| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:14:38 AM | | what is the protocol for making oneself "unavailable" on dating sites once you've started seeing someone? if you meet someone and really hit it off, i think your profiles should be at least hidden after a couple dates. he says he has met a lot of friends on POF and wants to keep his profile up to stay in touch with them. how can i not be jealous about this? | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:22:06 AM | But isn't your profile still here?
Should he not also be jealous, just like you.
I would suggest you ask to meet his friends on here and let him meet your as well.
L-G | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:23:01 AM | I have no idea when It comes to this to be honest.
To me when Ive been intimate with someone, then I think Its time for you both to put not single.
I dont think you have to come off the site but put that your not single.
However I seem to be the only one who thinks this is the right thing to do as the guys im with, leave their profile as it is.
I dont want to whine or anything so I leave it.
But to me It feels like gameplay which I have no time for.
Like I said..I have no idea. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:19:08 AM | | A lot of women assume that just because you went out with them, you should hide your profile instantly, while THEY, through their own profile or another fake one, keep checking around. I see this happen all the time. But the right protocol is the one that you and that person agree upon. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:09:06 AM | | i told him to let me know when he is ready to hide his profile. not in a threatening or ultimatum way. just an FYI type of statement. i told him when he decides to hide his, i will do the same. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:05:44 AM | You hide your profile when you agree to date exclusively. When BOTH agree thats the goal. Thats part of that agreement to be exclusive.
After a while you would know if your entering into a relationship seriously and then delete.
Sorry I totaly disagree that being intimate means your exclusive and thats the key to hiding your profile. This ISNT how most guys minds work. Trust me if you expect that then do yourself a HUGE favor and have that exclusive talk BEFORE the sex.
Cowboy | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:55:19 AM | I'm seeing someone and I'm still here cos I love the forums and have a lot of friends both on here and who I see at pof meets.
I'm not plannng on hiding my profile or deleting it but it does state not single/not looking.
Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel.
But then..what indication is there in yoru profile that you are seeing him?
My apols..I didn;t check yoru profile OP. | |
|
| |
| |
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 1:44:43 PM | There is no protocol.
If someone asked me to do this after a couple of dates it would likely be the last time I talked to them. A couple of dates does not a relationship make and that someone would try to make me operate on their time line and agenda with no regard to my own wouldn't work well with my personality.
I expect someone getting to know me and starting to date me to trust me until such a time that I would prove to be untrustworthy. I won't deal with someone who is mistrustful and insecure out of the gate.
How can you not be jealous about this? Work on your self esteem and insecurity issues. This is your issue and not his. Why would you be jealous of his friends? What are you fearful of? Do you think he is lying and if so why do you want to continue seeing him?
In my experience, when I'm truly interested in another the urge to prowl is greatly diminished. I'm interested in them and as a natural side effect of that I'm less interested in meeting new people. I stop looking around because I'm enjoying the view I have. So to me, I'm going to be elated when a person I feel that way about feels that way about me. I'm not going to ask or demand that it happen or even expect it to happen.. instead I'm going to date someone, get to know them and see if the potential is there for it to happen organically. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 2:46:59 PM | The protocol is not to get too chummy with someone who is playing the field...yes, he has met plenty of friends and likes to chat online and perhaps meet them when they have time.
You just one of the many friends he has met online...and it's not a good idea to be UNAVAILABLE..when he is stay AVAILABLE...even if your intimate with him..
Makes you his friend w benefit ...hey? Stop giving out the goodies until you both come to an understanding that it is something more special then a friend with benefits thing. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 3:35:04 PM | I'm seeing someone and I'm still here cos I love the forums and have a lot of friends both on here and who I see at pof meets.
I'm not plannng on hiding my profile or deleting it
Ditto. I changed my headline to reflect that I am no longer fishing.
My other understands that I am a "forumite." | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:00:43 PM | | Myself, I am a one man woman. I don't like to date more than one man at a time. If the relationship becomes exclusive, and you both agree that you are an exclusive couple, then I would think that it would be time to state on your profile that you are in a relationship. I understand that many of us have friends we keep in contact with, and we like to read the forums, etc. So, no I wouldnt want to hide or delete my profile, and I wouldnt expect him to either. That would be fine with me, as long as we both stated that we were not looking. I have a friend I met here on POF, he is in a relationship now, and he keeps his profile up, but removed his photo, and states in his profile that he is taking time to follow his heart. I thought that was sweet. It lets you know he is unavailable for dating, but still interested in making new friends & keeping in contact with his old friends. JMO | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:58:00 PM |
what is the protocol for making oneself "unavailable" on dating sites once you've started seeing someone? IMO, "protocol" to being exclusive lies within the individual being honest with self. I am "unavailable" because I make myself "unavailable" and for no other reason than that.
if you meet someone and really hit it off, i think your profiles should be at least hidden after a couple dates. Just because one hits it off after a couple of dates does not mean that you are right for each other aka "the match". On the other hand, if the fishing continues at full gear/pace/fashion . . . then obviously he is not that into you. Actions at times do speak louder than words.
he says he has met a lot of friends on POF and wants to keep his profile up to stay in touch with them. how can i not be jealous about this?
#1) if his profile before you met him did have lots of favorites. . . it could be true.
#2) if he is a forum junkie, well not only do I feel for him but it is something that he enjoys so why should he give it up just because you came into his life? So, again it may be true.
