. I think it is better if your partner is an addition to your life rather then the center of it and that way if things end, it is not such a big loss. I think that anyone that is only close to their friends is not only being not succh a good friend but also doing themselves a disservice.
 williamaus
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 18
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:46:41 PM
People do this and i have never understood it.What is worse is when the girl you love and you thought she loved you gives you the dump and then a week later she has a new boyfriend, that hurts.Heartless **** you think.Then you realise that she never loved you in the first place.I have a female cousin who just goes from one relationship to another.I asked her once "do you even like him".Reply "not really". Well WTF are you doing there? She can't explain it and gets defensive when i have asked.I think some people just can't stand to be single and will date people they don't even have feelings for.
 spottt
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 19
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:20:09 AM
Well what a very interesting topic....It all seems very different as we grow a little older.
As a young person theres room to grow and hopefully together,plan and dream, imagine what your future will bring, your mind is young and free of any fear that this person may not be the one for you....Its love mixed with lust and the emotions
are meshed into one,,,No kids, no real bad experiences and no real momeries of someone you once loved, your soul mate....Sure we can say we never loved but at some point we did.........So now jumping the ship, the grass is greener, wasnt quite rite
Makes it hard to commit 100% again Who ,how, when do we trust..I think just friends will do........

Relationship bliss....Living loving,,,,,,,,,When you look at her when you meet her on the street or she turns around as you walk through the door of a crowded room and sigh of relief comes from you both....Hey theres my baby thank god you here. thank god Im here.....seems to be some lucky ones out there, but bed hoping will bring you a world of pain. And if it doesnt You have no soul...... Thank you and good night
 frankiepankie2
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 20
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People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:34:20 PM
Six weeks after our 15 year relationship broke up he was bonking a 21 year old. I was soo glad I taken the bed when I left!
 pandabollocks3000
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 21
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:05:17 PM
Yup. It's usually the one with the wandering eye, that constantly needs to feel validated by being lusted after by the opposite sex. A little bit narcissistic..or a lot. Usually not a very enjoyable date in public, for the fact they are either being ogled by most passing strangers, which I guess must be addictive, or they are making eyes over your shoulder at someone at the bar. They will usually have any amount of potential suitors at any one time, so whoever cracks it, feels like all their christmases have come at once. Til of course, the once ripe fruits of love are either all gone, or were just so plentiful, that they kind of got boring. Time to go and find some new and flavoursome fruit then...there is an abundance of them just around the corner..tra lala

It's from my experience with these types, that I find there's alot to be said for good old Plain Jane. God bless her cotton socks! They're usually secretly hot anyhow and can actually go out of the house without two layers of foundation and half a stick of eyeliner. When she does lay it on, you get the feeling it's all for you. Even if it's not.
 okimgame
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 22
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:10:20 PM
I know quite a few people like this.

The worst is the one who took her kids along for the ride. Not only would she end one relationship and move on to the next she actually picked up and moved in with them, kids and all. If i remember correctly she had 3 different relationships in the space of 12 months. How the hell can you know what a person is like after only knowing them for such a short time.

You want to put yourself into such a volatile situation that's up to you, but to be so reckless with your children well-being is well not only extremely selfish but incredibly stupid
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:27:39 PM
Those poor kids okimgame! I agree she is being very reckless with the well being of her children. Can you imagine how insecure and confused they feel?? Arggggh, so so selfish of her to do that.

It always amazes me when people move in together after being together for a short amount of time, I think some people are addicted to the idea of love too. I've known several women and a man who say they love someone after being on only 2 dates! What the?? That's not love, it's lust or obsession. How can you love someone you barely even know??

 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 24
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:51:47 PM
re message 21; so true. fantastic post



I've known several women and a man who say they love someone after being on only 2 dates! What the?? That's not love, it's lust or obsession. How can you love someone you barely even know


Sometimes it's actually true, it's magic and it's called chemistry but most times it's their own imagination making the person to be who they want to be and so yes true, they are in love but not so much with that person but their own make believe lover.
 Misteique
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 25
People who jump from one relationship to another
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:02:36 PM
I have known quite a few people that are like this in my time. Its like an addiction of sorts, they are so scared of being alone, that they will hang on to one relationship until they find another and then move on to the new one without much, if any space in between. Leaving the last relationship in tatters behind them. I don't think you can truly care for someone honestly until you have made peace with being alone. Sadly they will keep repeating the same pattern until they learn, which may never happen.
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