#3) I have made a few friends (to say the least) on this site and it makes it funner (if there is just a word) to email thru this site and track what they have been up to thru the forums. It is true in my case.
#4) if he cannot trust me or I cannot trust him (in this case, you cannot trust him) . . . then why be in such a relationship? I am not into having anyone grief me and in return I extend the same courtesy.
To EACH their own,
~Myth~ | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:14:48 PM | Just remove all your dating details and say you are not single/not looking. I met my guy here and having been dating for almost two years, but I cannot get enough of the forums.
But until you have had the 'exclusive' talk don't assume you are. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:21:36 AM | | Iw as dating a girl and we were quite exclusive, and I just stopped checking the site, never changed my profile or anything, I never get any first contact e-mails anyway so if some chick had contacted me i would have said, Sorry not single | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:32:58 AM | There is no protocol.
My boyfriend could not care less about POF, it's a non-issue. He has a profile on a popular photo rating site, I am unconcerned. It's called free will. We are exclusive, we made a decision to trust. Doubt and trust can not exist at the same time.
It works for us. | |
|
| i think if you've never met with them ...
Posted: 11/7/2008 12:29:22 PM | I personally come on here to waste time and procrastinate doingwork
I don't find the forums that interesting. i prefer my bmw car forums
I do like asking questions here now and then but never like the answers, lol
I think you should just change your profile to not looking if you're happy with the person you're with. obviously that'll be when you make up your mind about continuing to see them and that should happen after the first or second date
so here's looking forward to hiding my profile ... too bad POF deletes your messages after a month | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/7/2008 9:10:15 PM | "A lot of women assume that just because you went out with them, you should hide your profile instantly, while THEY, through their own profile or another fake one, keep checking around. I see this happen all the time. But the right protocol is the one that you and that person agree upon."
wow that is 100% correct
i have had 2 ex gf's who have made fake online profiles and then talked to me on those profiles either to still keep in touch or to find out things that they think may have gone on while i was with them..
woman are such sneaky creatures, too bad some men can see it all. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:57:55 PM | | I actually hid my profile really early, without even discussing it with the man I'm seeing. The reason was that since I'm female, I get quite a few emails/favourites addings each week, and if I know I'm not going to have any interest (because I'm preoccupied with seeing where things go with one guy) then why put those guys through the whole process of writing me and wondering if I'll reply, and possibly even feeling personally rejected when I don't reply (even though it really has nothing to do with them). I trust myself that I wouldn't stray or be tempted by anyone and I trust my guy, so we actually never really bothered discussing our POF profiles. I noticed we both hid ours though. And we discussed dating exclusively early. And I am still addicted to the forums, so use the site for that. If your spidey senses are tingling because the guy refuses to hide his profile/change his status, then listen to that voice, I think. Have a rational discussion about it if it starts to bother you and especially if it gets to the point that if he's not committed to the relationship, then you need to bail out. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:46:15 AM | When you're happy in a relationship, the profile becomes a non-issue.
There's certainly reasons for/against keeping it, but there can only be a threat if there's the risk there in the first place. It's not like some girl can reach through his profile and drag him on a date against his will. There's always going to be opportunities to meet other people, and if it's a situation that it's absolutely necessary for you to shut them down to avoid that risk - then you're basically going to be stuck with a permanent babysitting job.
If his reasoning is for the friends on PoF, would you be comfortable if he were in contact outside of the confines of PoF instead? While that disconnects him from the "dating" environment of the site, there's also the potential for a greater sense of jealousy.
As for not being jealous - simple. If it's not going to be an issue, then it WON'T be an issue. If it ends up being an issue, then it wasn't PoF that caused it - whether it's a close friend, a co-worker, or some random girl - if it was going to happen, it was going to happen.
The protocol is determined by what you're comfortable with, and from that both the benefits consequences that come from that decision will play out in the manner in which they were meant to happen. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:38:41 AM |
he says he has met a lot of friends on POF and wants to keep his profile up to stay in touch with them. Uhmmmm... if they are friends, then what's the issue with him getting their offsite contact information to keep in touch? Sorry, I don't buy that...
I would however understand if he were a forum poster and wanted to remain to continue to contribute in that manner, but yes, he should be outlining on his profile that he's no longer available. Hiding it isn't necessary if he's clear that he's in a relationship.
Personally I wouldn't trust a person that didn't update their profile to state they were in a relationship because that gives the indication that the person is an attention whore or worse... a cheat. I have absolutely no respect for that type of person...
I've also noticed OP that your profile is not hidden nor is there anything that would stand out to indicate you are in a relationship...
Pot... meet kettle...
 | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:24:08 AM | | My profile (and his) were hidden after we made the decision to be exclusive. There's no one else either of us wants to meet, and I like the forums or I'd have deleted this altogether. So now we just use our profiles to send each other messages and "testimonials" that no one else can really see, unless they click on me in the forums. LOL | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:04:30 AM | Would have to agree with some of the other Poster’s that stated “When you are in an exclusive relationship.”
Of course this is something both of you have discussed and agree too. As for one of the reasons not too which would be “I just want to stay in touch with friends her at POF”. They are other means of contact other then this site. | |
|
| when do you hide/delete profile?
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:29:35 AM | I hid my profile once...can't remember why though
But I won't hide it again....I am a honest person and do what "I" want. | |
|
Home
login 
